What. The. Fuck.
I pulled out my phone instantly, texting Blair, Holy shit, Shawn’s girlfriend is my history teacher!!!
Megan hadn’t noticed me yet, and I was praying she didn’t. Ever. Although I knew that was pretty impossible considering I was her student now.
I didn’t quite understand what I was feeling, but it felt something along the lines of embarrassment, which was something I didn’t like. What would she think when she found out not only had a flunked an entire grade, but also the subject she seemed to love so much?
Then again, why did I give a shit what she thought about me?
I rolled my eyes at my incompetence, realizing how stupid I had sounded then. I could give a shit whether Megan thought I was a loser or not… right?
Wrong.
Fuck.
I hadn’t realized she was calling roll until all eyes turned to me, and I looked up into Megan’s eyes as she read my name.
“Samantha… Carson?”
I clenched my jaw at my full name, correcting her, “Its Sam.”
Her eyes studied me a little bit longer than I liked, but for some reason I didn’t mind the attention. She looked just as stunned as I had when I looked up and saw she was my teacher, and now we were both coming to terms with reality.
How more fucked up could this get?
She continued calling roll, but I could tell she was uneasy by the sight of me. Why? I mean did I look that much older than a regular junior in high school? Or was it something else I was missing?
And why did I care so much?
I felt my phone buzz in my booksack and I opened the text, reading Blair’s response, HOLY SHIT! I’M SO JEALOUS I WASN’T STUPID MY JUNIOR YEAR NOW!
I rolled my eyes, getting annoyed how she always called me stupid. It wasn’t because I was stupid that I failed my sophomore year, and it wasn’t because I was stupid I failed my American History class.
It’s because I never went, because well, fuck school, and fuck history.
I responded quickly to Blair, Fuck you.
And as I watched Megan call out names I realized maybe I could get used to learning some important dates and history…
Shit, no. I couldn’t get carried away. This was Shawn’s girl, the girl he really liked, and I couldn’t screw this up. Besides, she was my teacher now, and this was pretty illegal. I knew I wasn’t underage but she was legally my teacher before my friend, and I needed to come to terms with that.
But God it was hard to keep my eyes off of her.
I watched her silently as she spoke to a student who was obviously trying to flirt, which only amused me further. Poor kid, he really stood no chance with this woman.
I watched as she smiled at him, showing those familiar dimples as she brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. I could tell he had complimented her in some way, but she was brushing him off without hurting his immature little feelings.
I saw her blue eyes flicker up towards mine and she gave me a slight smiled, and I smirked as I watched her move around the desks. She didn’t seem to be interested in coming over here, which I was okay with considering she made me feel weird. It was best to keep distance from her, no matter how bad I desperately wanted to close it.
I looked up at Megan again, seeing her sorting through some things at her desk and looking a bit flustered. I wondered if I should try to break the ice in some way, and maybe loosen her up considering I knew she was shocked over me sitting in her classroom.
I was good at working under pressure.
I walked up to her desk, ruffling my hair as I shoved my hands in my front pockets, “Megan.”
She looked up and smiled even though I knew she felt quite awkward, “Sorry, about the name thing… I didn’t realize-”
I smiled, “It’s really not that big of a deal, really. I just don’t like my full name.”
She asked out of instinct, “Why’s that? It’s a beautiful name.”
I thought silently to myself, Because it’s my mother’s name, and I hate her.
I shrugged, “I just think Sam rolls off the tongue better.”
She smiled warmly, looking through her stacks of papers as she tried to hold conversation with me. I could feel it dying, which was something I was trying to prevent, but maybe she just didn’t want to talk to me.
She continued, “So you’re a junior I’m guessing?”
I scratched my head in embarrassment, knowing the truth was going to be spilt soon anyway. I shook my head, “Uh, no, senior. I failed this class my junior year.”
She looked up at me, and then looked back down at her papers, seeming a bit disappointed in me. I knew she liked history, but shit, not everyone enjoyed learning about some old dudes that built things out of wood and named cities after themselves.
Conceited bastards.
“Well, let’s make sure you pass this year.”
I smirked as her ice blue eyes locked with mine, and I watched her lean forward on her desk as she looked up at me. I could also see right down her shirt, which was quite a sight, and I realized I had stared a second too long, and she noticed.
I responded, “It’ll be really hard not to pay attention now.”
I realized I had spoken before I could think, and I smiled as I waved her off, realizing I had flirted yet again with her.
Only now she was my history teacher, and I couldn’t do that.
I sat in my desk praying that this class was almost over. I felt as if I was suffocating as I leaned forward in my desk, hoping that after this I would be able to rid of the mixed feelings I was experiencing. I tried not to look back at Megan, and it was so hard because I could feel her eyes on my back.
And I wanted her to know I felt them.
The tension was strangling me as I watched the clock intensely, knowing that I still had about thirty minutes left.
And it was becoming harder and harder with each passing second.
~ ~ ~ ~
I was sitting in the local bar, Jinx, which was owned by one of my brother’s good friends, Danna. She and I were actually closer than her and my brother now, because I always came here and we would talk quite often.
I inhaled the familiar scent of cigarette smoke and listened to the sound of pool balls hitting against each other. It was a nice bar, and it was a local gay and lesbian bar too, which was always a good thing.
And then Danna was in front of me as she stood behind the bar “Sam, want your usual?”
I nodded, smiling, “Thanks.”
She poured a shot of Jack and mixed it with coke, sliding me the glass as she leaned on the bar. She tilted her head, “So what have you been up to?”
I shrugged, “Nothing much honestly, just finished my first day of school.”
She smiled, ignoring the fact that I was obviously underage and she was allowing me to drink. We had a pretty cool relationship though, so I wasn’t worried.
“You’re turning nineteen soon, huh?”
I nodded, “Wednesday.”
She looked around, nodding, “Ladies night, you should come. We’ll take care of you.”
I remembered it was in fact ladies night Wednesday, just like it was every other Wednesday here. Then I remembered it was a school night, but honestly, who cares?
I was turning nineteen!
I sipped on my drink, “I’ll stop by.”
She smiled, “Good, maybe we can shoot a round of pool too so I can kick your ass.”
I rolled my eyes, “Yea right Danna, you know I’m the champion here.”
She winked, “We’ll see, I’ve been practicing.”
I eyed her, realizing we often fell into this flirting kind of conversation a lot. I didn’t mind, honestly, because she was cute and young, but not too young. She knew exactly how I was, and I knew how she was, and I always found our conversations ended with a lot of sexual tension.
I just didn’t want to act on it because this was my escape place, and I could seriously fuck that up if I fucked Danna.
I sipped the last of my drink and leaned forward, speaking, “Want to bet some money?”
She smirked, already knowing what I was getting at. She tilted her head, “What? You’re risking your drug dealing money to play pool with me?”
I rolled my eyes, “I don’t deal, I deliver. That’s it.”
“Still is very risky.”
I raised my eyebrow, “So you don’t want to bet?”
She smiled, “No I want to, I’m just not sure if I want to win your drug money.”
I responded, “Don’t worry, you won’t win.”
She nodded towards my glass, “Want another?”
I shook my head, pushing the glass away from me as I slid her some money, “No I’m good.”
She slid the money back to me, “No it’s fine, on the house.”
I smiled, and I heard the door open to the front of the bar. I turned, seeing two women walk through. One held femme qualities, the other was more along the lesbian stereotype look, and I watched the femme looking one carefully.
She looked like…
Then once she turned her head I caught a good look at her and I cursed, “Fucking Megan.”
I turned to Danna who was fixing someone else a drink as I debated whether or not I should get up and leave. I really didn’t want Megan to see me, but then again, why was she in a lesbian gay bar in the first place?
Wasn’t she straight?
Danna walked up to me, “New face, and she’s pretty too.”
I closed my eyes, grabbing my keys and my phone, “I’ll see you Wednesday.”
She waved me off, “Don’t do anything stupid!”
I smiled, “Do you know who I am?”
I turned swiftly, not really watching where I was going as I ran right into Megan and her friend. Her blue eyes were shocked, obviously, and I tried to seem as if it was nothing new that I had run into her at a gay bar.
She spoke, “Oh Sam, hey.”
I could tell she was uneasy at my presence and I nodded, “Megan.”
She realized she was neglecting her friend as she introduced, “This is my best friend, Naomi.”
I took the unfamiliar girls hand and shook slightly, praying Megan wouldn’t introduce me as her student.
I smiled as Megan spoke, “Naomi, this is Shawn’s sister, Sam.”
Naomi smiled, “Nice to meet you.”
I nodded, “You too.”
Naomi eyed me curiously, which I took as checking me out because her eyes quickly traveled up my body. She questioned, “You’re leaving?”
I agreed, looking at Megan and then back at her friend, “Uh yea, I was actually.”
Megan clenched her jaw as I realized she was extremely uncomfortable, and I attempted to hurry and dismiss myself.
Naomi seemed a little let down, “Oh well, nice seeing you then.”
I smiled, “Bye.”
Then I darted out of the bar, feeling the tension release as I left Megan and Naomi in the bar. I jumped in my car and I tried to figure out what the hell had just happened. Was Megan gay? Bisexual? Or was she simply just keeping her obviously gay friend company?
This was certainly a weird situation.
I had a thought about telling Shawn but I knew that was none of my business, and I was going to try and keep it to myself.
Even though I was dying to tell someone.
I dialed Blair’s number, hearing her answer, “Hey bitch!”
I rolled my eyes, “You home?”
She sighed, “Yea, why?”
“I’m coming over.”
~ ~ ~ ~
“You’re kidding.”
I shook my head, “She’s everywhere, but her showing up at Jinx was too much.”
Blair looked at me, and something weird flashed across her face, “Are you gonna tell Shawn?”
I denied that thought, “No, that’s none of my business. I’m not coming between those two if there is anything going on.”
Blair sighed, “It’s really ironic that she’s your history teacher.”
I eyed her as I lied on my stomach as she looked down at me, and I knew she was right. Not only had I kind of down-graded her and her love for history, but now she was my history teacher.
How fucked up.
She smiled, “But, at least you’re going to be paying a lot more attention.”
I laughed, knowing she was right about that too, “It’s really not good.”
Blair looked at me, and I could tell she was thinking something weird, which is why I didn’t want her to tell me. I hated when she brought up Shawn and how I stole his girl and all that nonsense. I really didn’t, and it wasn’t going to happen again, especially not with Megan considering not only was she dating Shawn but she was my fucking teacher.
“She’s so hot though.”
I rolled my eyes at Blair, “Stop.”
“I’m just saying.”
I retorted, “Well don’t, I know that already, ok? Yes, she’s hot, but I’m pretty sure she’s dating Shawn.”
“And possibly that girl Naomi.”
I shook my head, “That’s her best friend. That’s like me dating you…”
Blair looked taken back as she responded, “And what’s so wrong with that? I’m a prize.”
I looked at her, responding sarcastically, “You’re like… the beginning prize you get at the fair that takes no effort to win. You know, the little stuffed bear with one of its eyes missing.”
Blair hit me in the head, “You’re a bitch.”
I crawled over to her, laughing slightly at her reaction and my non-accurate but funny response. She really was a prize, and Blair knew how to take care of someone, she just always got fucked over.
Which was another reason I didn’t date.
I laid on her chest, smiling, “I’m just kidding, you know. You’re so fucking sensitive.”
Her mood seemed to damper a little bit, and suddenly I felt bad for saying that too her. I knew she wasn’t sensitive, and I knew she was a good girlfriend to anyone who was lucky to have her. Maybe I had taken it too far.
I looked into her light green eyes that held pain and annoyance at me, realizing she was genuinely upset.
“Blair… I’m kidding.”
She shook her head, “No, you’re probably right. I’m not that pretty, and I can be really weird sometimes… and clingy, and-”
I cupped her mouth as I sat up; looking down at her, “Stop. You’re perfect, ok? And anyone would be lucky to date you. Now stop being all insecure and dramatic.”
She looked at me, “You think I’m perfect?”
I smiled, realizing maybe I needed to do a little mending because honestly, Blair was worth the effort. She was my best friend, and I loved her, even though we had a weird relationship. I tilted my head, “Is the sky really blue?”
She smiled then, blushing, “Ok I forgive you.”
“Good, because we’re going to Jinx’s Wednesday night for my birthday.”
“Ladies night?”
I nodded, “Yea, and I promised Danna I would kick her ass at a round of pool.”
She raised her eyebrow, “You know she’s been dying to fuck you since she met you right?”
I smiled, “Who isn’t dying to fuck me?”
“Me.”
I laughed, nodding, “Yea, right. You know you want me just as bad as everyone else.”
Blair shook her head, laughing, “No, you’re way too conceited and stuck up. Plus you’ve slept with way too many people.”
I rolled my eyes, “Blair you act like I’ve slept with like, hundreds of people.”
She shrugged, “I wouldn’t doubt that.”
“Maybe ten different people… maybe.”
Blair retorted sarcastically, “Yea, ten people maybe this summer. You know you’ve been with more than that.”
I waved off the conversation, “Can we not talk about this?”
“Just saying.”
~ ~ ~ ~
I walked into the kitchen seeing Shawn at the dining room table on his laptop, and then he looked up, “Hey.”
I waved, feeling weird knowing he was dating my history teacher. Well, I figured they were dating but it was bad to assume, so I tried not to.
“Hey.”
He sighed, “How was it?”
I shrugged, “Alright I guess.”
He shifted in his seat, looking up at me, “Don’t sound too excited.”
I took a seat on the couch across the room from him, “I’m not. I have four more days of this crap till the weekend.”
“At least you’re turning nineteen Wednesday.”
I looked at him, smiling forcefully, “Yea, about that… Blair and I wanna go out.”
“It’s a school night.”
I rolled my eyes, “Shawn, I’m going to be nineteen. Cut me some slack.”
He sighed, leaning back in his seat and looking up at me, “Fine, but you’re not driving.”
“Then who’s gonna drive?”
“Me, and I’m guessing you’re going to go to Jinx’s and they close at 2:00 AM, so I’ll pick you up then.”
I puffed in annoyance, “You’re treating me like I’m sixteen.”
“Sometimes I forget you’re not.”
I responded, nodding with sarcasm, “Thanks, really.”
He smiled, “Don’t you have homework?”
I rolled my eyes one last time before grabbing my booksack off the floor, “Yea.”
I walked into my room, wondering how long I was going to have to keep the secret that Megan was my history teacher.
And that I had seen her in a gay and lesbian bar thirty minutes ago.