~ Chapter 49: Ache ~
[ Jackie’s POV: ]
“Are you scared?” Tyler’s voice rang in my ears.
“W-Wha—Why would I be scared?” I frowned.
“I don’t know,” he shrugged, amused by my reaction. “You just seem like the kind of person who’d be scared, you know?”
“No, I don’t,” I shook my head.
Tyler leaned closer to me. “Yes you do.”
I scoffed and shoved him away from me playfully. “Go now,” I said, “You don’t want to be late for your cousin’s party.”
Tyler groaned, grabbing my hand. “Are you sure you don’t want to come? We’ll go straight to that scary movie right afterwards. It’s easier.”
“I know, but…” I paused. “I just can’t bail on Robin.”
“Oh right,” he sighed. “I understand.”
“I’ll see you at 8?” I asked for reassurance.
“You got it,” he smiled, planting a kiss on my cheek before leaving. When I turned around, I saw Robin sitting lazily on the couch.
“You could’ve gone with him to the party,” she murmured. “You didn’t have to stay to keep me company.”
“Robin, we’re both alone in our homes. The least we could do is keep each other company.”
“But I don’t want to get in between your time with Tyler,” she pointed out.
My eyes slowly widened and I crossed my arms stubbornly. “It’s not like we’re dating.”
“Yeah, that’s confusing,” she leaned her head back on the pillow.
“What do you mean?”
“You two have been going out and doing stuff since you met. I wouldn’t be surprised if Tyler thought of you as his official girlfriend,” she explained.
“B-But I… I don’t… consider myself as taken,” I sighed.
“I think he does, though,” Robin looked at me. “And when are you telling him the truth?”
“Truth?” I asked. “About what?”
“The fact that you regret having sex with him,” she said. “It’s been more than a week and I’m pretty sure he’s content with his relationship with you. But you don’t feel the same way, do you?”
I groaned. “It’s not like I don’t want to! I want to love him! I want to make it easier for myself but I know in my heart that I don’t love Tyler. I just like him. He’s cute and a good friend but I don’t… I don’t see myself as having that kind of future with him. There’s something inside me holding me back from that.”
“Like Justin?” Robin asked.
The room fell silent. My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name being spoken into the air. I haven’t heard anyone say that name in a while. I’ve been trying to forget but… How could I? It was impossible to.
“Sorry,” Robin apologized. “I know you don’t want to think of him.”
“It’s okay…” I trailed off, biting my lip.
“I think you have a right to know this, though,” she sat up and looked straight into my eyes.
“Know what?” I could feel my stomach churning.
“Umm… There’s been tons of pictures of Justin with that Katie girl. I don’t know if they’re together or not but… They’ve been with each other everywhere they go, like they’re attached to each other. I want to say Justin hasn’t forgotten about you, but I’m not sure if I can say that with pure confidence any more. I’m.. sorry,” she gave me the saddest look I’ve ever seen her give me. I could tell she felt sympathy towards me, but I suspected this would happen sooner or later. I mean… The girl’s pregnant with his kid. He’d never ditch her for someone like me.
“I’m going upstairs,” I randomly said, standing up quickly. I could feel tears surfacing my eyes. I hate thinking about this.
“Wait, Jackie—!”
And I was gone.
—
[ Justin’s POV: ]
Today is the last show of the tour. I’m getting a break after this, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be performing quick shows later on. The past week was pretty okay. I’ve hidden my last blunt somewhere Katie would never find it, and I’ve been helping her do stuff to keep her mind off of wanting drugs, or even alcohol. You could say we’ve grown closer, and I don’t think of her as a stranger anymore. In my eyes, I’ve always viewed her as this girl I’ve never met before who, by accident, is carrying my child. But now, she’s more than that. She’s my friend, but I’m still unsure if I want her and I to be further than that. The thought of being that way with her is still pretty foreign to me.
“Justin,” a voice snapped me from my thoughts. I quickly looked up to see Scooter walking over to where I lay on the couch in our hotel suite.
“Yo,” I nodded, acknowledging his presense.
“Don’t ‘yo’ me right now,” he rolled his eyes, his tone rather harsh. I did a double take. What’s he so angry about?
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“I’ve decided on something,” he said, “Something I’ve been thinking of doing for a long time, but I was putting it off until now.”
“What’s… going… on?” I repeated, slower this time in order to emphasize my confusion.
“It’s not that I don’t believe her or anything, but I’m a careful person. We have to clear this up for sure because, god forbid, we’re living a lie, so… I’m going to make you take a paternity test,” he said strictly. My eyes widened and I did another double take.
“You’re accusing Katie of lying?” I asked. “This is fucking unbelievable!”
“Justin, I know you trust her but someone has to be the one to acknowledge that this has to be done,” he explained himself.
“You think Katie would stoop so low?” I angrily clutched my fists.
“Would you calm down?!” he yelled.
“Look who’s talking,” I murmured.
“We’re settling this whether you like it or not. So get your ass here early in the morning, you got it?”
“Whatever,” I waved him off.
“Now go get ready. We need to prepare for this last show,” he said, leaving just as the doorbell rang.
“Fuck,” I groaned. “Why do I have to get up now?”
I lazily stood up from the couch, forcing myself to walk towards the door. The minute I opened it, I was face to face with one of the last people I wanted to see right now. It’s not that I hate him, but let me put it this way: if he was on fire and I had a glass of water, I’d drink the water.
“Hey,” he greeted me awkwardly.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Twist?” I asked angrily.
“I, uh.. I heard you were staying here so I came from L.A ‘cause I wanted to see you, man. I’m sorry about what happened the last time we saw each other. I know my actions were horrible but I promise I won’t treat you like that again,” he apologized. “I’m sorry for talking shit to you and I’m sorry for spitting on you. I really am.”
I blinked at him, looking into his eyes without saying a word.
“There’s going to be a great party tonight and maybe you could join me after your concert. It’d be a great place to have some fun for once and I think you deserve all the fun you could get at this point, so what do you say? Do you forgive me?” he asked.
Another party?
I cleared my throat, opening my mouth to reply, but instead of answering him, I gathered up all the saliva I could muster up in one spot and I spat right at his face. His reaction was priceless and I couldn’t help but grin as I quoted his exact words from the day he spat on me, “Go rot in hell, you man whore.”
And with that, I slammed the door in his face and walked back to the couch where I laid lazily for another hour before getting back up to get ready for my last show.
—
After I was done performing, I realized how much I was going to miss it. Sure, it won’t be long before I do more shows, but still. My fans are my passion.
However, there was still so many things happening in my life that I can’t keep track of all of it. I’ve already fainted of stress before, and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to go through that again, so I decided I’d just put a hoodie on and walk around the streets of San Diego. Since we left Katie in L.A for some time, I could have peace to myself and just take a break from everything.
So I walked through avenues and parks and several different stores, enjoying the night sky and the fresh air. It was pretty late, so there weren’t crowds of people swarming the streets. It was peaceful and quiet—exactly what I needed.
I thought about different things, and the thought of Lil Twist suddenly came to my head. I’m pretty sure what I did to him earlier today meant our friendship is officially over. I don’t ever want to see his face ever again. All he wants from me is to attend parties and knock up random sluts and get drunk or smoke weed. He’s part of the reason there’s so much negativity in my life, and I can’t even trust him about anything. He could’ve apologized sincerely like a normal person and make sure I’ve really forgiven him instead of bringing up the fact that he wanted me to go to yet another party. ‘Cause that’s all he does—just party.
I stuffed my hands inside my pockets and looked out across the street. There was this tall man carrying a little girl on his shoulders, and the little girl was pointing ahead, shouting, “Daddy, daddy! I see a puppy!”
I couldn’t help but smile at the sight, and something inside me sparked. Am I really excited to becoming a dad?
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. After all, that’s the entire point of walking around at night. As I continued forward, I saw a couple holding hands. The girl was laughing at something the guy had said, and she playfully smacked him in the arm. I saw the guy laugh with her and then he kissed her forehead. The girl just blushed and smiled.
I stopped in my tracks.
What?
They were far away, but I could recognize that smile from miles and miles away. Even after all this time not seeing her, I remembered her smile.
That’s… Jackie.
Jackie and… Some guy. She’s with another man.
Another… man. Not me. Him.
I watched the guy that was with Jackie squeeze her hand and he leaned extremely close to her. It made me uncomfortable to see someone so close to her. And then he kissed her.
He kissed her.
Some guy I don’t know is kissing Jackie.
Jackie.
I couldn’t hear a single sound but the rapid beating of my heart. Why was it bothering me so much to see Jackie with another man? She’s not… She’s not mine to keep. I gave her away, right? Isn’t this what I wanted? For her to be with someone normal? With someone who’ll keep her away from a life with fame? This is what I wanted for her.
So why is my heart aching? Why are my legs giving out on me? Why do I feel this way? So… So heartbroken?
Why do I have the urge to run over there and tell him to stop? To get away from her? Why do I want to hold her in my arms and never let her go?
Why?
I blinked a couple of times, snapping out of my thoughts. That’s when I realized I was crying. There were tears slipping down from my cheeks as I watched the guy caress Jackie’s cheek and continue walking with her.
I wanted to be him. I wanted to be the one walking with her, holding her close to me.
“The movie wasn’t even that scary,” I heard Jackie’s beautiful voice from across the street.
“Then why were you squeezing my hand so hard?” the dude joked, laughing a little.
They saw a movie together? They went on a date?
I could feel my heart shattering into pieces. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I wanted to avoid another heartbreak. That’s why I avoided love. I avoided Jackie’s love because even Jackie’s love is still love.
But my heart is crying, which means I failed my mission. I failed staying away from love because, guess what?
I fell in love with her.
************************
#PLOTTWIST
Justin caught Jackie and Tyler coming back from a date. But more importantly, Justin realized he’s in love with her!
Did I just hear shit get real because SHIT GOT REAL.
What’s gonna happen? I don’t know ;)
(Actually that’s a lie, I do know. I’m the author. Muahaha)
BY THE WAY, for those of you who read my other book IGHL, I’ll finally be updating that wonderful story on my birthday, which is in like 6 days. I’m still super busy and I can’t keep up with updating two stories so I thought I should bring you guys joy on my bday :)
ILY you guys!
- Nina xx