Five years ago, when she left Auckland, her heart hadn't shattered. Undeniably humiliated. Yes, unquestionably, defeated. But her heart hadn't shattered.
But, today was different. Really different. And this time, her heart really shattered and she felt the pain.
David watched her back. Frowned. What had just happened?
Beatrice glanced over her shoulder. She found him watching her intently. She said quietly, "You really didn't have to come here." She had a faint trace of a smile on her lips, but her eyes gave nothing away. Obviously, she had taken two and two and added it up to make more than four. She thought she had a habit of reading more into his statements then the reality decreed.
She was starting to rebuild her barriers. He could hear it in her voice. What had just happened? His heart was pounding. What did he do? He reminded her. "Remember, no running, no hiding, no pretending." His eyes challenging her but his gut was twisting. "We needed to talk."
Beatrice turned and with aplomb that David couldn't help but admire, she said firmly, "I told you, get in touch with my lawyer." She threw him a speaking glance, returned to her desk and took a seat, using the moment to wipe her hands down the side of her dress.
He was surprised to see how ashen she looked. What happened? Rifling a hand through his hair, he said quietly, hoping to instil some levity, "Remember, the last time I instructed my solicitor to send you a letter, you didn't take noticed of it!" She was pretty sure, amusement danced in his eyes. But he watched her reaction with open speculation.
She shrugged. She lifted her head slowly, a wan smile on her lips, "Well anyway, this journey is a waste of your time." She pointed out what she thought was apparent. But she was trying to pick up her heart up from the floor. She tried not to show her nerves. Beatrice looked heartbreakingly sad. "Coming here to see me." She clasped her hands to stop them from shaking. She wasn't expecting this: Her reaction to his decision- aching, agony, pain. Obviously she wasn't ready to deal with this, the end of their relationship. This was what she wanted? A divorce. She told him, often, that she wanted a divorce. She just wanted him to agree. And, now, he has. But it was completely wrong. It felt wrong. Pretending she wanted a divorce was wrong. His agreement to a divorce, was wrong. Two strong people, stubborn people, had made the wrong decision! Resulting in this situation. A bizarre situation.
Beatrice took a breath to calm her. Beatrice wondered whether she'd be able to remain calm for the duration of this meeting. She felt very sad. Which was silly. Nonsense. Absurd. She should be feeling relieved. Happy. Another loose end tidied up. But this felt sad. Miserable.
"I disagree." He smiled, keeping his voice light. She looked sad. He rifled through his memories to see what he had done. Now what had he done to make her sad? He rubbed his forehead and then wiped his face, before he said, quietly, "We should talk." He hoped to see the apprehension leave her eyes.
Beatrice deliberately feigned confusion. "About what?" She folded her arms as she became defensive. "The last time you were here, I told, you can half of what I have." Of course she wasn't pleased about the situation. However she had learned she could not control the behaviour of others. "You want half, fine, take it." She tipped up her chin pugnaciously. Beatrice bit her lower lip and said, with her voice nothing more than a whisper, "Actually, you can take whatever you want."
What? He frowned, as that had never occurred to him. She can't mean that. Again he rifled through his mind, something had happened, the question was, what? What had he said to her? What caused this umbrage? Had she stopped trusting him? Again? The tone in her voice. She nibbled at her lower lip and nervousness levels started to soar. This sudden change in her eyes. David saw the anxiety in Beatrice's eyes. Something wasn't right. Maybe the best strategy would be humour, remove that sad expression from her face. But she would misconstrue whatever he said, given her response to his statement about his lawyer's letter.
He ran a hand through his hair and looked up at the ceiling. He'd made a mess of everything. Eventually his eyes caught and held her gaze. He looked at her with a hint of nervousness and unease as if he knew this was a moment that would change their lives. What he had realised a few days ago was that this woman had stolen his heart. And he was messing this up.
He definitely was not pleased with his strategy, any of his strategy!
He arched back slightly, and then asked, "Whatever I want?" David saw the impact of those words on Beatrice.