12/21/17
i pulled out of the parking lot of the hospital, driving back home.
☼
i hadn't been to the hospital since that day, i hadn't even tried to contact her. i would've, but she hasn't crossed my mind as much. i'm curious as to where she's at, how she is. i wonder if she's even still alive.
the way her eyes looked, i still remember. she was so drugged up, but she was so readable. she was empty and i could tell that she had been crying. not because of the drugs, not because of being in the hospital. but because of me.
she was like an ocean, beautiful but deep. her eyes were like the water, but a layer underneath. they were deep and full of mystery, keeping so many things secret from the world. her lips were like the sand and the rocks, not perfect but fairly smooth. i wanted to swim in that ocean, i wanted to feel the ocean and i wanted to unlock the ocean's many secrets. but i couldn't because i choose to hide myself from that ocean, afraid i will be eaten by the sharks, or drown alive.
but in reality, i've already drowned.
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☼
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