Chapter 59- you don't make decisions for me
Weeks passed by with this treatment that the doctor decided to do. I have been undergoing intensive chemo and radiation so it would kill my cancer cells.
The doctor said that she has seen the results and the cancer cells have decreased rapidly and isn't growing back at a faster pace.
Today is my transplant apparently.
I lay on the gurney in my hospital room and look up at the ceiling. I'm just happy that the treatment is working, even though it's making me weaker by the minute.
Suddenly my throat feels dry and I reach out for my glass of water but it's empty.
I groan and sit up in my bed, ready to march outside to get some water. Everyone told me to press the button so they all be notified but I don't want to bother them.
I slowly get up and start walking to the door when my reflection in the mirror stops me. I turn to look into the mirror and see a pale, almost hairless, very thin and weak girl.
When did I turn into this? I groan.
I take the brush to comb my hair because they seem out of place. Just as I comb it, a lot of the hair falls off and sticks to the brush.
My breath hitches in my throat. I know this was expected but I'm not ready to be bald again. I take the hair out of the brush and look at them in disbelief.
I quickly shuffle my hair around so nobody could see the spot which had no hair. Placing the brush back to its place, I slowly walk outside the room.
I look left and right, but don't see anyone there. They all must be doing something important. Thank god I didn't bother them.
I slowly walk towards the water dispenser and pick up a styrofoam cup on the side.
After drinking the water, I decide to go back to my room. I kept looking at the ground while taking baby steps towards my room.
Out of nowhere, someone comes crashing into me. As I'm about to fall, his arms snake around my waist and I hold onto his collar with my eyes closed.
He slowly pulls me back up and I'm pressed against his hard and muscular chest. "Venus?" A confused voice asks and my eyes shoot up to notice the person.
I'm shocked. As shocked as I am, he is also shocked to see me there. "What are you doing here?" He asks me and I let go of his collar but he stills holds onto my waist, as the habit he always had.
"Just- just walking," I reply back, not knowing what else to say.
He gives me a look, a are-you-stupid look. "Walking?" His brows furrow in question. "You walked from your house to the hospital?"
I hesitate before nodding. "Y-y-yeah," I reply back.
He still doesn't seem convinced. "In hospital clothes?" He asks.
"Well, I- I- my mom works here so I was uh- I was visiting her...?" I reply back in question and something twitches near his mouth.
"Right," he says, not too convinced with this situation.
"Enough about me, what are you doing here?" I ask him and he just looks around.
"I'm lost," he nervously chuckles. "I'm suppose to be on the fifth floor but the elevator took me here."
"Oh," I breath out.
"What floor is this?" He asks and my breath gets caught in my chest.
How am I suppose to tell him that this is the cancer floor? He will ask so many questions if he knew. Oh god.
"Uhm... seventh floor," I reply back and he smiles.
"That I know. I don't know what floor it is. Like, they have surgical floor, the floor for little babies, the floor for emergency patients. So, what floor is this for?" He asks.
I don't respond for a while and look around. He follows my gaze and his eyes fall on a big poster saying 'defeat death' in big words.
"It's uh- it's... it's—" I start but am cut off by a familiar voice.
"Venus?" A familiar voice calls out for me and I sigh, mentally thanking Liam for showing up at the right time.
He runs to the door but when he looks at me, he slows down. I turn to face him and he gives me a confused look, which I mouth 'save me.'
"Liam?" Cayson asks and Liam nods as they shake their hands.
"What're you doing here man?" Liam asks and Cayson looks at me.
"My- my friend is here for her physical checkup but I got lost and ended up here," he answers and Liam nods. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh me?" He asks and looks at me with a small smile. "I'm here for this idiot, I lost her earlier but she's here so everything is fine."
Liam flashes me a smile that any girl would fall for, revealing his dimples and my brows furrow in question. His eyes dart to the right, telling me that Cayson is standing next to us.
I take a deep breath in and smile at him warmly too. Cayson's eyes linger between Liam and I. Something shimmers in his eyes but he doesn't respond.
He slowly backs away. "I'll get out of your hair, bye," he says before turning on his heel and marching to the elevator and he left.
"Where the hell were you?" Liam asks me and I sigh.
"I was thirsty, so I came out to get some water," I reply back and he nods, taking me back to my room.
"Don't leave again without notifying us first," he demands and I nod in return.
My eyes dart to the mirror again and I keep thinking about how the chemo is working and is taking my hair away with it.
My hair are the one thing I loved about myself: those long brunette curls bouncing every time I run or jump. Those late nights creating dark circles under my eyes, but my bangs would cover them sometimes.
I can't loose my hair, even if it's just a side effect. It is the worst side effect.
"Venus?" Liam's voice brings me back and I turn to face him.
"What?" I ask.
"What happened?" He asks and I shake my head. "Tell me."
He knows me too well. I sigh. "My hair."
"It's fine venus," he answers. "You'll grow new hair after your treatment."
"How are you so sure that it will work?" I ask and he smiles.
"The survival rate is pretty good, also you're young and healthy. This will definitely work," he assures me.
"The survival rate is 13 percent. How is that good?" I ask and he shakes his head.
"I'm expecting for you to be one of those 13 percent," he says and I smile.
Suddenly everyone comes in together, talking and laughing. "What happened?"
"Nothing, we just checked with the doctor and she said they are ready for your transplant," mom says and they all smile at me.
Mommy and violet quickly sit down on the couch in my room because they donated the cells and blood. They are still feeling a bit sore.
"Oh okay," I reply back.
"Transplant?" A deep voice asks and everyone turns around to face the man standing at the door.
"Fuck," I respond as I know who the voice belongs to.
"Venus, what- what's happening here?" He storms inside and I take a deep breath in.
"Cayson?" Ian asks as shocked as I.
"What's happening? What transplant? And why are you in this room?" He shoots all these questions at me.
"We will uh- give you guys some space," mommy says and they all leave the room, giving me a squeeze on my hand and a pitiful look.
"Sit down," I pat on the space next to me on the gurney but he doesn't budge. "Cayson."
He slowly comes and sits down, his face pale as if he's seen a ghost. "What- what transplant venus? What happened? Why is your face so pale? And why is there a lot of hair on your pillow?"
"Remember when you asked what this floor was for?" I ask and he nods. "Well, it's- it's cancer ward."
He waits for me to elaborate, so I do. "I'm a- I'm a patient here."
Something dark flickers in his eyes and everything is still. He doesn't move a muscle and I just sit there, waiting for a response.
For a moment, we just stare into each other's eyes. I see something shining in his eyes and he shakes his head. "No, no no no."
I sigh and take his hand in mine. "Cayson I'm- I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. I- I thought that if you didn't know, it'll be easier for you to hate me. So, if I were to die, you wouldn't care. I'm—"
He puts his cold fingers on my lips and I stop talking. His simple touch send shivers down my spine and everything inside of me ignites.
"You don't get to make that decision for me Venus," he says, a tear rolling down his cheek. "I was so scared when I lost you three years ago. I tried hard to move on but I couldn't. I always felt somewhat empty inside that you left me."
"I'm sorry," I apologize again and he shakes his head in defeat.
"You- you can't have cancer," he says. "You possibly couldn't."
"But I do," I reply back.
He clutched onto my hand and pulls me into a hug. It takes a moment for me to process everything but when he pulls me to him so strongly, I hug him back without hesitation.
I missed him. I missed telling him everything. I missed everything. If I hadn't told him sooner, I might've lost him for good.
"You don't make decisions for me, isn't that what you told me, your life your choices?" He whispers against my ears and my hair literally stand up and I shiver at his voice. "You'll be fine venus, I won't let anything happen to you."
"I hope so Cayson, I hope so," I whisper back, never breaking the hug between us.
___
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Awwe! The misunderstandings are cleared and he knows about her cancer! I shouldn't be excited about that but I'm just happy that he found out.
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