"That . . . makes us even, then . . . ?" I asked Ashton.
"Uh oh! I don't think so!"
"Uh! And . . . why is that?"
"Princess . . . please don't get me wrong, alright? But I figured I just wish . . . to make you happy. I mean, making somebody feel good and happy is no burden at all! It would absolutely make me happier."
"Ohhh? I didn't know that!"
"Hahahah! There you go again Princess, hmm. . . but well . . . seriously . . . Oh, God! Why am I finding this so difficult to express myself." He growled.
I waited for Ashton to get his breath from his soliloquay.
"I'm sorry . . . if you find me like I'm talking . . . like I'm nuts! Yeah, I've been ranting and blubbering and putting things so badly, haven't I?" Ashton asked me in what seemed like a miserable tone.
My heart skipped a bit with Ashton's honesty and it just went out to him . . . but I couldn't help my smile at hearing Ashton's candid blunderings with his own thoughts. Oh, my . funny . Ashton!!!
"No! You've put things as plain as daylight. I think I could read your mind quite clearly." I humoured him out.
"Oh? Really! I'm utterly aware though, that it isn't so, Princess. But thanks anyway, for taking pity on me . . . on your humbled servant, you know. It's just that I'm not my normal self right now!" I listened to Ashton thinking out loud his thoughts and baring out his soul. Perhaps just by being there and him knowing that I'm here listening might somehow help.
A comfortable silence seem to envelope us despite the distance, with him miles away on a jet.
"And, these past few hours had been quite a revelation for me, you know." Ashton continued.
I held my tongue and let him get on with our somewhat one-sided conversation. I still feel quite shy and . . . not so used to talking to strangers, hmm! Still feeling my way with this budding relationship that's making my entire body tingling.
"Yeah, it got me to thinking real hard . . . about the future . . . mostly along the long-term perspective." Ashton took a deep breath as if he was really struggling with himself.
"Uh huh?"
I placed a hand on my face, chills was starting to flow from my nape towards my arms and down my spine. Gee!
"Yeah . . . and . . . it really had amazed me how . . . with just one look . . . an amazing set of emerald blue eyes that seemed like pools of emotions and . . . yeah, my racing heartbeats. All of which became the tumultuous turnaround point for me from everything I used to believe in, you know!"
My mind seemed to blank out as I listened to his words. It just wasn't on its sharp and sharky disposition at the moment.
"Perhaps, Princess . . . I may have . . . taken a lot of things mighty for granted in the past for I wasn't the easiest person on this planet to please, and that I'd grown . . . shall I say . . . indifferent, or calloused, to put it bluntly . . . as I know most people say I am . . . and I really did not care!"
"And among my famous negative and unlikeable traits most people know me for. . . I admit I've adapted an unapproachable facade for years now and maintained it for a very good reason." I seem to sense him shrugging off his shoulders.
"Look, Princess. Coming from a man of my background . . . this may sound weird. And personally, I still find it completely strange. But I've got to admit this . . . to you that it had perplexed me more to no end. I've never, in my entire adulthood thought this coming, you know."
I heaved out a small sigh letting him know that I was trying to follow him and was digesting what he had been telling me this far. What happened last night belonged to just last night.
Now is a different timeline revealing a sea of emotions that has caught me deeper and deeper into a man I just barely knew but felt so connected to!
"Princess . . . the mere thought of living life . . . apart from you . . . to live it without you . . . is just unacceptable . . . and unthinkable! I can't imagine how I'd survive each day with you . . . out there, out of sight, out of reach!" Ashton took a deep rugged breath who seemed now quite resigned to the whole idea.
I just felt Ashton now . . . his struggle . . . his pain! Two droplets of tears started to trickle down my cheeks. I don't know. I just couldn't help it!
And an emotion-filled silence followed.
I didn't have the heart to break it. For I was too stunned as well, hearing him mumble with his heart-rending admissions. I felt like I've become his sounding board . . . his support system, of sorts. Was it possible that feelings . . . and senses . . . and all faculties would know no boundaries . . . at all?
We're miles apart, and yes, worlds apart but it seemed like he was just right here beside me . . . and me and him . . . our hearts and minds just are in sync . . . like he'd never left me . . .
Then I heard his intermittent and rugged breathing.
"Hello, Princess?" Ashton broke the ice at last, though I thought it was more like he was trying to elicit some assurance that I was there for him, nothing more.
"Uh huh? Yeah . . . right! I'm still here . . . " I whispered before letting out a small sigh.
"My mind's just so full of you, do you know that?"
"Should I?" I managed to croak. That came as as surprise as my eyes popped open wide. I was thinking all this time that I was struggling alone with my own emotions.
Now it was some consolation that the feeling was mutual, yet I couldn't openly admit the same as Ashton just had.
"Uh oh . . . I should have thought of your one-line punches coming, Princess!"
I smiled seeing in my mind his twinkling eyes. A soft giggle erupted from my side of the line. I was relieved that I escaped the emotional kaleidoscopic spotlight! I was afraid of the subtle shift, glad that it didn't happen afterall. The little episode which occured some minutes before seemed to be over, for now perhaps!
An overpowering feeling of shyness though, overtook me, that telling him my own feelings would openly expose my vulnerability. I just didn't have the courage yet. I'd rather cower and find solace in my own brand of cowardice than have my bald soul exposed to this so called truth and leave me bare and empty save my own dignity.
Ashton, for sure has his advantages since he is his own man . . . respected by his circle and peers. Me, I'm just a nobody in my own world. If I lost myself, then I'd lose my dignity as a person . . . as a woman!
I'm not used to men, like in a man-to-woman kind of relationship. I guess with Ashton I'm not that ready just yet . . . for now. I may have wanted to assure Ashton that I feel him too . . . but I guess this isn't the right time to be a hundred percent bold about my own feelings.
I know there's always a proper time for things, this isn't just one of them.
"Princess . . . I had been thinking . . . yeah, and what's uppermost in my mind is to make things good for you . . . if it makes you possibly happy, that sure would make me really the happiest man.
"Umm . . . If you must know . . . I think it's boring and unfair, there's no challenge in that! If there should be a relationship . . . honestly? I would want it to be a two-way ticket affair. And . . . if, it's a relationship you want, okay . . . fine! I'm in. But I want it to be fair and square." I told Ashton.
That suddenly got me, my tongue running out ahead before my thoughts! Oh, gush, I almost bit my tongue!
"I assure you, Princess that you . . . and me . . . and nothing more . . . nothing less . . . is fair and square. And whatever bonuses and benefits that may come into this, should just be considered as add ons, conveniences that come with a happy and fruitful future . . . hopefully . . . as a couple. What do you think?"
"Uh huh . . . perhaps! But it's a given though, that I don't have much at stake in this, so called . . . relationship except, perhaps that I'll be there for you and I'd be in this . . . as I am . . . myself, through its ups, turns and twists and downs." I let out a miserable sigh.
"Ashton . . . it still scares me crazy . . . that changing my mind and giving you up is a much more comfortable option than jumping into an uncertain . . . an unknown future with somebody I have no knowledge of."
Yeah! My head concurred.
"Hmm! Okay. I know there's so much that we need to know about each other, Andrea. And . . . I'd love it when you openly tell me your thoughts." He said.
"I like you more when you tell me what you stand for . . . as a woman. I'm impressed that you aren't easily intimidated. You're open-minded and honest. They're some of the qualities I find wanting in most women I was associated with in the past." Ashton added.
"Oh! The women!" That kind of hurts, I thought reflectively!
"Is that a compliment? Because that's a lot of load you're putting on my shoulders, you know. And, lemme tell you this Mr. CEO. You must know that I'm just an ordinary . local . girl! I'm way out of your league . . . and much more . . . we're worlds apart." I blurted.
Good!!! It just made me feel good telling him that!
"You sure don't mince your words, Princess! Yeah! I'm so much aware of the disparity, but as what one song has come to mind goes . . . 'If I could . . . I would . . . I swear . . . '
"Ohhh . . . ?"
"Yeah! That's why I agreed on our being friends first, with benefits . . . of course!" Ashton gave out a heavy sigh.
"Uh hah . . . friends first!"
"Well, I kind of realised that. I was just hoping you'll find it in your heart to see through the real me and hold on to it wherever it might take us. It won't be easy, I know . . . considering the distance which I hope to change soon." Ashton sighed.
"And you're one piece of the puzzle in my life, Princess! Now that I've found you . . . I'm never gonna let you go."
"Oh, Ashton . . . I don't really know . . . what to think right now. It's just that . . . this is all so new to me. The feelings that you're entry in my life have evoked within me are just too overwhelming to take." I said.
"Why? Aren't you happy you've gotten to know me?"
"To be honest?"
"Uh huh?"
I made a sigh before I answered him. "You're like such a magnet, you know . . . that I find myself being irresistibly pulled unto . . . a force I can't deny that . . . that the mere thought of you . . . has already created some imbalance in my thought processes. And, right now . . . I'm thinking out aloud what my mind and my heart has slowly internalized these past few hours. I just felt numbed and standing on a seesaw. One moment I'm tipped to the other end, and vice versa. I only know some bare facts about Mr. Ashton Sterling . . . nothing more . . . it scares me!"
"And . . ."
"Yeah . . . the novelty is making me feel special. I'm just thrilled and happy like any normal member of the female species should . . . under the circumstances, yet so much doubt and insecurities have been assailing me that I find myself . . . questioning my sanity."
"Please Andrea, I beg you to just bear with me, okay?
I really wish you're by my side right now . . . it may sound crazy, weird but I miss you . . . so much, it hurts! And, this is one thing I'm gonna make . . . I promise . . . I'm gonna change our situation soon. I want you . . to be a part of my life, Princess! I promise you that!
"May I remind you, Ashton . . . that you talked of your adversity to making promises? But, okay, I'll allow you that. Yet, you'll have to prove your worth as a man! Is that alright with you?"
"Umm, I understand. I can take that!"
"But, there's this one thing that's been nagging at the back of my mind."
"And what exactly is that, Princess?"
"I don't want to seem so clingy to you . . ."
"N . . .nope! I don't think you're that type of girl! My princess is definitely not the clingy type of a woman!"
"Seriously, though?"
"I'm certain about it. I'm not a perfect guy, but I'm quite a good judge of character . . . my gut feel has never failed me before, you know!"
"Oh, poor me! Did I pass your security panel?"
"Hahaha! There was no doubt about it. The first time I saw you . . . I was really hooked!"
OMG!!!
I felt like I was floating in the air right now . . . No! My whole being has just been shot off beyond cloud nine right now, wherever that maybe, I don't know!
"You've called, where are you now?" I suddenly changed the topic. I really hate becoming the cynosure of someone's attention. It's really making me uncomfortable.
"Oh! We're still airborn . . . we'll land in two to three hours time. I tried to go to sleep, but it just eluded me. All I could see is you . . ."
"Poor baby! It really slipped from my mind. You should catch up on your sleep, Ashton. Now, back to bed, or wherever you are, close your eyes and get back to sleep, okay?"
"What did . . . you call me Princess?"
"Huh . . .?"
"I think I like it!"
"Oh no! No! And you aren't a baby . . . for sure. But I'll think of something. I'm ruling 'baby' out. And, definitely we're no longer teenagers to . . . to . . . yuck!
"Ouch! I'm sure not that old, you know!"
"Hey, that didn't come from my mouth, hmm!"
"Really! Do I seem that old to you, Princess?" Ashton asked me in an earnest tone.
"Oh, Ashton! I was just pulling your leg, you know! And, no! You aren't that old! Now, you better get some rest because I seriously need mine, too."
"Okay, I feel like I might fall asleep after hearing your voice, Princess!"
"Right, You really made my day, too . . . baby! Bye!" I whispered back unto my phone.
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Hey, guys! I'm sorry this chapter has come up quite late. It's cheesy, I know. And that's where I need your comments . . . and suggestions . . . Please do share your thoughts on my story. I'd appreciate it.
There's been so much going on with my family lately. We had to move house and everything's topsy-turvy, things not in their proper places, and me going nuts like I just wasn't in the mood to do some creative thinking. Hence, the late update.
But, anyways, I hope this chapter would fill in the lull in my story. Please do read this, or vote (by clicking the star🌟at the bottom of your screen) and make your comments so I can fix the lapses that needed to be done.
And, thank you so much for reading this far!
I love you guys! God bless!
Till next chapter . . . perhaps?
Ciao!
marly/04may2018