Chapter Thirty-Five- Aftermath
Bailey's Pov
I didn't move out of his bed for four days, I didn't even care about a shower and Julian had to yank me out and toss me in the shower and then drag me down the hall to eat something. Everyone around looked so sad and they kept trying to stare at me without me noticing and it was infuriating.
I don't know how much they knew but couldn't they just mind their own damn business?
"Stop fucking staring!" I yelled when it just became too much and I backed up to go back to Julian's room when he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me against his side.
"Just breathe baby, I'm right here." He kissed my head and that just made everyone's stares worse.
"Oh my fucking god, stop!" I stormed the rest of the way into the room "What do you want from me? I' not a fucking science project to stare at." I was yelling now and he grabbed me and easily picked me up and brought me back out of the room and deeper into the hallway and I sighed. He let me go and I turned away and ran my hands up my face.
"I'm sorry." I told him but I couldn't look at him
"Come here." He told me and I shook my head and tried not to cry. I was just so angry.
"I just feel so, so"
"Angry." He whispered and I nodded
"Yeah."
"You have to go through the process again for her." he told me and I shook my head. I knew he was right but I didn't want to. she helped me through it all the first time.
"I don't want to, I just want her back." I choked on my words and he pulled me tight to his chest.
"I know what happened but I love you Bailey. I love you so much and I know you aren't ready, but-" I was in a bad place the first time he said it and it wasn't that I didn't feel it I just couldn't bring myself to say it after what I had done to him.
My heart beat increased when he said it and it made me feel happy inside and I didn't want him to think that I didn't feel it too.
"I love you too." I told him and he froze before he looked down at me
"You do?" he asked in a small voice and I cried yet again as I nodded
"I do. I didn't want to because i know you'll leave me, but I love you Julian, I love you so much." I said and I wasn't sure if I should cry or frown or laugh or smile.
He pulled me the rest of the way to his room and as soon as he closed the door he pressed my back to it and he put a forearm on either side of my face as he tried to get down on the same level as me.
"Say it again." he moved one hand to my face.
"I love you." I told him and he smiled
"Tell me again." his smile grew and I couldn't help but crack a grin
"I love you."
"I love you too." He told me and I smiled before he put a hand on either side of my face and kissed me soft but firmly not giving me time to breathe as we savored the slice of happiness we had in this gloomy part of our lives.
I parted my lips when his tongue encouraged me to do so and when he got tired of leaning down to my level he effortlessly picked me up and I wrapped my legs and arms around him. My dress had bunched up and his hand rested on my upper thigh.
I felt bad I a way because I know what could come after this, he loved me and don't people sleep together after that? But I wasn't ready for that.
I know this position is practically torture for him but he's been keeping a handle on his control very well.
"I love you so much." He had pulled back to whisper in my ear and trailed his kisses down my throat leaving me panting and the moan that escaped the back of my throat had him groaning before he took a step back and put me down.
He rested his forehead against mine and he pulled my dress down for me as he looked down at me.
"I'm sorry." I told him and he smiled while he shook his head.
"Never be sorry baby, I'm just trying to be good with you." he nuzzled my neck.
"I know, thank you." I leaned up to kiss him again and he groaned as he put his hands on my waist and pushed to put me at arm's length.
"You're killing me." he closed his eyes for a moment and I just looked at him
"I'm sorry." I told him again disappointed there would be no more making out.
"Please don't be. I just never thought hearing those words would be such a turn on." He smiled a small smile, one that was too himself.
"Oh." I said confused. I had no experience in this department, none at all.
"You're so sweet and innocent Bailey." He poked my nose and I swatted his hand away.
"No I'm, okay so what." I huffed in annoyance. I'm tired of being called cute and sweet and innocent little Bailey. It makes me feel stupid that I don't know anything about sex or really even making out. I didn't grow up sheltered, I sheltered myself because I promised Drew.
"Don't get mad pretty girl, it's one of the reason's I love you." he touched my face again and the love in his eyes made everything feel okay and safe again for a while. I liked that feeling and so I pulled him down to me again and kissed him again. I held tight and this time he wrapped his arms around me and I sighed in relief.
This is what I wanted, wrapped in his arms was where I was safest because I knew he wouldn't let anyone hurt me, he would always try to protect me.
He lifted me back up and moved until he laid me down gently on the bed making me let go for a minute before his lips were back on mine.
His hand slid slowly up my dress but stayed low enough where it always did.
"It's okay." I told him, allowing him to push a little higher. I knew he still wouldn't touch certain areas and that was perfect. His hand scooted up under the hem of my dress, bunching it up more.
His hand sat on my bare hip and he ran a thumb over the side of the lacey panties I was wearing and he groaned and stilled.
"You're really going to kill me." he told me again and I smiled.
"I'm sorry." I couldn't help the little laugh and he rolled his eyes
"I'm sure. You don't seem to know how attractive you really are." he stroked my side and I let out a shaky breath.
I didn't know how to address that so I kissed him again and he slowly slid up higher and stroked my bare stomach. His hand went right up my side and passed my breast before moving back down before it moved behind me and pressed on my lower back, pressing my body more firmly into his before moving his hand up and down my leg again.
He never stayed one place for long and as his hand trailed back up he kissed my neck and I reacted with a low moan and my hips jerking up to press against his. His breath hissed as he pressed back down to me and I let my head fall back as he kept kissing my neck and pressing against me, i could feel him, all of him. He was hard and it pressed against my core through his jeans.
This was a feeling I never felt before and I knew I should stop it but I was having a hard time wanting to do that right now as he grinded against me. It felt good and he was all I could think about now. I wasn't breaking any promise right now.
"Relax." He nibbled on my neck and I ran my hands up his back under his shirt and lightly scratched making him press harder.
"Shit." He cursed and I did it again "Fuck." He said again.
"We should probably stop." I told him but it didn't sound convincing at all. I was breathless and turned on and he was too.
"Do you want to stop, if you do just say it and I'll stop." He said and I moaned again. the sounds I was making seemed far too explicit for me.
"Julian." Was all I could get could get out before it felt too good to talk and swore again, a lot.
"Fuck, you have no idea how sexy those moans are, how much it turns me on when you say my name like that." He told me
"I." I didn't know what to say.
"Relax pretty girl and just let me take care of you." he told me and I nodded which encouraged him to pick up the pace and I had to bite down on his shoulder to contain any sound and then I finally knew what everyone was talking about.
It was an intense feeling and I dug my nails into his back, and tried to press all I could to him.
"Look at me." he told me and then groaned again "Say my name." his voice enocouraged
"Julian." It came in a moan and he gripped tighter to my thigh. The foreign sensations that washed over my body was indescribable and it had me very curious. if this felt that good how would it feel to actually sleep with someone.
To have sex with Julian.
He looked down at me and I looked up at him, a bit more breathless than he was.
"Are you okay?" he asked me and I nodded.
"Yeah." I answered and he looked relieved.
"Are you sure?" he asked nervous.
"I'm sure, i promise." i smiled at how caring he was
"Okay, well you go clean up and I'm going to take a shower and we can go do something that isn't around my bed." He kissed me and got up off me.
"You just took a shower." I said confused and he smirked
"I know." He said
"Why do you need another one?" I asked him and his smile grew
"Pretty girl, your needs will always be my first concern, especially in that department but I have mine as well and once I take care of those we can go and have a nice day." I turned bright red and looked away and he laughed.
"Oh." I said and he laughed more as he came over to me and I could clearly see his, well needs.
"I love you pretty girl, go clean yourself up and stay looking beautiful as ever and we can go walk on the beach or something." He kissed me and I nodded
"Okay." I dashed out and he chuckled behind me. when I got to my room I did as he suggested and sat there, I cannot believe I let that happen. I didn't regret it but it was still something to take in.
He came in all showered and he grabbed my hand as we walked down to the beach. My face was flaming knowing what he was just doing to himself right before he came to get me.
The beach was a bitter sweet place for us so I curled up against him and just remembered her.
so for one, i needed a break in all the sad and for two i shows Bailey and Julian's relationship progressing and... they love each other <3