I would never forget how it felt to stand there by his door as I left his hotel room at late AM. The uninterested look in his eyes, the way he barely touched me as we hugged. The simple things that contrasted so well with how things had been just hours before when we had gotten lost in each other’s touch between his sheets.
I knew this would be the last time I saw him. He had already gotten everything that he had originally wanted. I can’t say that I had not seen this coming but it didn’t change the numbness I felt as I stood there surrounded by the cold.
My arms wrapped around my own torso, trying to hold onto the pieces as I gripped the hem of my sweater. Trying to hold onto the warmth I had felt when his arms had wrapped around me and pulled me closer to him. It was the soft whisper of his voice what brought my attention back to the tall boy towering over me as he gripped the door open; to the eyes that avoided my own.
“I had a nice time…” He said, his words showing no emotion at all as they trailed off. They just floated there between us, meant to simply fill the uncomfortable dead silence that had filled my lungs.
I didn’t trust myself enough to speak, I was afraid I would crumble right in front of him. That was the last thing I wanted. I had to pretend I knew what I was doing; I needed to be in control in this game of his. My head simply nodded in agreement, it was an understatement saying that the moments we had shared the last few days had simply been a ‘nice time’.
“I’ll see you around.” He added when the awkward silence continued to drag on between us. His free hand rose to rub the back of his neck as he stared at the ground where his naked feet lay. I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear as I held back tears at the obvious dismissal.
“I’ll see you around…” I whispered. This would be it but before I could say anything else, I saw him take a step back and let go of the door so it swung closed right in front of me.