Some days drag on and other days come and go in the blink of an eye.
Today is dragging. It's only 4th hour and I feel like I've been awake for days.
It's Friday but it doesn't feel like it.
I'm in my World Issues class sitting alongside Seth. My seat use to be next to Mia but well that wasn't going to work anymore.
"You okay?" Seth whispers.
Looking over at him I nod," yeah just thinking."
"Bout Queen Bitch over there?"
Mia has assumed the role of Queen Bee now. She's ruling the school, everyone falling at her feet.
"Kind of."
"Don't think about her because the only time she thinks of you is when she's being a bitch." He says.
I nod with a sigh," yeah you're right."
"I usually am." He chuckles.
I roll my eyes and focus on my work for the rest of class.
When the bell rings we stand and gather our things. I walk with Seth over to Will's locker.
"Where's Olivia?" I ask.
I noticed her absences in first hour but I figured she'd show up by now it being 4th hour and all.
Will shakes his head," she got in trouble for skipping school yesterday, she's probably getting the lecture of the lifetime right now."
"I meant to ask about that, did you get in trouble with your moms yesterday?" Seth asks, arm slung around Will's shoulder.
I shake my head, about to speak but my answer catches in my throat at the voice that speaks up.
"Oh that's rich. You have moms Emmy?"
No no no no no. The last thing I needed out was that I have moms.
Seth holds an apologetic look on his face when I glance at him.
"Come on answer me," Mia shoves my shoulder," you have two gay moms?"
I sigh, ignoring her words.
"Back off Mia." Will defends.
Mia glares at him," shut up queer I was talking to Emerson. Now answer me fag! You never told me you had faggot parents too."
"Mia stop please." I say finally facing her.
She scoffs," I don't think so. How are you even alive right now. Fags shouldn't be allowed to have kids. Your parents love is unnatural and disgusting. Don't tell me they got married in a church."
"That'd be impossible they would've burned when they walked through the door." Kara pipes up.
My jaw clenches. I feel tears in my eyes but I'm much more angry than hurt right now.
"Mia stop." I say warningly.
"Or what you're going to cry to your faggot moms." She sneers.
At that I do the only thing I think I can. I ball my fist up tighter, pull it back, and I punch Mia right in the face.
Gasps ring through the halls as her head snaps back quickly then forward. Her mouth hangs open, hand lightly touching the area I just hit.
I'm surprised at myself," oh my god. Mia I'm-"
She punches me in the face before I can finish. Unlike when she slaps me the pain is instant, bursting over my face even though she only hit my cheek.
So I come back and punch her again. Her anger drives her forward and she tackles me. Seth and Will step back as quick as possible, getting out of the way of us.
My back slams into the ground, the force nearly knocking all the wind out of me. I look incredulously at Mia who starts to bring her fist back.
I move my head to the side causing her fist to collide with the cold hard ground before pushing her off me and trying to kick her away and get up.
A strangled frustrated scream leaves her mouth as she grabs my leg and pulls hard. My hands give out under me and my face smacks into the ground.
I roll over just as Mia gets up and runs at me. Using both feet I kick at her sending her flying back into the growing crowd.
My head starts to ache, followed by my mouth and nose. I feel a slight heat on top of my lip and I reach up only to find blood on my fingertips when I pull it away.
That moment lasts seconds as I hear Mia coming at me again. Only she doesn't make it. Hayden grabs around her waist and pulls her back just as teachers push through the crowd.
As if pulling themselves from shock, Seth and Will rush over to me.
"Are you okay?" Will asks.
"About damn time." Seth mumbles.
"What's going on here?!" The teacher shouts.
Mia speaks," that monster attacked me!" She points to me.
The teacher looks from me to her before shaking his head," principals office now!"
"Excuse me Mr. Emerson needs to get to the nurse." Will says softly, arm around my shoulder.
The teacher nods and Seth and Will take me to the nurses office. When she sees me she sighs and shakes her head, directing me to sit down.
She works quickly, cleaning up my face, and giving me an ice pack.
As we leave the nurses office Olivia runs up to us.
"What the hell Stratton I leave you alone for one day." She lightly grabs my chin, turning my face to examine it.
I sigh before joking with her," I defended myself."
She hugs me briefly before smacking the back of my head. I wince and she quickly apologies.
My name is called over the speaker and I part ways with my friends, heading to the office.
Once I get there I take a deep breath before knocking on the door.
"Emerson have a seat." Principal Hersey says gesturing to a seat next to Mia.
I nod and sit down.
"Alright ladies, what happened?"
Mia fires into her story. Blaming the entire thing on me and claiming that I randomly punched her.
Then Mr.Hersey turned to me," is that true Ms.Stratton?"
"Yes I threw the first punch." I say simply, not looking at him or Mia.
He raises a brow," is that all you have to say?"
I shrug.
With a defeated sigh he nods and picks up the phone before he starts dialing.
He calls my parents first followed by Mia's. We silently sit waiting for them to arrive, Mia sending glares my way whenever Mr.Hersey looks away.
I can't believe I let her get to me! I feel stupid for hitting her but I was not going to let her talk about my moms.
There is nothing wrong with their love. Truthfully their love is more good and pure than straight relationships that I've seen.
My fists clench at the thought of the things Mia said.
"Emerson!"
I look over at momma as she comes into the office and hugs me tightly, arms wrapping around my head. Ma walks in behind her. I see her shoulders visibly sag as she releases a sigh of relief.
"Honey are you alright?" Momma asks, cupping my cheeks to examine my face.
I nod," I'm fine momma."
She nods before glancing at Mia then to Mr.Hersey.
Ma speaks up," so what was this fight about exactly?"
Mr.Hersey explains the situation. As he's only able to relate Mia's side of things I see my moms look at me. They know somethings up.
I don't look at them though. My eyes stay focused on my converse.
Later Mia's parents arrive and Mr.Hersey repeats the same words to them.
I see the look on their faces when they see my moms. It explains why Mia is homophobic, her parents obviously have an issue with homosexuals themselves.
"I'm aware that I do not have the full story but i hope you understand that the girls can't go unpunished," our parents nod," that being said I'm going to suspend the girls for two weeks."
Ma's jaw clenches. She does her best to hide the disappointment on her face but I see it and it makes me feel even more stupid.
Mia's mother gets upset," that's ridiculous! Mia obviously has done nothing wrong! If anyone is suspended it should be that delinquent who hurt my baby."
Seriously? If you knew- never mind you'd probably be proud or some twisted shit.
"That sounds fine Mr.Hersey. Thank you for your time." Ma says standing and shaking the principal's hand.
He nods affirmatively and we leave.
My moms are silent as we walk out to the car, get in, and drive home.
Part of me wants them to leave it alone, to be silently mad/disappointed. But the other part of me, I want to cry when I see their faces. They're so disappointed in me and I hate that I've made them feel this way.
We walk inside and momma points to the living room. My shoulders sag ever so slightly and I walk in and sit on the couch, eyes never leaving the fireplace.
Momma sighs and sits next to me on the couch, hands running down her legs, " Em what were you thinking getting into a fight?"
Nothing really just tired of the torment I receive everyday from people who hate gays. Completely fed up but pushed over the edge only when they mention my moms.
I shrug.
"Well you had to be thinking something if you got into a fight. What happened?"
"Nothing momma."
I see the crease between her brows form as she frowns. She's getting mad.
Another sigh falls from her lips," you know your mom and I love you Em and you don't get in trouble often but you started missing days, staying home, and now fighting? This is serious so I need answers." Her frustration shows at the end as her voice raises.
It's not quite a yell but close enough to shake me. She's never raised her voice, not even at Ma.
I stay silent.
Ma speaks," Emerson answer your mother," her arms are crossed over her chest, her voice monotone, coming off bored but equally as frustrated.
"You don't want to know. And I don't want to tell." I say simply.
Shaking her head momma says," you're wrong. If I didn't want to know then I wouldn't have asked. Explain."
I stay silent.
I can't. Telling them what's been happening is going to open up a whole other can of worms. It'll need explanation upon explanation.
"Dammit Emerson we need answers now and I think we deserve them!" Momma says her frustration getting the best of her.
"You know what the problem is? I don't feel like a girl half the time! I don't feel like your little princess Emmy! Half the time I wish I had a girlfriend. I wish I was more masculine. Sex change hasn't crossed my mind but I just don't like who I am."
Momma just stares at me, soaking in my words, speechless for a moment," and the other half?"
"I feel like Emmy. I liked when Hayden held me and kissed me. I like shopping for skirts and heels. I feel like a princess. Heels, hand bags, and nail polish is cute."
She nods and her head turns to the doorway where ma stands.
"Em that's okay, you know," she steps in and sits next to me," your mother and I would never judge you for who you want to be."
My eyes well with tears," you might not. But others will, and they do."
"Who? What happened?" Ma asks.
"They all hate me. Everyone. Mia and Payton threw a party for my birthday and when I was there I ran into a girl who I've interacted with before and all these secrets just started coming out."
A frown plays on both of their faces," what secrets?"
So I confess, I come clean about it all. I spill my guts about the parties, the girls, all my feelings. And as I tell them about my recent tormenting, Ma clenches her fist.
"They hate me and that's why I fought. I'm so sick of them messing with me," my fists clench at the memory of their words," there was no issue when they tormented me but then they called you guys fags and said that your marriage shouldn't be allowed."
Momma's expression is written across all her features: shock. Ma however is hiding every emotion.
She reaches out and takes my hand, eyes locking with mine," you listen to me Emerson fuck them. People can be so cruel. They don't understand us and so they take their ignorance and form it into hatred."
It almost sounds like a talk the younger me would've heard, simple and easy to understand.
"Emerson you are finding yourself and we understand that. We just wish you would've come to us about this earlier, before things got out of hand." Momma joins in, a hand on my shoulder.
I shake my head," I couldn't. I've been hiding so much from you guys for so long. Telling you one thing would've lead to everything else and I just," a lump forms in my throat and I put my head in my hands.
Neither of them say anything but I feel their arms come around me hugging me from both sides.
I'm the worst daughter. First I lie to them, then I disappoint them, then I don't give them the answer they deserve.
"Honey look at me," Ma says, I don't," please."
Swallowing I look up slowly.
"I love you princess."
And that breaks me. I don't know if it's the sincerity dripping from her words, the look in her eyes, the love that takes over every other emotion. I cry and throw myself into her arms.
She hugs me, arms tight around my body, as I cry on her shoulder. My tears soak through her shirt.
"Baby I can't lie and say I know what you're going through because I don't, things for you may be different than they were for me. However I will always be there for you through everything. The secrets, the bullies, the heartbreak, through it all. I'm your mom and their is no one on this earth who will ever love you more than I do."
Momma smacks her arm.
"Sorry, we do. If no one else accepts you, if no one else sees how amazing you are we will," she pauses," you know I knew you would be too amazing for this world. You were born earlier than expected, the world didn't have time to prepare for the amazingness that you would bring with you."
I chuckle. It's short and brief but I smile at what she says.
I know I was a preemie(prematurely born baby) and I know that there were complications with my birth. There were also a few health issues when I was much younger, asthma and I had to wear glasses until I was 16.
My moms never looked at me as if there was something wrong with me. I've always been their angel.
Sniffling I pull away from Ma," I'm sorry."
"Oh honey," Momma runs a hand over my hair.
Ma sighs," why didn't you tell the principal the truth?"
"Because, I don't know. I didn't think he'd believe me. There was proof that I beat up Mia but there was no proof that she bullied me."
She nods," I'll set up a meeting with Principal Hersey for tomorrow and we'll straighten this out."
"No!" I shout before I can stop myself.
Dammit.
Ma frowns," you don't want to fix this?"
"I do but," I look down at my hands," I just-" I sigh," I. don't. want to go back to Hersey High."
Momma releases a breathy humorless laugh," I know things are hard now but honey changing schools seems drastic."
"No momma, I can't go back there. When I said everyone hates me that was not an exaggeration. With the exception of three people I have no friends there. Everyone is homophobic and cruel and I don't want to be there."
Ma rests a hand on my shoulder," how about this. You think about this over your suspension. If you're serious about it I want you to really weigh the pros and cons and if the pros out weigh the cons you have to find another school to attend. Remember though: just because you change schools doesn't mean the torment won't follow you. Homophobia isn't just at Hersey High."
I nod," I understand."