Tuesday
December 19th, 2013
2:00 p.m.
"I swear if your mother takes that fool back!" Tyrone yelled.
"Shh, not so loud I don't want people to hear you." I said as I placed my hand over his mouth.
"I'm sorry but you tellin’ me that got me fired up, I wanna’ go to L.C. just to kick his ass.” he ranted angrily.
“Oh so now you a real man,” I joked.
“I’m serious Lay, and you need to tell Darien.” he suggested.
“No I can handle this.” I told him as I tried to mask the irritation he just struck. “Beside do you know what De’ would do to him?”
“Yeah fuck him up for touching you and his unborn baby.” Tyrone stated and then shoved a forkful of Potato salad in his mouth.
I rolled my eyes and then said, “I don’t need Darien to fight my battles did you forget who I was?” I questioned. Before he could answer I continued, “They don’t call me queen for nothing.” I bragged while reminding him of my position in the underground world.
“And are you not forgetting what James was?” Tyrone asked reminding me of James old life.
“Key word was, not anymore.” I told him.
He rolled his eyes and then said, “Whatever, you still need to tell De’, just to be on the safe side.”
“I can’t Ty.”
“Why not Layla this is something serious what if that asshole made you lose the baby then what, it’s stupid for you to keep quiet.” he scolded.
"De' doesn't even know about the baby." I confessed. “He’d not only kick James ass but my ass for not telling him and putting his child in harm’s way.”
“Why haven’t you told him Lay?” Tyrone questioned.
“Because Ty, you know what kind of life me and Darien live, this is too much, I can’t bring an innocent life into this bullshit especially now since De’ is becoming more powerful, it’s too much of a risk and I can’t take it.” I told him as I leaned back in the dining chair.
“All I hear is excuses, you two laid there and made that baby and now you mean to tell me you don’t wanna take care of it, what you thinkin’ of abortion?” he questioned. When I didn’t say anything he became upset. “Wow, this is unbelievable, in my sixteen years on this earth I never thought out of everyone, you would even consider it.” he said. “You said it yourself that day in sixth grade before you went out there, that you were against abortion.” he reminded me. “I remember my best friend telling me that she always wanted kids, what happened to that?”
“I do.” I answered.
“Okay well now’s your chance.” he told me.
“Shit’s not that easy Tyrone, what will people think, what will people say, my mother already flipped out on me, this is not suppose to happen to me, I’m suppose to graduate, go to college, and be something.”
“And you still can Layla.” he said. “Who gives a fuck about what people think, who gives a fuck what they will say, and of course your mother was, she’s your mother it was just a shock, shit my dad might even flip out on you.” he told me as his index finger moved about in the air. “This is not the Layla I know,” he said as he shook his head with every word. “the Layla I know would be happy and find a way to make this work.”
“I guess I’m just scared of what Darien’s gonna say.” I confided.
“If he knows what’s good for him he better wait on you hand and foot.” he joked.
A few minutes after the conversation changed his dad-Uncle P walked into the dining room with us. My eyes lit up as I seen his chocolate muscular frame. “Uncle!” I screeched as my hands went around his neck. He spun me around and placed a kiss on my forehead.
“This can’t be my baby girl all grown up?” he asked excitedly.
“Uncle P I’ve missed you!” I yelled excitedly as I gave him another hug.
“Wow look at you cupcake, you’ve gotten so big and so gorgeous, god I’ve missed you.” I didn’t say anything as he complemented me. “So how you been?”
With a delayed response I answered, “I’m fine.”
“That’s a lie.” he said as he sat down at the dining table.”What’s going on?” he asked in a concerning tone.
Here was my chance to ask what had really went down back then and why my life is currently falling apart. I gave Tyrone a look and he understood. “Dad I’ma bounce and give you two some alone time.” Tyrone stated as he patted his dad shoulder and exited the room.
Building up the courage I said, “I found something out today.”
“What did you find out baby girl?” he questioned. When I didn’t respond he became anxious and nervous. “You’re scaring me cupcake, Look at me.” he said as he gently lifted my chin. Looking me in the eyes he demanded. “Tell me what’s wrong, right now.” Taking a deep breath I did as he said and began to tell him everything that’s been going on-including what had happened just a couple hours before. As I told him everything I could see a mixture between hurt and anger in his eyes. When I was done he went on a tirade. “That lying bastard I knew he and that bitch Indi had something to do with it!”
Indi, who is Indi? "Who's Indi uncle?" I asked in a confound tone.
He ceased his ranting as he raised one hand to his forehead and the other landed on his hip. He threw his head back as he blew his breath in an attempt to calm his anger. In an unflustered voice he said, “Fuck I wasn’t suppose to say shit.”
“Say what Uncle?” I asked.
As he took a moment to try and find the right words to say I was becoming angry. Finding the words I listened as he said, “You’re sixteen now and I’m quite sure there’s a lot of shit you don’t know, do you?”
“Right,” I answered.
“Well lemme’ give you a brief run down, you know what me, your father, mother and James use to do, so I don’t need to get into that.” he told me. “But what I will tell you is that your father was a fly cat and had all the women on his tip- including your mother. Jeremiah saw something special in Kodeniˊ so he chose her over all of his hoes- Including Indi.” he told me.
“Who is Indi Uncle?”
“Indi was this fly beauty that every nigga in the hood was tryna tap but not wife.” he told me.
“Why not?” I questioned naively.
“Because she was a hoe baby girl.” he answered. “And that’s one thing your dad couldn’t resist.”
“Why couldn’t he resist them?” I asked.
“I don’t know only he knew, but anyway, around the time he married your mother he still had Indi on the side.” he told me. “And when your mother got pregnant with you, Indi became pregnant.”
“Wow.”
“Now don’t get me wrong cupcake, I’m not bad-mouthing your father because I love that man dearly, he was like a brotha’ from anotha’ motha’ you know, but it’s just some stuff that he did that I didn’t agree with.”
“And that is?”
“Well for starters cupcake, I don’t like how as we were rising up in the drug trade, the power your father got went to his head.”
“How did it go to his head?”
“He let it go to his head because he simply forgot the reason why we got into this game in the first place; to make money and get our families up out the ghetto.”
“Wow,” I mumbled.
“Yeah, him and James let the hoes, money and power, come between fourteen years of friendship.” he continued. “Shit went down, things got said and two nights before the day of the murder went down no one knew it was gonna’ be the last time him and James uttered a word to each other; I thought it’d be like any other time, they argue and make back up, but who would have thought he’d do that.”
“What were they arguing about?”
“Your mother.” he answered. “James loved your mother just like Jeremiah did and it killed James that he couldn’t have her.”
“Wow what else?” I asked him.
“I won’t and can’t tell you anymore the rest is up to you and your mother, I’ve already said to much.” he told me. After that it went quiet. Breaking the silence he warned, “Watch your back cupcake because you’re playing with fire.”
"What you mean Unc-?"
"Layla don't play dumb I love you you're my goddaughter and the only soul I know left of my favorite homie," he explained. "I see every bit of Jeremiah in your boyfriend and every bit of your mother in you that's what scares me. I heard about you and your boyfriend," When he said that the expression on my face matched a deer in headlights. "Yeah cupcake the block talks just like the streets do and lemme' say you and him don't have a good rep," he informed me. “You are the daughter of one of the most gruesome drug dealers in all of Chicago history, you have power and your name rings bells, use it to change, don’t get involved in this life, you’re too young, get out while you can. All I'ma say is watch your back, 'cause things is only about to get worse."
"What do you mean?" I asked him.
“I've said too much. Just know I'm here, I have to let you learn on your own." he said and with that he got up and walked away.
Later that night my mind wandered off into another plane. Everything Uncle P said made sense. I knew the words that came from his mouth weren’t a lie because he was the closest to my father and I’m his god daughter.
He’s just like your father and you’re just like your mother.
Those words kept replaying through my mind. I knew exactly what my Uncle meant and as much as I didn’t want to admit it; me and my baby daddy were direct duplicates of my parents. Just like my Uncle P said my name does ring bells; I found that out in grade school, but that’s a different story. Even though I’ve slowed down, I know there’s no way in hell Darien will. I hate to think that someday I’m going to get a call and his mother or somebody is telling me he’s gone.
I’m a really sweet girl and sometime I wish that I can be judged for me and not Jeremiah, but hey I guess that’s the curse of being a daughter to a deceased drug dealer. He’s not alive so they have to blame me….right? Don’t get me wrong I don’ did a lot of shit to earn my name and it ain’t been easy showing these boys that a sexy female like me can rock tough. I’m not regrettin’ shit; I’m just sayin’ I wish I could’ve done it differently.
It’s crazy how I’d admit this shit to me but if my baby daddy were to ask, I’d bitch up and tell him nothing.
I want Darien to stop; I need him to stop, for me and the sake of his unborn child. But I know he won’t, and that's where the line draws between me and him. I can barley live with myself after I kill a person; he on the other hand will murk a nigga and pop bottles afterward. My baby daddy is a cold hearted nigga who had no remorse for anything living.
Thinking of him made me realize that I hadn’t heard from him all day. I pulled out my phone and dialed his number when I got no answer I ended the call and cuddled up under the covers. “Figures.” I mumbled as I wrapped my arms around my belly. I closed my eyes and prayed for sleep.