One months later
- Monday, January 22nd –
I roll over in bed, instantly met with messy blonde hair tickling my face. I lean up on one elbow, glancing over Oliver's shoulder to look at the time, making sure we won't be late and having to stress to make it to the school in time. I notice it's still early in the morning; about half an hour before the alarm is set. But I can't go back to sleep anymore. I've been rolling around restless for the past two hours already. I dozed off for a bit, but that's already considered rare for me lately.
I simply can't sleep in during the day anymore. It's already a miracle I slept most of the night without waking up nearly every hour.
"Are you awake?" I whisper towards Oliver, who stirs in his sleep, before a pair of tired, sleepy eyes stare back at me.
"Do you really think I'm able to sleep with you rolling around like that?"
"No?" I send a smirk his way, before I push myself up further, ruffling my hair before yawning and stretching.
"You're getting up already?"
"Might as well get up, yeah." I shrug, starting to scoot my way towards the foot end of the bed to get out. I still have the same small bedroom I've had for nearly a year. But I wouldn't want to miss it anymore. This is my safe-haven. It's also the only bed I can sleep in without falling out in the middle of the night due to a nightmare. And to prevent from hitting my head against the wall, Oliver and Nathan decided to buy pillows, that they've placed on both sides of the bed.
Right now, however, it's Oliver's arm around my waist that prevents me from getting out of bed. "We have half an hour left. Get your ass back here." He pulls me back – Oliver has always been stronger than I am. He's also a bit larger, so I decide not to fight his protest, allowing him to snuggle close to me again.
Oliver and I are not a couple. One might think we are when looking at us like this, but we both know I'm taken. Everybody knows.
"But I can't sleep anymore." I mumble, while I can nearly consider Oliver a second blanket by the way he decided to lay down on top of me. His head on my chest, arm around my waist, leg waved through mine. "And I'm hot. You're like a freaking heater in bed." I try pushing him away.
"And you're like a goddamn ice sculpture, but you don't hear me complain."
"Because ice sculptures melt when presented with a fucking fire."
"I am hot, I know." He leans up again, staring down at me with a smirk. "You don't have to tell me every time."
I roll my eyes in response while he smirks, leans down, presses a kiss on my nose and rolls away from me. "You're so awfully full of yourself."
"A little bird has told me, you were always just like that." He sighs in content, before he rolls further away, grabbing his phone and cancelling the alarm. "I'm going to shower. And we might as well pick up your meds before school. We have half an hour extra." He scooted towards the end of the bed and rises to his feet before he stretches his muscles.
If I wouldn't be taken, I would definitely trail my lips over that hot body.
"I'll pick "em up right now and shower while you bake me an egg for breakfast."
That causes him to spin around and frown towards me.
All it takes is a pout and some blinking with my eyes, before he lolls his head backwards. "Fine. I'll bake some eggs... ifyou manage to get your meds and get home again before I'm done with my shower."
"That's not fair, because you can shower in five minutes if you want and the pharmacy is 5 minutes by car single trip alone."
"Well, guess you'll have to make your own breakfast."
"You suck."
"And I'm very good at it too." He winks, before he disappears towards the bathroom. I let myself fall back at the bed, covering my face with both my hands, taking a second to take in the moment.
I take in a couple of deep breaths, before I scoot back towards the foot end of the bed to get out. My morning ritual has been the same for a couple of months now. I get up, I take meds, and I only eat breakfast whenever there's something easy to eat, or someone else is making me breakfast. I shower and get dressed, mostly either to go to school, or work. When I don't have to go out, I'll wear my comfortable clothes that won't bother me when I spend hours on the couch doing nothing.
Things are a mess right now, and half the time I can't find the energy to really do anything. And I'm not the only one struggling through life.
Jason was fired because he kept oversleeping to go to work, at one in the afternoon, while Liam even decided to drop out of school for the year, now working in the garage that Stan's father owns.
Last week, Alex was admitted to a psychiatric ward since he practically lost his mind. I think it has to do with the fact they so far failed to find Finnley, or Jeffrey for that matter.
According to Sam, Alex simply never recovered from two years ago and it was only a matter of time for Alex to lose it.
And then there's me. I've been diagnosed with depression, which isn't weird since the love of my life is missing and they haven't been able to find him, Jeffrey or the Phantom. They're not even close to solving the case and since it's been two months, the squad searching for him decreased again. There's an international alert, which means if he ever shows up in a hospital or encounters law enforcements, they'll be notified that he's a missing person when they run him through the system.
It's cruel to hope he'll get sick or injured bad enough to get admitted in hospital.
And I now know what Finnley meant when he told me every breath was a battle on its own, or that he had trouble to work on a bright future because he was surrounded by darkness.
It's exactly how I feel right now and the only thing that's keeping me going, is the hope that he is still alive and will come home one day.
Finnley became my only reason to live and that fact is causing a gap between me and everybody else. They understand me, they support me, but they want to see me move on with my life with the best of my ability.
I can't do that. I'm obsessed with Finnley and finding him.
Today, it's been two years.
Two years since Finnley first went missing and everything in our lives changed, for the worse.
It's also exactly two months since Finnley again went missing and I just know I have to find him, or I will break.
Tuesday January 23rd, 2018
"Cris!" Oliver's voice sounds a bit shocked, while he grabbed hold of my shoulders. "Wake up, Cris." There's also worry seeping through his words.
"What!?" I stare at him in the dark, while he stares down at me with a frown. "What's going on?"
"You had a nightmare." A small smile appears on his face, his thumb caressing my cheekbone, wiping away a lost tear. "You were crying again."
"I was?" I mutter confused, before he pulls me up and in his arms. "I dreamed that they found him, dead..." I admit with a timid voice. "Tell me that was a dream."
"It was a dream." He whispers, holding me protectively. "A nightmare, Cris."
"I'm so done with the nightmares, seriously." I whine, feeling really tired, like I haven't slept for even an hour during the night.
"I know." Oliver nods, before he leans back to stare at me again. "But I have no idea how to stop them for you."
"I thought you always had an answer to everything."
"I have snarky remarks lined up, no solutions to fight demons in your mind." He smirks, and I chuckle, rubbing my tired eyes with the palms of my hands.
"Thanks for waking me up from that awful dream."
"Wish I could thank you for waking me up. But you kick hard in your sleep."
"Did I kick you again?"
"Juha, after all that I did for you..." He smirks again.
I laugh softly, leaning my head against his chest. "I'm really tired but I still can't sleep."
"You can, you're just worried you'll get another nightmare and that's what's keeping you up." Oliver's fingertips are tickling my back and it's not the first time I wish Finnley wouldn't exist and I could move on with someone else.
Someone like Oliver.
Who is freaking hot, sweet in his own way, and really caring about his friends. Which means me, because he doesn't really consider anyone else to be his friend.
Maybe Danny, who I strongly dislike because he keeps trying to get Oliver to smoke pot with him, or to drink alcohol.
So far, Oliver swiftly managed to shove those temptations aside, but every so often I wonder if Oliver will be able to keep telling him no.
Everybody has a breaking point and since a couple of days I have a feeling he is nearing his.
He's been silent a lot, and his snarky comments seem to get less every day and he isn't as sarcastic as he used to be anymore.
Not just to me, but to everybody.
And I've seen him stare towards the bottles of alcohol Nathan and I keep in our apartment, wondering if I should get rid of them to not tempt him any further.
By now, Noah told me multiple stories about seventeen-year-old Oliver that explained how much of an addict Oliver has been.
How much he liked to sleep around after Maxie killed himself. How much he drank and smoked pot. How he skipped school, got in trouble, always had fights with his mother and how he slept outside for a night on a regular base.
Oliver is not who I thought he was when we first met.
He isn't the braggy guy that's full of himself. That's an act to hide the fact he pretty much hates everything about himself.
And I don't think anyone ever tried to break down his walls to reveal the true Oliver. Not even Finnley, who was probably to consumed by his own problems to focus on Oliver.
But still, Oliver feeling just as shitty as I do, made us bond quick and I might even consider him my best friend by now.
To think I hated his guts not even a year ago.
Trouble shared is trouble halved, right? We are in the same position, even though Finnley is my boyfriend and not his. He is in fact Oliver's best friend and Oliver loves him just as much as I do.
And the bond we build over the past couple of weeks is so close, you would think I've known Oliver since birth.
I pretty much managed to build a small door in his walls, every so often allowed in on his true feelings and thoughts.
And in return, he knows pretty much everything about me too.
"What time is it?" I watch Oliver in the dark, but the fact that it's dark, isn't saying anything about the current time. There's blinds in front of the window that create a darkness in the room even when the sun is at its highest point.
"Eight in the morning." Oliver yawns, falling backwards on the bed.
"We need to get to school." I tell him, rolling over to observe him.
"Did you forget, out of the two of us, you're the only one that has no trouble with getting up early?"
"You're awake anyway." I hit his face with a pillow, before I let out a laugh. He tackles me down to the bed, pinning me down while he stares down at me.
"Watch it, Cris." He murmurs, leaning closer and closer, until our lips are only separated by a paper-thin gap of air. "Do not challenge me."
All I do is frown, teasing him by pulling up my knee in between his legs, to rub my leg against his member. "What's wrong, Oliver?" I chuckle when he closes his eyes.
"Cris..." He whines. "You know how I am early in the morning."
"I do." I throw my head back to let out a roaring laugh. "Horny as fuck, short fuse, not as witty as during the day..." I sum up with a chuckle to end my words. "Get off, we're getting breakfast."
"You're such a tease." Oliver complains, rolling away, rubbing his member with a frustrated look on his face. "I need a shower. You eat breakfast on your own."
"Fine." I shrug carelessly. "Have fun jacking off."
"I hate you."
"Aah, I love you too, Oli-dollie." I coo at him, before I pull on jeans that is still on the ground. As soon as I turn around, a pillow hits me in my face, causing me to laugh, Oliver soon joining in.
"Don't call me like that."
"But it's cute."
"It's not." He shakes his head while still snickering a bit. "Make breakfast, we leave in an hour and a half."
"Don't forget we're eating at aunt Cady's tonight!" I call after him, reminding him that we won't go home after school, so he needs to dress decent enough for dinner with Finnley's aunt Cady, who invited us over because she appreciates the company and we want to support her too.
We all know we need to be supportive of each other to get through this.
A/N The third book, The Struggle For Love, is now up in a new form! Read on and find out what happened to Finnley!