I quickly ran out of the bedroom, trying to find Sarah in the quiet house. Most of the people there were all ready gone, and with the house being so huge, it was nearly impossible to find her. My phone was in the bag that my old clothes were in, so I quickly headed to the bathroom and searched for it. As I looked, I couldn't find it. I searched everywhere. Then I looked behind me... it was hanging on the back of the door as I pulled it out and noticed my nearly dead battery.
I quickly dialed Sarah's number as I mumbled come on, Sarah. Pick up your god damn phone. My phone started beeping at me as I screamed at it, "I know you're dying. Shut the fuck up!" My head started to pound as I crouched over in pain slightly.
"Hello?" Sarah asked with a giggle.
"Sarah! I need you to come to the bathroom where we changed."
"Alright. Mmm... give me five minutes." She quickly hung up as I took off the dress and slipped on my old clothes, putting the dress back in the bag.
I grabbed my necklace, putting it on and touching it, then raised it up to my lips. "I love you guys, so much. I really wish you were still here." I paced back and fourth, waiting for her to come into the bathroom. A million things ran through my mind. Everything from trying to remember everything last night to Jack to the kids.
Was Alex sober?
Did Alex know it was me?
What if Jack finds out?
Will Jack find out?
What happened last night?
Would this still have happened if I was pregnant?
Then doubt set in.
I did nothing wrong.
I didn't kiss Alex.
That was powdered sugar that went up my nose.
All the rooms were taken and since we all knew each other, we decided to crash together.
This wasn't a party. Just a small get together.
Nothing. Happened. With. Alex. Nothing.
Sarah finally walked in as she smiled, running her fingers through her hair. "What's up Em?"
"I want to go home. Now."
"What's wrong? You seem... pissed."
"I am fucking pissed. I'd rather not talk about it. I just... I want to go home to Jack!"
"Alright, alright. Let me get dressed and we can head out. Need some sugar to calm you down?"
"No, I don't want your fucking sugar. I want to see my boyfriend. Please."
"All right," she said, slipping on her shirt as she grabbed her bag and we headed out to her car. We put our clothes in the trunk, then got in the car and drove off. The sun was rising as I just shook my head, taking a cigarette and smoking it quickly. I had nothing to say to Sarah, and I'm sure she knew how pissed off I was at her. None the less, the car ride back home was awkward.
She finally pulled into the driveway as I looked to her and sighed, "Do you have an extra pack of cigarettes?" Sarah tossed me the one pack I grabbed my last one from as she smiled to me. "Thanks," I said.
"No problem. I have to get more anyway. I'll call you!"
"Hey," I said before I got out.
"Yeah?"
"Why do you have so much money?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you're always paying for my stuff, spending money left and right..."
"Oh, I sell coke. But you didn't hear that from me."
"Sarah! That's dangerous!"
"Well, a girl's gotta make her own. Jobs were too boring for me."
"Does Matt know?"
"No. And if you tell him, I will tell Jack about your little escapade last night," She smiled wide as she put a hand on the steering wheel and tilted her head. “Okay?”
I shook my head and sighed, getting out, still in shock that my new friend was a drug dealer. And a druggie. But I guess that doesn't say much for me, since I did participate last night with no hesitation.
She quickly drove off as I just sat on the steps and sighed, slipping the cigarettes into my purse. I buried my head in my hands as I just sighed. Jack could never find out about what happened. I couldn't leave someone as amazing as him. But he did cheat on me with his ex girlfriend. However, cheating on him with Alex doesn't make us even. It only deepens a wound.
I finally stood up and walked in as I smiled, seeing Jack playing a video game. "Hey baby. Sorry about last night. Things got a little crazy, and no one was sober enough to drive."
"That's alright, babe. Did you have a good time?" He leaned in and kissed me as he made a disgusted face as I gently kissed him back.
"It was alright. Next time, I'm going to spend the night with you. For some reason, doing nothing with someone I love is better than being surrounded by strangers." Or, mostly strangers, anyway.
"Alright. Well, Allison called me. She said she couldn't get a hold of you, and that you need to be into work, actually, in two hours." He barely took his eyes off the screen. This wasn't like Jack at all.
"Alright. I'll miss you. We never do anything anymore together."
"Because you're always with Sarah."
"Well, I thought you'd like to bond with like some of the guys... Just because we live together doesn't mean we have to spend every waking hour together. You have other friends, too."
"That's nice of you to say. Pushing me away?"
I ruffled my brow as I shook my head. "Not at all I was saying. But I am kind of..." I kissed his neck gently, working my way down to his tattoo, and then licking back up to his lips. I felt Jack swallow hard, trying to fight me. I shrugged and smiled, "I have to get into the shower, though. Gotta get ready for work, and all." I got up and went to the bedroom, stripping down and wrapped a towel around me as I called out to him, "Door will be unlocked if you need to use the bathroom."
Turning on the water, I made sure it was hot as I took the towel off and stepped in, getting my hair wet. I just closed my eyes as I let the water run all over me and not too long after, I heard the door open. I pretended like I never heard it as I smiled and started humming. Pants and shirts were dropping as he walked in.
"Hey, sexy," Jack said.
"Oh, hello," I said as he pushed me out of the water and against the wall, kissing me hard. "You have to make up for last night, Em," He said, slipping a tongue gently into my mouth. His hand felt up my body as I sighed gently, wrapping my arms around his neck, my legs around his hips. Jack backed up a little bit, moving the shower head up so it'd stream down on us as I moaned into his neck.
Between the thrusting, his hands and the water, I wasn't sure what got me off more. I didn't care. All I mattered about was that Jack was with me, and that I kept my dirty secret under my pillow.
We finished as we just decided to take a shower together, since we were in there anyway. Why waste any more water than we needed to? I washed Jack's body as he washed his hair, and then we switched, he washed my hair as I washed my body. It wasn't very sexy taking a shower together afterward, but it was needed. I had to get the grime of Alex off me.
Jack and I stepped out as we wrapped ourselves in towels. "I'll just stay in here and do my hair. You can go finish your game," I said kissing him gently. He nodded as he walked out.
I sighed as the door shut, looking into the mirror. Who was I? I knew two wrongs didn't make a right, but who did worse? Jack for sleeping with his ex, or me for unknowingly sleeping (maybe) with Alex?
I blow dried my hair, everything and anything going through my head to try to remember that night, but the last thing I remember was having a few drinks with a masked man with an evil smile and kissing him. Then I woke up in bed next to him. Mad at myself, and somewhat at Sarah, I just couldn't stand to lie to Jack, but I didn't want anything to end.
After a while, my hair was curled and up and my make up was on as I walked out to the bedroom, putting on jeans and a nice t-shirt. Nothing fancy. I was actually hoping to run into Allison at work. We had so many things to catch up on.
I went into the living room, seeing Jack playing his game again with Alex. "Hey, Emily!" Alex said with a smile and wave. Seeing his face made me sick to my stomach and I wanted to puke. He disgusted me so much.
"Hey, guys. I'm heading out to work, babe. I'll see you tonight?" I leaned down and kissed him roughly, practically shoving my tongue down his throat. Jack returned the favor, almost not even caring that Alex was there. I opened my eyes and gave him an evil glare as I smiled.
"Alright, babe. Be careful."
I walked out the door, slipping on some flats as I grabbed my purse and headed out.
In retrospect, I don't think pissing Alex off was a great idea. I wasn't sure of what ammo he had on me. All I could do was hope that he would shoot blanks.
As I pulled up to the main road, I lit my cigarette and drove to work, music blasting, thoughts rushing through my head.
Was Alex sober?
Would he blab?
Does he even remember the kiss?
Pulling into work, I flicked out my cigarette and walked in, signing in as I sighed, seeing Allison behind the desk. "Welcome back, Em! We all missed you!"
I walked around, pulling up a seat and hugging her tightly. "I missed you too, Allison. What's going on?"
"Nothing too much. Some girls had got sick so I had no choice but to call you in. There's just so many papers to file, and I'm about off my clock. Think you can handle it?"
I nodded and smiled, looking down, almost ashamed. "How are you and Alex?"
"We are... alright. How are you and Jack?"
"We're great. Couldn't be better."
"How are you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, everything that's been going on... Just wondering how you are doing."
"Oh, I'm alright. I'm doing okay." I nodded as I smiled softly.
"What happened?" Allison's stare at me was deep, and it kind of really hurt.
"Nothing. Just went to a party with Sarah last night."
"And?"
"Nothing. That's all. Had a few drinks. Head's a bit.. fuzzy."
Allison's eyes pierced me deep as I kicked myself for not telling her about Alex, but if I did tell her, then she'd tell me that I had to talk to Jack and I really wasn't ready for that step. "Hey, I have to leave, okay? I'll let Amy know you're here," Allison said as she hugged me tight. I sniffled softly as I just yelled at myself.
I logged into the computer with my information as I just shook my head. I had to do the schedule and make sure no one got over time or more than they needed, marking down their vacation days. I had to file requests, past requests and paychecks. Not too hard, but the stack of papers seemed a mile high with everything on my mind.
Just as I opened up the schedule, Allison walked out with Amy. "Bye, Em. I'll see you soon. Say hi to Jack for me."
I nodded as Amy and Allison walked around and hugged the breath out of me. "Emily! Are you okay?" I looked to Allison who held up her fingers as if it were a phone, dropping a note on the top of the computer.
"Yeah, I guess. How has everyone been?"
"Most everyone but Allison got fired. There was stealing going on, and we went and cleaned everyone out. People were smoking pot, having guys sleep over and it was just a mess. How are you and Jack coping with..." Her voice trailed off as she looked down.
"Oh, the twins. Yeah. We're doing... all right. Thanks."
"I'm sorry I missed the engagement. I would have came but I was pretty busy hiring and what not."
"It's no big deal. All that matters is your thoughts and giving me time to come back whenever."
"You're always welcome to come and go as you please. You've been nothing but help with us, and the best cleaner. You've raised our clientele and that's a huge plus."
I nodded and smiled as I looked back to the computer. "Thank you."
"Well, I'll let you get back to work. I just wanted to quick check up on you." She left, going back to her office as I sighed. Going through the names, she wasn't kidding. She had pretty much all new people.
After Amy left, I grabbed the note and read it. Em. I have so much stuff to tell you! I'll call you tomorrow or let you call me. It's so exciting! Love you! --A.
After about two hours of rearranging and organizing, I finally finished the schedule. Hoping that it was good enough, I sent it to Amy via e-mail and waited for conformation. About ten minutes later she gave me the okay to print it up.
I posted it up on the bulletin board and sat back down, tapping my nails on the desk. Out of no where, the phone rang for the first time all day. I picked up the phone and smiled, "Midnight Maids, my name is Emily. How can I help you?"
"Hey, Emily, it's Alex." My heart sank down out of my chest as I swallowed hard. "Hey, listen, I wanted to thank you for last night. Even though you were all high, it was amazing."
"Alex, I don't quite know what you're talking about. I left that party early."
"Yeah, you did. Passed the fuck out after we--"
"Enough, Alex. I have a hard enough time remembering that night. I don't need the filthy details."
"Well, let's re-enact what we did tonight."
"I want you out of the house,” by this time, my leg was bouncing and I was biting at my cheek. Alex was not going to be shooting at me with blanks. He was full armed.
Alex chuckled and sighed. "See, you can't quite do that. It's Jack's house. And if you tell him you want me gone, there'll have to be a reason, and that reason is that you had sex with me and you can't quite tell Jack that, because then it'd be you who'd be kicked out. On top of the drugs and smoking."
I sighed and shook my head. "Listen, Jack can't find out, Alex. Please. Don't say anything. It's not fair that I was passed out and you took advantage of me. Think about that." I hung up the phone and wanted to scream. Actually, I just wanted a cigarette.
After taking a few moments of calm down time, I went and sorted the papers. Filed the papers. Shredded old documents that didn't need to be around. Overall, it was a quiet day. I really just wanted to leave. But I decided to kill time and act busy, checking up on my Chitter that I never updated.
I had countless notifications. From congratulations to I'm sorry. Some random ones, people wishing they were me, asking me what Jack was like. I guess it was time to maybe use it a bit more?
I gave a few people replies, put a picture of myself up there, and posted a new status: Thank you to everyone who gave their sorrows to Jack and I. Really appreciate it.
That killed an hour, and with only a half hour left, I decided to see if there was anyone here to take over. I dialed Amy's extension line and waited for her to pick up. "Amy. How can I help you?"
"Hey, Amy. Is there anyone who can take over? I'm all done with my work, and I just want to go home."
"Yeah, let me call in Susie. You're amazing, you know that? Is there anything that you can't do?"
Yeah. Carry my own fucking children. Sleep with one person at a time. Eat. "Not sure. When I find something, I'll let you know." We hung up as I waited and logged out, tapping my fingers on the desk again. This was one long wait.
Finally, a curly brunette walked in. She was quite young. Much like when I started here. "Hi Emily. I'm Susie. It's nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you." She held out her hand and I was almost afraid to touch it.
I shook her hand anyway and smiled, "Thank you. It's nice to meet you, Susie. Welcome to the team!" I grabbed my purse and hurried out the door.
As I got into my car, I quickly lit up a cigarette and just sat there, smoking it before I took off back for home. At least, for now home.
The drive was quick as the music blared. I got stares, but I really didn't care. I was being me, and if they had problems, then they could suck on my left tit.
Pulling in, I saw Sarahs car in the driveway. My heart sank. Luckily Alex was gone, though. I don't think I could have handed that quite yet. I cleared my throat, fixing my hair and spritzing my body gently. Was I ready to face whatever the hell was going on in there? Sarah all over Jack? Jack on top of Sarah?
To my surprise, I walked in on a Sarah sitting on the other couch, proper posture and Jack slouching in the chair. "Uhm, hello?"
"How the fuck could you, Emily?" Jack asked sobbing.
I sat down next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, "What are you talking about, Jack?" Please don't say Alex. Anything at all but Alex. Not Alex. Not. Fucking. Alex. My heart was racing, pounding almost out of my chest.
"Sarah found pictures of you on Chitter from her friends house, smoking pot and your boobs are coming out..."
I looked at Sarah giving her the I'm-visually-stabbing-you-with-the-dullest-knife-possible look. How the hell could she?
"And cigarettes. Why would you do this to me? What about being strong?"
"She--" I said pointing to Sarah.
"No, I'm going to go to cool down. I can't look at you right now, Emily. I have to think." Jack walked sadly into the bedroom, shutting the door.
Sarahs smirk on her face gave me a sense that something was up. "What. The. Fuck?" I growled behind my teeth.
"Emily, I am very concerned with your behavior lately. Doing drugs, being half naked?"
I spoke lowly and angrily to Sarah, "I don't know what the fuck you think you're doing, but leave Jack out of it."
"Listen, you have dirt on me, I want to make sure that you're not going to blab about our little talk."
"I would never. Do you even have proof of these "drugs" I did last night?"
Sarah nodded, taking out pictures from her purse as I looked about them. They were real, and I honestly do not remember that happening, but I guess they did. "There's even some of you and Alex. So you better keep your pretty little mouth shut."
"I want to see." I said strongly.
"Here," she said, placing the photos on my lap. Going through, there was none of Alex and I having sex or anything. Just some raunchy pictures of us together, kissing, Alex licking my face, his hand on my boob, but still, no sex. Alex lied to me. She stood up, taking the pictures and walked towards the door and then turned around, "I'll see you later, okay? Call you tomorrow?"
No. "Sure," I said with a fake smile. Thanks for ruining my life.
After she left, I just buried my hands in my head. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't tell Jack that she gave me coke, because then Jack would tell Matt. And she'd show him pictures of me and Alex. I had to lie to own up to my own mistakes.
I sadly took the slow walk of shame to the bedroom as I knocked gently on the door. "Yeah?" Jack asked, his voice fake, trying to cover up his cries. "I love you. I have to go. Em just walked in."
Jack, I seriously hope you're talking to your mom, and not Erin. Opening the door, I sat down next to him. "I... I am so sorry, Jack. I didn't know what was happening. I've never had this problem before."
"What about the kids, Em? I thought we were going to do this together. Be strong together. But you had to go off and snort coke and smoke pot and god knows what other drugs you did."
I touched my necklace and shook my head. Those kids were my life, though they never took a gasp of air before. I did everything and anything for them. Then they decided to perish inside of me. "Jack, I'm so fucking sorry. Please, forgive me," I said, crying. I tried not to, but I couldn't help it. I reached out to him as he moved his shoulder away in anger.
"Emily, I just need some time to think, okay? Those kids... Our babies. We were going to do this together. Drugs aren't the fucking answer. And if you still want me any more, you can't be fucking doing drugs!" I just hung my head in shame. "If you're having this much trouble with this, then please, let me know, so we can get you some fucking help. How long has this been going on for?"
"It was.. just last night. Other than the cigarettes. That was when I had my hair cut and stuff. But I’ve only had like five since then. Jack, I swear, it was a one-time thing! I don't even know what the hell I was doing. All I remember was going there with Sarah and talking to her friends. My drink could have gotten something slipped in it. I seriously do not remember what happened that night."
Jack shook his head as I sighed, knowing where this would escalate to if I didn't take my leave. I pulled a blanket from the closet with a pillow as I hung my head, dragging everything as I walked out of the bedroom, into the living room and setting up my bed for god knows how long then plugged in my dead phone. As it turned on, I had so many messages, that I just deleted them all. I didn't want to read them and go back to this night. Or last night for that matter.
I flipped on some cartoons, wondering if there was any way to bring back the careless days of playing hide and seek, hopscotch, tag and watching Saturday morning cartoons. Those days weren't always glorious, but they were what made me who I was, being a carefree and happy.
Sleep didn't come for me at all. I just watched a silly kids show about a grumpy dog and an idiotic cat who lived together. There were a few chuckles here and there, at least, until Alex walked in the door.
"Heey!" He said. "Why are you out here and not in the bedroom?" He sat by me as I sat up and looked down. "Oh, he found out about the drugs? Did he find out about... you know,” he lowered his voice and looked around, “Us?"
"Fuck off, Alex. We didn't have sex. You know it."
"I'm really sorry I lied, Emily. I just... everything lately has been so hard for me, you know? You're the only honest person I know. I just wanted to confide in you." He grazed his hand on my arm as I sobbed slightly.
"You don't confide in someone who is unable to control their own actions."
"I understand that now. I apologize, Em. From the bottom of my heart."
I looked to him briefly, my eyes full of tears waiting to fall as I just drove my head into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me. Tightly, brushing my hair. "I just can't lose Jack, Alex. He's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time."
"Shh, shh, shh... It's okay, Emily."
I looked up to him, and there was something about his eyes. His touch. I sobbed once, leaning in close to him as I closed my eyes.
Alex got closer too. I could feel his breath gaze on my lips as I placed a hand on his shoulder.
Creek! A door opened and I wiped my falling tears as Alex and I looked back to see Jack walking out sleepily. "Hey, guys. What's going on?"
"Hey, Jack. I was just telling Emily some good news."
Jack went to the fridge as drank out of the juice carton. "Hmm?" he asked as he drank.
"I finally got a house. Allison and I are moving in together." I heard Jack almost spit out his drink as he swallowed and nodded. "Congratulations! When are you going to start packing?"
"This week. I'm letting Allison go first, since she doesn't really have much and then she's going to help me." He smiled proudly as Jack nodded and headed back into the bedroom.
Alex waited for the door to shut and then looked back to me. "Where were we?"
"Go to bed, Alex. We are done here." I shoved him off the couch and laid down, covering up and closing my eyes.
Was I really losing my mind? Did I really want to stay with Jack? Or was I just wanting attention from someone else, because he kicked me out of our bed? I had to figure this out, and quickly, before I did something drastic. This isn't how I want us to end, and I really hope that tomorrow, Jack and I could console and make everything better.