“Well, that’s what you get for being a cunt to your history teacher.”
I rolled my eyes, taking a sip of my beer as I inhaled the familiar scent of cigarette smoke. I couldn’t believe Blair was actually saying that, after everything Megan did to me she was still defending her.
“Glad to know you’re on my side.”
Blair groaned, rubbing my shoulder, “Sam, you humiliated her in front of her class. Yes, she’s going to get pissed and take it out on you.”
I dropped my shoulders and realized she was right, once again. I sighed, leaning on the bar and shaking my head, “Blair, remember I have to assist her with the softball team. Our softball team, ok? They’re good, like really good, and their season is going to be long. I have to do this for several months! Show me some pity.”
Blair raised her eyebrow at my rant, “Since when do you want pity? And look, it won’t be as bad as you think. The girls you knew before have graduated already, so they’re all fresh faces. I think it’ll do you some good to hang out with Megan too. Get a little bonding time, if you know what I mean.”
The tone of her voice changed when she mentioned Megan, which obviously led me to believe she wasn’t talking about genuine girl on girl talk. I sighed, “Blair, stop thinking Megan and I are going to fuck. It’s not gonna happen.”
“But Sam, I know how you are.”
I ran my hand through my messy blonde hair, wishing she would just stop putting images of Megan and I having sex in my head. It was wrong, but God it looked pretty damn right in my mind.
I answered, “I don’t want to fuck a narcissistic bitch that analyzes my thoughts and emotions, as if she’s trying to figure me out 24/7.”
“I’m pretty sure she has something for you, Sam.”
I shrugged, “Everyone does, it’s nothing new to me.”
Blair shoved me, “Stop sounding so conceited and listen to me. You know I can read people very well. Yes, Megan annoys you with her personal questions and studies you like a puzzle, but I don’t think it’s for her personal game. I think she genuinely cares about you, but I don’t think she realizes it yet.”
I looked at Blair, partially amazed and partially annoyed, “Ok Nicholas Sparks, I think it’s time to lay off all the romance novels.”
She smiled, sipping on her drink, “I can’t, I love to read. You should try it some time.”
I laughed, “Yea no, I have better things to do than read sappy love books.”
“Like what? Drug dealing?”
“I don’t deal you idiot, I just deliver. You know that.”
Blair leaned over to me, resting her head on my shoulder, “I think you should call your boy up tonight so we can do something else rather than just sit at Jinx on a Friday night.”
I eyed her curiously, “You want to get high?”
She nodded, laughing, “I know, it’s weird, but I’m bored and you’re fucking hilarious when you’re high.”
I laughed as I sighed, “I don’t have to call him, I have some in my car.”
Blair shoved me, “Oh my God Sam, you can’t keep that shit in your car! You drive like a fucking retard!”
I smiled, “Blair, they can’t search my car unless I give them a probable reason. You worry too much.”
“No, you don’t worry enough.”
I hollered at Danna to ring up me and Blair’s tab as I smiled mischievously, “You love me though, because I’m so exciting.”
Blair rolled her eyes, smiling in the process as we paid and made our way out of the door. “You just know me so well, Sam.”
“I know, I’m the best.”
~ ~ ~ ~
The hazy air surrounded Blair and I as we continued to hot box in my car. We were in the garage, and although my inhibitions were extremely low, I had realized Shawn’s car wasn’t here, which meant he would be coming back soon.
I just didn’t know how soon.
He didn’t like me smoking weed, which was probably one of the reasons he had punished me weeks ago in the first place, but I wasn’t worrying. I felt pretty damn good, and Blair and I were having fun, so I figured I shouldn’t worry about later and focus on the now.
Blair took another drag as she passed it back to me, “Have you ever gone to bed so high that you dreamt about fucking Channing Tatum on a flying carpet? Cause I have.”
I felt laughter escape my mouth as I looked at Blair, shaking my head, “No, but I have dreamt about fucking Miley Cyrus on her tour bus. Although, my dream seems more realistic than yours.”
She laughed, “God what time is it?”
I checked my phone, barely able to read the time from the fuzzy vision, “Uh, 9:25.”
“Where do you think Shawn is?”
I shrugged, leaning back in my seat and taking another drag from the joint, “Don’t know, just pray that he isn’t on his way home.”
“We should air it out, huh?”
I nodded, “Yea, we’ve been doing this for too long. I’m starting to see two of you.”
Blair smiled, “Isn’t that a dream come true?”
I shook my head, “No, that’s more like a nightmare.”
She shoved me as we got out of my car, only to see the garage door opening as Shawn pulled in.
Blair mumbled, “Oh shit.”
I saw Shawn’s familiar curious look, and of course his passenger who always seemed to show up at the most unwanted times. Megan was with him, and I was most likely about to get chewed out again in front of her for having weed.
I then decided Megan brought me bad luck, because every time she came around something bad always happened to me.
Shawn exited his car, immediately coming to the conclusion that Blair and I were in fact high, and that he should completely ignore it. He looked at me, shaking his head as he stormed into the apartment, and I looked at Megan.
She spoke, “It smells like a hippie’s van in here.”
I smirked, “Thanks.”
“It wasn’t a compliment.”
Then she turned, walking straight into the house after Shawn, leaving Blair and I alone.
Blair spoke, “Jesus, you two just need to kiss and get it over with.”
I turned on the garage fan, blowing the smoke out of the garage as I leaned against my car, “Blair, stop. I’m not in the mood anymore.”
She walked up to me with a cute frown on her face, “She really gets under your skin.”
I smiled, shaking my head, “No she doesn’t.”
“Yes she does.”
“No she doesn’t.”
Blair raised an eyebrow, “Really Sam? I’m your best friend. I can tell when you’re lying, and I literally just watched her do it. She gets to you, in a good and bad way, just accept that.”
I shook my head in denial, “Fuck her.”
“Yes, I know you want to fuck her, that’s obvious-”
“No, I mean it. Fuck her for coming into my life and ruining it,” I hadn’t meant to cut her off but I just needed to vent. I needed to let off some steam that I had been building up for a long time now.
Blair just looked at me curiously, “You’re mad.”
I laughed, nodding, “Yes, I am, very much so. She’s forcing me to fucking spend all my free time helping her assist the fucking softball team when I should be staying away from her. She’s making me do this because she wants to make my life hell. Then on top of that I always have to see her! I can’t get the fuck away from her Blair, she’s literally everywhere. At school, at my house… I just… I hate her so much.”
Blair’s soft hand found my shoulder as she smiled, as if she knew something bad was going on inside me. I understood she knew me better than anyone, and I felt comfortable sharing this with her, because I knew she wasn’t going to judge me.
She replied, “Sam, don’t get mad at me when I tell you this, ok?”
I nodded slowly, realizing that I probably wasn’t going to want to hear what she was going to say, but maybe I needed to. I sighed, “Ok.”
I watched as Blair’s green eyes looked right into mine, as if she knew the answer to all my problems. I was scared, of course, because Blair’s wise words always seemed to be true, which is why they were so scary.
She answered, “I think you like Megan, a lot more than you think.”
What? Me like Megan? Was Blair on crack or something? She had to be fucking with me, because that was so not my problem. I just hated how she made me feel like a piece of shit, because she had a bad habit of doing that to me.
I shook my head, “Blair, that’s not it. Trust me.”
Blair shrunk in disappointment, as if she was sad for me or something. I didn’t get it, because why would she want me to admit to something like that? It was just drama, and that was something I really wanted no part of, especially with Megan.
She sighed heavily, “Okay, then what is your problem? Because every time she comes around something in you changes, and it’s weird.”
I shrugged it off, “I have no idea, but I don’t like Megan. Sure, she’s hot but, that doesn’t mean I want to be with her. She’s not my type, and besides, she’s way into Shawn anyway.”
“So you’re jealous?”
I groaned, “No goddamn it! Stop talking about this, seriously, it’s pissing me off.”
Blair sighed, “Fine. I’ll drop it and let you figure it out yourself.”
And that was that, but one thing was for sure. I did not like Megan, she was a bitch, and she was nosy, and I wanted nothing more than to stay away from her.
For my own sanity.
~ ~ ~ ~
I awoke in the middle of the night, feeling hot as I felt my skin burn under my covers. I was thirsty too, and I stood, walking to my bathroom and splashing cold water on my face. I didn’t recall a bad dream, which was good, but I still felt like shit.
I needed water.
I walked out my room, allowing the darkness of the apartment to surround me as I crept towards the kitchen. I then flicked on the living room light, only to see Megan sitting on the couch as I stumbled back into the wall, holding my chest.
I nearly screamed, “Megan, what the fuck?!”
She looked up, “Ssh, Shawn’s sleeping.”
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I shook my head, not understanding what the fuck she was doing on the couch. I sighed, “What the fuck are you doing up?”
She rolled her eyes, “I couldn’t sleep.”
I smirked as I grabbed a bottle of water out the fridge, realizing we were exchanging normal conversation. I looked at her, “What, Shawn’s snoring is too much?”
She eyed me from the couch as I stood at the counter, shaking her head, “No, just had a bad dream.”
I nodded, leaning onto the cold marble counter, “Yea, I know the feeling.”
She tilted her head, as if she was studying me again, and I felt myself grow uncomfortable under her stare. It was hard, just looking at her, because God she looked awfully hot in her T shirt and booty shorts. Her hair was down and messy, and she had the prettiest natural look I’ve ever seen on a girl.
Shawn really knew how to pick them.
My eyes were traveling up her leg when she spoke, “Are you checking me out?”
I looked at her, shaking my head and answering, “No,” even though I knew I had been caught. I just couldn’t help myself, she was just too perfect.
She stood then, making me nervous as she started walking towards me. She questioned, “Can I ask you something?”
I held up my hands, shaking my head, “No, you’re not allowed to ask me anything anymore. It always ends up with us fighting.”
She smiled, laughing a little to herself which caused me to smile. She knew I was absolutely right, but she seemed to want to ask me anyway.
She sighed, “How’d you get your scars?”
I looked at her, furrowing my brow in confusion. I didn’t get her, at all. She always seemed to ask me the most random things, things I was afraid to answer. I hated talking about it, which is why Blair and Shawn never brought it up, but not Megan.
She was fucking relentless.
I touched the back of my arm self-consciously, “Is that really your business?”
She stepped closer, “I just want to know.”
I backed into the counter, realizing there was no where I could go now, and I would eventually have to answer. I sighed, “Megan, I told you, my mom… I had abusive parents.”
She took another step closer, bringing her hand up to my arm then, “I just… I don’t know why I want to know so badly. I guess I just want to know you, Sam.”
I felt something inside my heart quiver as I heard those words, but there was something in me that didn’t want to believe it. I had my guard up with Megan, which was something I knew not to let down, especially in this time.
I sighed, “Why?”
“Because, you’re Shawn’s little sister and I want to be okay with you. I also find you quite interesting… you know, with the whole ‘bad-girl’ attitude you have going on. I want to know why you’re so… resistant.”
I smirked then, only focusing on one part of her response, “You find me… interesting?”
She rolled her eyes, “Don’t get a big head, I’m just curious.”
I couldn’t’ help myself anymore, and I sighed, “Are you trying to tell me you want to experiment again? Because you’re just… curious?”
She shoved me lightly, laughing, “No you idiot,” then she leaned on her side, looking right into my eyes, which caused me to shift my weight. She continued, “You look a lot like Shawn, it’s scary.”
I shrugged, “We do share the same parents, that tends to happen you know.”
She looked at me with a annoyed look written on her face, which only caused me to smile harder. I loved getting under her skin, I don’t know why, but all I knew is that I loved it. I loved knowing I wasn’t the only one being pissed off and annoyed, and I was happy I knew I could do the exact same thing to her.
“You never answered my question.”
I took a deep breath, not understanding why she wanted to know so badly, like her life depended on it or something. I knew she was curious, a lot of people were, but she was the only girl to ever ask me how I had gotten my scars. She was the only one that cared enough to ask about the pain behind them.
This realization freaked me out, but it also flattered me.
I stuttered as I began to speak, “I-It’s uh, it’s hard to talk about.”
She smiled, “I know, but it feels a lot better to talk about it than to bottle it up inside.”
I frowned, “Who are you? Doctor Phil?”
She shoved me again, smiling in the process, “It’s okay, I’m not going to run away screaming.”
In this weird moment I was having with Megan I felt connected, and I felt safe. I wasn’t scared to tell her anymore because she already knew I had been abused, and she was still standing here waiting for an answer. I didn’t understand why I was hesitant to let her know the truth, but I figured it was because I hadn’t ever really told anyone besides Blair and Shawn.
Megan was someone I barely knew, although, I felt awfully close to her in this moment. She wanted to understand me, and I knew telling her how I got the scars on my back wouldn’t help her much, so I figured what the hell.
I shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal, “My mom shoved me into a glass coffee table.”
Megan’s blue eyes never left mine, I just watched as the truth hit her and struck a nerve somewhere inside her. She sighed, “Holy shit.”
I nodded, “Yea, I know. We were fighting, again, because she wanted me to go on a date with some trailer-trash guy and I gave her the whole ‘I’m gay and I like pussy’ answer. She didn’t like it, and then I threw her and my father’s relationship to her face.”
I could see something within Megan’s look change, but I didn’t know if it was good or bad. It worried me because I obviously didn’t want to scare her off, but I knew it had to be hard to hear things like this.
She spoke, “Is that why…?”
“Yea, I moved in with Shawn after that. I threatened my mom to let me leave before I was eighteen or I would turn her in for child abuse, and she hasn’t called me since.”
She studied me further, “Why do you say it like it’s not a big deal?”
Why did I do that? Was it personal? Was it because it in fact wasn’t a big deal anymore? It was a good question, so I answered the best I could, “Because usually when I tell people in a tone that sounds indifferent they won’t take it as hard, and it’ll be easier for them.”
Then Megan touched my arm, running her fingers over the rough skin that held so many bad memories. She shook her head, “Sam… I’m so sorry.”
I looked at her with an odd look on her face, “Sorry? You already knew?”
She shrugged, “I didn’t know it was like that.”
I smiled forcefully, knowing this was hard for her, “Megan, it’s ok.”
She looked up into my eyes, and for some reason I felt this weird force inside me attempt to pull me into her. Like gravity wasn’t trying to hold me to the earth rather than trying to bring me closer to Megan.
She caught what was happening between us then as she stepped away, shaking her head, “It’s hard to believe you’re my student.”
I smiled, “Don’t think about that.”
She inhaled a deep breath before glancing back at Shawn’s room, where the door still remained shut. She spoke, “Guess I should try to sleep.”
Then when she tried to walk away my instincts took over and I quickly grabbed her hand, pulling her back. I questioned, “Wait, I still get to ask you a question.”
I felt a weird feeling rise in my body at the skin contact, and I watched as Megan’s eyes looked down at our joined hands and then back up to me. She smiled, “Of course you do.”
I shrugged, smiling, “You know it’s only fair.”
She waved her hand as she leaned on the counter, still smiling, “Ask away.”
And so I did, “Are you into my brother? Like, you know, do you like him and shit?”
Suddenly I wanted the answer to be a flat out ‘no’, even though I didn’t quite understand why. I felt like if she said yes, something inside me was going to hurt, but I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know why I wanted her to be uninterested in Shawn, but it was all I knew, and that’s all I had to go on for now.
She studied me, and I mean she really studied me, and somewhere in her eyes I could see confusion. Those amazing blue eyes that seemed to make the world stop whenever you looked into them long enough.
Oh God, I sounded like a prissy, emotional girl.
She shrugged, “I think I do, but it’s complicated. I’m complicated, I mean. It’s hard to explain but, your brother has been there for me through some rough times. He’s kind of like my best friend, so the whole ‘maybe we could somehow be more than friends’ thing is kind of new.”
I somehow found no comfort in her answer, but was instead left a little confused. What she mean it was complicated? And that she was complicated?
I smiled, “So, you’re really not in a relationship?”
She shook her head, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I mean, we both want one but, we’re still trying to figure out if we like each other enough to take that step.”
I raised my brow in confusion, not understanding a thing she just said to me. I shook my head, “That’s… confusing. This is why I don’t get relationship deals. It’s too complicated.”
She shrugged, turning to leave, “Love’s a complicated thing, Sam,” and then she began walking away. Then suddenly she turned back around, speaking one last thing before disappearing into Shawn’s room.
“Oh, and by the way, you still owe me a question.”