"I didn't?" Luka said calmly, not being disturbed the slightest that we were interrupted during a very personal topic.
"Well, I certainly don't remember that practicing SoloQ included someone visiting you." Joey's serious expression scared me, so I directed my eyes on the ground.
The room was filled with awkwardness and I felt myself feeling nervous.
"Look, I have no clue what you two were doing." Joey began his lecture. "But Luka, I don't approve secret meetings with a female person in the Gaming House, especially when she's a member of a rival team." His raised voice gave me shivers and I felt so uncomfortable during his rant. I wasn't sure what I was thinking when I agreed meeting in G2's Gaming house and now I just wanted to leave as fast as I could.
Suddenly I stood up and faced Joey. "I'm deeply sorry for causing trouble and I know that this whole situation could be misleading, but it was never my intention to mess something up in terms of LCS or anything else and I hope you will believe me. I know that I overstepped the line of friendship between two rival players, but once again, I never planned to manipulate him or something like that." Now my eyes were specifically focused on Joey and I made sure that my expression didn't crumble even though Joey's face was horrifying.
Then he nodded slowly, he probably didn't expect such an explanation by me.
"I approve of your apology, but I think it would be better if you would leave now."
I nodded and left the room without any complaints. And when I heard Jesper's voice from the kitchen who asked what was going on, I straightforwardly ran to the door and closed it immediately.
Origen Gaming House, 10 PM
When I arrived at the Gaming House, Enrique already anticipated my arrival.
"I'm glad you're finally here, why didn't you pick up the phone? We were all worried because you didn't tell anyone where you went."
"I am so sorry. I forgot to deactivate silence mode and I went to my parents." I lied into his face and hoped he wouldn't ask further. In reality, I hung around for hours in the park, just to calm myself after the incident with Joey and Luka.
Luckily he believed me and immediately forgave me. "It's okay to spend time with your parents on your free day, but please let someone know next time."
Quickly I nodded and apologized one more time. Then I ran into my room and jumped into my bed. After this day, I didn't want to talk to anyone.
But then someone interrupted the silence and knocked on my door.
Annoyingly I sat up and answered, "Come in."
But my annoyance quickly faded and switched to surprise as I saw Paul coming in. I wouldn't say that we didn't get along, but we weren't very close either.
"Don't look at me like that, I know you didn't expect me. At least try to look happy to see me."
"I didn't mean it like that!" I assured him. "I'm positively surprised, I promise!"
Suddenly Paul's facial expression changed into a more distant one which made me gulp nervously. Were his intentions of speaking to me not good?
"Actually, I want to warn you. Not in a bad way, more like giving you a friendly advice."
His indirect threat made me uncomfortable and I insecurely took a step back. I had no idea what he wanted from me.
Paul didn't flinch a bit and began to talk significantly to me.
"You might want to correct me, but I noticed that you and a certain person became relatively close. Maybe too close?"
His words hit me so hard, I wasn't in a state to answer. My face instantly froze and my thoughts were full of fear. When did he find out? We were always careful except that one time Enrique caught us. The awful feeling of shame and guilt boiled inside me since I should've known better. That it should've never come that far and that it was wrong of me catching feelings to a person who hurt me more than once. Hell, accepting a spot in an LCS team because he convinced the team owner and not because of my skill was a mistake in the first place. I was so blinded by love, I didn't realize that I wasn't morally better than any of these egirls.
"So I interpret your silence as a yes?" Paul slowly carried our conversation on. "Your face is as white as a ghost, but I promise you that I don't want anything bad. But I don't know if you really should keep going whatever you and Luka have."
It wasn't clearly visible, but I was so relieved when I realized Paul didn't mean the relationship between Jesper and me. I was so sick of lying about it.
"I swear there's nothing going on." I truthfully assured him and avoided the part with his crush on me and the fact that I didn't reject him completely. "I mean I won't deny that I'm closer to him than with others in the LCS, but we're just friends."
Paul just nodded understandingly. "I do believe that you tell me the truth, but if I were you, I would be careful. People could get the wrong impression and start rumors about you two. I mean who wouldn't get the impression that you two date, exchange strategies of your teams or talk about scrims. If this becomes public, it will give you a certain reputation within organizations and make it different for you to find a new team. So I'm telling you as a friend to overthink your behavior. I'm not saying that Luka is a bad person, but he might trick you into saying something that you shouldn't."
Stubbornly I denied Paul's allegations. "We aren't dating! We are just friends just as Luka is with his teammates." I insisted and defended him as much as I could. "And you know damn well that Luka wouldn't do this, he's too ambitious and proud to use forbidden methods to earn a victory. If I were of the opposite gender, it wouldn't be such an issue, right?!" I answered snappily. Slowly I lost my patience and my glance became angrier the longer this conversation took part.
Unconvincingly Paul raises his eyebrow. "And why do you always lie whenever you meet him? Did you really think nobody noticed that your absence was always connected with Luka? We are not blind."
Suddenly my face showed a surprised expression and then changed to a distraught one. That was it. I was fully exposed and there was no excuse I could make up anymore. But how in the world did he figure out?! I always made sure to be extra careful. And even though there wasn't going on anything between Luka and me, I felt like I was caught by doing something forbidden.
But I insisted to stay silent. Under no circumstances, I was ready to tell him anything.
"Well, no answer is also an answer. However, I'm not going to force you to tell me anything because it's none of my business and it's not in my interest to destroy the team atmosphere further. But think about what I said. It's not benefiting for either of you two to do what you're currently doing." With these last words, Paul left my room, leaving me confused and speechless.
Weeks progressed and it became clear that we had to play in relegations. We ended the split as ninth which meant that only Roccat was behind us. It was a disappointing result for the whole team and a humble beginning of my career. It wasn't the beginning I wished for, but after I had to play as AD Carry with zero preparation time and not my main role, I didn't expect too much of me. I also wasn't sure if I regret this decision or not because on the one hand, I was able to experience a daily routine of a pro player. On the other hand, I wasn't able to show my real skill and therefore I didn't leave a good impression in my rookie year and for possible future offers.
Now my only focus was relegations. We only had to beat one opponent to requalify for LCS. Since Paul's conversation, I avoided Luka more than ever and my text messages to him became shorter as well. It would be a lie to say that Paul's confrontation didn't influence me. I just thought that it would be better, for now, to cut contact short. While I have to prepare for relegations, he has to focus on playoffs and worlds. And maybe he would be able to forget me and realize that his crush on me isn't real.
August 5, 4.30 PMLCS Studio
Today was the day of winning back our LCS spot. We will face Misfits, a challenger team who were stomping the whole challenger scene. Analysts called them the next big thing and sources are reporting that they were already stomping LCS teams in scrims. But first they had to claim an LCS spot and our team was confident enough to defend our spot. After all, we have multiple veterans who brought experience in our team while Misfits consisted a full roster of promising rookies.
While we waited for entering the stage, my phone began to play my notification tune. And I knew without looking who sent me a message.
Luka
hey for some reason u dont really answer me anymoreand i have no idea what i did to youbut i want to wish u good luck for relegationi know u can do iti probably wont see u anymore since playoffs are starting soonbut i hope one day u can explain to me what is going on with u
thank you. appreciate it.
With that short answer, I turned my phone off. It was time to save our pride.
Luckily the first match was a stomp by us. Our LCS experience was clearly visible and it gave us a huge confidence boost for the next match. Nevertheless, Misfits also showed up huge and proofed that they could keep up with us. It was up and down five-game series and after a nailbiting game 5, we finally destroyed Misfits' nexus.
Immediately, I fell into the arms of Tristan and Glenn and after that, the whole staff came on stage and we celebrated together the defense of our LCS spot. Then we shook hands and went backstage. After that Enrique and Tristan were invited to the analyst desk so we waited backstage for them. For some time, we watched the post-game lobby together until Glenn gave me a sign to leave the room. Outside the room, he just took my arm without any explanation and guided me outside. When I tried to ask what was going on, he didn't give me an answer. Instead, he lead me to the parking lot outside of the studio and then left on his own.I looked confused after him until someone else tapped on my shoulder. Firstly, I shrank back slightly but then widened my eyes because of the person who stood in front of me.
"Luka?! What are you doing here?"
"Well... I don't really know either. Definitely congratulating you for defending Origen's LCS spot. Your Sivir was sick." He answered me.
"Thank you? But don't you have to practice for playoffs? Instead, you are wasting your time driving to the studio for congratulating me?!" I told him confusedly.
Thereupon, Luka just snorted insulted and lost his temper. "Hell, I'm here because I want answers. What did I do to you? You told me that we were staying friends, but you're just ignoring me for no reason. And now you act like everything is fine?! Damn you, this is like a slap in the face."
Surprised by his temper, I took a step back. But I pulled myself together again and asked him a serious question.
"Tell me, why do you continue to walk after me? What gives you the motivation to deal with me? Can't you see that I'm not worth it? Luka, I will disappoint you again and again. I'm simply not a good friend and you should just stop to run after me." My glance showed no emotions and my harsh words hit him visibly hard.
But then he offendedly took me by my shoulders so that I had to directly look into his face. "Are you fucking serious? It's because I care for you. So much, I can't just accept that you want to ignore me for the rest of our lives. And you know that I have feelings for you and wait so long. And suddenly I know why you are avoiding me. You are scared, right? Scared of committing. Scared of allowing yourself happiness. Because Jesper hurt you so badly."
My eyes were filled with fear and I wasn't able to deny it. Because he was right. As he always was with me. Then I bursted out with the truth, almost crying. "I just can't do it. I am so sorry. I'm just scared that it's gonna happen again. Because it was the same with him. He pretended to care so much, but he didn't. It took me so long to get over it and now you're here and I don't wanna feel the same pain again. That's why I avoided you. I was scared." Now tears were streaming quietly down my face.
Suddenly his anger turned to sympathy and he looked like he regretted his outburst. He still didn't let go of me. "But I'm serious with you. I really want this to work. I waited so long and tried to forget you, but it doesn't work."
Slowly I wiped my tears away and looked at him with a small smile. "Tell me, can it really work?"
He just smiled back and nodded. "Of course it can. You just have to believe in it."
With that, he came near my face and kissed me gently on my mouth.