Throughout my high school career,not once, did I have a boyfriend or even a complication with a guy. Why? Like I said way back, I made a promise and I intend to keep it.
Unfortunately, that's kind of difficult when I have knowledge that one guy likes me, and the other one; well I don't know if he actually does. But I also not know if one of them is the one. I realise that I'm in high school, and half of the world doesn't marry the person they dated in school. But I want to be the other half and wait for the right one to come my way. And how do I know if Jake or Mason is even a consideration.
A month ago, I pushed my feelings away from Mason, but now Jake is in the picture and I'm even more confused that I was yesterday when I found this information out. It's a lot to take it, I have never had two guys like me at the same time and they are both amazing friends.
Can I ever risk that for something that might not even last a year? Sure, they are both very attractive, but looks just isn't the key for me; personality is and I'm not sure that I'm ready to ruin one of our friendships for a crush. It's not how life works; at least not for me.
Now obviously, the minute I found this out, I called Jasmine. She is the one person who can calm me down and help me make decisions. She didn't help me at all though; the only thing she said was "I cannot decide who you like for yourself, follow your heart; who do you feel more comfortable with?" Which, don't why me wrong, is super wise, but I don't need wisdom right now, I need advice.
I feel so much more comfortable with Jake than Mason just because we've been friends for longer. Mason and I have been gotten super close, but he still has feelings for Cece, so how would that work? I told myself the day that I saw Mason differently, to knock it off. Ever since then, I never really considered us being a thing and I still don't.
Then there's Jake, I admit, I am drawn closer to him, but that's not because I like him. He's been there for me since that girl called me a Beyoncé wannabe, ever since then, we hit it off. And I wouldn't want it any other way.
Do I have to choose? Do I have to have the title of a girlfriend? Do I need to? Urgh, where is Jasmine's advice when I need it the most.
"Come on, we are going to miss the sunrise," my father stated, handing me, my now filled, water bottle.
"I'm coming," I replied, tying my shoelaces and racing him down the stairs.
Every Saturday morning, we head over to the hill and watch the sunrise. This way we can get closer and talk; father to daughter.
"Got to keep up with time, I'm in the running mood," he teased, starting on the trail.
"Oh trust me, I can keep up perfectly fine. It's you who I'm worried about," I replied, smirking.
"I'll keep that in mind."
"So what's been going on with you?" He asked.
"What do you mean?" I questioned, knowing exactly what he was talking about.
"I might have just arrived in your life, but my father instincts are kicking in and obviously something is bugging you," he explained.
"Father instincts?" I laughed.
"Stop dogging the question," he replied.
"Promise not a word leaves this trail."
"Since when was I the one to blab other people's secrets?"
"Okay, okay. Mason and Jak-," I started.
"Both like you?" He finished.
"How'd you know? Oh. Wait. Father instincts, right?"I teased.
"No actually, anyone can see the way they both look at you. You don't need father instincts to see that."
"Does everyone in the house know?"
"Your grandma, mom and I know. I don't know about the others," he shrugged."So let me guess. Mason told you that Jake likes you, and then he told you that he also likes you and now you're here."
"Pretty much. But I don't even know if Jake truly likes me," I replied.
"You haven't asked him?"
"I haven't seen him since I left the beach house to see Mason," I stated.
"I'm going to give you some advice."
"Oh gee, here we go," I laughed, rolling my eyes.
"Alright, alright, I won't tell you," he defended.
"No now you have to tell me."
"In my eyes, you're afraid to like someone because you're afraid to lose them. And my guess, is that you're more afraid to lose Jake than you are to lose Mason. Which means, you like Jake more that Mason because you rather lose Mason over Jake. The thing is, you don't know if you'll live the rest of your life with neither one of them and that scares you. But honey, people come and go. I had a girlfriend before I met your mother, and I thought I was going to have a happy family and married life with her. Then she moved across the country and we broke up. Couple months later, I met my future wife, your mother and in my gut, I knew she was the one all along. You need mistakes in your life to make the high points in your future visible. So if you want to date Jake, and I know you do, date him. And if Mason doesn't stick around to continue being friends; he was the mistake and Jake is the high point," he explained.
"Wow, you're really good at this father instinct crap," I laughed.
"It's a gift," he shrugged.
"But you're right. I don't want to lose either of them, but something about Jake is just... better."
"Then there's your answer. This is what you needed to convince yourself ever since you met him. Mason was just an obstacle and it doesn't mean you two need to stop being best friends, but it's time for you and Jake to become something more," he finished.
"And you're okay with me dating a guy?"
"Yes, because every father knows, that a guy/girl is going to come into their child's life and you need to let them be. You can't be the one to hold them back. If Jake makes you happy, why would I stand between you? But now if he hurts you physically or mentally, I'll go into father attack mode. But Jake is a good kid, I trust him."
"Thanks dad," I smiled.
"No problem nugget, now... race you to the top!" He screeched, getting a head start.
"Cheater!"
"Don't hate the player, hate the game," he laughed.
***
"You okay?" I asked my father as he stopped to take a breath on the way down.
"Yeah, I'm just a bit dizzy," he replied, sitting on the ground.
"Do you need water or something?"
"No I just need to rest," he replied.
Something was off. Ever since my father came back home, my mother and father have been keeping something from me. I don't know if any of the guys remember, but when Payton slapped me and Mason was starting up the car to pay a visit to her; I begged him not to, and we got out of the vehicle. But as we did, I saw my mother and father talking on the porch; it seemed pretty serious.
When my father needed to sit down, the flashback of that day came back. My father might say it's nothing, but I have a feeling he told my mother something and it's related to this incident. He never took a break during the past few times we hiked up and down the hill, so why now? Why would he keep something from me? Why doesn't he trust me? How can I figure out what's going on with him?
Wait...
His journal.