This is it. I think to myself, putting the last book into the box that has the letters "Mina" written on it. I look around, ending up staring at the blank wall where my wardrobe used to be and my desk used to stand.
Weird. Even though I only lived in Korea for almost a year, it feels like I've been here for ages not knowing anything else than this language, food or music. I sigh and close the box, wrapping some tape around it before placing it in the just as empty living room.
In a few days all of this will be my past and I actually don't quite know what I should feel like. I tried so hard to find a job that makes me happy and even made a handful of friends, but it just does not feel right.
I don't really feel accepted here and working in a tiny restaurant is not that fulfilling in general. Even though my little brother always said that I am the best cook in the universe for him, after all the time working there the feeling of being able to do more - or at least something meaningful - burned up in me.
Over all these months I did not even manage to find someone that can eventually fall in love with me. Of course, I had some nice conversations, but they all turned out to be the typical "omg-you-look-so-different-and-your-eyes-are-so-beautiful-and-big" kinds of smalltalks. My thoughts get interrupted by my favourite song that suddenly starts playing.
My Phone-
I glare down at the phone in my hands and the picture of a widely smiling black-haired girl stares back at me. Hani.
For a second I hesitate to pick up since I'm kind of tired from the day and I still have a couple of things to do and I did not eat anything yet and the song is so beautiful and-
"Hani-Unnie! What are you up to? I just finished packing everything in my-"
"Minaaaaaa I want to see you! We don't have that much time leeeeeft and I am so saaad!"
Why do I feel like she is doing aegyo even though I cannot see her...?
"Ahhh of course. Uhm, I haven't eaten anything yet, do you want to grab dinner together? I am actually staving right now."
"That's a very good Idea. I know a good place! We can go there, eat and have some drinks together afterwards. Okay?"
I actually don't like dri-
"Yeah, sure, I'd love that! Shall we meet around 8pm? Is that okay for you?"
"Yes yes yes! Aw, I am so happy, I get to see Mina!"
"You're so cute, Unnie." I say, hearingly smiling to myself, "I'm happy I'll get to see you, too!"
After watching my phone's screen turning black I stand up and search for the suitcase that I prepared for the few remaining days. Even though the ones inside are not my prettiest clothes, it should be okay. Hani has seen worse conditions of me. I take out some black ripped jeans, wrap a red-black checked shirt around my waist over a short white baseball shirt and put on my favourite snapback.
Do I really need makeup today? Nah. I put on some mascara since my skin got better during the time I've lived here and actually looks decent without makeup on it. After studying my face in the mirror I choose to untie my hair and let it fall down loosely. I feel like loose hair somehow protects me.
After finding my sneakers I call a taxi and prepare my purse for the evening.
9:02pm
I lay back in my chair, happily looking at my empty plate. Hani invited me to a big and modern restaurant with large windows that face the street, comfortable chairs, wooden tables and bar near the entrance. On the walls behind that bar, the menu is written in chalk letters, offering a huge variety of meat dishes, salads but as well cocktails and snacks. Many people are chatting, some are already noticeably tipsy. What a lively atmosphere. I already forgot how tired I am.
Me: "Hani - you chose a great place to eat. How come you never took me here before?! It was delicious and this is such a nice restaurant!"
Hani: "Hehehee, I knew you would like it. The food is nice, they have beer and after 9:30pm the're usually hosting a Karaoke Show!"
she said, putting the last fries in her mouth.
I chuckle at the coincidence.
Me: "A Karaoke show? Haha, of course you've been here, your singing voice is so nice, I'd actually love to hear you sing again."
Hani: "I will sing, if you will sing, too!"
she laughed like challenging me.
I join her in laughing. But honestly, her Idea is not thaaaat insane. Since I will be gone in a few days and no one knows me here, why not try doing something fun?
I stop laughing and raise a brow. Hani tilts her head with a questioning look on her face.
Me: "I think it's worth a try..."
I said, being surprised, simultaneously shocked at my own words that just left my mouth.
Hani instantly starts clapping like a baby seal. No one would imagine she is two years older than I am.
Hani: "I get to see my Mina siiiiing! Can I record it? Can I? I will want to watch you over and over and over again!"
Me: "Don't even think about it! AND if you're doing it anyway, I will punish you!"
I smile and wink at her.
Me: "You don't have to record it, if you watch me, Unnie!",
I said before flashing a bright grin at her, but turning back to thoughts right after.
The only problem is: I can't sing. I tried many times and I actually manage to hit most of the notes, but my voice is just not made for singing. However, the idea of doing it was too adventurous and tempting for me. Plus, I just kind of promised Hani she will be part of one of these very last memories I will create here in Seoul. What have I done? Wait.
What am I going to do?
10:12pm
Am I being over-dramatic? The time that has passed from my own spoken death sentence to the execution felt like seconds. It was like my life just flashed right in front of me and now my food is just trying to follow a short map out of my body in this very moment. It's like the ground is opening up to swallow the rest positive glimpses out my pathetic soul that are trying to see the best in this situation that awaits me. Am I dead? Wait, this light – is that an Angel? Jimin? Is that you?-
Hani: "Mina? Miiiiiinaaa!" Hani snaps me back into reality. "It's your turn now! I came to see you on that stage! I did not pay to see you backing out by playing dead!" she gave me a cute grumpy look.
Me: "You did not pay anything, Unnie! And I will keep my promise. I am sorry I worried you. I'm not dead, see?"
I quickly wave some weird guestures in the air.
Hani: "Then hurry! You still haven't picked a song." She turns me around and encouragingly slaps my butt.
That helped a bit, to be honest.
The Karaoke stage behind the bar was accessible through a door with curtains and a neon sign on top of it that said "shine" in Korean characters. Only a few sofas and small tables are found inside. In fact, it was a rather small room, compared to the restaurant on the other side, but quite charming with all the lights and the athmosphere that radiated from the people that came to watch. Before it was my turn, a few people performed a variety of songs, some at a pretty average-okay level, some sounded like having done nothing but singing for the past ten years.
What the heck am I going to sing? My Korean is far from being perfect so it must be something I know well. I cannot read that fast either, so looking at the lyrics on that flashy screen is not an option. I quickly think about the little number of Korean songs I knew from scratch. Wait...Number...Number?
I go up to the guy that manages the Karaoke system and tell him silently which song I decided on. It's a good choice and I start to feel more confident about what will happen next. I try to smile, since I know at least the first half of this song by heart and the rest I will manage to read off the screen. I tap on the microphone to see if it it's working.
"Uhm, I am actually not going to sing, but I will try something else, please take good care of me, I never did this before.", I say into the microphone with a rather broken voice. In the audience I can hear Hani sinlently complaining. Some started clapping but stopped instantly after I gave the Karaoke-System-Guy a firm nod.
The lights dim and I get ready as the intro of one of my favourite songs starts playing.
Cyper pt. 3: KILLER.