"The more I try to push it I realize gonna let go of control
Gonna let it happen, gonna let it happen"
TWENTY-SIX
Tinignan lang ni Ice ang kanyang phone habang patuloy na pumapasok ang notifications dito. Bago siya humiga ng kama she was so intent to ignore it all kaya wala siyang gawin kundi burahin ang mga pumapasok na notification and cancel every incoming call from her friends. Now, her fingers are tired of swiping kaya hinayaan niya nalang. Actually hindi lang ang daliri niya ang pagod ngayon. She feels so drained that she wants to sleep the moment she got home but the world keeps playing with her kaya hindi iyon ang nangyari.
Uno and Four drove her home along with her new puppy, Skippy. Named after the peanut butter. It was Four's suggestion so she went along with it. They helped her set up Skippy's things and taught her a few new puppy owner cares like she's a clueless girl na hindi marunong mag alaga ng aso. Hindi naman alam ng dalawa na nagkaroon na siya ng aso dati so it was pretty amusing to watch them lecture her on how to properly take care of Skippy.
But the amusement immediately went down the drain when Ice's phone won't stop beeping. Mabilis niya itong sinilent but Uno caught her doing it so she gave him a strained smile. When he frowned, alam na ni Ice na nakuha agad nito kung ano ang nangyari.
Uno did his best to distract her for the rest of the night.
But he can't keep her away from the inevitable.
"Just ignore them." Sabi nito nang ihatid niya ang dalawa sa gate. "Curious lang sila kung sino ka."
"I know." Ice tried to smile. She had this coming right?
Her life has been invaded to the point where control is slowly slipping away from her grasp but she's trying hard to get it all together. She's trying hard to get herself together.
From the moment she met Dos parang lahat nalang ng sumunod nangyari bago sa kanya yet she still won't let the change get to her entirely. She lets it in gradually. Kasi kapag tinanggap niyang lahat ng isang bagsak lang, even the emotions she tries to hide, baka mawala na ang kontrol niya sa buhay. She strived to get her life together and control it in her own way.
She still has control. Pero alam niyang darating din ang point na mawawala na lahat sa kamay niya.
She will undoubtly break in her own hands or the hands of another person.
"You should go." Ice motions to Uno's car kung nasaan naghihintay si Four. The little boy is so sleepy he practically sprawled himself on the back seat nang ibaba ito ng kapatid.
"You want to get rid of me already?"
Ice rolled her eyes at his amused smile. "You know what I mean."
Uno cleared his throat and shifted his weight. "I'm not leaving without my hug."
Ice expected a lot of stuff to happen today... except for this.
She raised her brow in spite of her shock. "A hug?"
Uno looks down at his shoes to avoid her eyes. "You hugged Elizeo today, I'm going to assume that you treated Dos the same, and even Four got his hug. I want mine."
Ice couldn't help but chuckle at his tone. He's saying it like she owes it to him after the good deeds he's done today. Ano ba dapat ang maramdaman niya sa ganitong sitwasyon? Right now, she's amused and confused and... annoyed.
"Is that your motive?" She crossed her arms over her chest, not sure how to take him. "Is this the reason why you adopted Skippy for me? One good deed equals a request I can't say 'no' to?"
"Part of it, yeah."
He's not ashamed to say the truth at all.
Hindi ba ang totoo naman ang gusto niya?
"And the rest?"
Uno exhaled before lifting his gaze to meet hers. "This is my way of saying sorry for what I said that day."
"You're here because I'm finally worth your time now, Romero?" She wanted to say that as a joke pero hindi niya nagawa. The feeling is still there no matter how much she tries to forget it. It stung.
"Look... I was caught up by my own feelings and what I said came out... wrong." He reached for her hand and instead of pushing him away, hinayaan niya lang ito. She can really see how he's struggling to let everything out. "I wanted to apologize to you that day in the hall pero hindi ko nagawa. Hindi ko na nagawa pang ulitin because you closed yourself off from me."
"Ano pa bang inasahan mo? You think I'd welcome you with open arms after saying that na parang walang nangyari? I'm not stupid, Uno. Hindi ko ipipilit ang sarili ko sa taong ayaw naman ako kasama. There's no point in hurting over people who doesn't want to stay, I've learned that a long time ago."
"I'm sorry, Ice."
We all have shortcomings and she can't hold it against Uno. After all, everyone deserves a second chance. You can never understand each other if you done accept both of your flaws.
He may not have told it to her directly at first but he showed it to her sa paraang alam niya.
"Apology accepted."
Uno's eyes widened in shock in how easy she accepted his apology. He must've expected the worst in this situation. Did he think she'll make him kneel and ask for forgiveness?
"Don't look so shocked." Ice rolled her eyes, trying to hide what she really feels. "I told you, there's no point in hurting over people who doesn't want to stay."
Was this enough to forgive him? Yes. Will he rile her up again? Maybe. Will she get mad at him again for doing the same thing? Probably. After this, is she strong enough to push him away? No.
"You're wrong." Uno squeezed her hand. "I'm staying. From this point on, I'm going to stay."
She squeezed his hand right back feeling his warmth. "How bold of you to say that. Is this your way of telling me to expect more from you? I'm not the best person to be with. I'm sure you know that." And I hate broken promises from people I trust, Romero.
"I've been the receiving end of your bad side before. I know what I'm getting myself into."
Ice shook her head. "You've seen nothing yet, Romero."
She thought he was going to let go but he pulled her in instead.
She buried her face in his neck as he wrapped his arms around her. He finally got what he wanted.
This is the first time she has been this close to Uno and she admits... she kinda likes it.
"Let me in, Ice. I want to be part of your life too."
She never imagined someone like Uno Romero would beg for something she gives to people naturally - that he has to go through all of this to get a simple hug, and say that to be the receiving end of her affection.
"You're already part of it, Uno."
No one asked for permission when they barge in her life. Thinking of what she gained, she can say that she really did not mind at all.
Uno lifted her up a little as he hugged her tighter.
Her feet aren't touching the ground anymore now she's solely relying on him not to let her fall.
Nagising ng konti ang diwa ni Ice nang makitang may tumatawag but when she saw the caller ID napa simangot nalang ulit siya. She's not up to talk to Harmony right now. Kanina pa ito nag me-message sa kanya sa messenger and even sa text demanding for an explanation and now she was practically begging for Ice not to ignore her. Ella and Lance are messaging her too, asking if it's all true. Kung totoo ba iyong mga pictures na kumalat along with the news.
She couldn't help herself and calmly scrolled through her account and looked for the picture they were talking about.
Nakita niya ang picture niya kasama si Castiel noong unang araw na nagkakilala sila. One was at the restaurant and the other was when they were strolling around the mall. The second picture was kind of blurry na para bang nagmadali lang ang kumuha... like it was taken so fast in fear of getting caught.
She also found a picture of her and Dos in Coffee Avenue probably taken from the outside during their tutorial sessions.
Ang may pinaka maraming pictures ay yung kasama niya sa Cast sa charity game. They even have an HD version of some.
Fans can easily make something viral and that's what they did to her pictures. The fans are fussing over it like crazy because she isn't part of SAU or DMU. They think she's a complete outsider who "worked her way up the ranks".
May mga friend siya sa Facebook na fan ni Dos at Cast na madali siyang na message agad sa messenger. People who haven't talked to her in years, old acquaintances, had the nerve to ask her if she was really the girl in the pictures.
Wala siyang sinagot sa lahat ng message na natanggap niya ngayon. Kahit na ang mga kaibigan niya.
Ice knows she hurt Harmony in some way, but her friend, one of the people who understands her, can't demand her to explain about the matter.
Ice doesn't owe anyone an explanation.
Nakatulugan nalang ni Ice ang paghihintay sa tawag ni Lex.
She was planning to sleep in the next morning pero hindi iyon ang nangyari because she immediately felt something was wrong bago pa siya mag mulat ng mata.
Her throat feels feels dry and itchy, her nose is blocked, and her head feels heavy.
Fuck.
Her eyes stung a little nang buksan niya ito. Tubig agad ang hinanap ng bibig niya pero kailangan pa niyang bumaba para makuha iyon. Ice groaned in her pillow.
Looks like the world isn't done with her yet.
The good and bad things that happened yesterday resulted to this - her being sick.
Alam naman niya kung paano alagaan ang sarili niya but when she's sick, kahit na simpleng sinat lang, she can't help but feel... helpless.
At times like this, she informs Lex of her situation at ito na mismo ang tatawag sa pinaka malapit nilang relative para mag bantay sa kanya pansamantala but Ice told him to stop doing that dahil kaya niya naman and she doesn't want to bother anyone kahit na kapamilya pa nila.
She has to get through this on her own. Like she always does.
Ice tried to get up but the moment she put weight on her elbows, mas lalong lumala ang pag throb ng ulo niya. She flopped down on her pillow again and waited for the pain to subside. Ramdam din niya ang init ng katawan niya.
Kinapa niya ang phone na nasa night stand and blinked a few times at its harsh glare of light. She immediately cleared the insignificant notifications and focused on the important ones.
There was a text from Lex telling her that he will call later.
Her parents haven't contacted her since yesterday. Hindi niya alam kung naka usap na ba sila ni Lex. She waited for his call last night. She wanted to hear what he wanted to say because she is completely against her parents' decision to let them stay where they are. She wanted a solution. A solution that only Lex can give.
Lex already had a lengthy vacation baka mag bago ang isip nito sa pag uwi. Maybe he's like to spend his holidays in France kaysa samahan si Ice dito kung hindi man sila pupunta ng LA.
The physical pain she felt were nothing compared to the hollow feeling that was in her chest right now. What if Lex chose to stay in France? What if Lex leaves her here alone?
Ice calmed herself for a moment. She was overthinking again. Baka mas lumala pa ang sakit niya if she continues this.
Kung ano man ang decision ng Kuya niya, she'll go with it.
Some of her texts are from blockmates asking if she'll come to their planned outing. Bago pa mag tapos ang klase walang binigay na diretsong sagot si Ice. Now that her friendship with the three is out in the open, ang pinaka madaling desisyon para sa kanya ay wag nang sumama. Kahit noon pa man hindi na siya sumasama sa mga get together unless her own friends are present pero ngayon kahit na kasama sila Ella, hindi nalang siya pupunta. Isa sa nag tanong sa kanya ay isa din sa na intriga kagabi at nagawa din siyang tanungin kung "totoo ba?". She'd rather stay home then be bombarded by their questions to satisfy their curiosity.
She was about to drop her phone and rest her head for a little bit when Uno's text from last night caught her eye.
She kind of forgot na nasa kanya na nga pala ang number ni Uno. Kusa nitong binigay sa kanya to easily contact him whenever she has problems with Skippy.
And speaking of Skippy... the little guy probably made a mess in his cage. Kailangan na niyang linisin.
Ice sighed. Kailangan na rin niyang tumayo. If she keeps lying here baka mas lalo pang bumigat ang pakiramdam niya. Uunahin na muna niya si Skippy. She has another life depending on her now.
Ibaba na sana niya ang phone when a new text came in.
Napataas ang kilay niya nang makitang galing ito kay Uno. Ang aga naman nito mang gulo.
Shoot! I completely forgot about that!
May lakad pa nga pala sila ngayon. She promised Four she'd come. But looks like that doesn't matter anyway. Tingin nga niya hindi siya makakagawa ng isang simpleng galaw lang nang hindi sumasakit ang ulo niya. She probably nursing the mother of all migraines right now. Even simply typing a text back took a lot of effort.
Ice wanted to smirk. So this how it is to have Uno Romero in my life huh? He's as nosy as his brother pala. If she had all her energy right now she'd equal his bossiness.
She decided to get a little more shut eye before doing her tasks but her thoughts were filled of everything he said before he left last night. She thought about how she needs to prepare to get used to his presence but then she stopped herself mid thought.
She doesn't need to prepare to let someone in her life. She just lets it happen.
***
I was going to update two chapters but I got side tracked so I decided to update this nalang instead of making you wait longer 😅
(Is completely guilty of reading too much Webtoon when I should be editing and writing haha)
- Nique xx