*Latin for aftermath
"Sadly enough, the most painful goodbyes are the ones that are left unsaid and never explained."
~Jonathan Harnisch, Freak
Rey
Everyone was gathered in the auditorium, and the air was still and heavy with silent mourning. For the memorial service, people had brought as many flowers as they could find, and laid them in delicate bunches at the base of each coffin. Our mission had been a success, Snoke's ship had been destroyed and the people of Chandrila were safe. I'd dreamed about the moment of our victory, how the General would stand proudly on the podium and make a speech about how strong everyone had been, and how we were approaching a time when the galaxy would rise up and rebel against the First Order. And now here we were, staring at her empty coffin.
Everyone was gathered in the auditorium, except Kylo.
"I know this is not easy." Poe's voice rang clear through the silence. "Unbearable might be a better word to use. But the General would want us to stay strong, and make sure that her life was not lost in vain." There were a few sniffs from around the room. Next to me, a pale woman with short curly black hair let out a muffled sob. I looked down, there were twelve coffins laid out in the open space around the podium. Many of them were empty, as the bodies had been lost or destroyed in the battle, and only helped to remind their loved ones of how much they had lost. The only person I had known was the General. When the news of her death came through, my first instinct was to clutch at my lightsaber, but instead I had groped at the empty air, feeling the walls of my ship close in and suffocate me.
That had been two days ago. Since then, I'd walked around in a trance, hardly able to eat or even sleep, much like many of the others. We had won the battle, and yet no one was celebrating. While I lay awake at night I thought about the General's body and how it must've been completely destroyed in the fire when Snoke's ship exploded. Or how, if it had not been destroyed, it must've been tossed out into space where it would eventually freeze and decompose. I'd willed the tears to come, but they had not.
"Now, a minute of silence as we remember our fallen brothers and sisters." Poe said. It was not a difficult request, and the silence weighed down even heavier as the seconds passed. Then, just as Poe stood to address the crowd again, Kylo walked in.
"He just needs space to grieve." Finn had said to me, when we landed. We'd both been standing in the docking bay, as what was left of the fleet had begun to unload. Finn himself had seemed shaken, looking over my head as he spoke, his body stiff. We'd stood and watched as Kylo had climbed down from his ship, and walked away without a word. I wanted to run after him, to comfort him, but Finn had gently pulled me back. "He just needs space to grieve." he had said. I'd given him space, and now here he was.
His grey uniform was gone and he was once again covered from head to toe in black. His hair looked untouched, his eyes clear and focused. I wondered if he'd slept at all. As he came through the upper doors, everyone turned and stared. But he paid no attention to them, and walked down slowly, his dark cape dragging on the stone staircase. I tried to read his face, but it was blank. When he reached the bottom of the stairs he came forward and placed a gloved hand on the coffin at the centre. Then he closed his eyes, and for a while I thought that he might be crying. He stood there for a long time, eyes closed, hand on the empty coffin. His stillness reminded me of when he was meditating. Poe stood nearby, hands limply by his side, watching him. No one dared to speak, or even try and interrupt him. After a while he opened his eyes, turned slowly, and left the same way he came.
Poe cleared his throat.
"For now, we will resume our normal duties until we have recovered from our losses." he said, folding his arms behind his back. "That will be all."
A few people stood up and left. The rest stayed to comfort their friends and family, or just to sit and stare at the coffins. I waited for a while, and then got up and left as well. I couldn't stay there, not when the body of the person I was mourning was halfway across the galaxy.
***
I knocked on Kylo's door. The metal vibrated beneath my knuckles and I tensed, hoping that I hadn't knocked too loudly. I received no response, but I could sense his presence within the room and so I pressed the button outside the door and let myself in.
When I entered my eyes quickly scanned the room. The bed was made and everything else was immaculate, as if the room hadn't even been used. I'd expected to find him sitting on the bed, or looking out of the window, but he was nowhere to be seen.
Then, I spotted his boots sticking out from the other side of the bed. I walked over hesitantly, fearing the worst, and found Kylo stretched out on the floor. Immediately I froze, but once I sensed him breathing I relaxed a little. He was lying on his back, fully dressed and staring up at the ceiling. He didn't even look at me when I approached and his eyes were glazed over and distant. His hands lay by his sides and his cloak stretched out beneath him like a dark ocean.
"Kylo?" I said softly. He didn't move a muscle. Then I crouched down beside him and held his hand. It was cold and limp. "You need to eat something." I said, watching as his chest heaved up and down slowly, laboriously. His eyes swivelled to the side and he looked at me with an unreadable expression, before turning his gaze back to the ceiling once again.
A minute passed, and all I could do was kneel there and stare at him. There was nothing to say, no words that could describe the pain.
It's going to be okay I whispered softly with The Force.
It's my fault He replied.
I frowned at him trying to understand what he meant. Then he pulled my hand closer and placed it on his forehead. I closed my eyes, and he showed me a conversation he had had. The voice was unmistakably Snoke's and in the memory I could almost sense his fear.
You kill one of mine I kill one of yours.
I knew that Snoke had killed the General, it had been one of the things that the survivors of the Ground Team had reported when we landed. I'd been too dazed to listen properly, but I had heard snippets of their description. Snoke had surprised them in the engine room, gone for the General directly. He'd whispered something to her, before he slit her throat with his lightsaber.
My eyes snapped open and I looked down at Kylo. He was still lying there, clutching my hand to his forehead.
It's not your fault I said. Snoke knew what The General's death would do to Kylo, that he would blame himself, and be swallowed up by grief and self-loathing. Snoke is a monster I added.
Kylo didn't say anything, and then a single tear slid down his cheek. I watched in horror as another followed, and soon they were streaming down either sides of his face. I pulled his head into my lap and he curled up, his entire body shaking with sobs. Kylo, one of the strongest people I knew, capable of showing the least emotion, was sobbing into my lap. The sight made me want to crumble into pieces. Don't cry Rey, I said to myself. You have to be strong, for him.
And so I held him close as he continued to cry, his face soaking with tears. To see Kylo completely broken like that, made me wonder if all hope was not lost, and filled me with a hatred for Snoke so deep that it ran through my entire being.
I don't know how long we stayed there like that, but when it seemed that there were no more tears left in his body then he just lay there, curled up. I gently pushed a lock of hair out of the way and wiped his face with my sleeve. He had a faraway look in his eyes.
After a while I said "I'm going to go and get you some food. Okay?" He sniffed and didn't respond. Then, he gradually raised his head off of my lap and I helped him up to the bed. He sat on the edge, hands on his knees, slightly hunched over. But for once he was looking me straight in the eye and I found myself lost in his stare for a moment.
"I won't be long." I said, as I stepped away from him slowly. His eyes followed me until the automatic doors shut, cutting me off from him, and I was haunted for a long time by the emptiness in his eyes.
***
I dragged my feet down the hall, not at all surprised by how deserted it was. On my way to the canteen I passed by the auditorium again. One of the doors was open and I heard the sound of voices from inside. Poking my head round the door I found a small crowd of people gathered by the benches on the right. I entered and sat some distance away. The coffins had not yet been moved.
On one of the higher benches stood Poe, who seemed to be conducting some sort of meeting. But as I paid closer attention, I could see that his stance was more defensive than commanding and he seemed to be arguing with the people around him.
"I'm just trying to keep everyone together." Poe said to the woman next to him who had her arms folded and an unimpressed look on her face. He scanned the crowd and saw me sitting a few benches away watching him. We made eye contact for a split second before he looked away.
The woman spoke. "I understand that. But I feel that at the same time you are using this opportunity to slip into the General's position. We should have an official election." She finished and placed a hand on her hip. I'd met her before, during a training session, her name was Ertra. She had long legs and long brown hair that fell to her waist, and her green eyes were boring into Poe, waiting for a response.
"You really think that this is the best time for an election?" Poe asked, throwing his hands up defensively. "We just finished a memorial service for goodness sake!" An elderly looking man cleared his throat and everyone turned.
"We should elect," he began, his voice filling the room "A temporary leader." There were murmurs from the crowd as everyone contemplated this idea. Handfuls of people streamed in from various entrances and joined the crowd.
"Yes, that's a good idea." Poe said, once again bringing himself into the spotlight. The murmurs died down and people looked around, as if they were expecting a temporary leader to simply walk in at that moment.
"Finn." I said out loud without thinking. The entire crowd turned to face me, and I instantly felt like crawling under the bench to hide. "You want to nominate Finn to be our leader?" Poe said, his brow furrowing.
"Why not?" I replied, feeling my confidence growing. Poe had talked me down too many times before, and sometimes I wondered if he saw me as a threat or if he simply disliked me. "Finn has more understanding of how the First Order works than any of us. And with his training, he would be a great temporary leader." I finished. Poe's eyes were steely and I noticed him clenching his jaw. Finn, who was sitting on one of the higher benches, and who had suddenly become the object of many curious glances, was staring at me in bewilderment.
"And he gets along with everyone." I added in a half whisper.
"Why don't we put it to a vote?" Ertra piped up suddenly. "All in favour of Finn being our temporary leader, raise your hand." As she finished, she raised her own hand and for a moment hers was the only one in the room. Then a couple of others joined her. My hand of course shot up and stayed proudly lifted above my head. I gave Poe a defiant look. A few people were still murmuring to each other, looking unsurely at Finn who sat watching the entire thing unfold. Soon, more than half of the auditorium had their hands in the air.
Poe turned and gave Finn a wide smile. I couldn't tell whether it was forced or if he was genuinely happy for his friend.
"Well then." he said "It looks like we have a new leader."
***
I continued down the hallway towards the canteen, the sounds from the auditorium getting quieter as I walked. As I turned a corner I heard quick footsteps behind me and turned to find Finn who was hurrying to catch up with me. He had a huge grin on his face and his eyes were bright.
"I can't believe you actually did that." he said, falling into step with me.
I gave him a weak smile. "You deserve it." I replied. "And besides if I didn't, then Poe would probably have gotten himself elected anyway." I added, my smile vanishing. Finn didn't say anything, not wanting to touch on the issue of Poe and I. "I still can't believe it." he said, shaking his head. "I'm not sure I'm ready for this, I could never replace the General."
"No, never." I said, nearing the doors of the canteen. "But you will still make an excellent Commander."
"Quite true." he agreed with a smile. "You hungry?"
I walked through the doors and into the canteen. It had a low ceiling covered with dim rectangular lights, and below them stood neat rows of white tables and black stools. Along the wall ran a shiny surface with glass covered containers of different foods. I strode over to it.
"No it's not for me, it's for Kylo." I said, grabbing a silver tray. "Oh." Finn replied, as he followed me past each dish. As I picked up a spoonful of brown meatballs Finn suddenly slapped my hand, making them splash back into the sauce in the container.
"Hey!" I exclaimed.
"Trust me, those do not taste nice." he said. I rolled my eyes and skipped the meatballs, continuing down until I'd more or less filled the tray. Finn walked me back to Kylo's room, talking about his new position. I heard bits and pieces of what he said, but my mind often wandered off, thinking of Poe and the General and Kylo.
"So, how is he?" Finn said, his voice low. I sighed. "Not good." I replied, then I added after a while "I've never seen him so...broken."
Finn looked at me and then looked away. "It must be hard for him."
"Mhm." I agreed, debating with myself whether to tell Finn about Snoke's conversation with Kylo. I decided against it. As we reached the door of Kylo's bedroom Finn suddenly stopped. I turned around.
"You're not coming in?"
He shook his head. I felt slightly relieved, although just being around him had made me feel a little bit lighter.
"I'll catch up with you later." he said, walking away. But he soon came back when he heard the sound of the metal tray crash onto the floor. He turned to find me standing in the doorway, my face frozen in horror. Kylo wasn't sitting on his bed, and he wasn't lying on the floor either. He was gone.
***
Hey guys!
Hope you're enjoying the story so far. Don't forget to comment and vote. So what do you think happened? Did Kylo Run away, was he kidnapped, or is Rey just overreacting?
Till the next chapter
Padme