The rest of the week passed without significance, I would go to school, go home, change, and head back to school for softball practice. Good thing was we had Friday off, and I wouldn’t have to come back. Then again, I would have to be here at eight in the morning tomorrow.
Ugh.
“So, any news on Megan moving in?”
I shook my head, “Nope.”
“Any news on you banging the softball team?”
“Nope.”
“Any news on anything?”
I held out my wrist, showing her my new bracelet I had added to my collection, “I got a new bracelet.”
She rolled her eyes, “That’s not interesting.”
“I think it’s cute.”
Blair nodded, “Yea… so what are we doing tonight?”
Then I felt my phone vibrate in my booksack, and for some reason I had a gut feeling it would pertain my dealer. I spoke to Blair, “Hold that thought,” and I rummaged through my booksack and found my phone.
I opened the text from Ross, Got some stuff I need you to deliver to a frat house tonight.
Blair leaned over my shoulder and cursed, “Fuck, didn’t I tell you to back out of that Sam?”
I told her to be quite and texted back, Send me the address, I’ll be around your place at 9:00.
I knew I could count on you.
I looked up from my phone and into Blair’s evil and worried eyes, “You’re fucking kidding me right?”
I sighed, “Blair, it’s good money, and it’s easy. All I gotta do is pick it up from Ross and bring it to the place! Bam, easy hundred.”
“He pays you a hundred to deliver a fucking bag of weed?”
I nodded, “He grows some hybrid stuff. It’s crazy good but he charges good money for it too.”
“Is that the shit we smoked the other day?”
“Yea, it was good wasn’t it?”
She sighed, “Yea, it was.”
I pushed her, “So shut up and come on this run with me tonight! Maybe after we can go to Jinx and get wasted.”
She seemed to debate internally, but I knew she would come in the end, “Fine. I’ll come. But I swear Sam if we get caught I’m not going down-”
“We’re not going to get caught.”
She stopped talking as the bell rang, and I was thanking the Lord above that Megan’s class was my last class. We also had a test today, a test I was prepared for because I had finally looked over my notes and studied.
I couldn’t fail this one.
I felt prepared, but it was weird because I wouldn’t be able to cheat if I got stuck. I just wanted to pass it with at least a low C, just to bring my grade up from and F.
But that was a long shot.
Blair spoke, “Please don’t fail this test Sam.”
I looked at her, smiling sarcastically, “Thanks for the encouragement.”
“I just want you to graduate high school.”
“And I just want you to shut the hell up. I got this.”
She huffed, “Fine, see you tonight.”
Megan gave me a warm smile, which kind of freaked me out because she never really did that. I walked up to her, eager to pass this test with flying colors.
“Did you study?”
I nodded, “Yes Megan, I studied.”
She ssh-ed me and smiled, “It’s Miss Adams, not Megan. We’re in school.”
I rolled my eyes, “You’re so demanding when you’re in your teacher-mode.”
I charged into the classroom, waiting for the class to begin to get the test over with. I was anxious, but I wasn’t nervous, which I took as a good sign because I felt confident. Maybe I could pass this test, and maybe I could get Megan off my back a bit about studying and homework for a while.
Then Megan walked in, preparing to hand out the tests as I began to prepare myself. I was ready, and I was ready for the weekend. I just wanted to get out of here.
I was first to get a test, and I got a glimpse of Megan’s perfect blue eyes as she watched me for only a split second before continuing down the row. I knew she wanted me to pass, and I wanted to pass, but I was only praying for an easy test.
But knowing Megan, her tests were anything but easy.
~ ~ ~ ~
“Oh God, we’re criminals. We’re delivering illegal substance to a fucking frat house full of over-age boys that are going to rat us out. This is a set-up, we’re gonna go to jail and get raped. Sam I can’t be anyone’s prison bitch! I can’t-”
“Blair, shut the fuck up. We’re going to be fine. We’ll make the delivery and leave, stop being stupid.”
I rolled my eyes as I pulled up into the drive way, seeing multiple cars surround the house with giant white Greek letters. I figured frats were more… party-like? Maybe it was still early.
I stepped out my car, fingering the thick baggie in my jacket pocket as I walked towards the house. I heard a guy speak, “Dude, that’s your car? That’s sick.”
I nodded, “Thanks.”
I knocked on the door, and to my surprise when it opened there were dozens of people inside, guys and girls. It took me back, because from the outside you couldn’t tell, but the inside looked like a frat party from off of the movies.
It looked pretty sick, actually.
A tall guy spoke, “You’re here with the… party favors, I’m guessing?”
I nodded, reaching into my pocket and placing it in his hand, looking up and giving him the sexiest smile I had. I responded, “Yea, consider it a house warming gift.”
He eyed me, licking his lips as he looked back at the house, “You guys wanna come in? We have plenty of room for two more hot girls.”
I nodded, “Sure, we can stay for a bit.”
Then Blair tugged on my arm, “Sam…”
I looked back at Blair, wondering what she was so afraid of. I squinted in confusion, wondering why she was so afraid. I heard the tall guy in front of me speak, “You two together or something?”
Blair squeezed my hand, and I instantly knew she felt something was a little off with this guy. He was hitting on me, and I had recognized that look he had given me seconds ago. Like I was his prey and he was the hunter.
I looked up at him, nodding, “Uh yes, this is my girlfriend.”
He nodded, “Lesbians, nice.”
I gave him an uneasy laugh as I realized we probably should go, and I backed away, “We’ll be going now. Enjoy it.”
Then another guy came from around the corner, dismissing the weird one, “Sorry about him, he’s a bit… uh, weird.”
I nodded, “Yea, pretty creepy too.”
He smiled, leaning against the door, “Sorry, uh, but seriously, if you two wanna party with us you’re more than welcome.”
I looked at Blair, shrugging, “Want to? We have nothing better to do.”
She looked at the guy and I could tell she felt less threatened with him, and I could see flirtatious looks coming from her as well. She nodded, “We can stay for a bit.”
And we did, and soon the seconds turned to minutes, and then the minutes turned into hours. I had managed to text Shawn and let him know where I was before getting completely lost in the crowd and the dancing. It was exciting, and there were so many girls here, but I knew better than to get completely carried away.
I still had something to do tomorrow morning.
Blair and I were sitting on the couch, sipping on beers they had given us while we chatted with the normal guy that greeted us and some other people. They were college kids, most of them just living for the day and I realized they weren’t that much different than me.
I had thought they would be more crazy and reckless or something.
“So how long have you two been dating?”
I realized they were addressing me, and I looking down at Blair’s hand that was in mine and found comfort in it. We had faked being in relationships before to avoid awkward situations and weird guys, but there was nothing threatening us anymore.
I looked at Blair, waiting for her to answer but receiving no help. I shrugged, “Uh, about a year.”
A girl nodded, “You two really are cute together.”
I smiled, feeling Blair’s grip tighten in mine as we continued to sit here pretending to be a couple. I looked over to her, seeing her too tense for me to even be comfortable. I whispered, “Relax, we’ve done this a million times.”
She nodded, “I know, but it’s two in the morning, they’re smoking weed, and we’re all underage drinking.”
I smiled, “Don’t tell me you’re scared.”
She gave me a wry look as she leaned into me, egging on the crowd with our fake relationship, “I’m not scared when I’m with you.”
“Cutest fucking lesbian couple ever.”
I laughed quietly with Blair as we tried to act normal but it was too much, these people were completely reeled in by our act. Blair leaned into me, laughing into my shoulder as I tried to play it cool for the both of us.
Then a guy spoke, “You two should kiss.”
Shit. Oh shit. I looked at Blair uneasily, who was now completely still like a deer in the headlights. I looked at the guy, shaking my head slightly, “Nah, that’s okay. She’s pretty shy…”
Blair spoke, “I am not shy.”
I looked at her, “Yes, you are.”
“Just kiss already!”
Blair’s face flushed red as I looked at her, shaking my head, but she was stuck with the decision. Then the crowd started chanting, “Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!”
I mumbled, “You better not-”
Then before I could finish my sentence I felt Blair’s lips on mine. It was a weird feeling, but it was also a pretty good feeling too. Her lips were soft, softer than I had expected, and when her hands touched my face it felt pretty good too. I closed my eyes, letting the noise in the background fade away as Blair continued to hold my face to hers.
It hadn’t completely registered in my mind what was actually happening, but when I came to the realization I knew we had to end it.
I pulled away, looking into Blair’s green eyes as she smiled, “Wow.”
Then a guy shouted, “That was fucking hot!”
I pulled Blair up, smiling as I spoke, “We uh, gotta go.”
Then all of a sudden everything went into slow motion as a guy ran in from outside, screaming, “The cops are coming!”
I looked at Blair, seeing a look of fear cross her face as I pulled her towards the door. There was no way I was getting in trouble, not after what I had promised Shawn. I couldn’t go to jail, I just couldn’t, well at least not yet anyway.
“Oh God, we’re so fucked Sam!”
“We’re not fucked, get in the car.”
I ran over to my car, nearly hood-sliding and jumping into the driver’s seat and cranking up my ride. I floored it, peeling out and making the nearest turn, ditching the frat house and praying to God they wouldn’t try ratting us out for the weed. I knew they didn’t know our names though, which was a good thing, and if they knew Ross they knew not to rat him out for their own good.
So I figured we were pretty safe.
I shifted into a higher gear as I hit a straight away, heading straight home after the horrible scare. I knew we weren’t completely safe yet, so I continued to stay on the back roads just in case they were looking for us.
But other than that I was more worried about the weird kiss Blair and I had shared.
She spoke, “I think we’re good, you can stop doing eighty in a forty-five now.”
I slowed down, turning onto the familiar road that lead me to my house as I glanced at Blair, “Stop telling me how to drive.”
“Stop trying to kill me.”
I smiled, “But you have fun with me.”
She gave me a death glare as we pulled onto my apartment’s street, and slowly rolled up into my garage, closing it behind me. I felt safe now that I was home, and I couldn’t believe we had escaped that disaster. I was just glad that we managed to get out of there in time.
She sighed, “I should really stop hanging out with you. You’re going to get me arrested.”
I laughed, “But Blair, we’re in love remember? You couldn’t leave me if you tried.”
She shoved me slightly as I let her into my apartment, flicking on the light to lead us to my room. I was ready to hit the sack, and I had to be up in five more hours. I wasn’t looking forward to it but, I had no other choice.
Maybe we shouldn’t have stayed that late.
Blair changed out of her clothes and into more comfortable ones, along with me. I was ready to lie down, but when I hit the bed something changed when I looked at Blair. It was weird, I had always thought she was pretty, and maybe I was just feeling extra lonely tonight, but the kiss repeated in my head over and over.
Then I kissed her again, and for some reason I felt guilt in the pit of my stomach. Maybe it was because she kissed me back, and somewhere deep down inside me I knew she probably liked me a little more than a friend, and this was me taking advantage of her. This could possibly ruin our friendship, but in the moment you just don’t care about things like that.
We kissed for a while, but she wasn’t making any moves to further what we were doing, so I didn’t either. It felt good kissing her, because she was a good kisser, but it also felt wrong, because like I said, she was my best friend.
Some things best friends just shouldn’t do.
She pulled back, “We can’t.”
I nodded, “I know,” but in the moment I was still trying to catch my breath from our kiss. She looked so good right now, with her wavy reddish hair and her glowing green eyes that looked completely conflicted in this moment.
Why did I need to feel something so bad? Why was I so desperate to be touched? Even though I knew Blair should be my very last option?
She kissed me again, and this time she rolled under me, and I was straddling her within seconds. I could hear her panting between every kiss as her hands held my waist, but even when everything was telling me no, I just couldn’t stop.
I didn’t know what was coming over me, but for some reason I was desperate. Desperate to feel something other than neglect and abandonment, and the sadness was drowning me slowly, but when I was kissing Blair at least I could escape the drowning for a few seconds.
I felt wanted, and I liked feeling like that, no matter who it was with. Whether it was with Blair or some random chick I picked up in the bar, I just knew I needed to feel something other than sadness.
Blair’s hand tangled itself in my hair, pulling my face away from hers, “Sam please… we can’t do this.”
I remembered three years ago when Blair and I had done this same thing, but we had taken it a little further and ended up sleeping together. It was before we became best friends, and before we knew everything about each other. We vowed not to ever do it again, for the sake of our friendship, and we’ve never broken that vow.
Three years and we had never done anything more than kiss, and I was trying my best not to break that. Blair was stronger than me, we both knew that, and that’s why she was begging me to stop, because this could ruin everything we had.
Then I rolled off of her, curling up in her chest as I felt the tears burn my eyes. I felt her arms wrap around me as she pulled me into her chest, cooing me like a child. I felt weak and fragile, but for some reason I couldn’t stop the tears.
Something inside me had snapped, as if I had been trying to stay strong for too long. Why did I feel so lonely and pathetic? I hated when I had nights like this, because I didn’t have them too often, I was just glad Blair was here for me.
She petted my hair as I allowed the tears to flow, “Sam, it’s okay. Everything’s okay.”
But for some reason everything wasn’t okay, and somewhere deep inside I knew something was broken.
And I had no idea how to fix it.
~ ~ ~ ~
My alarm blared as I tried to force my eyes open, allowing the night before the replay in my head. The last place I wanted to be was school, especially with the softball girls, but there was no backing out. Megan was expecting me to be there, and if I wasn’t I was convinced she was going to rat me out to Shawn and get me punished for the rest of my life.
So I lifted myself out of bed, immediately walking into the kitchen to make me some coffee.
Then to my surprise there was some already made, and Megan was already pouring two cups at the counter. I was confused for a second as to why she was here in my kitchen. I then figured she had stayed the night last night and I had been too scared and tired to notice her car in the parking lot.
She turned, taking in my sleepy figure as she handed me a cup of coffee, “You’re gonna need this. I made it extra strong for you.”
I took the cup from her, sipping it carefully as I studied her, not sure what was actually happening. She was being awfully nice to me, but then again, we had been getting along quite well.
I nodded, “Thanks.”
She sat at the counter facing me while I leaned on it, continuing to sip my coffee and study Megan. I was still curious as to why she was forcing me to go to this thing, because I considered it cruel and unusual punishment.
Then she spoke, “You came in late last night.”
“You sound like my mother.”
She gave me a dry look, “Sam, I’m not fussing at you. I was just curious.”
I retorted, “Well I’m curious as to when you plan on moving in with us, because you’re pretty much half way there.”
She tilted her head as she studied me, and for some reason I thought she looked awfully pretty for seven in the morning. She placed her coffee cup on the counter, cradling it in her soft hands, “Our lease ends in less than a month, but Shawn and I are still discussing it. We’re still not sure…”
I nodded, “Because of me, right?”
She nodded in response, and I sipped my coffee while I thought of something else to say.
I responded with an answer, “Tell him that it’s his house, he can make the decisions. I don’t mind anymore. You practically live here anyway. Which I’m still confused about because you’re not even dating my brother…”
“I told you, it’s complicated.”
“It doesn’t have to be, you know.”
She shook her head, “Not sure what you’re saying.”
I sighed, “Either you like him more than a friend, or don’t. You’re old enough to know the difference.”
She raised her eyebrow, “Did you just call me old?”
Oops.
I shook my head, “Uh, well, I mean you’re not really young…”
“I’m 23.”
I replied a little too eagerly, “God, you know what I meant! Like you’re mature enough to know the difference.”
“You could’ve just said that.”
I looked at her curiously, “You’re only 23?”
She smiled, “Yea, my birthday’s in December. Are you saying I look older than that?”
I raised my hands, “Uh, no! I was just repeating you for the hell of it!”
She laughed then, and I immediately realized we were actually getting to know each other. It was weird, because I never imagined this in a million years, but here we were, having coffee together and making fun of Megan’s age.
She waved her hand, “How old are you? 20? And you’re still in high school?”
I gave her a sarcastic smile and spoke, “19, and obviously, I’m in your 4th hour history class, genius.”
“Why’d you fail your sophomore year?”
I scratched my head, wondering how I should go about this. She knew I had abusive parents, so I figured there wasn’t anything else I could tell her that might scare her away. I figured Shawn would’ve told her, but then again he knows how I am with people knowing my business.
Should I tell her?
I shrugged, finding irony in my response, “It’s complicated.”
“Are you mocking me?”
I laughed, “No, it really is… I got caught up in a lot of bad stuff around that time. Shawn moved out and left me alone with my parents, and then I came out to them. My mom hated it, obviously, that’s when she began to hate me. My dad didn’t know how to handle it so he would leave every night and go to a bar, then come home drunk.”
I could see Megan was listening to every word I was saying, and I knew she was actually listening. Not many people listened whenever you spoke about yourself, because they usually just wanted to tell you about their story.
Most people were selfish, and that’s how people are, but not Megan.
She nodded, “Continue.”
I smiled, looking down into my coffee cup, “That’s when my parents started abusing me. They had always been the old fashion parent type that disciplined with fear and pain, but my mom snapped. Either from me or my dad, or both, I still don’t know. I would go out to parties, get drunk, do drugs, skip school… you name it. I ended up getting kicked off the softball team and failing my sophomore year, miserably.”
She shook her head, “That’s… really horrible.”
I nodded, “Yea, but luckily I pulled myself out of it, with the help of Blair of course. I met her my second go round at my sophomore year, and she helped me the best she could. I turned 17, then my mom tried to kill me, and I threatened to turn her into the police if she didn’t let me move in with Shawn. She let me go without a blink of an eye.”
“What about your dad? Weren’t you two pretty close?”
I remembered the night he had laid his hands on me, the haunting memory replaying in my head and almost physically hurting me. I shook my head, “We were, but I haven’t talked to either of my parents since I left. I think it’s better that way.”
Then Megan answered, “Sam, it’s not better that way. I think you should talk to them-”
“Good morning everybody!”
I jumped, looking up at Shawn who was just waking up, and I answered, “Jeez, shut up, Blair’s still sleeping!”
Then he opened the door to my room, yelling, “Blair, get the fuck up!”
I laughed to myself as I looked at Megan, wondering what exactly she was going to say before Shawn interrupted us. I was curious, and I felt oddly comfortable with her knowing about my past. It was weird, but it was a good weird.
He spoke, “You two have a long day ahead of you.”
Megan nodded, “Yea, and we’re not really looking forward to it.”
I smiled, “I second that motion.”
Blair shuffled out of my room, looking quite the mess as she looked at Shawn, “I hate you so much right now.”
I laughed as I responded to Blair, “Get your stuff together, I gotta bring you home.”
Then Megan answered, “You two can ride with me, considering Sam and I will be going to the same place.”
Shawn nodded, “Yea that sounds a lot smarter.”
I looked at Shawn, “Smarter?”
He shrugged, beginning to fix him a cup of coffee while Megan answered, “You should go get dressed, we don’t wanna be late.”
I nodded then, dismissing myself to my bathroom while I tried to figure out what had happened between Megan and I. It felt oddly right knowing she was willing to listen to my problems, and it felt good getting it off of my chest. I had always been taught to hold it in and never bother anyone else with your issues, but Megan had let me see that it’s okay to talk about it, no matter how hard.
But it wasn’t hard talking with Megan, which was something I figured I would never understand.