new update !! thank you for 3000+ reads i love u all so mucchhhh
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My head feels fuzzy, my body feels confused and again I'm back to feeling like I'm in the bottom of a ditch.
I dread when another morning comes, another day I have to get through. I sigh and open my eyes, I let them adjust to tell me I'm not in my usual bed, instead I'm in the glass room.
The sunshine is peeking out bright and early, "Morning" I hear a voice behind me, I sit up and give my eyes a rub, "Morning" I mumble back.
Issac smiles and passes me a glass of orange juice, "Thank you" I take a sip, "Did you have fun last night?" He sits down next to me making a dip in the crisp white sheets.
"Yeah, it was fun, something different" I nod. My head goes back to the night events, me and Henry dancing, me and Issac arguing, me and Issac on the dance floor, Henry and Eric kissing.
I smile, I imagine Henry is floating on cloud nine today. "I brought you some of Amelia's clothes" He nods towards the pile of clothes, "Thank you"
"Are you going to college today?" He raises his eyebrows, "No" I immediately reply.
"Not the correct answer" He leans back against the bed frame, "Are you gonna make me go?" I huff, I already knew the answer.
"Yes" He gives me a serious expression, I sigh with a nod and finish my drink. He wonders back inside the house mumbling something about breakfast.
I look over into the pool, the water glistens from the sun shine. I raise from the bed and exit the glass room.
My feet press down onto the cold slates and I make my over to the pool. Taking off my dress that I slept in, I toss it to the floor leaving me in my underwear and slide into the pool.
It's cold at first but I begin to warm up when I swim around. The sky is roaming with clouds, I lye on my back looking up at them.
One cloud is shaped as a heart, another one shaped as a lion, it reminds me of Issac's tattoo, I want a tattoo but I'd like one with a meaning, I don't know what because nothing means anything to me at the minute.
I sink down into the water holding my breath, I used to swim when I was little, when dad used to come and watch me swim, cheering me on even if there wasn't a competition. He used to be amazed at how long I could hold my breath.
I bet he does that with Adelaide now, I wonder what her hobbies are. I wonder if she plays with Barbies or watches Hannah Montana like I used to, if she stuff her face with sweets and gets dad to read her Princess And The Frog at night before she falls asleep.
I wonder if she looks like him, if she's got his dark hair like me or his eyes. I wonder if he'll ever leave her and make her feel unloved and not wanted like he made me feel.
I wish I could reverse time back to when I was little and just go back to how it was, just for a day. I used to have loads of friends, get invited to loads of birthday parties, have everyone wanting to sit by me at lunchtime then in high school they all drifted away from me and I never knew why.
I know now, I ended up pushing them away without realising because I guess I was scared they'd leave in the end, so I thought being by myself was the answer.
Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't or maybe it just made me worse, made me hear things and say things slowly going crazy, because no one understood what was going on with me.
But now I'm here, in college, I have Issac whose so loving and caring and Amelia who is just the same and everyone else, everything has changed.
Suddenly I get jolted out the pool, ripping me away from my thoughts, "Darcy, are you okay?" I snap my eyes open to see Issac hovering over me worried.
He checks to see if I'm breathing even though my eyes are open, "Why did you get me out?" I sit up, "I was swimming"
"No you were sitting at the bottom of the pool" He sits on his knees, "What's wrong with that?" I huff annoyed.
"You were down there for a long time and I got worried" He frowns his eyebrows, my head snaps into realisation.
"What were you worried about?" My voice raises, "Well, you were down there for a long time, holding your breath and-"
"And what? Just say it I know what you thought" I stand up, "You thought I was trying to kill myself" I shout.
"Well-"
"I was just having a swim! Why does everyone treat me like I'm going to break at any minute, having to be careful what they say and watch me at all times! I'm sick of it" I shout angry.
"Because you did try to kill yourself!" He shouts standing up, I blink. "It would of worked it I hadn't of taken you to the hospital"
I stand silent, his blunt words taking me back, "You took me to the hospital?" I think, I can't remember much from waking up from the hospital to know what happened.
"Yes, who do you think took you? I watched you run from college, I was angry with you so I left you be, but something just wouldn't leave me alone inside. I knew something was wrong so I drove to your house" His voice is raised staring into my eyes, "I had to break into your house, kick the bathroom door open and that's when I found you, you were just lying on the floor, you looked so lifeless" His words get quieter, getting harder for him to talk about it.
"That's why I'm so panicky, that's why everyone is panicky Darcy, because you tried to commit suicide. I get worried whenever I don't hear from you in a few hours because I have no idea what's going on in your head, no one does, because you don't tell anyone" He looks away now avoiding my gaze.
I don't know what to say, seeing me like that must of been hard for him because of Andrew.
"Issac-"
"Just go get ready for college, I'll meet you in the car" He turns around and walks away from me, back inside the house.
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College is boring, I'm not even finding art interesting today. I sit about on my own, just watching the cars go by.
Issac hasn't spoke to me he's gone off with Eric.
"What's up boo?" Henry frowns sitting next to me, "Hey" I smile avoiding his question because I don't quite know how to answer.
"How did last night go?" I lean on the table with my elbows, "It was amazing! We kissed!"
"Omg! That's amazing" I sit up in my chair, I already knew they kissed but I pretended not to because I could see how excited he was to talk about it, "It was wonderful, I felt like I was floating on a cloud" Henry looks dreamy.
"Have you spoken to him today?" I raise my eyebrow, he frowns, "That's the sad side of things, he's been avoiding me all morning and hasn't even looked at me" He sighs.
"Give him time, he's probably just confused. It'll be okay, who couldn't resist you?" I wink, he smiles and squeezes my hand.
When class has finished I mope out the room feeling sorry for myself, the third floor where my lessons are is quiet, everyone has gone for lunch. I normally hide away up here sometimes or go under the stairs but instead today I go sit in the window.
It's a wall to ceiling window but has a little ledge on the bottom so I sit there, my body just about fits into the little corner.
I watch the cars go past counting the colours, I find this very relaxing because no one uses these stairs but today I hear someone's heels clash against the stairs.
I look round to see a brown haired woman, a bag over her shoulder with a cardigan on, "Darcy Winters?" She looks at me, her eyes roam my face making sure I'm the person she thinks I am and then carries on up the stairs to meet me.
"I'm Louise, the college councillor" She smiles I mentally groan in my head and look away, back out the window.
"Darcy, your personal tutor has been in contact with me and she said you were seeking my help?" I can feel her eyes looking down upon me, but I can't seem to make myself look up at her.
"No, I'm fine" I mumble, I hear a soft sound of her bag being rested on the floor and then out the corner of my eye, I see her squat down on the floor next to where I'm sitting.
"I've been told whats happened and, I strongly think you could benefit from talking to someone" She says, I hate when people imply that I need to get help, it sounds like I'm loosing my mind or something.
"I don't need help" I say quietly, slowly curling myself into a ball.
"Darcy there's nothing wrong with seeking help, there's no shame there. I want to help you through this, just come to one session and see what it's like, it'll be one on one and everything you tell me will stay between us" I look over at her, "If you don't like it then you don't have to do it again and, we will find another way" She smiles.
She seems nice, she has a gentle voice and soft eyes that makes me sort of want to curl up and hug her.
I nod, "Okay" she smiles, "When's the session?" I mumble from my position, "Tomorrow"
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I don't know if I'll go tomorrow but sitting in the window made me think, I don't want to loose or push Issac away.
I thought about all the amazing things he's done for me and all the places he's taken me and it's time I show him some appreciation.
I take a deep breath standing on his door step, I haven't thought this out of anything I just had an idea and walked over here.
I knock on his door, my nerves building up with every passing second until I'm thinking about just walking back home.
I shake my head, this was a stupid idea. I turn around to go embarrassed I even came here, "Darc?"
I see Issac standing in the doorway, squinting his eyes from the sun, "Oh, hey" I gulp, slowly taking my place back in the previous spot.
"What are you doing here?" He raises his eyebrows, I haven't spoken to him since our little argument this morning.
"I wanted to ask you something" I avoid eye contact, I had this all worded out in my head and now it's all gone.
"What is it?" He asks suspiciously when I don't carry on after my sentence.
"Okay, this might sound silly but I was thinking today, and I was thinking about how much I really love having you in my life even though lately I haven't shown it because my head is just all over the place, but" I pause "I wanted to ask you if you'd let me take you somewhere- take you out, I don't know where yet but I want to take you somewhere, somewhere nice like you always take me nice places" I have to stop for breath, I watch his face. It stays the same with his mouth in a thin line but I watch it curl up into a little smile.
"Of course you can, you better sweep me off my feet" He winks.
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