❝all she wanted was for someone to look at her
and see the person she hid so well❞
ａｔｔｉｃｕｓ
___
ＳＮＥＡＫＩＮＧ back into Cole's room is harder than I'd expected.
Willow and Markus keep me occupied all day and by evening, there are too many people wandering about the basement for me to even think of attempting it. It left me with only one option: going out after curfew.
On weekends, lights out at the Dauntley Academy is at 11pm. We aren't necessarily expected to be asleep by that time, we just aren't supposed to leave our floors after then or else...
Well, considering I've never really had the need or desire to sneak out beforehand, I'm not really sure what 'or else' is supposed to mean. I know I'll have to find out sooner or later, so I try to reason with myself that 'sooner' may as well be now.
Luckily for me, Cass chooses tonight to fall asleep long before the clock strikes midnight. With bated breath, I gently pull my covers off me and slip out the room as quietly as I can in order to not wake her up.
Just when I think the coast is clear, I hear three voices coming from the mini lounge area that divided the second year male dorms from the girls' side. Like a deer caught in headlights, I freeze and turn to hide round the corner.
"You can't keep dating all the boys in this place, Jess," one of the voices says. "There aren't that many here in the first place."
"Yeah," another voice agrees, "at this rate, you'll run out."
"I know..." a third voice, presumably 'Jess' sighs. "I just can't help it. It's all the abs. They're my weakness."
One of the other girls snorts in amusement.
My eyebrows furrow. They are having... girl talk???
Now???
Inwardly, I groan. They didn't sound like they'd be leaving anytime soon.
"What are you going to do, then?" The first girl asks her friend.
"I don't know... Grayson says he wants to get back together but I'm not so sure... But, hey, at least there's always the one in the basement. Apparently he's hot."
The mere mention of one of Cole's many monikers only heightens my desire to leave. I rack my head for alternative solutions to my dilemma as the girls continue to talk.
"According to who?" comes the reply to the previous statement. "No one's seen him, have they?"
"Liu's cousin is part of staff. He tells her stuff."
"Right..." the other girl replies disbelievingly, stretching the vowel.
Suddenly, I recall Cass talking about an emergency elevator she sometimes took to get away from the busy crowd around the main one. (In these cases, Willow is known to simply just teleport herself to wherever she wishes.) If I remembered correctly, it should be closer to me than the main one near the girls. As silently as I came, I shuffle back into the shadows and retreat to find the elevator.
"Believe what you want, Fi. Just saying what I've been told. Besides, Liu wouldn't lie."
My footsteps are noiseless against the marbled floor. I feel against the wall, hoping to stumble upon a secret lever or button or... something.
"It's just a shame she isn't one for details," the third voice sighs.
"I dunno, my imagination is pretty good." Though now slightly muffled, I catch a playful tone to her voice. "Mysterious, brooding bad boy in a basement? Sounds hot to me."
Brooding, bad boy? I have to stop myself from snorting aloud at that. The only thing Cole is is a grouch from time to time.
"Where on earth did you get 'brooding' and 'bad boy' from?" The first girl, 'Fi' seemed to have read my mind.
"Her imagination, obviously."
"Come on. You don't end up in a situation like that without being a bit of a rebel."
For a moment, I pause. Huh. I guess that's true...
Seconds later, my fingers dip into the wall. A small, abrupt, high-pitched sound cuts through the still air.
Beeeeeeep!
The elevator is opening.
"Hey— do you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
I quickly push down on the button to shut the door before they get the chance to investigate. Setting for the bottom most floor, I lean back against the cool metal walls and finally let myself relax. Everything should be more straightforward from here.
❧
It doesn't take long before I am in front of Cole's door. At night, the labs look a thousand times spookier; like something straight out of a futuristic sci-fi horror film. The usually closed off walls are replaced with a reflective, partially transparent glass that makes any passer-by instantly spottable. Fortunately, I encounter none.
I sigh in relief, tucking one hand into my pocket, in search of my keycard to Cole's room. I still. My pockets are empty. I let out a silent groan— I must have left it in the outfit I was wearing earlier that morning.
Great. I can't go back now. I just have to hope that Cole is still awake.
Pressing my head against the door, I knock as loudly I dare.
"Cole?" I whisper-shout. "Let me in!"
A clicking noise comes from the other side of the door. A thin sliver of light illuminates the otherwise deserted hallways as Cole appears in the doorway.
"Hmm." Cole raises an eyebrow. "You came."
"You aren't asleep?" I question, eyeing his disheveled hair. "I didn't wake you up, did I?"
"It's only midnight. Why would I be asleep by this time?" he replies, shooting me a quizzical look. "And besides... you said you were coming back."
"That almost sounded kind of sweet," I reply, teasingly. "May I?"
Cole rolls his eyes, but steps to the side so I can come in. He shuts the door behind him then turns to face me.
Before I can even speak, he says, "No."
"Oh come on, I didn't even ask."
"We both know what you were going to ask. And surprise, surprise—I haven't changed my mind. The answer is still no."
I huff, unwilling to back down so easily. "Name a price."
"What?" Cole's eyebrows furrow.
"Come on," I press on, "you have to have a price. Name it."
"Well money doesn't exactly have much worth here."
"I wasn't going to give you money anyway, doofus." I roll my eyes. "I meant like a favour. There must be something you want?"
Cole's eyes sweep over me. Not for the first time since we've met, I wonder what's going through his mind. His face is unreadable to me, and it's not until he speaks that I can guess the next words out of his mouth. "Nope."
I place my hands on my hips, narrowing my eyes. "You're lying."
"Maybe. Doesn't mean I'm going to help you get yourself killed."
I frown. "Is that what you think this is about? Getting myself killed?"
"Emma, powers like mine— powers in general, they aren't a cakewalk. What might look effortless to you, has been ingrained in me for years. It isn't just a physical thing, it's psychological. You get what that means, right?" Cole gives me a knowing look. "You, who chooses to talk to me over your actual certified therapist—"
"—To be perfectly honest, I'm not actually sure if he's certified in therapy—"
Cole ignores that comment. "You still won't even tell me what happened to your parents, and God knows we've covered practically every other conversation point around it."
"What do my parents have to do with you training me?"
"You're possibly the most talkative and the most repressed person I know at the same time. You can't just keep things bottled up like that, one day you're going to explode. And last I heard, a ticking time bomb is the opposite of 'control' or whatever it is you're looking for."
I let my hands fall to my side. My mouth parts slightly. I didn't know how to respond to that one. It sounded exactly like the conversations I've had in my head a thousand times, except aloud, it sounded a hundred times harsher.
Cole runs a hand through his hair, mumbling an expletive under his breath. "Emma, look, I didn't mean to upset you. It's just... to do this... before you can fully get into this, you need to know yourself. Need to know who you really are. And I'm sorry, but— I don't know how to help you with that."
I'm silent for a moment. Too silent, judging by the apprehensive look that forms on Cole's face.
"Know myself...?" I murmur. "Sounds a little ironic coming from you."
"Believe me, I know, but—"
"No, no. It's no matter," I shake my head. "I see you just need some time to think it over."
"Oh, for fu—" Cole inhales sharply. "Are you always like this?"
"Like what?"
"So... bossy? Stubborn minded? Irritatingly persistent?"
I shrug. "Honestly... no, not always. Most times, I just accept things as the way they are. I've never really been the type of person to create a big fuss over something."
"But not with me."
"Nope." I turn to Cole with a wide grin plastered on my face. "In fact, I think you bring out the worst in me."
❧
"You know," I say, "you've got an admirer."
I'm not sure how it got to this. One second, Cole and I are arguing, then a single joke is suddenly thrown in the mix and we're acting like long lost brethren, tossing well-meaning insults and snarky retorts at each other, often accompanied by a random memory I recalled from earlier on that day to one dug from years and tears ago.
"Really?" Cole replies, amused.
"Uh huh," I confirm. "She's got a thing for 'mysterious, brooding bad boys'. Of the basement type, preferably."
I find that's always the way these things with Cole go. One thing leads to another, and suddenly I realise we've been talking for hours about absolutely nothing.
"Actually," I pause. "Her friend seemed pretty interested as well. Should make that two admirers."
"Nice. Glad to know being a budding recluse with amnesia hasn't affected my love life."
"I'll see if I can get you her phone number," I joke.
"Might as well get both of them."
I snort. "Such a pig."
It is frightening how easy it is to fall back into friendship with Cole even after all these years and our current situations. I barely have to put any effort into it; around him, I feel relaxed. I don't feel the need to hide any secret alter egos— those can be part of me as well. I've never been able to open up so easily or so quickly to anyone before—not even Andrew. A part of me is terrified by that fact, but it's a small, small part that I find no difficulty in ignoring.
"I'm the pig?" Cole replies, smirking. "Fifteen minutes ago you were telling me about how you downed an entire an entire banana fudge sundae in under three minutes."
"That's not the kind of pig I meant," I retort. "Also: that was not up to fifteen minutes ago. It was only—"
My eyes flicker down to my watch, widening to the size of two large globes.
"Is that the time?!" I reply, alarmed.
Cole glances at the clock behind me. "It's past two already?" He seems equally as astonished as me.
"I should go. The time— I've been gone too long— I need to go."
"I gathered."
Cole is calm, the total contrast of me. He opens the door for me, allowing me to fly out in a frenzied state without so much as a goodbye on my part. I don't take notice of this however. I am too busy dashing up stairs and through corridors to acknowledge the fact that maybe, I could slow down. No one was likely to have noticed I was missing yet. I was just overreacting.
I reach my room panting and out of breath, trying to recall the reason behind my abrupt escape. The room isn't crawling with Morgana's agents demanding my whereabouts. In fact, the lights are still off. That means Cass is probably still asleep.
I flick on the light switch so I won't have to navigate my way in the pitch black. There is nothing to worry about... I think.
And then my eyes meet Cass's.
And then I it quickly dawns on me how much there is to worry about.
❧
The first thing I do (other than to have a mini heart attack) is to freeze. My eyes widen in shock and my mouth drops wide open. I'm at loss for words.
Meanwhile, Cass still sits crosslegged in the centre of her bed, staring back at me. She looks too awake for someone up at two in the morning.
"Where did you go?" she asks me, tilting her head sideways.
"I..." I avert my eyes. You would have thought that with all my practice I'd be a better liar. Maybe Markus was right after all. "Er, um. I..."
Cass raises an eyebrow expectantly.
That's when I notice it. The way her eyelashes clung to each other. The reddish look in her eyes. Her dampened cheeks. "Have you been crying?"
It's Cass's turn to feel flustered.
"N-no," she stammers back, pressing a palm to her cheeks. "Why would you say that?"
My gaze drops lower. "The mountain of scrunched up tissues behind you?" I suggest. Next, I notice a small rectangular object—a picture frame—in her lap. "What's that you're looking at? Wait. Is that..."
My eyes flicker back to Cass's. With just a single look, I know my suspicions are correct. It's a photograph of her and Logan with Markus and Willow.
So they really were friends once.
In the picture, they looked young—fourteen-ish probably. They wore big grins on their faces. They were happy and carefree—words I'm not sure I could really use to describe any of them now— not even Markus, despite his inability to get through an entire conversation without cracking a joke, or Logan with his lazy grins and (usually) laidback persona.
I look to Cass again.
For a moment. She is a wall. Unchanging, impassive and standing firm. Her emotions are hidden behind the expressionless mask she wears.
But then, there is a crack. The wall breaks. Cass bursts into tears.
I blink, stunned. I am unsure how to act.
But Cass's sobs increase and I know I have to do more than stand there.
Slowly, hesitantly, I go to sit at the edge of her bed, the way Aunt Victoria has done for me so many times over the years. I inch closer till I am able to put an arm around and pat her back in a way I hope she finds comforting.
"There, there..." I murmur, "I'm sure it'll be okay."
It's times like these I wish I had more girl friends growing up. Boys, especially of the Andrew variety, are never really fond of showing their true emotions. This is out of my comfort zone.
"No, it won't," Cass replies, shaking her head. "I've messed up. I've messed up so much."
"Messed up what?" I ask soothingly.
Cass suddenly stiffens. Just like that, her tears stop. She lets out a heavy sigh and pulls herself away from me.
"I suppose I have to tell you now," she says, her voice still cracked. "After yesterday... or well, the day before, you deserve to know the full story. The reason Willow and Markus hate me so much is my fault."
I give Cass a curious look but remain silent. I'm too afraid to speak in case my words cause her to change her mind.
"It started on a night like this. I... had a dream. Even now, I can still remember it so vividly, even though it's nearly been a year now. In my dream everything was burning, there was fire everywhere. Blood, destruction. But that wasn't the worst part. It was the person in my arms— they were dying. Bleeding to death in my arms, croaking out my name. And there wasn't anything I could do about it but watch them. I-I couldn't even see their face. They were calling out to me, I knew it was my fault they were dying—and yet, I couldn't even recognise them."
Cass breaks out into sobs again.
"So..." I say, finding it too difficult to understand her story. "You had a nightmare of someone close to you dying? And so you decided to cut off all your friendships?"
Cass's eyes snap back up to mine. "My dreams are rarely just nightmares. They are visions. I'm a psychic, Emma, remember? I can see the future."
Oh.
"So you think it will happen."
Cass hesitates. "I know it will. I used to have dreams like that all the time before. I used to look forward to them once. They came like clockwork. Every night at 2am, I'd get a vision. The subject changed; often, I forgot them unless I really tried. But usually, my predictions are always right.
"The difficult part was figuring out when it would happen. And I couldn't live with that. Especially after that vision. Something like that—it's always on your conscience. It was driving me crazy, not knowing when or why or who, just knowing how. I couldn't have the responsibility of someone's life thrust on me. So...I broke it off. I pushed away anyone who could possibly consider me a friend."
"...because that way, you could reduce the chances of the vision coming true," I realise. "But... what about Logan? You aren't worried about him?"
"Of course I am." Cass sighs. "Emma, the things I did to push them away were awful. I'm ashamed to even say half of them out loud, but I can't say I regret what I did. Markus and Willow were good friends— really good friends; but they couldn't handle it forever, the abuse.
"Logan... Logan was different. He saw through me. And even when I told them all why, he still refused to leave. No matter how hard I tried, he stuck by me." Despite her stained cheeks, she smiles. "He says everyone needs someone, even if it really is just one person. And I guess he's right. I don't know what I'd do without him. I know... I should break it off. But I figured... well, with only one friend, I could minimise the risk of who it could be about."
I nod slowly. "So that's why you act weirdly around me as well?" I ask. "You were so nice and bubbly on the first day we met, but then..."
Cass winces. "I'm an awful roommate, aren't I? We share a bathroom and I've never even tried to get to know you."
"It isn't all your fault. I don't have the excuse of life-threatening visions, yet I didn't even know Morgana was your mom."
"Really?" Cass looks amused. "Even with the last names and everything?"
"I've had a lot on my plate!" I object. "And...I guess I'm just generally unobservant to things like that..."
Cass lets out a quiet giggle. "I guess in a way... I'm glad. It's kind of difficult, when people find out who my mom is first, they always treat me differently. Like they expect to me to be a mini-version of her or something." Cass pauses, then looks back up to me. "Your parents used to be scientists, right?"
"I—uh. Yeah," I reply, startled that she'd known that.
"I guess most of all, you'll be able to relate," she says. "Willow, Markus...Logan, even. Their parents weren't like ours. They were never really involved; just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
"Willow lived in the complex above a lab technician working for the company—long term exposure for years. For Markus, it was tremors—huge seismic activity, it nearly brought half the town down. I don't think anyone ever found out why, only that Markus hasn't been the same since he was 12. Me? I was 8 when it started. Eight years of visions, imagine that. They still don't know how to explain them. My mother never knew what to do with me. Still doesn't..."
"What about Logan?"
"Logan... well, I'm not quite sure with Logan. Sometimes, I feel like he's always been that way. But then, I think it's because I've known him all my life. Or at least, until we moved. Now, I only see him when I'm at my grandparents."
"How do you... how d'you know so much about these things?" I ask. I've never heard any of this from Markus or Willow before. Like me, they said they weren't allowed to know the specifics—everything they do know, had to be found out in secret.
"Oh. I read their files."
My eyes widen.
"One of the many things they'll never forgive me for, hopefully."
"Logan forgave you," I remind her.
"Logan's never been one to hold grudges." She sighs. "Loyal to a fault. Not that the others weren't— it's just...well, it becomes increasingly difficult to maintain when someone you consider a friend keeps on treating you like an enemy."
I nod slowly.
"And what if it doesn't come true?" I ask.
"What?"
"Your vision."
Cass shrugs tiredly. It's the one question she was unwilling to address.
"If you asked me four months ago, I would have said 'It's a precaution I'm willing to take'. But now, after everything... after what happened on Friday... I don't know."
A pensive look draws on Cass's face. She turns to me with a questioning look. "Is it worth it, d'you think? Sometimes, I feel like I'm just prolonging the inevitable—or making it worse, even." Cass drags a hand down her face. "I just feel so tired of it all..."
"And yet," I reply, edging closer to Cass again, "every night you still stay up for an hour at two am, trying to avoid the visions from coming back."
Cass sighs. "Yep."
Cass stares blankly into the space behind me, her mind obviously elsewhere.
"An hour less sleep everyday beats the visions any day," she decides.
Not wanting us to fall into another silence, I respond, "Kinda creepy, don't you think?" My lips curls upwards as a frown etches on Cass's face. "You, watching me in my sleep?"
"Actually, I'm usually either reading or watching a movie," she's quick to inform me.
"It was a joke," I tell her.
"Ah." She nods slowly.
We are quiet again. It seems Cass is finally tired of talking because she makes no attempt to continue the dialogue. I check my watch.
"You've still got thirty-eight minutes till three," I say.
"Yes," she replies, "I realise that."
Another thought occurs to me. I abandon Cass's bed for a moment to retrieve a box from underneath mine. She eyes me quizzically as I drop it on top of her bed then without a word, I go back to sit beside her.
Eventually however, I do speak up.
"My aunt...taught me this card game that we used to play whenever I got lonely at night and wanted her to stay awake with me. I think you'd like it."
Cass ponders over this for a minute, raising my own anxiety; what if she rejected the idea? Luckily, I do not have to find out— she replies a moment later, "How do you play?"
A lopsided grin forms on my face. "Now, that's the complicated part."
I pull out a handmade rulebook from the box, watching Cass's eyes widen in alarm as I begin to narrate the rules of the game.
It is who-knows-how-long past 2am, yet we act like the night would last forever. I've spent my night sneaking off to meet my amnesiac childhood best friend. Cass has spent half of hers mourning friends who aren't dead yet.
We are an unlikely pair, but sat there on her bed in the middle of the night—playing a card game of all things... differences don't matter. Backstories are forgotten. Worries are trivialities that can wait till the sun rises.
So in a way, maybe the night did last forever.
Because for a short while during those early hours of the morning, not even time mattered.
:: 💫 ::
First of all: sorry for the delay... was having a bit of writer's block, and I have to admit, I'm still discontented with this chapter. It rambles on for far too long yet I have no idea how or what to cut down because quite a lot of it has relevance to future chapters anyway. It'll just have to be a problem for post-writing editing, I suppose.
Vote and/or leave a comment if you've liked this chapter (or at least didn't die of boredom halfway through like I did trying to edit this)
More updates coming one day... :)
♕ Carmen ♕