When I wake up I remember the good day I had yesterday, and yet somehow I feel absolutely terrible today. I get out of my bed and just sigh, I don't want to go through today.. Everyone has a bad day once in a while, so I think nothing off it. I walk to the living area and see Balth just sitting there. I walk to the kitchen when my brain just starts throwing panicky shit at me, I recognize the feeling immediately and run back to my room. I lock the door and I slide down the wall in front of it. I start rocking back and forth trying to focus on one thought at a time but they just won't stop. I grab my hair and rock harder mumbling 'It's okay, you're okay, just try and think, think, think, THINK!' The last one was more of a mumbled shout and now I can hear Balthy at the door talking to me. "Gabster you okay mate?" He knocks on the door when I don't respond and starts talking softly. "Gabe it's okay just breathe, let it all out. Do I need to mark you absent for today? You can just have a mental health day.." The only thing I can get out is a small squeek that sounds something like an 'yes please' and than I just break down, tears stream down my cheeks and I grab my sweatshirt with both hand and just start to tug at it.
After a while I think I passed out. Because when I wake up I'm still in the same place as when I dropped out of consciousness. I rub an hand over my face and stand up to walk over to the bathroom. Rinsing my face and looking at my hair I decide to just take a nice long shower.
When I get out of the shower I just put on normal clothes, which doesn't happen often when I can stay at the dorm. When I walk back to the living room I'm met with a concerned looking Balth, I smile at him and give him a good bear hug. "Thanks for taking care of me.." I mumble cus I don't reach above his neck. "Don't worry about it, I know your panic attacks can get severe." We hug for a little while and than he let's go off me. "Kali called our dorm phone, said she wanted to talk. Got any idea about that?" I sigh and shake my head. "No we haven't seen or spoken to each other after the party. Did she have a meeting place?" He nodded, "The bakery on campus.." My whole body went ridged and I tense up.
==
When I wake up I almost get up immediately and get dressed. I walk over to the little bakery and open the bakery part. At only 5 AM I start the music and grab ingredients for cookies cupcakes and cheesecake. Swinging to the songs while I work and sing along to the songs.
When it's time to open the store side I shed my apron off and dust some of the flour off my face. I place tables and chairs in the right order and put the specials outside, flicking on all the lights and cleaning some of the counters I look at my effort and smile. I take some of the little cakes and place them on the tables, when that is done I set up the coffee maker and go back to pulling some of the cookies out. About an hour later when it's 9AM I get an text from Gabe.
{Tricksterr: Meeting with Kali at the bakery don't freak out she wanted to talk.}
{Sammich: Why would I freak out, it's not like she broke your heart or anything..}
I notice that I was glaring at the text and I let out a shaky breath, running my hand over my face and through my hair I sigh.
{Tricksterr: I know but she called and she wanted to talk, so I'm gonna talk.}
I type out a short 'k.' and go back to baking, putting on some panic at the disco to get out of the grumpy mood those texts put me in. Half an hour later and I hear the bell above the door, follow by some giggling. I walk up to the register and see Gabe and Kali. Letting out a grumpy sigh I address Gabe. "What can I do for you Gabriel." I see him flinch at the use of his full name and mentally smack myself for being so grumpy towards him. "Just 2 coffee's please.." He mutters, "No sweets?" I ask a bit more politely because now I feel bad about it. "No he won't have any sweets." Kali buds in and I give her a pointed look, "I asked Gabe not you."
She let's out an huff of air and places her hand crossed over her chest and gives Gabe a pointed look. "Nahh Sammich the thing that I want is not on the menu, maybe later though." He smirks and winks at me. Getting a bit red, I walk over to the coffee machine and make 2 coffee's putting extra sugar on Gabe's side. "Here you go that will be 2 dollars." He hands over the money and I give him his receipt with a message that says.
'sorry about being a grumpy pants.'
He smiles and winks again, which has me going red again. They walk to a table in the corner which I could see from the bakery and Kali sits a little too close to Gabe, who shifts away. I grumble and start working on some pie. Sometimes I can hear what they are saying but it's mostly about their past and how apparently Kali "Saved him from being a fag." Which at that moment I had enough up walk over there and place a gentle hand on Gabe's shoulder. "Gabe can I talk to you for a sec?" He nods and follows me to the bakery.
"I couldn't help but over hear some of that.. What does she mean 'Saved you from being a fag?'" The look on Gabe's face says almost enough, that is if I could read faces. "Like I said Sam" I flinched at the use of my full name from Gabe. "I had a bit of trouble knowing which gender I prefer, and Kali made me realize that I'm straight." I don't know if it showed but my face dropped.
Wait didn't he come out as pan to you?
Yeah he did, maybe he was wrong?
He dated guys before, and cisgender.
If I could I would smack my head against the wall right there and then. "I'm sorry can I have my Gabey back." Again he flinched. "Your? I'm sorry does Gabe look like an object you can buy to you?!" I snarled at her and used my full length, I only did this when I was protecting someone or something, like when those school boys were bullying Gabe, "You know I want you to leave my bakery." He looks at me and let's out a giggle. "You know I wouldn't even want to be in a bakery which is run by a fag!" She snarled back "Come on Gabey baby let's get out of here." She tries to grab his hand but he pulls it away and stands next to me. "I think it would be best for you to leave Kali." He stands a little straighter and looks her dead in the eye. "After all wouldn't want to be in a bakery with a fag, or more nicely said an LGBTQ+." I smile at that and let out a little huff of air. She grumbles something, turns around and storms off, just when Dean and Cas walk in. I look down at Gabe smiling and give him a nod. "I know that it's weird hearing it but you came out as Pan to me remember." He stiffens slightly and turns around noticing the happy couple being a bit more happy than normal.
When we walk up to them Cas proudly shows off his ring. "Oh my CHUCK!" Gabriel screeches and hugs his brother. "Winchester if you ever hurt him you will be 6 foot under!" He shouts and than hugs Dean. "Congrats guys, when is the wedding?" I smile at both of them and hug them in a bit more relaxed way. "We don't know yet ." Dean says honestly. Gabe than turns to me with a bit of a displeased look. "You knew Dean was going to ask Cas and you didn't tell me?!" I put my hands up in surrender and take a few steps back. "Gabe, I promised I wouldn't tell." He slowly takes steps towards me and I take the same amount back. "Still" step "You" step "Didn't" step "Tell" I'm standing in the corner "ME!" And I'm on the ground being tickled, Gabe is straddling me.
"G—ab—bbee Ssss, stapph p p please!" I get out in between giggles and laughter. As soon as I get trouble breathing I put my hands in the sign of stop and he stops. I try and catch my breath, which with the position he is in is difficult,he is straddling me we are both breathing heavy and neither of us are breaking the eye contact. A few minutes later we are startled and brought back to real time by a shriek and shout from Cas.
"SABRIEL!"
We look up at Cas and see him and Dean talking is hushed voices. I sigh and look up to see Gabe quickly getting off me and running off. I get up quickly and try and grab his arm, he is too fast and is already outside. "GABE!" I shout after him but he keeps running. I look back at the couple and look at Cas. "What I do that got him freaked out?" Cas was about to speak when Dean butted in. "Sammy, why do you always think it's your fault?" He looks sympathetic, I sigh and rub the back of my neck. I throw off my apron and look at them. "Doesn't matter, congrats by the way." I talk my colleague through what I did for that day and leave, not giving Dean or Cas time to say anything. I ignore Dean's calls and I walk to the library.
When I'm sitting at a desk in the corner which I only seem to know about, since I have to wipe it clean every time, I take in a deep breath and pick up a book. I open the book and start reading, after about 5 minutes I notice that I'm still stuck on page 1 and hadn't read anything. Thoughts start to cloud my brain and suddenly I'm hit with this awe full feeling of lonelyness . Taking my phone and looking at the time trying to distract myself doesn't work, the thoughts get worse and then it's just this feeling off sadness that overcomes me. Standing up and rushing to my dorm I slam the door and lock myself in the bedroom, taking out all my blankets and pillows I create a fort on my bed with snacks, drinks and books to sit through one of my depressed moments. Silently hoping it only lasts a few hours and not a week like it normally does.
As soon as I lay there my phone rings again, throwing my phone next to me I start to try and clear my head. Only the thoughts become more violent and they start saying things I hadn't thought in a long time..:
You scared him away again.
He ran, again.
You're just a freak.
Freak
Freak
Freak!
Gabriel left for a reason once,
And now he did it again.
Freak.
The voices kept at it until I passed out from crying so much.
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Hey guys! My birthday was the 19th of December! Turned 19.
So quick thing I wanted to address mental health, I myself struggle with panic attacks and depression. I know everyone experiences these thing differently, everything that you're reading about Gabe's panic attacks and Sam's depression sessions are how I experience them.
Peace out my fellow unicorns!
And never fear satan's here!