A few days later the boys were lounging in a Starbucks in downtown New York, the table scattered with empty clear plastic cups and half full ones they were still working on.
Steve's legs were neatly tucked away beneath his wooden chair, bent cramply towards him and Bucky's were spread out before him, his long limbs spreading away from him; monopolising the floor space and invading Steve's personal bubble; not that Steve minded or even noticed. What was subconscious for Steve, was priority in Bucky's mind. All Bucky could think about was how close their feet were away from brushing each other; so frustratingly near toe-to-toe and he couldn't remove the thought from his mind. He was tempted to slouch just that little bit further and gain some contact, to feel that sweet sensation of someone's touch but wondered if Steve might notice if they touched.
Bucky slurped at his drink through the straw blatantly, ignorant to how impolite and loud the noise was. He was reclined in the stiff wooden chair, his whole body sagged and tired. Steve was sat upright and was leaning forwards attentively, his arms folded on the table; struggling with the amount of muscle he had trapped between his arms and chest.
They were sat in the window seats, sunlight filtering in through the large clear window to their side; feeling the pleasant glow of the sunset as it stroke them. The New York skyline was alive with a pink hue the buildings looking like nothing but black shapes in contrast.
Steve's phone trilled mid conversation.
"Oh..." He dug around his spacey baggy pocket and slipped out his phone.
[1 new iMessage from Nick Fury]
"Who?" Bucky cooed, looking across at Steve with drowsy admiring eyes, agreeable with the temperate warmth which the last lights supplied - it was neither too hot nor to cold; but of course with Steve around, everything was always perfect.
"Nick," Steve snickered, clicking open the phone and reading the text.
[Motherfucker.
P.S - It was a nice gesture.]
"I can only assume he's got our little gift then?" Bucky murmured chewing his straw seductively in one corner of his mouth as he drawled out the dazed words; rather distracted by the view before him.
Steve looked like a statuesque Greek god in the dim twilight; his sharp cheekbones and chiselled jawline looking shadowed and angled as the highlighting light kissed his skin in all the right places, bathing it in soft silky light. His inquisitive turquoise eyes sparkled like the Aegean Sea on a hot summer's day, twinkling and shining with enthusiasm and life. His perfect pink lips with curved into a vacant contented smile as he gazed curiously at his friend.
"Yeah..." Steve grinned his pearly white grin and put his phone away again, laying his full attention on Bucky, making the other man's heart skip as those azure eyes settled watchfully upon him.
"What did he say?" Bucky couldn't help the foolish witless smile the crept onto his face as his heart rapped in his chest.
"Motherfucker. Ps, it was a nice gesture." He giggled adorably, able to picture Nick typing out the text as the gargantuan bottle of champagne turned up at his temporary door.
"Charming..." Bucky growled miserably, not so flattered or amused by the text.
"From Nick, that's the closest you'll get to a thank you. That's the upmost respect he can show," Steve reassured him.
"Sounds like a fun guy."
"He is, if he's not your boss. He's a good laugh when he's not busy with field work." Steve thought back to a couple occasions where he had actually stopped off for a drink with Director Fury as a thank you. They had both been brief encounters; he was pretty much chained to his profession, but he was a good laugh on his down time. "I'd love for you to meet him at some point... Really, Buck... I would."
Bucky frowned and stared down at the table contemptuously, holding a small grudge against the attractive bastard.
"And you will, one day. I just can't say when that day is yet." Steve couldn't persuade his grumpy friend to look up with his kind and beguiling words and reached across the table and affectionately placed his hand atop of Bucky's metal one, resting on the table top.
At the pressure and weight of Steve's hand, Bucky's head snapped up and he stared back at Steve, slightly startled at the gesture. He only wished he could feel the temperature of Steve's warm palm, feel his skin brushing against his own. He mentally scolded himself for not leaving his real hand on the table - as if he could have somehow known - and made a mental note to put his real hand forwards in future.
"Please don't be upset. I really would like for you to meet them."
"I don't see what their problem is with me..." He wanted so badly to snap his hand away to show his frustration, but he could barely even keep up his arrogant and insubordinate act; his mind was screaming at him - Steve was touching him.
"Bucky look..." Steve sighed, removing his hand and putting his head in his hands.
Bucky felt at a loss without Steve's hand atop of his and reeled his arm back and rested it in his lap, massaging the metal where they had made contact; thinking about how Steve had touched him there, smiling secretively.
"I really do want them to meet you... But you have to understand that its difficult for me with you... With what you were before now... With the things you did. Natasha wouldn't be happy to see you if I'm honest-"
"Natalia," he corrected. "Has never been happy to see me, even when we dated..." He came out and said it quickly; in some childish attempt to make Steve jealous. It was true, but he had decided to try and keep that detail hidden up until that moment.
"And Tony-" Steve stopped, mid-sentence; caught off guard by the abrupt announcement. "Sorry... You did what?"
"Natalia and I dated..." He shrugged casually, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. He was regretting the words that had left his mouth already. "I mean..." He looked down in shame; mentally slapping himself repeatedly for saying something stupid. "It was brief and didn't last because I was put into cryo so frequently... As you can imagine..." He raised his eyebrows and glared at the table again.
There was a tense silence that settled between them like a mist.
"I can't imagine you and Natasha together..." Steve twisted his lip. It was an odd thing to imagine - two of his best friends, together, but no more.
"It was a different life..." Bucky waved it off, trying to move the subject along.
"So you two-"
"I don't really want to talk about it," Bucky snapped.
Steve put his hands up and flopped back in his seat, pushing his feet forwards beneath the table and his legs seemed to sprawl out side-by-side by Bucky; one leg in between, one leg outside. Bucky could feel the fabric of their skinny jeans touching one another's and tried to focus instead of being fixated on the tingling feeling where their legs brushed beneath the table.
"Fair enough..." Steve muttered. "But again... I don't know how I would begin to explain the fact that you're, A) Alive and B) Living with me."
"So what, you're just going to keep me hidden in the flat; locked away from the world?" He accused him with a cocked head and narrowed eyes.
"No! Not at all..." He leant forwards, trying to maintain composure and remain calm tempered. "We're out aren't we?" He pleaded with his eyes and tried to evoke sympathy from Bucky.
"You hide me away like some shameful secret!" He whined throatily. "Is that all I am to you, Steve? Just some shameful secret?!" He went into hysterics, tears stinging at his eyes and he clenched his teeth to try and stop them from flowing.
"You're a fugitive!" Steve whisper shouted at him from across the table, trying to keep the conversation exclusive and reclusive.
Tears finally escaped as Steve openly said it, they dripped down his face in a staggered line. "Oh..." He breathed out carnally. "I see how it is. You're ashamed of me because of what I did." His eyes lit up with a ferocious rage. "What the winter soldier did. Well," He said with venom. "I hate to break it to you, Steve; your hands aren't exactly clean either!" He growled, slapping his palms on the varnished wooden surface and leaning forwards to size up to him like a predatory wild cat.
"It's not me who has the problem! It's the world, Bucky!" Steve bit back at him, not wanting to use words as harsh or as damaging. "The world just isn't ready for you yet... They're not going to believe you were somehow miraculously reformed like you have been!" He felt his heart breaking as the words Bucky said hit home.
"What can I do to convince them?! I am trying my upmost to try and shake off the crimes of a past life. Whatever I do people still seem to remember what he did... Not what I'm doing now. I am trying, Steve. Am I not good enough?" Bucky bit down on his lip hard as he tried to hold back the paralysing rage and sadness wracking through him. He searched Steve's face as he formulated an answer.
"It's not-"
Bucky sighed deep and rolled his eyes - he wasn't willing to listen to any more of the bullshit that Steve was going to make up. He didn't want to hear any more excuses.
He used his powerful metal hand to flip the Starbucks cup off the table onto the floor; the remnants of the icy fruit drink spilling out onto the floor with a quiet sloshing noise and stood up abruptly. He yanked up his hood and stomped out the door.
"Bucky!" Steve called, standing up and waving. "Bucky!" He shouted again, trying to gain his attention.
He barista gave him a disappointed look as he made his way towards the door. "I'm so sorry..." Steve whimpered apologetically, concern and sympathy in his tone. He rushed away without doing anything to clean up the mess Bucky had made.
Steve rushed down the street after him.
Everything was so confusing for Bucky. Everything was such a mess. His head was full of conflicting feelings and odd sentiments for Steve. He wanted to tell him, he wanted to love him, but he knew deep down that it was unrequited and one sided; not mutual. He wanted so desperately for Steve to turn around and tell Bucky he loved him like some kind of miracle - but that wasn't going to happen. He wanted to drown out the feelings, erase them, eradicate them so he harboured them so more - it was so painful and deluding. He just wanted to rid himself of all sentiment and emotions so that he could function like a machine again; get on with his life without distraction. So he was going to walk away from his problems, namely Steve.
"Bucky!" Steve grabbed him by the shoulder and violently turned him to face him.
"What?!" Bucky burst out, making a scene in the street and turning a few heads.
"Please... Just calm down and come back home..." Steve whispered closely. "I didn't mean to offend you... I really want to make this work and get everything back to normal but there isn't just some magical solution to this problem where I can wave a magic wand and everything is fine again. This is going to take time and effort on both out parts and one day everything will be normal again..." Steve said to him softly.
"I don't know what I can possibly do, Steve. I'm trying to be a good man, but how can I when I have the poisoned and mislead heart of a traitor?" He sobbed quietly and looked up into Steve's eyes tearfully.
"You don't Bucky. You're a good man, the best I've ever known. I know you've changed... I honestly do. I believe that in your heart you never did change... But they probably won't. I know this is difficult..."
"You don't..." Bucky mewed quietly, more tears escaping.
"I do. Don't you think this is difficult for me too? Seeing you like this? Having arguments. I just want it to all be okay... For us to be okay."
Bucky liked the sound of that... 'Us'.
"And are we?" Steve waited for a reply.
Bucky nodded wordlessly.
"Come back, okay? And we can watch a movie or something... Just take our minds off it."
"Okay..." Bucky sighed deep and brushed away the last of the tears.
"And you're alright?" Steve double checked.
"I'm fine."
"Don't go running off again, okay? You could get hurt..." Steve instructed patronisingly.
"I'm not a kid, I can look after myself."
"Alright..." Steve laughed quietly.
Steve patted him on the back and squeezed him into a quick side-on hug by the hip, putting a small smile onto Bucky's face and they set off down the street in the opposite direction just as the last lights went down over New York City.
A/N - Wow! That went from really fluffy and sweet to angsty in 0.5 seconds. I actually set out to write a really cute chapter, then this happened. How about I promise that the next one will be nice? (I'll really try) I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless and I will try and keep updating daily. I managed to get a lot of my responsibilities off my back today: I met my graphics deadline and that's off my mind (thank god) and that should mean less waiting for chapters.
Dedication goes to Captain--Rogers! x