Part IV: Autumn
"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." ~ Anais Nin
September
Saturday, 1 September 1666
Quarter-to-6 in the Morning
I am over-joyed to have you back! I was so scared I'd never have this ever again.
Lily was amazing with what she did for Augustus and I! She's braver than I could ever imagine. And Sarah was willing to break lawes to save us too! She and I might not have ended up to-gether, but in her I have found a true friend, and that is rare.
But on-to the future: I have been up since 4:30 A.M. in order to get everything ready. This is my last entry til I leave and it shall be short. I have so much anxiety twisting in me now, pangs of guilt seem to overflow. In many ways, I don't want to leave my home; I've been here since I was Mary's age, giving me memories which were mainly happy until my forced adulthood began. But now I know I can't stay here. I wasn't always going to stay here anyway. Don't know if They--which is how he now referred to his parents--want me here or not, but I don't care. Besides, I can't stay or I'll be miserable. By now Augustus must be an out-law anyway. Even then, if I were in love with Sarah or what-ever They wanted, I'd have my own home and a tedious job within the next yeare or two any-way so I doubt I'll miss much. I just hate going on such sour terms. But I can't cling to the past.
My future is with Augustus. In fact, he IS my future. I don't know where or how that'll be. But I know that it begins now, and I know why: very simply, be-cause we love each other. We are in love and I vehemently re-fuse to let anyone stop it! I'm done trying to be anyone other than myself! Not being yourself is a waste. I shan't do so ever again.
He blinked away tears as he wrote: This is a sacrifice I'm willing to make. I shall leave my old life behind for him. I will miss my sisters, but when we're safe, I'll keep word covertly, tho I can't know now how many wekes or months I'd have to wait until it is safe. But when I do, Lily can read them to Elizabeth, which comforts me. They will hopefully not care whether or not I contact her.
If They were as awfull to betray as they did, they don't deserve our love or time. To sound snobbish, we are too good for them. They think we're wrong, but they're wrong, since they're so quick to mis-treat what they deem improper, especially in their own children.
I cannot imagine how Uncle Deus is related to Father at all. What a wretched git. He is a mis-oganyste, but my mother is simply batty. She's mad. I have as much use for them as they do me: money and objects. I intend to take all I can carry. I'll take them for every-thing they're worth, since that seems to be their style.
First thing I did was ransack the house for money.
He smiled devilishly.
I found the entire dowry from Sarah's parents! Perhaps I shouldn't write of this; but I have simply stopped caring.
I shall bring every pence I have to my name; and have already taken all the loose money I found, save anything which was clearly marked for Lily or Elizabeth, (which some is.) Other than that, every coin and Note I saw, I took as my own!
I shall put enough clothing together for now; and a few saved trinkets and books.
Oddly, I'm showering the girls with gifts, but stealing all I can from my parents.
All I want is Augustus. I don't care if we live on a remote island, or with Uncle Deus somewhere, or thousands of miles from this town. As long as we avoid the Plague and the public, we'll be fine. I don't need London, either side of the coin; with snobbery on one and suffering on the other. We have no use for the City. I do not know where exactly my Uncle plans to go, but as he has invited us (months ago, as it turns out,) we shall start on the route he has laid out thus far.
I'm afraid, but I'm tired of doing nothing about my fear. I'll regret not taking action more than any mistake I might make along the way. Everything is for us.
Yes, he was satisfied seeing that and knowing from now on, it was a real concept which was accepted and valued; us.
Gratefully Yours,
Will
Will stood from his desk and looked around his room for a moment. Was this the last morning he'd ever wake up in the home he'd had for years? Was this the last time he'd ever see his room? It was familiar and comforting.
But this room was where he'd returned after suffering outside for hours, scared because he'd accidentally touched Augustus's hand. The same room Augustus had been forced out of after his mother invaded his privacy and physically attacked them.
Still, this was the same room he'd been in when Augustus had said 'I love you.' for the first time ever. The bed where they'd snuggle up and ignore the rest of the world for hours.
He grabbed his satchel and had to make a choice--what did he need to save? He had enough money for things like new clothes and other necessities. This was packing things with emotional value.
His journal. The Iliad and Symposium. A few other books, plus his birthday gifts from his sisters and Mary. He realised he needed to pack things Augustus wanted so he took his satchel too. His various mementos, all of his writings and a King James Bible he'd given him months ago.
It was half past six AM as he nervously sauntered to his sisters room. Mary had left the courthouse with her parents, so it was just Lily and Elizabeth again. Was this the last time he would see either of his sisters?
He quietly entered the room, slowly creaking the door open.
"Lily." he whispered. "Wake up."
She rolled her head to one side and opened her eyes.
"Wha...Will?" she slowly sat up and yawned.
"I don't have a lot of time. I need to leave." He whispered. "Uncle Deus sent me this ages ago." He retrieved the letter from his pocket and handed it to her.
She straightened up and read the page. "So...you're going now, aren't you?" she looked up, face scrunched up in caution.
Will nodded. "I'm meeting Augustus by the river. We were going to leave either way, but now we can find Uncle Deus, and put this animosity to an end. It's the only way we can be free. I want to be with him now more than ever. Wake Lizzie for me?"
He paused, watched his youngest sister sleep.
"Lizzie," Lily quietly said, stroking her wispy brown hair. "Wake up."
She sat up and slowly looked around the room with heavy eyelids.
Will sat on the edge of her bed and put his arm around her shoulders. He kissed her cheek.
He took a deep breath, hoping his rising anxiety wouldn't surface.
"I have to...go somewhere for a little while."
"Look," he stammered, grabbing his satchel. "I already packed your birthday gifts." he held it open, showing his pocket watch and inkwell nestled safely inside.
"I'll write as soon as I can. You're learning to read next year, yes?" he asked Elizabeth, who nodded in response. "Good, so then I'll write letters just for you." he assured her, tapping her on the nose. "I'll put them in with Lilly's so you'll get every single one of them, alright? I'll write as soon as I can. I promise I'll write every day if you like. I..." he struggled to keep calm. "I got you something."
He gave her one of his favourite jumpers she always used to wrap herself in when she was little, to remind her of him.
"Go back to sleep. I love you." he gave her a light kiss on the forehead as she snuggled with his jumper, bidding him sleepy good-byes.
He gave Lily was a half-dozen accounting books to study and fresh sheets for more financial work.
"You'll need these more than I will." he paused as he realised. Lily's birthday was in a few weeks, and he wouldn't be with her--for the first time ever.
"I, um, I already have you birthday gift if you'd like to...open it now." he handed Lily a heavy, lumpy red velvet bag with a thick gold chord. She pulled at the string and the bag revealed a blacksmith puzzle, with a large heart as one of the main pieces.
"Will, I love this." she clutched it, then looked up at him and burst into tears as she clung to him. "I wish you didn't have to go!"
He felt Lily curling around him and realised he was leaving his sister behind.
Lily, who had helped them in so many ways, including keeping their secrets for months at a time.
Lily, who had loved and supported him even when she didn't agree with what he'd done.
Lily, who had bravery saved his journal.
Lily, who had stolen and destroyed their evidence, which was a crime itself.
She'd done all of that for them.
"I'm so sorry I'm leaving you to deal with them. It feels really selfish." he was angry with himself now: wasn't he leaving Lily defenseless against their parents?
She regained some composure and shook her head. "No. You're doing what you need to do for your survival...and to be happy. On your terms, not theirs."
She paused and looked at him very seriously.
"You really love him, don't you?"
"More than anything," he could barely squeak his answer out, his voice caught with tears in his throat.
"If you're doing this for love," she said, slowly shaking her head again, "you're not selfish at all."
"Oh, Lily-pad." he held her close as tears fell from his eyes.
"Promise me," he whimpered in her ear, clutching her, fighting back more tears, "that you won't let them stop you, alright? Promise me that?"
"I won't let them." she promised. "In fact," they parted and she wiped tears from her eyes. "I have some good news." she sniffled and turned, retrieving a letter from under her mirror. "A message came for me. Do you remember that man Uncle Deus had me meet, John Collins?"
"The--math expert?"
"Yes, the mathematician. I didn't tell anyone about this, but we've been writing for months. He's sent me sample work to see how much I know so far. He sent me another letter and it arrived while we were away. Missy hid it for me here. She told me about it just before I went to bed. I'd of told you then, but you needed to sleep. He just started with a new group of students, and he'll officially teach me via letter!! He'll send me exact copies of the work he has them do every week, send me books, anything I need! When I'm old enough in a year or two...he'll start an apprenticeship for me! He might have to use a different name for me, but still! Wouldn't that be amazing?"
"Lily," he gripped her shoulders, eyes wide with astonishment, grinning. "That's wonderful news!"
Suddenly her tone changed & her voice caught with tears again. "I'll make you proud of me."
"I already am! Look at what you did for us."
"While I'm at it, maybe I'll find love." she said, sounding a bit more relaxed. "A good man who appreciates my shrewd business skills and he'll let me work with him. I'll find the right boy, just like you did." she touched his cheek gently.
"Just..." he couldn't believe he had to say goodbye, "remember that you've always got me, alright? When we're safe, hopefully with Uncle Deus, I'll write to you. I swear I'll write when I can. This isn't forever, I promise."
She hugged him tightly again. He stood back & kissed her cheek affectionately.
After this, he descended the stairs for what might be the last time.
He passed the living room his parents had lectured him in a month ago. He passed the Solarium they'd happily basked in. He closed the front door, maybe for the last time ever.
With every room he saw, every smell of home, he almost felt conflicted. This was home.
He hated that he had to leave. But it was time to either sink or swim.
He looked over his shoulder at his parents house and pensively scanned every inch of his life there. He'd miss his sisters.
But he wouldn't miss his parents.
This was his sole chance for independence. This was it.
As he ventured into the woods, he did something he almost never did: he silently prayed that Augustus would be at their tree and, and they'd find Uncle Deus together, and get there safely.
His heart leaped with joy; as he found him at their promised tree, partly hidden under a pile of leaves.
Before he woke Augustus, he sat on a nearby stump for a moment and watched his young lover sleep. Augustus quietly breathed in and exhaled slowly. This tranquility calmed Will. Seeing him in such a peaceful state slowed his nerves. He still had the twisting anxiety ripping through him.
"Augustus." he finally whispered. "Wake up."
He slowly came to, and those perfect green eyes met his. He found the arms he'd missed night after night wrap around his body again, despite dried leaves crunching between their embrace. At last they sat back, and Will noticed the other reason for all the leaves: Augustus had a rather long cut, almost half an inch deep, along the right side of his chest. It was just under the collarbone with lines of blood dried onto his skin.
"What happened to you?!" Will cried frantically. "Are--are you all right?"
"I--I'm fine." he assured Will, sounding rather drowsy.
He grimaced when Will gently pulled back more leaves to observe the scar. The dried blood stuck to the leaves worried him.
"Took me a while to get out, and not before a couple fights."
"What happened?" Will repeated harder, concerned.
Augustus paused and looked away, still rattled by the scuffle.
"Someone," he slowly began, shaking his head, "found out my--charges, and..."
...
He had been standing near the wall, minding his own business. He'd been in a Newgate holding cell with other boys his age for about seven hours by this time. There had already been one fistfight, making him doubly wary of the other boys being potentially violent criminals. He was trying to keep his guard up, but was also becoming distracted from his recent lack of sleep and a pounding headache.
The room was grey and dimly lit with a few sconces and a couple of benches. The gaggle of young boys were being watched over by two middle-aged men.
Suddenly he heard the shuffling of feet behind him and before he could turn and look, two unfamiliar hands gripped his waist from behind.
It felt...wrong.
Because it wasn't something like Will being flirty or playful. It was a total stranger.
"I know what you want." an unknown voice grunted in his ear.
Those predatory words shot fear and fury through Augustus. He'd never felt so violated in his entire life.
"Get off me! You--"
He turned around and punched the boy he now faced as hard as he could. Harder than he'd hit Francis, harder that he'd hit anyone in his life. His knuckles crashed against his nose, likely breaking it.
But then that didn't matter anymore.
Because it was a trick.
Another boy locked Augustus's neck in the crook of his arm from behind, and a small knife sliced into his skin, a deep cut now bleeding from just under his right collarbone.
The boy let him go and Augustus gasped, gripping his chest as blood spurted through his fingers. The bloody knife clattered at his feet.
He crashed to the floor and remembered slowly blacking out. His vision faded as his body lost any strength it might have had left. His head pounded even harder when he heard clamoring footsteps as the two older men rushed over.
...
"Why would they do that!" Will angrily yelped. "Didn't anyone try to help? Does it hurt?" Will was fixated in concern. He slowly removed a dried-on leaf directly stuck to his wound. Unintentionally, Augustus winced.
"I'm--I'm fine." he slowly stood, feeling a bit dizzy as Will helped him up.
"How'd you get away from Newgate?" Will asked, as they started walking together. He handed him a pouch of water.
...
"Augustus? What are you doing here?"
The man who was leaning over Augustus looked worried. He had short blonde hair with flecks of grey sprinkled throughout. He quickly recognised him as a local friend of his parents.
"I--" he slurred, nearly helpless. "I was--" How in God's name could he explain his charges, especially to a family friend he'd known for years?
"No matter. Hold this." the man instructed, holding a rag against Augustus's wound.
He did as he was told, clutching his wound. As he looked around, he realised he was on a bench in a separate room.
The other man approached. He was shorter, with mousy brown hair and piercing eyes.
"You all right?" he leaned down to take a closer look at the damage.
"I--I'll be fine." he assured the other man with a rather weak nod.
The two men exchanged glances above him for a moment. "We've gotta get you out of here. You don't deserve all this."
"But I...really?" Augustus's eyes widened. Was this his way out? He'd been planning on waiting until midnight or later to sneak off, with as many people asleep as possible.
"Of course. I've known you forever. I don't know what happened and I don't care. You need to be safe. Go."
...
"They let you go? Just like that?"
He shrugged with an amused smile. "Sometimes it's good to have friends in low places."
"They helped me with something else too. I had them steal some ink & parchment for me. I decided I'd write a letter to my family. I thought about what I wanted to say the entire walk here. I'll take it to a friend's house and leave it there, I'll leave a note on it, asking him to bring it to where my parents live now. Want to hear it?"
"I'd love to."
Augustus retrieved a folded-up parchment from his pocket and read aloud:
" 'Dear Mother, Father and Mary,
l love you all. I'm sorry if I've diss-appointed you with my behaviour, but am over-joyed you still love me. I am gratefull you can separate who I am from what I've done.
I am leaving. I can't bear living without Will so I know it will be dangerous but we're leaving, probably for good. I wish we could live with you, but we can-not. Alas, my relation-ship is criminal and I am now an out-law. If you harbor us, you may be criminal too. As you did for us, I will live physically away from you to keep our family safe. Fear not--I will keep word. Mary Beth, I'm sure you will read everything to Mother and Father. Perhaps they can learn to read and write, as Lily helped you in doing so. I am away but NOT gone. We all breathe the same air and stand on the same ground.
Whenever you miss me, look to the sun, or the moon, and know we are both under the very same sun and moon. Once I am safe, I might find a way to see you again. I will make you proud and help others as you knew I could. A few months ago I decided I shall become a Doctor, to aid the ill like Susan. And I, like you, am going away out of love and protection. This love shall be proudly beating in my heart for-ever.
I send all my love, from your only son and brother, Augustus and his own true love, William Garnett.'"
They paused, and Augustus smiled for the first time in days. Will kissed him, even though he had started crying again.
"Well, I'd love to stay, but we can talk as we go." Augustus continued. "We've got a lot of ground to cover. The most direct route is if we start back in London."
~*~
"So he left you a note that long ago?" Augustus asked, shocked.
"Yes. It was amazing! I knew I'd have to come to you and go someplace else, but now we have a map, and help. Uncle Deus will be with us. He has friends in medicine; they can help you become a doctor! We can actually make real plans to be together, just like we wanted. We can find a place to stay, get enough food to eat, do anything we want. We can follow our aspirations and finally live as we choose."
"How could we afford it?" Augustus asked.
"I stole Sarah's dowry!" Will declared, giddy over his heist. "Plus every pence and Note I found at home."
"How much?" Augustus asked, nervously glancing at him, hoping it was enough to sustain them.
"Over three thousand pounds! We're rich!" he grinned, thrilled with his bounty.
"I think they'll be more upset that their money is gone than you being gone." Augustus suggested with a sly grin.
"Sounds about right." Will agreed, shaking his head, "they're out of my life now anyway. Now, we have to make a plan, and need to leave before anyone finds us. Have you got any ideas?"
"I know it seems early, but we should leave tonight. People will be expecting us to leave tomorrow night, just before the trial, so we have to go sooner than expected. No one would think to look for us now. Agreed, yes?"
Will agreed. "Yes. Also, I think we've got to create a diversion; we need to distract everyone."
They walked among the trees as they had when they were young, and Will thought aloud as memories flooded his mind:
"I wish we could just live in the woods."