I am here again.
This place, I am sure that I've seen it before. Inside a dream, the one where the Supreme Druid made me choose which one to enter between two different doors.
Speaking of doors, I looked around and attempted to find them admist of the darkness.
They got to be here somewhere. I thought.
Not too long after, I finally saw them. But a pang of disappointed surged within me when I noticed that the doors are closed.
Still I walked over, aiming to take a better look myself. I was about turn the knob of the door at the right when all of a sudden, I heared a powerful voice echoed within the whole place.
"Kamusta ka na?"
I turned around. As expected she was there, that old lady or rather, the Supreme Druid. And as ever, she looks exactly the same. I mean with her clothes and everything.
And apparently, we meet again.
"Ikinagagalak ko ang muli nating pagkikita hija." She said, a small smile hovering her crinkled face.
"Ay hello po......ma'am." I responded hesitantly. Up until now, I'm still not sure how to address her properly.
The woman laughed, clearly amused by my reply.
"It's ok, you can call me whatever you want hija. Kung saan ka komportable; Ma'am, Lola, Manang, Kuya, Guardian, Keeper....." She halted for a second, ".....or Supreme Druid. Kahit ano walang kaso sa akin." Then she shrugged, finishing her sentence.
I swallowed nervously. The woman pretty much confirm her identity with that statement right?
All this time, I merely considered the term Supreme Druid as a product of intensive research and my desperate desire to unfold the mystery of this unlikely predicament. But in actuality, I haven't had any chance to confirm the existence of that mysterious being, one way or another, for that matter.
Until this very moment.
Now, I am definitely sure. She is indeed a Supreme Druid- the guardian of fate and keeper of the gates.
"So you're real." I breathed in awe, more to myself.
The Supreme Druid just smiled in return.
I waited for her to speak again, kind of expecting that she'll start explaining why she created such a fiasco in my life out of nowhere. But when several moments already passed and still she remained silent, I got impatient. So I decided to just ask her myself instead.
"Ahmnn can I ask you a question? Why did you do it? And why me?" I fired consecutively, pertaining to the sudden twisting that she did on my fate.
I know that I am not being elaborate but I'm sure she got it anyways. On the side note, I was actually surprised at myself for being this calm up until this moment. Before, I swore that if ever this encounter came, when I finally got the chance to confront whoever send me to that situation, I would screamed the hell out and leashed all the anger and frustration that I had to bear while enduring the fate he/she had thrown at me. But now I just can't seem to do it.
Maybe because, despite all the pain that I suffered going into that realm, the happiness that I experienced in exchange pretty much made all the ugly parts worth it in the end.
Yes. And from the bottom of my heart, I can say that it's the truth.
"All I can say is that everything that happened is supposed to happen. Let's just leave it to that hija..." She paused for a second and then added "...for now."
I exhaled to that, utterly disappointed. Nevertheless I agreed anyway. "Ok."
As much as I want to, I didn't dare argue anymore because I know that I couldn't win anyway. And besides, I have a feeling that we will going to meet again someday, somehow at some place like she said. And when that time comes, I guess I can get all the answers that I want from her then.
So, I just proceeded to another important question next. "Why am I here again? Did you summon me?"
Do I actually need to choose one of those doors again? She better give me a clear answer to this. Ay teka...sandali baka may timer na naman ah! Jusmiyo!.
My thoughts are surely frantic.
I was still in the middle of that private rant when all of a sudden, I heared the woman chuckled.
"Don't worry hija, I don't have a timer today." Then she muttered in between those laughs.
How on earth?! Wide eyed, I internally exclaimed.
Wait...can she actually read my thoughts?
Sheeet!
Now I should really have to be careful of what to think while I'm here.
I scratched my head, slightly embarassed. "Ahh...ok po..hehe..."
"Relax. It's ok. You can't think whatever you want to. I won't judge." She assured.
I eyed her suspiciously.
I doubt it. Of course.
But she just smiled at me again, albeit hearing those resentful thoughts.
"Hija loosen up. As I said I'm not here to judge your thoughts, neither to make you choose from one of those doors. After all, you already did that thing the last time you are here." She explained.
Huh? My foreheard creased for a moment back there before the memory clicked on me.
Right. I did jump into one of those doors the last time I was here. But I can hardly remember which one I entered anymore because well, I already woke up before I had a chance to see it.
So anyway, if that's the case, the situation brings us to my initial question then.
"Eh kung ganun naman po pala, bakit nga po ako, tayo nandito ngayon?" I raised my eyebrows for emphasis.
"You don't remember what happened to you before you come here right?" She confirmed.
Yes. A confirmation. She sure sounded like she's confirming an existing fact rather than asking me a question with that tone.
"What do you mean by that?" I retorted, getting more and more confused now.
Again that reply of a smile. "Nothing. Don't bother yourself about it. You'll eventually remember later anyway."
Argh! Again with that mysterious response.
Did she actually properly answer even one of my questions since the start of this conversation?
"So ano nga po'ng ginagawa natin dito ngayon?"
I don't want to sound rude but my impatience is starting to get over me. Nothing is making sense so far. Still.
The Supreme Druid sighed at my demeanor then finally muttered. "I'm here to show you the way back hija. Ihahatid lang kita"
"Po?" I exlaimed, surprised by what I heared.
I was about to dig in deeper to that when I noticed something glowed behind my back. I quickly turned around to see what it was. My eyes widened. the instant I realized what it is though.
It's the doors. Those two doors are glowing immensely now.
"What's happening?" I mused, more to myself.
I haven't been able to fixate myself at the fact that those doors are freaking glowing when all of a sudden, they started to slowly fade a way now.
What the heck?!
"Ma'am yung mga pinto po naglalaho!" I burst frantically, addressing the Supreme Druid.
But the latter just waved her hand dismissively. "Oh hayaan mo lang sila hija."
"What? But aren't I supposed to enter one of those doors to leave this place?"
Well that's what I understood from my previous experience.
"Hmmn yes. Basically, but haven't you heared this old adage child?; 'when one door closes, another one opens." She muttered fatalistically.
On that exact moment, a very bright light flashed afront. Then my eyes once again widened as I saw one door, magically appeared out of nowhere, this time behind the Supreme Druid's back.
"See?" She mused with a grin then walked straight towards that new door and opened it nonchalantly.
"Halika na, hinihintay ka na nila." She told me. Then laid her hand, mustering me to enter.
I wanted to ask whom she is talking about though. I mean those people who are supposed to be waiting for me but I held my tounge. Instead, I did what she told me to do because well.....I can't exactly describe it but somehow, some kind of gravitational force is pulling me towards that door already. And I can't fight against it.
I was already halfway through when the Supreme Druid took my hand and beckoned me to come forth. She only released her hold when we are already standing at the door's very front.
"So I guess this is a good bye dearie. At least for now." She said
I looked at her. "When will I see you again?"
"You will know when the time comes. But first, before you leave let me tell you one more thing."
I cocked my head to the side, waiting for what she's about to unveil now.
"You know this is actually your third time in this place, not second."
"What?!" I exclaimed, absolutedly surprised. "That's impossible."
I am pretty sure that I've only been to this place, the first and only time, during that dream, when she made me chose between those doors. So I have absolutely no idea what's she's saying now.
"Believe it or not I am telling you the truth. You've been here, even before that. It's just that you don't remember anymore..well because I made sure that you don't. Just like how you wouldn't remember this meeting after."
Huh? The hell is this creature talking about?
For the record I am very certain that it is only my second time coming here now. But what is this nagging feeling inside that's somehow tells me that what she's saying is actually right?
I am literally about to go nuts here.
"Then why? I mean..ano pong ginawa ko dito noon? Kung totoo man po yung sinasabi niyo." Suddenly, I feel nervous asking.
Then in my head, suddenly came is a retaliation against my own statement.
Well geez, of course Maymay she's telling the truth! She is the freaking Supreme Druid after all!
Indeed she is. And for that, twisting people's tiny little fates in between her fingers is just a piece of cake.
I shook my head. I am literally contradicting my own thoughts now.
That's it. It's official. I am really gone crazy. Legit.
I was suddenly lifted from that current train of thoughts when the Supreme Druid spoke again, answering my previous question.
"The same reason as to why you are here now dear. Back then, I just showed you the way to the other side as well."
"It....it doesn't any make sense." I breathed truthfully.
The Druid just smiled at me in response.
"I know it doesn't. But just like what I said earlier, don't worry about it. Everything will make sense when the right time comes. Just trust me."
I gaped.
Trust you? Now? Seriously? I was mentally sarcastic.
Shit! She can actually read my mind can't she? I totally forgot.
With that I mused, "Sorry." I admit I am lacking some sincerity in there though.
She laughed nevertheless. "It's ok. I'm used to it."
I sighed. I don't know what to say anymore.
"Let's go. It's time already." After a while, she said and again, beckoned me towards the door.
I just nodded, feeling too tired for anything at that point.
After, I proceeded to enter.
"Paalam hija. Hanggang sa muli nating pagkikita." The Supreme Druid bid her farewell.
I stepped into the other side and the moment I did, everything behind me drastically crumble. Then a very bright white light suddenly appeared, consuming everything, as well as blinding me into oblivion.
~~~●●●~~~
I opened my eyes. For a moment my vision got blurry, so I blinked several times to got used to my sight. It seemed like I haven't been awake for a very long time for my eyes to have such initial response against the light.
Moments passed when I finally adjusted, I immediately tried to surveyed my sorroundings. But before I could even get a hang of it, I was distracted by a loud shrieking that suddenly echoed the whole place.
Even without looking, I can recognized who it was though. That voice belongs to my mother's, that's why.
"Anak! Gising ka na, anak ko! Diyos ko po salamat! Salamat po!"
She stood up. I was able to effortlessly see her face now because she started hovering all over me all of a sudden.
"Ma....." I tried to utter but my throat feels very dry, that the sound barely came out from my mouth. I made an effort to get up as well but it seemed like my body couldn't pull enough strength.
What happened and where am I? I asked myself.
I was about to continue my postponed survey but then again, I was stopped by that sudden forceful opening of the door this time around.
"Tita anong nangyayari bakit ka sumisigaw? May nangyari ba kay Ate Ma......ATE MAY!"
Judging from that shouting, it was definitely Kisses.
Noow, there are two people panickly hovering over me.
"Ate May oh my gosh buti na lang nagising ka na! Ok ka lang ba? Natatandaan mo ba kung sino ako? Hindi ka naman nagka-amnesia noh?"
Other times Kisses' rant would totally make me roll in laughter but not today. Her genuinely worried expression is telling me that that wouldn't be appropriate in this case.
And so, even though I was still completely clueless of what's happening, I forced myself to construe a proper reply.
"Yeah oo naman, Kirsten Danielle Delavin, my dearest best friend."
Kisses' face lit up with relief upon hearing that.
"Buti naman anak ko ok ka na. Diyos ko salamat at dininig Niya ang panalangin ko....naming lahat." My mother again.
Just what exactly did happen to me for them to be worried that much? I wonder.
For the nth time, I tried to look around. Finally, I was able to fulfill the deed this time and scrutinize the place with all my might.
It didn't take me much time to confirm where are.
Considering the smell of the air, the apparatus around and the kind of bed I am currently laying on, we are definitely in a hospital. Probably in a private room because I was the only patient here, plus the presence of the TV and refrigirator inside.
Ok. Now that I have established that fact, the next question is why the heck am i here as a patient in the first place....
Just like that, my whole body jolted as memories from that incident resurfaced in my mind.
Kuya Jimboy's motorbike, the rose, the Supreme Druid.
And dread automatically befall on me as the thought of one particular name came.
Edward.
For the next couple of seconds I was in total shock. Then later, it seemed like adrenaline started pushing through my system for I couldn't feel the loss of that energy anymore, all of a sudden.
In my mind, only one aim is certain now.
I need to know what happened to Edward.
Once again I tried to get up, and this time I succeeded.
Then, I quickly turned to Kisses.
"Kisses anong nangyari kay......." My plan to ask about Edward's current whereabouts halted when suddenly, I noticed something strange in Kisses' appearance.
Kisses, she looks older now. Not the 17 year old girl anymore, that I recently had a photoshoot with, specifically two days ago.
I can feel my hearbeat increased as my suspicion arouse.
Did I just....?
"Anak bakit? Anong problema?" My head instinctively snapped to the side when I heared my mother worriedly asked.
I almost stopped breathing when I started noticing as well. My mother, the way she looks is different too. Those wrinkles on her eyes and lips are very much noticeable now in match of that weariness that's written all over her face.
With that I realized with more dread.....
I am definitely back. Back to my 34 year old self, back to my original world now.
A world where Edward doesn't exists anymore.
"No!" I shriek. Uncontrollable tears fall down from my eyes.
Why? Why? Why?
"MAYMAY!"
"ATE MAY!"
My mother and Kisses screamed worriedly at the same time in reaction to my sudden outburst.
But I couldn't care less. My whole body is shaking as immeasurable grief started to consume me, devouring me from inside.
Why? Why me? Why did you do this? What's the point of being back then? Of seeing him again? Why?
I continued to sob hysterically. I can't stop even if for a moment wanted to, just for the sake of my mother's and Kisses' sanity, I just can't. My own body is already beyond my control.
Then suddenly everything just started to tone down.
"Ate May bakit? Anong nagyayari sa'yo?" I can only barely hear Kisses' voice anymore.
"Pakitawag ang doktor or nurse Kisses, dali!" The same with my mother's.
I am not sure how long it is before I saw the arrival of two people in white, whom I presume are the nurse and the doctor.
Inside the room, they all started to talk. They all did but I cannot undertstand anything. I can only barely hear a thing for that matter.
And then all of a sudden, I felt drowsy and tired. Like my energy is being continuouly sucked out of my body. Then slowly afterwards, I stopped crying. When I finally calmed down, that's when I understood what's happening.
"Pasensya na we sorted to this. Makakasama kasi ang stress sa pasyente sa ngayon. Don't worry she'll wake up in a few hours. I assure you."
They sedated me.
With that, I felt the heavy weight on my lids, that I can't help but just close my eyes completely.
"Edward." I whispered painfully one last time before falling into unconsiousness.
~~~●●●~~~
"Ate May..kain na oh! Sige na kahit isa lang...please." Kisses begged. Her hands are currently suspended midair while holding a spoonful of soup that's supposed to be my meal.
I shook my head for the nth time then swivel my head away.
"Ate May naman eh. Halos mag-iisang linggo kang walang malay at swero lang ang nutrisyon. Paano ka gagaling niyan? Kailangan mong kumain para bumalik ang lakas mo at maka-recover ka na ng tuluyan."
Recover? What for? Right now I can't even think of any motivation for that, nor did I even bother thinking in the first place.
As I said, what for?
What's actually funny admist all of these is the fact that this exact same scenario is nothing but a repeat of what already happened 13 years ago. When I lost Edward.
And now I lost him again.
Remembering that only brought my stupid tears back. I immediately brusquely brushed them off away though. I don't want to cry in front of anyone else anymore.
"Wala akong ganang kumain Kisses." I told Kisses.
"Ate May." Kisses muttered, sounding almost resigned now.
Good. I thought in satisfaction. One more push and she'll eventually give up for sure.
And so I pulled up my sheet cover and laid down.
"Inaantok na ako. Pwede iwan mo muna ako?" I said.
"Ehhh pero Ate May kagigising mo lang e. Saka di mo pa nga nababawasan 'tong soup na nilu....."
With that, I finally snapped.
"Kisses can't you understand? Ayoko nga! Just leave me alone." I shouted.
I saw hurt immediately contorted her face at what I said and it automatically made me feel guilty as hell. Still, I didn't dare say anything to apologize and just turned my back on her again.
I am sure that I couldn't be able to console someone while I am feeling like shit at the moment myself.
Kisses didn't say anything to match my mood anymore. Instead she with a resigned tone she mused. "Ok. Sige balik na lang ako mamaya."
Finally she gave up already. I thought in relief.
"May gusto ka bang kainin lulutuin ko para sa'yo?" She asked.
I didn't bother to answer. This time it was her turn to sigh
"Sige Ate May una na ako. Later." She muttered lastly. Then I heared the movement of the chair against the floor indicating that she stood up already.
Moments later, I finally heared the door opened. At first, I was convinced that it was Kisses leaving but then all of a sudden, I heared another voice started speaking.
"How is Maymay? Is she awake?"
Under the sheets, my eyes snapped open. I could feel my palms started to sweat as nervousness hit my chest.
That voice, it is achingly familiar.
Am I hallucinating now?
I pinched myself
Ouch! I almost blurted that aloud.
"Oh! Buti naman dumating ka na." Kisses replied. The relief that flooded her voice upon seeing the arrival of that person is surely noticeable.
"Yeah. I just came from Dad's. I went straight here." The other person replied.
"Oh kamusta nga pala si Tito?" It was Kisses.
"He's ok. Just fatigue. The doctor said he doesn't need to be hospitalized. Just three straight days of house arrest and he'll be fine." He jokingly explained.
I felt the pain from that pinch so it means that I am definitely not hallucinating. Besides I can still hear it. Loud and clear. I can't be mistaken.
"Oh buti naman. That leaves us with only one problem then." Kisses again.
"Why? What's wrong with her?" That person asked.
My heartbeat became fast. That voice, I can easily recognized that from a far. Even if admist of many different buzz.
Because it is a voice that I could never ever forget, not even in a thousand years.
With that, I decided to finally get up. Unsure what to expect, I faced them and let my eyes unfold the reason behind this nagging feeling in my heart.
As soon as they noticed, the two quickly glanced at my direction in response.
And then I finally saw who the newcomer was. When I did, I literally froze as chills ran down my spine.
"Honey, you're awake." Said he then smiled. A loving and somewhat tired expression dawned on his face as well on that instant.
The man started walking towards me and reached out. He kissed me softly on the forehead first then leveled his face with mine.
Meanwhile here I am, still frozen and hardly believing that I am experiencing this right now
Am I dreaming, aren't I?
"Thank God, you're alright babe. I've missed you."
Edward Barber mused then planted a soft kiss on my lips this time.