Flynn P.O.V:
I walked out of my class with my head down. I had a terrible headache from crying myself to sleep.
Toby grabbed my arm and started pulling me down the hallway.
I yanked it away and looked up at him. "Warn me, or whatever you're here to do but don't touch me," I gave him a hard glare.
He folded him arms. "Oliver wants his things. He's coming for them around three. He wants you out of the room when he's there."
"Whatever."
"Look, man. I'm not judging you. You can be whatever you are and whoever you are. Just don't force it on him."
"I wasn't trying to force anything on him. I wanted him to understand how I felt. I don't even know if I feel that way about him."
"Then why tell him that?"
"Because I don't keep secrets from my best friend. Just like he never kept secrets from me," I looked at Toby. "I hope he tells you what he told me."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Tell him he has an hour. I'll be at my room at four." I walked away.
* * *
I sat in the school library staring at my American History text book. The words looked like symbols mashed together. I couldn't think straight. I looked at my phone. It was three fifteen.
I stared at the picture of a boy and his mother on the right page. My mother used to tell me that intimate relationships have the tendency to hold a person back. She told me to finish my education before I focused all of my attention on another person. What I hadn't learned was that I couldn't know someone else if I didn't know myself. And I didn't know myself.
I took out my phone and dialed Billie's number, then I shoved my book into my bag and stood up.
I got into the elevator and held my bag on my shoulder.
"Hello?" Billie answered as if he were waking up.
"Did I wake you?" I stepped out of the elevator.
"I was taking a nap. But it's fine. What's up?"
"I don't know I just need someone to talk to."
"I'm listening."
I walked outside. "I told Oliver how I felt."
"Really?"
"Yeah." I sat on the library steps.
"What did he do?"
I took a deep breath. "He wants nothing to do with me. He's packing his things right now. But the thing is...I'm not even sure I feel that way about him-"
"Do you want to screw him?"
I chuckled. "What?"
"Sleep with him. Do you want to sleep with him?"
"I...," I looked at the people walking up the steps. "I need to go somewhere else before I talk to you about...that stuff." I stood up and skipped down the steps. "Tell me about Harley. How's she doing?" I walked towards the parking lot.
"She's...still hurting."
I frowned holding the keys to my car in my hand.
"She's still hanging out with those devils. And she thinks I don't know them but I do."
"As in you know people like them or you actually know who they are?" I unlocked my car door.
"I know who they are. I went to school with them...I slept with Sarah."
I stood still. "And...she doesn't remember you?"
"She...She took my virginity in the eighth grade. She said she lost hers to me but I doubt that. We were so young. We didn't know what we were doing. I didn't know. I looked different and she knew me by my name. Bilal. I was a bit of a woos when I was younger and told my mom. She got scared and made me transfer schools."
"Wow,"I got into my car. "...And Sarah doesn't remember you at all?"
"Well, I was fat and five four back then. Harley knew me as my nickname Billie and started calling me that when she got here. Sarah didn't bat an eye when she met me and I didn't tell Harley. But I had kept in touch with my friends and they told me how Sarah had become. She slept with anyone who seemed desperate, anyone who looked at her like she was something. According to them, the cooler guys thought she was high maintenance. So, she slept with people who had low self esteem. That's why her boyfriend's with her. He was like that and now he does what she does. Because they both are in an open relationship."
I furrowed my brows. "And Harley's with this guy?"
"I don't think she knows."
"So...what are you going to do?"
"I'm going to tell her the truth...once I get the courage to. After she stopped needing my phone she stopped talking to me. I haven't heard from her since I found her with Leon."
"You should tell her. The Harley I knew would listen."
"Yeah... She used to draw stars inside of cardboard boxes with me and tell me that were in space. We would sit in the box for hours and talk about dumb things like what life would be like when we were grown ups...We were seven...but she helped me cope with my parents' fighting...When they started fighting, I would cover my brother and sister with a giant box filled with glow-in-the-dark stars and play star wars music for them. They would play under the box with a little flash light like nothing was wrong...and I would sit by the stairs and listen to my parents. If it weren't for her, I'm not sure my brother and sister would be as sane as they are now. They're happy...I'm the opposite of happy."
I laid back on my chair. "You should tell her that."
"Why?"
"We wait until we've lost someone to realize what they've done for us. We go to funerals and spew all the best things we knew about a person when they're gone, because we're hoping that somehow they can here us. You should tell Harley what she's done for you now. Buy her flowers and tell her how you feel."
"You're right...I should do that. Thanks."
"No problem." I looked at my watch. Three forty.
"You should be in a quiet place now... Tell me how you feel about Oliver."
I sighed. "I'm not sure how I feel. I've pictured him kissing me...but I don't think it's because I love him. I'm not sure I wanna go all the way with him and just thinking about it now...kinda creeps me out. That's why I'm confused."
"So, you think that you're in love with him but not physically attracted to him?"
"Yeah...I think-"
"Okay. Picture this. You're both dating-"
"I can't picture that," I chuckled.
"Okay. Do you watch movies together?"
"Yeah."
"Do you eat together?"
"Yeah-"
"Do you two know things about each other that other people don't?"
"...yeah."
"I'm sure you've heard the saying, marry your best friend tons of times. A girlfriend and a best friend aren't so different. The only difference is that you want to sleep with your girlfriend and not your best friend. All of the things you did with Oliver are similar to if you were dating him."
"Okay... But that's all I want with him. I want to be that person who he hangs out with and doesn't get tired of. I want to be the person that he trusts enough to tell everything. I don't know if I want to be with him in any physical way. I kinda doubt that I do. But I love him as a person."
"You lost him and Harley on the same day, right?"
"Yeah. A few minutes apart. I was drunk and I said somethings I shouldn't have."
"And they're both similar, personality wise?"
"Yeah."
"I can't tell you that your not in love with Oliver. But I don't think you're in love with him the way that you think you are."
"I don't understand."
"The night you kissed him, Harley said you had laughed it off. You didn't feel anything."
"I don't think I did. No."
"When did you realize you may have felt something?"
"It was after Harley and I had broken up. And Oliver and I weren't friends. He, Riley and Sylvia wanted to make up with me." I furrowed my brows.
"Go on."
"He made me cookies... Harley always bought me white chocolate cookies and he made them for me. Then we argued about him feeling grossed out when he kissed me. And for some reason I felt offended. I honestly couldn't care less. But in that moment it made me upset."
"I'm probably wrong but I think you changed the way you saw Oliver from that moment."
"I think you're right," I sat up. "Harley always bought me cookies. And when she bought them I always told her that I loved her...because I did. I thought about how sweet she always was and how she remebered little things about me...like Oliver did."
Billie chuckled. "You should look up the Pavlov experiment. It sounds crazy, but I think you conditioned yourself to fall in love with Oliver."
"I don't think it's only that. I think that I convinced myself that I did. Riley convinced me that I did...probably trying to get over him herself." I sighed and shook my head. "I feel like a moron."
"You're not. Blame the cookies."
"What am I supposed to do now? Oliver hates me."
"Tell him. He's a smart kid. He'll understand. And probably be relieved."
I started the car. "Could you tell him for me?"
"Tell him what?"
"What you just told me?" I pulled the car into reverse.
"No, you tell him yourself. That's what all of this was for."
"Then thanks...I wouldn't have figured this out without your help."
"Probably would've married the guy."
I chuckled. "Good luck with Harley.
"You too...with Oliver."
I hung up and threw the phone on the other seat. I had five minutes to get to my room.
* * *
I rushed down the hall checking my watch. I was late. It was four o' five. I unlocked my room door to find Oliver curled up on his bed weeping.
He sat up when he saw me.
"What's...what's wrong?"
"I told Toby that I was assaulted," Oliver wiped his cheek.
"What did he..say?"
"He laughed and said that I was a bitch for not fighting back and that you had brainwashed me because you're a sensitive queer."
I furrowed my brows. I walked over to him and sat beside him, putting my hand on his arm.
He didn't budge. "I know I said I would be out of here by four but I can't go back to people who think that men who get assaulted are lucky."
"Guys like Toby are stupid. They think that that makes you weak in some way. Some how being a girl makes you weak...being gay, which I'm actually not by the way."
He looked at me. Then he smirked. "I know. You're bisexual."
I chuckled. "Actually-"
"Let me finish."
"Oliver-"
"I know that I freaked out earlier. It's not because I'm homophobic. My religion doesn't agree that it's okay or normal. But after speaking to my mother...she explained to me that I was being just as bad as Toby."
"Wait... you told her about the assault?"
"No. I told her about Toby calling you queer and all of that stuff...People think that religion makes you a villain these days and that saying your not completely for something means your supposed to hate it. God doesn't hate you, Flynn and neither do I."
"I understand what you're saying, but I'm not-"
"The things you do and the way your feel should have nothing to do with me. I have no say in the things you do. So, I have no right to tell you whether you're going to hell or any of that crap. Besides, my sister's a lesbian and we're fine with it. I think what I'm trying to say is, I didn't run off because I'm homophobic," he looked at me. "I ran off because I was scared. I thought that you saved me from drowning because you loved me for different reasons. All I wanted was a best friend. I didn't want you to love me and then get over me. I wanted this to last. But if you feel something for me...I'm willing to accept that."
I stared at him then I smiled. "Okay. That's really cool and I'm glad you're not homophobic, because I actually did think you were for a day...But I'm not in love with you."
He furrowed his brows.
"I love you. But not in the way I thought I did. It's a funny story-"
"Is this a test? "
"No," I chuckled. "It's not a test."
"Then why did you think that you were in love with me.
"It started with this cookie-"