Liz was playing outside in the front yard at the apartments where her family lived. She was playing a game of Tag with her sister Kim, her best friend Toni and a group of other friends who also lived in the apartment complex. There was always a large group of kids running around playing, it wasn't hard for her to find a playmate. She always preferred to play with her best friend Toni when she was around. Toni's parents had gotten divorced, so Toni spent a good amount of time visiting her Dad and his new family. When Toni was around, they were inseparable.
Mrs. Murray walked over, and hid on the side of the building watching Toni, Liz, Kim and all the other kids play tag. After a few minutes, she rounded the corner, smiling, and both Toni and Liz ran up and gave her a hug.
"Hi Mom!"
"Hi Mrs. Murray"
"Hello Toni, Liz. I was watching you play tag, looks like fun. I was thinking of taking Toni to the zoo today. You interested in going with us, Liz?"
"Sure, sounds fun. I gotta ask my parents."
"You guys go play, I'll talk to them." While the girls ran off to play tag, Mrs. Murray went to talk with her parents.
"Hi, Jim. I'm taking Toni to the zoo today, wanted to ask if Liz can go with us? We were going to ride the train also, and be back here around 4:30 or so."
"That would be fine. Harmony is out grocery shopping, but I'll tell her when she gets back. Let me get you some money. Hang on a second."
Sir, Father started to walk away to find his wallet to offer some money to Toni's Mom, but Mrs. Murray interrupted him.
"Jim, it's ok. My Ex just sent his back child support payments, so I've got extra right now. It'll be my treat."
"Well, that's very nice, Thanks. Have fun." Then, Sir Father shouted and waved at Liz, "Bye, sweetie. Have fun!"
Liz, Toni and Mrs. Murray had a fabulous day at the zoo. She had enjoyed the zoo when she was there last, and she especially loved seeing the elephants. She always loved watching the show the elephants put on for the zoo guests, and while she wanted to ride the elephants, she was too nervous to get on them.
"Girls, are you hungry?"
"YES!" They said in unison.
"Well, let's see what we can find for two hungry girls. How about hot dogs, chips and a soda? Is that OK girls?"
"Yes, Mom!" "Yes, Mrs. Murray!" The girls said at the same time.
Mrs. Murray bought lunch for the girls at the zoo, and they enjoyed eating their hot dogs, chips and drinking a soda.
After they finished at the zoo, Mrs. Murray took the girls across the street from the zoo to ride the train.
"Girls, let's go across the street and ride the train. It's my favorite thing to do here at the zoo!"
It was a short train ride, but she loved seeing the park, and the beautiful green fields surrounding the zoo, park and horse stables. When she saw the people riding the horses along the trail, she started daydreaming about riding a horse as well. Liz never asked her parents if she could ride one of the horses, because she knew they didn't have the money. She also knew that if she asked at the wrong time, Sir Father would get upset and call her names and threaten to hit her. So, she never asked; she didn't see the point in asking.
When they got back to Toni and Mrs. Murray's apartment, Mrs. Murray asked Liz if she would like to spend the night. She was ecstatic! She had such a wonderful, fun day, and certainly didn't want the fun to end. It felt so nice being around an adult who didn't always get so mad at her. She called home to ask permission to stay for dinner and stay the night.
On the third ring, Sir Father answered the phone. "Yeeeaaaah? Whosdere?" He slurred into the phone.
As soon as she heard his voice, she rolled her eyes, and felt knots in her stomach. She wanted to hang up, and wait a few minutes to call back in case Mom would answer, but Mrs. Murray was standing right there, and she heard his voice. She nodded encouragingly at her, as if to tell her to go ahead and ask permission. "Uh, hi Sir Father, it's me, Liz. I wanted..."
Before she could finish, he interrupted, "Liz! Where in the hell are you? I've been looking for you all damn day, little girl. Get your ass home, NOW!" screamed Sir Father.
"Sir Father, I am at my friend Toni's house. We..."
"I don't give a flying fuck where the hell you are, Liz. Get your fucking ass home now."
"Sir Father, you told me"
"I didn't tell you a goddamned thing, Liz. Stop your fucking lying, and get the fuck home this instant, you lying brat."
"Yes sir. I am on my way home," she whispered into the phone.
She felt the tears stinging her eyes, and she tried so hard not to let them fall, but they started flowing anyway. Mrs. Murray could hear Sir Father's screaming, and she felt bad for her, but she wasn't sure what she could do.
"Liz, I'm sorry you aren't able to spend the night. Perhaps another night, ok sweetheart?" Mrs. Murray said, as she gave her a hug. "Do you want me to walk you back to your apartment?"
"No, I'll be fine, thank you. Bye Toni."
"Bye Liz."
"Oh, Liz, here, don't forget to take your animal molds we made at the zoo home. These are yours. Come back any time you can to play, ok sweetie?"
"Thanks."
She was so scared to go back to her apartment. She wasn't sure what she was going to find. She wasn't sure if he was going to spank her and accuse her of lying, or if he'd just forget all about the phone call by the time she got home. He did forget things, sometimes. She just hoped for the best and got home fast.
When she got near her apartment, she could hear her parents fighting outside. She froze in place, tears streaming down her cheeks. She hated when her parents fought, she was always so afraid that Sir Father would hurt her Mom, and she always felt so embarrassed when they fought where everyone could see and hear. She wished she didn't have to go home, that she didn't have to go near them. She was trying to see if she could come up with a way to get into her bedroom without Sir Father seeing her. She peered around the corner of the building, but they were in the courtyard just in front of the apartment door. She decided to sneak around the backside of the building, and see if she could sneak up behind Sir Father and get into the apartment while he was facing Mom. When she turned the corner to come up the backside of the building, Sir Father was standing in the grass just in front of their car, with her younger sister in the backseat of the car.
"Jim, please, let Kim out of the car. She can stay here with me."
"Harmony, I am the fucking Father. I will take my daughters any damn place I damn well want, any damn time I want, and you won't fucking stop me."
"I know, Jim. I wanted to get her a bath and put her to bed. Please"
"Shut the fuck up, Harmony. Kim is going with me."
"But Jim..."
"There you are, you fucking lying brat!" Sir Father yelled. He stumbled his way to her, and grabbed her arm and squeezed so hard it hurt, and dragged her to the car. "Get the fuck in this car."
"Liz, do NOT get in that car, come here."
"Harmony, shut the fuck up. Liz is my daughter, and she will do as I say. Liz, get in the car! NOW!"
"No! Come here, Liz!"
Sir, Father walked to Mom with his hand up, looking like he was going to hit Mom. Liz was scared. "Sir, Father, I'm getting in the car, see?" Sir Father stopped and looked at her, and his arm fell back down to his side. She more afraid of what would happen to her if she didn't listen to Sir Father than what would happen if she didn't obey Mom. Mom wouldn't hurt her, but Sir Father would. So, she got into the back of the car, and scooted all the way over to cuddle with her sister in the back of the car. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
She tried to escaped to her imaginary world, but was snatched back by Mom who was pulling her out of the back of the car. Sir Father was gone for a moment and that Mom was trying to take care of her. "Come ON girls, let's get out of this car." Her Mom dragged the girls to Sage's apartment. Sage was a single mother who lived in the building across from Liz's family.
Sage hated to see what her father put his family through every week, and she was so happy to help.
"Here, come on in here, everyone. I don't think he saw you come over here." Sage said.
Before she shut the door, she looked around to see if anyone saw Harmony and the girls come in the apartment, and then she shut and locked the apartment door. Sage gave Harmony a quick hug, and then asked, "Do you girls wants a small snack? Harmony, have they had dinner yet?"
"No, we haven't had dinner. I was cooking dinner when he started up. It's still cooking, in fact. I should go turn it off so he doesn't catch the building on fire."
"No! You stay here. We'll find a way to get you over there without him seeing you, ok? In fact, let's call the cops, and"
"NO!" shouted Harmony. "No cops. He'll be so angry with me if I call the cops on him."
"Harmony" Sage said, "YOU don't need to call them. I'm going to do it. Then, when they get here, I'll go out to talk to them and tell them you are in my apartment, with the girls, so they can come talk to you here, without him seeing, and I'll let them know you have food cooking and ask if they will turn it off."
"No, Sage. No, please no cops."
Even though she was young, Liz knew that the cops would come out, and she was scared. She had been told in school that police are her friends, and if she's ever in trouble, to find a police officer. But, Sir Father was always so afraid of 'cops', that she thought the cops were different from the policemen. She sat at the table and started to drink the milk Sage had given her. There was a loud banging on the door, and she jumped in her seat, spilling her milk. The pound sounded like someone was trying to punch a hole through the door. Then, the screaming began. She knew it was her Sir Father.
"Sage, open this fucking door. I know Harmony and my daughters are in your apartment. Let me in, now! I'll fucking kill you if you don't open this goddamn door, Sage. Open it now!"
She started shaking, because Sir Father was threatening to kill Harmony, Kim and Liz. She knew he would do it.
"Let me the fuck in, Sage, now! I know Harmony and the kids are there. Open this goddamn door!" Screamed Sir Father.
"Harmony, do you and the kids have anyplace to go? I would love to keep you here, but my apartment isn't safe. Do you have a safe place to go?" Sage asked.
"Yes. If I can get away without him seeing, we can go to my parents house."
"I have an idea. Follow me, and stay quiet.," said Sage
"Jim, they aren't here, I just stepped out of the shower. Give me a minute to get dressed, and I'll open the door!" shouted Sage.
"Hurry, come on girls." Sage whispered. She led Harmony, Liz and Kim to her bedroom in the back of the apartment, opened the window and removed the screen. Harmony climbed out, then Sage handed the girls to Harmony; first Liz, then Kim. When they were all out, Harmony put the screen back on for Sage, while Sage slammed the window shut, and pulled on her bathrobe to cover her t-shirt and shorts, and put a shower cap on her hair.
A minute later, Sage opened the front door for Jim. "Jim, what is going on? Where's Harmony?"
"You bitch, I know they're in your apartment" said Jim as he pushed Sage out of the way and stormed into Sage's apartment. She stepped outside - she didn't want to be trapped in the apartment with Jim when he was in a drunken rage.
Her neighbor opened his front door, and she said in a whisper, "Please, call the police. He's crazy this time. Very crazy." The old man nodded, shut the door and called the police to report Jim. Again.
It took just five minutes for the police to arrive, but it felt like hours to Sage, who was scared that Jim was going to hit her. He was in the worst rage she had seen.
"I know you know where my fucking family is, and you had better god damned tell me, and I mean now, you fucking bitch!" slurred Jim. "I'll make you sorry, you fucking no good slut. Tell me now where the fuck my family is at, Sage."
Sage tried to get into her apartment, but Jim was blocking the way. She said, "Jim, they aren't here. I don't know where they are." Just as Sage finished talking, the police pulled up with their lights flashing, but the siren was off. Jim glared at Sage with the most hateful look in his eyes she'd ever seen.
"You fucking bitch! I will fucking kill you for calling the cops on me. I will fucking kill you. I fucking promise you, I will murder your fucking ass. I'll sew your pussy shut so you can't make money slutting yourself out, you fucking whore!" As he finished uttering these words, the cops slammed into Jim, knocking him down to the ground, pulled his arms behind him and slapped the handcuffs on him.
As the police were slapping the handcuffs onto Jim, Harmony, Liz and Kim were crossing the street to get to safety. Harmony directed the girls around the side of the apartment complex, and took their time sneaking towards the front in case Jim realized they snuck out and started looking for them. Harmony knew that if Jim found her he would beat her and the girls, probably killing her, and hurting the girls.
"Mom, where are we going?" Liz asked.
"We are sneaking around the side of the apartment building so Sir Father doesn't find us. Come on, girls." In the distance they heard the wail of sirens, and Harmony suspected that they were coming for Jim.
"Shit!" muttered Harmony. "Come on, girls. Let's get across the street."
They crossed the street and walked down the street several blocks until they reached the grocery store. Harmony realized she didn't have her purse, her keys, her wallet – she had nothing. "Crap!" She went into the store to the front desk. "Can I borrow your phone? I just left my husband, and need to call my parents to come get us."
"Sure, 'long s'it's local."
A few minutes later Liz's grandpa showed up in his truck. She loved him, he was always so kind to her, and he always had a treat of some kind for her, every time he saw her. Sometime he would just hand it over, and sometimes, he would tease her and hide it from her. Today, he hugged Harmony, then put her in the truck, and took the girls inside to buy a candy bar.
"Let's go get a candy bar, girls."
The girls were so excited. Mom and Sir Father never had money to buy a candy bar, so getting candy was a special treat. Liz loved to eat her candy slow so she could enjoy it for the longest time possible. Kim would always gobble hers down as fast as possible.
"Thank you, Grandpa!"
"You are welcome, sweet girls. Now, let's get in the back of this truck and go to my house. You ready? Who's first? Liz?" Grandpa picked her up, and swung her over into the back of the pickup truck. "Ok, Kim, your turn. Come on, cutie pie!" Grandpa tossed Kim into the bed of the truck next. Liz loved riding in the back of her grandpa's truck. She loved the feeling of the wind hitting her face and feeling her hair being blown around. She would lie down on the bed of the truck and just stare up at the clouds and giggle to herself, because she was moving faster than the clouds.
"I wish I could fly through those clouds." All too soon, the truck pulled into the curved driveway at grandma and grandpa's house and she had to climb out of the truck. The sun was starting to set, and hotness of the summer day was starting to wane, and she could feel the gentle cool breeze starting to blow.
Grandma was outside watering her plants. She had several potted, hanging plants lining one side of her house, then had several potted plants on the ground all around the patio area. Grandma arched the water towards the girls, and said, "Hello, girls! Glad you are here. I was just finishing watering my plants. What are you doing here?"
"We're staying the night with you. Sir Father got mean again."
"Come here girls." Grandma put down the hose and motioned for the girls to come nearer to her. She opened her arms and hugged both girls. "Oh, my two favorite granddaughters. I love you two girls so much! I'm going to finish dinner in a few minutes. While I'm cooking, I want you girls stay out here and play for a while. We're going to go inside and talk."
Summer evenings were Liz's favorite time of the year. She especially enjoyed being at her grandparents house on a summer evening because she could climb to the top of the monkey bars, lay down and watch the clouds drifting away, watch the sunset and watch the stars appear in the sky. Up high like that, she could feel the breeze, and she was always able to clear her mind and forget all the mean things that were said or done to her. Here, she was in her own private world, and nobody and nothing was able to hurt her. Kim was down below swinging on the swings, trying to get her to come down and play, but she had already escaped. When she felt the tears start stinging her eyes, she closed her eyes and went further into her own private world. She flapped her arms as if she were a bird and flew away.
She woke up the next morning to the smell of bacon sizzling. Grandma knew that she loved bacon, so she always made it when she spent the night. Liz woke up with excitement. It wasn't very often lately that she got to spend the night with her grandparents. It felt like it had been months since she'd last stayed the night at her grandparents house.
She ran into the kitchen, and grandma was cooking bacon, and had the water boiling for the Cream Of Wheat she always made for her. Grandma knew what she liked, and she always doted on her.
"Sweetheart, can you take Grandpa his coffee?" She loved taking care of him, and taking his coffee to him was a huge thrill for her.
"Sure, grandma!"
She picked up the coffee and started down the long hallway to her grandparents room. The door was ajar, so she used her foot to push it open. Grandpa was still in bed, snoring. She put the cup of coffee on the bedside table, and then turned on the lamp.
"Wake up, Grandpa!"
Grandpa opened one eye just a bit, saw her standing there staring at him, and grinned, and let out a huge fake snore. She yelped in delight – this was an invite from him to jump on the bed and snuggle. Grandpa pulled her under the covers and up close to him, and she put her little head on his chest and he hugged her close for a few minutes. When he opened his eyes, he said,
"Well, well. My little Lizzie has come a-callin' on me, huh?" with a huge grin on his face.
"Yup. It's time to get up, your coffee is here. Get up and get dressed and let's go do something fun." At this, she jumped up and scrambled out of bed, and ran back into the kitchen to see Grandma and to see if breakfast was ready.
She looked around and asked, "Where's Mom?"
"Well..." she began. "Sir Father called from jail, and your Mom went to go see him. I think she took him back home."
"NO!" she screamed as she ran out of the room, into her bedroom and slammed the door.
Liz stuffed the pillow into her mouth as far as it would go and just sobbed and sobbed. Her whole body was shaking with grief. She wanted a new Sir Father more than she wanted anything else in the whole world; she knew that if she got a new Sir Father, that her whole life would be a million times better. She hated Sir Father more than she hated anyone. He cussed at her, and yelled at her and told her she was bad all the time. Sir Father hit her a lot, and very hard. He would always tell her he would hit her so hard she wouldn't be able to sit down for a week, or that he would 'knock her into the middle of next week'. When he hit her, she would have welts from his belt that lasted for days. He said he had to hit her because she was such a bad girl. Sir Father also often told her he would 'knock her teeth down her throat.' He never did knock her teeth down her throat, but she knew she wouldn't like it. She liked her teeth where they were, and couldn't imagine how she would eat popcorn if she didn't have teeth. Liz didn't know what she did that was so bad, and she tried hard to be good. She always tried to be especially good when Sir Father drank beer, because when he drank beer he would get mad. She cried, and flung herself around for a long time, and nothing Grandma or Grandpa said did anything to help her calm down. When she quit flinging her body around and was just laying their sobbing, and kept shrugging her Grandparents hands away, they got the hint she wanted to be left alone, so they left the room. She cried so long and hard that she cried herself to sleep. When she awoke, it was the middle of the afternoon, and Mom and Sir Father were at her grandparents house. She lay still on the bed, and could hear the adults in the other room whispering. Once, she heard her Grandma whisper her name, so she knew Grandma was telling them how upset she was. Liz was scared. She was convinced that Sir Father was going to beat her for crying that Mom went to get him.
Mom came into the room, sat next to her and started rubbing her back. Mom didn't say anything for a long time. For a bit, she just sat next to her stroking her back. Finally, she rolled over and looked up at her Mom, who returned her gaze. She knew that Mom was taking him back, and that nothing was going to change. He would continue to be mean, and Mom would continue lying for him; Mom would try to step in when he hit her, but wouldn't be able to stop it. She knew that nothing was different.
She sighed a deep breath, and was about to push herself up and get out of bed when he came into the room. He pulled Mom up so he could sit down. "Lizzie, baby." He said. She wanted to roll her eyes, but she knew better. She knew if she rolled her eyes it would send him into a rage. Instead, she just stayed quiet and looked at him, her eyes encouraging him to continue.
"Lizzie, I know I've been a terrible father to you. I can't make up for all I've done to you. All I can do is make sure that I never do it again. Your Mom and I talked for several hours this morning. She agreed to give me another chance. I am going to quit drinking. Right now! I promise you, you will never see me drink again. I told your Mom that I'm going to try going to an AA meeting. AA is a group for people who drink too much beer to help them learn to stop. I promise I'm never gonna drink again. Ever. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, Lizziebelle. I love you so much, you're my pride and joy."
At that, Sir Father got up, and left the room. Mom sat back down and leaned into her, brushed her hair from her forehead and whispered in her ear,
"Sweetie, I know last night was scary. I was scared too. I do believe that Sir Father will be different. He knew we were serious about leaving him, and he got scared he would lose his family. He loves us all so much, and doesn't want to lose us. I want you to be a good little girl and not make him mad. You're such a good girl, I know it will be easy for you to be good." Then, Mom kissed her on the forehead, sat up and smiled. "Ok, my darling, let's get up and go home. I want to get dinner cooked." Then, Mom walked out of the room.
Liz just sat on the bed for another minute. Kim was in with the adults, bouncing on Grandpa's knee, and Liz didn't want to play with Kim right now. She sighed, got up and walked down the long hallway to the bathroom. There, she washed her face, pasted on her best fake smile, and walked back to where the adults were waiting. Everyone was acting as if nothing bad had just happened. She tried to understand how Sir Father could be so mean at night, then the very next morning how everyone could just laugh and pretend that nothing bad had happened. She couldn't forget. She was still scared. She knew that, just like her smile was fake, so was Sir Father's happiness. She knew he was still the same mean man he was the night before. She knew that he would be drinking again soon and would be back to yelling, hitting and throwing stuff at her. She knew! She just didn't understand why no one cared that he did this to her. Does her family love her? At this, she started feeling sad, and felt the tears start to sting her eyes, so she closed them for a moment. When she opened them, she found she was again in her own private world. She flapped her arms and flew away.