Change of heart
I planned on sleeping early to prepare myself for tomorrow's media conference. I even bought face masks and tea to somehow conceal the stress and anxiety on my face. But of course, things don't go as planned.
Inayos ko ang aking salamin habang pinapanood ang pagbagsak ng ulan at ang paghanap ng mga tao ng masisilungan. I heaved a sigh and reached for the tea I ordered. Dahil nabagod na ako kakapilit sa aking sariling matulog, nagdesisyon na lamang akong tumambay sa café sa ibaba ng aking unit.
I looked around the café and saw everybody busy with their own thing. Most of their customers were students, drowning in their books and projects. Kung hindi kaya ako nag-artista, isa rin ba ako sa kanila?
Akmang ibabalik ko na sa mesa ang aking tasa nang biglang may bumeso sa akin. I froze on my seat when I got a whiff of her familiar sweet scent.
No way.
"Nice bumping into you, Shar." aniya matapos akong ibeso.
"Alexa..." I mumbled when I saw Nash's ex standing right in front of me.
Bakit andito siya? Is she here to confront me? Isusumbat ba niya lahat sa akin?
But contrary to what I was expecting, she was wearing her usual sweet smile. She doesn't look like she's here to fight.
"Upo ako ha?" she pointed at the seat across mine.
Bagaman hindi pa ako nakakasagot ay tinungo na nito ang silya. Nang makaupo ay ibinaba nito sa ilalim ng mesa ang mga dala nitong shopping bags.
"Painom," inabot nito ang aking tasa at tulad ng kanina ay hindi na nito hinintay ang aking pahintulot.
I watched her down the remaining contents of my cup. She even giggled when some of the tea spilled on the sides of her lips. Mahinhin nitong ibinalik sa platito ang tasa at inabot ang tissue upang pahiran ang kanyang bibig.
Matapos iyon ay inayos nito ang kanyang buhok at tinuwid ang pagkakaupo.
"Sorry, medyo aligaga ako these past few days." hinging paumanhin nito.
I nodded slowly, still aghast with her sudden appearance. My mind was busy enumerating the possibilities of as to why she was here. But whatever happens, handa akong makinig at damayan siya. Kung kakailanganin ay handa rin akong akuin ang lahat, upang mapagaan ang kanyang loob.
Kasi hindi ba't ako naman talaga ang puno't dulo ng lahat?
But looking at her now, she's far from what I expected her to be. Maaliwalas ang mukha nito, ni wala akong makitang senyales ng stress at pagmumukmok.
Not that I don't like seeing her happy after their break up, I just find it weird that she looks unaffected by it. Hindi kaya biro ang pinagsamahan nila ni Nash. They've been together for god knows how long. If I was on her shoes, baka ilang taon akong nagdadrama pa.
But then again, we have different ways of coping - and this is hers.
"Stop looking at me like that, Shar. Ano ba." nangingiti nitong saway sa akin, nang mapansin ang tinging ipinupukol ko rito.
I gulped the invisible lump on my throat. Gosh, I am so tensed.
"K-kamusta ka na?" I managed to ask.
I don't know how it was possible for her grin to grow wider. It's as if I poked her sweet spot with my question.
"Never been better!" she exclaimed which caused my eyes to grow.
What the hell? What is this plot twist?
She leaned on her back. "I never thought a break up could make me this happy and free. If I knew it then, sana I broke up with him sooner." she answered as if it was nothing.
Kumunot ang noo ko. Now I'm curious. Why does she sound like their relationship was toxic and miserable?
"What do you mean?" I asked, curious.
"Well..." she trailed off.
And I swear, my jaw dropped on the floor with her revelation.
I forced a smile when I saw Donny happily waving at our direction. Bihis na bihis na ito. Nasa harapan nito ang iba pang cast na nakapila sa labas ng Dolphy Theater.
Buong gabi akong tulala lang sa kisame ng kwarto ko. Hindi na nga ako makatulog, ginising pa ni Alexa ang buo kong diwa.
I scanned the long line of celebrities, in search for him. Napabuntong hininga ako ng hindi ko ito makita. Hindi ko alam kung anong mukha ang ihaharap ko sa kanya. I am such a terrible friend.
I walked towards Donny and Joao and joined their chat, para kahit papaano ay madistract ako.
Hindi nagtagal ay dumating na rin si Direk Mac kasama si Nash. Kasunod niya ay ang kanyang entourage na abala sa pag-aadjust ng suit nito.
My heart automatically clenched. I peeled my eyes off him and concentrated on Donny and Joao. Though it was a futile attempt, because I still glance over his direction every now and then.
A staff emerged from the crowd. "Positions, please."
Those two fucking words shook my core. What do I do now?
Humiwalay na sa akin ang dalawa at tinungo na ang kanilang mga lugar. Dahil kami ni Nash ang bida ay kami ang nasa pinakadulo ng linya. I dragged myself to my designated spot. Bahala na mamaya. I'll just act natural.
Moments later, the main door to the theater finally opened. Pinipisil ko ang aking mga daliri upang kalmahin ang aking sarili. This event is double kill for me. The press are ready to skin me alive and Nash's mere presence fucks me up.
My system went overdrive when Nash took my hand and linked it with his arm. His manly musk was overwhelming, hypnotising me. Pilit ko pa ring pinanatili ang aking composure.
"Kinakabahan ka?" Masuyo nitong tanong sa akin.
I cleared my throat. "Hindi." Tipid kong sagot, my eyes glued on Donny's back.
Stop talking to me! You're making me guiltier.
"We got this." Dagdag nito kahit na hindi ko naman siya masyadong pinapansin.
God, can this day end already?
The media's irrelevant and redundant questions almost lulled me to sleep. Hindi pa ako masyadong makagalaw dahil ilang pulgada lang ang layo ni Nash sa akin.
When the second wave of inquiries came, I mentally prepared myself. Here comes invading and personal questions.
"First question is for Ms. Sharlene," I feigned a smile. Wow, how lucky of me to get the first question.
Ipinasa sa akin ni Direk Mac ang mic. I silently prayed na sana ay matino ang itatanong nila sa akin.
"Kamusta ang lovelife?" she asked, a malicious grin painted on her face.
Of course, this is the first question. Throughout the years of being in showbiz, I realised that this is a mandatory question. Hindi pwedeng hindi ito matanong sa iyo. Your lovelife is their business.
"Happily single po." I answered immediately.
Tumango ito. "Pero ayon sa reliable source namin ay nagkakamabutihan na raw kayo ni Donny? How true po?" She probed which earned whispers from the crowd.
Naramdaman ko ang pagsiko ni Direk Mac sa akin. I know he wants me to take full responsibility for this. I can't blame him, hindi naman siya nagkulang sa paalala sa amin ni Donny. The both of us tried so hard to keep it from the public and we managed to conceal it from them. But these people have eyes everywhere. They are beyond our control.
"Opo, nagkakamabutihan po kami as friends. Pati po kami nina Joao, ni Nash, nagkakamabutihan po kaming apat." I responded which caused the crowd to laugh.
I smirked, feeling a little smug about my successful evasion of her inquiry. Ano ka ngayon?
She nodded, although it was evident that she wasn't satisfied with my answer. Umupo na ito at may isang pumalit sa kanyang posisyon.
"Question for Nash Aguas po."
I jumped a little when Nash grabbed the mic from my grasp. And I don't know if it was just me or his thumb really did graze the back of my palm. I eyed him suspiciously, but his eyes were on the journalist.
Hmm, maybe not. Napapraning na siguro ako sa kakulangan ng pahinga.
"Totoo po bang break na kayo ni Alexa?" Maingat nitong tanong.
The theater fell silent. This is the first time he has been asked about his relationship with Alexa. Tuwing may interviews kasi kami ay ipinagbabawal iyon ng kanyang manager.
He smiled, but his sparkly orbs betrayed him. I don't know if it was just acting or if he was genuinely sad.
"Opo. Break na po kami." He answered.
"May we know the reason? Third party po ba or something?"
I waited for his answer. Tignan natin kung magtutugma ang kwento ni Alexa sa bersyon niya.
"Gusto po sana namin na amin na lang po yung rason. What's important is that, wala pong hard feelings on both sides. And that the break up was a mutual decision." Aniya na umani ng palakpak mula sa mga tao.
Okay, now that part is really true. Alexa herself proved that to me.
"So, pahinga ka po muna sa dating?"
Nash chuckled. "Work po muna tayo."
The journalist thanked Nash before proceeding to asking the other cast members. Ibinalik ni Nash sa akin ang mic. Mind you, hindi iyon ang simpleng pag-abot ng mic. He grabbed my hand, opened it, and placed the mic on my palm before closing it with his both hands.
Agad kong binawi ang kamay ko rito. Look at him being flirty in front of the press. At hindi pa ito nakuntento, lumapit pa ito sa akin at bumulong.
"I'll be working on us." He whispered which sent tingles all over my body.
I was lazily going through the script while Julian was fixing my hair. Puro scenes na namin ni Nash ang ishoshoot ngayon, kaya walang Donny o Joao na sasalba sa akin mula sa ka-ilangan. Not to mention, nag-uumpisa nang maglandian ang mga karakter namin.
Everything seemed normal, not until my eyes landed on two capitalized words. Oh my goodness!
I choked on my own saliva, causing Sofia to rush over to my side.
"Shar, anong problema?" Nag-aalala nitong tanong sa akin.
My eyes were so big in sheer shock. Itinuro ko ang dalawang salitang yumanig sa mundo ko. She gasped in surprise too. Naramdaman ko ang pagtigil ni Julian sa ginagawa at nakisilip din.
"Ay napatay na!" He exclaimed.
Kinuha nilang dalawa ang script and gaped at it like it grew a head or something. Inabot ko ang tubig at agad na inubos iyon. My goodness, how to kalma? Ngunit kahit na naubos ko na ang tubig ay mabilis pa rin ang tibok ng puso ko.
"Nasaan si Direk Mac? Baka pwede pa yang palitan?" Hysterical kong tanong.
"Sige, kakausapin ko siya." Sofia headed to the door but the devious Julian stopped her.
"Ano ka ba, hindi mo ba nakita ang mukha ni Direk Mac kanina?" Pagpigil niya kay Sofia.
Ngumuso ako. Oo nga pala. He looked like he hasn't slept a wink. Mukhang inaatake ito ng pagiging perfectionist niya. Ilang extra at talent nga ang napagalitan niya kanina, kahit na namali lang ang mga ito ng posisyon.
"Pero guys, ikamamatay ko yan." I whined.
Lumapit sa akin si Julian at binatukan ako. "OA mo gaga. If I know, ilang taon mong ipinagdasal na mangyari ito."
"Dati yun, okay. Iba na ngayon!" I said in my defense.
I turned to Sofia. "Sof, sasamahan kita kay Direk. Handa akong magpabuga ng apoy wag lang matuloy ito." I bravely told her.
Julian sarcastically laughed. "Sige, tignan natin kung hanggang saan ang tapang niyo."
Sofia and I held hands as we walked towards Direk Mac's room. Kinakababan ako ng sobra-sobra, pero wala akong pakialam. Hindi pwedeng matuloy ito!
Nang marating namin ang kwarto niya ay si Sofia ang kumatok. He answered from the inside permitting us to get in. Sabay kaming bumuntong hininga bago pumasok.
Naabutan namin si Direk na nakakunot ang noo habang pinapanood ang mga eksena namin kanina. Dear lawd, sana pumayag siya.
"Bakit?" He asked, his eyes not leaving the screen.
Siniko ako ni Sofia, hudyat na magsalita na ako. I did the sign of the cross before speaking.
"Uh, Direk tungkol po doon sa eksena namin ni Nash kanina..." I trailed off, still testing the waters.
He nodded. "What about it?"
"Ano, baka pwede pong tanggalin yung last part?" Maingat ko pa ring tanong.
His eyebrow raised and he finally averted his gaze on us. "Last part, you mean, iyong -"
I cut him off. Gosh, I don't even like hearing it. "Opo. Parang ang bilis po ata?"
He narrowed his eyes on me. "Mabilis? Ilang episodes na nga tayo ngayon, Shar?" Kalmado pero sarcastic nitong tanong sa akin.
Ngumiwi ako. There goes my chance of winning this argument.
"If you don't have any questions, you may leave." He finally said and went back to what he was doing earlier.
I bit my lip in frustration as Sofia escorted me out of his office. What now?
-------------------
Is it too late to greet happy new year? Haha! Thank you so much for the kind words, patience, and the support. Nakakakilig promise!