Harry Styles
I wrap my hand around the front door handle- turning it and pushing the door open to feel the warm hit my face and contrasting with the freezing cold weather outside.
I walk into the warm home and shut the door behind me- smelling something good coming from the kitchen.
"I'm home." I yell through the house while taking off my jacket and hanging it up on the hook.
"In the kitchen baby." I hear Amelia's sweet voice yell from the next room. I take off my heavy black boots and walk into the room to my right.
I watch Amelia standing in the kitchen, her back facing me while she stirs stuff in the pan on the stove. I smile and walk up to her small frame, looking over her shoulder at her at the vegetables to tosses around on the stove.
I rest my chin on her shoulder and snake my hand around her waist and rest on her growing seven month belly.
"Smells good." I mumble while softly pressing my lips to her neck
"It should be ready soon." She smiles while keeping her eyes on the scolding pan.
"How you feeling baby?" I ask while running my hands across her baby bump.
"Good today actually- didn't wake up with sickness this time." She smiles and takes the pan off the stove, moving it off to the side and turning off the heat.
She turns around and faces me- her cheeks red from the heat of the stove.
"Less then two months and you won't have to deal with the morning sickness anymore." I wrap my arms around her lower back and intertwine my fingers together, looking down at her with a smile. Her hands meet at the back of my neck so I feel the silver ring on her finger. She steps on her tippy toes to kiss my lips while her noticeable baby bump was between us.
"Daddy!" The familiar voice of our four year old son Jamison yells in excitement while he runs his little body through the doorframe. I pull away from Amelia and kneel down so he crashes into my arms with a little toothy grin.
"Hey buddy," I smile and stand up with him on my hip. He smiles and Amelia brushes his curly hair out of his face. "Why are you still wearing your pyjamas dude?" I look at his blue teddy bear pyjamas he was wearing last night.
"Someone decided this morning that he's going to wear them forever." Amelia chuckles, making Jamison giggle.
"Forever?" I look at him and drop my jaw in playfulness- pretending to be shocked. He nods and laughs, making the dimples pop on his baby cheeks.
"You know-" I start while holding him up in my arms. "You're not going to grow big and strong if you're stuck in these small pyjamas." I encourage and he looks at me in realization.
"But you wear the same thing everyday daddy." He looks at my black t-shirt and black jeans that I have a million pairs of.
"But daddy already grew big and tall. You still need to grow and you won't be able to if you're stuck in these small pyjamas forever." I persuade. "Don't you want to be big and tall like daddy one day?" I ask while smiling at my son.
His small face falls slightly in expression, making me arch my brow.
"I don't want to be like you daddy.." He says with a sad look on his face.
"Why?" I look into his distressed brown eyes that reminds me so much of Amelia's.
"Because you hurt mommy." His voice echoes through my head while he slowly brings his hand up to point over my shoulder. My eyes widen and a cold draft runs up my spin at his small words.
I instantly turn around to look where his little finger points and see Amelia standing there with blood dripping down from a deep slit in her neck, across her throat.
My limbs go numb and my stomach drops to my feet as I see the dark red blood pouring from the cut over her throat. What the hell happened?!
I turn my head back to Jamison and realize that he has disappeared from my arm- vanished like he was never there to begin with.
I look down at my hands and see that their covered in the same red blood and clenched in my grip is a steel iron knife. My eyes start to brim in tears and my body temperature drops to a point where I can't stop shaking.
I shoot my vision back up and see Amelia staring at me in a way that makes my heart stop beating. My body shakes and I look at her like I'm seeing a ghost. The warm room I once was in feels ice cold and dark now.
"Why would you do this to our family Harry?" Amelia's broken sinister voice sends ice through my veins as blood pours out of her neck in front of me. Her eyes remain wide and twisted while tears pour down her flushed cheeks.
"Harry!" I hear Amelia's voice shout as I open my eyes abruptly to being back in my bedroom. Her hands are placed on my cheeks while she looks down at me through her worried eyes. My body feels like it's going to melt from overheating and my heart is slamming against my chest.
It was all a dream.
I look up at her while sweat perspires from my body. I try to regain and control my intense breathing while she looks down at me in comfort.
"What happened?" I say between pants and sit up in my bed- all distraught.
"You started yelling in your sleep. You were twisting and turning like you were having an awful dream." She explains while sitting cross legged next to me, looking at me in worry while I flip my sweaty hair out of my face. Her nimble hand runs small circles on my overheated back, trying to relax me.
"What was I saying?" I ask eagerly while glancing at the clock. 3am.
"You kept yelling 'no' and my name." She says softly while analyzing ever aspect of my sweaty face.
"Oh. I'm sorry for waking you." I mumble while feeling completely shaken up from the terribly real dream I had.
"Don't apologize. Are you okay? What were you dreaming about?" She asks and it makes my stomach drop and my chest heavy. I can't fucking breath and I need to get out of here.
"I-I have to go." I quickly answer before jetting out of bed.
"What? Harry it's three in the morning.." She looks at me grabbing my jeans off the floor and sliding them on my legs.
"I know- I just need to get out for a bit." I say while quickly going in my closet and just grabbing a black hoodie and a grey beanie to tame my messy sweaty hair.
"Well where are you going to go?" She says quietly while watching me dart around the room all frantic. I can tell by the expression on her face that she's confused and a bit upset but I need to go.
"I- I don't know. I'll be back by morning." I say in a rush before heading towards the door.
"Harry you're scaring me." She says, making me stop in the doorway.
I turn my head back and shake my head. She sits up on her knees at the edge of my bed- wearing my black shirt so it falls to her mid thigh.
"Don't be- I'm fine I just need to get out for a bit. Go back to sleep." I state before turning back and jogging down the hallway- leaving her alone and confused on my bed
I can't talk to her right now; It's too much. That dream fucked me up and even looking at her is giving me this intense form of anxiety I can't explain. Where the fuck is my head at for having dreams like that?
I jog down the stairs and towards the front door, throwing up my hood before walking out of the door. I don't know where I'm going- but I just need to get out.
I had a fucking kid. I had a fucking kid and Amelia was pregnant. I was married to her. I had the perfect family in the perfect cookie cutter home and it makes me sick.
I don't want that. I don't want marriage and I sure as hell don't want fucking kids.
The dream was so real that I stared into the eyes of my son and felt instantly connected to him. I felt like I was staring at myself but with a small mix of Amelia in his face and it fucking terrified me.
I know it was just a dream- I know it wasn't real but god damn I've never felt so freaked in my life. What if that's what she wants in her future? What if she wants to be married and have children? I can't give that to her- I'm not a guy that can give her the perfect ending that she might want one day.
I'm not normal.
I'm a murderer, a gang member, a broken soul and a fucking psycho.
I hate children, I hate marriage and I don't want a family.
The dream was so vivid- down to the very point that my son had a name. Everything was perfect in our home. I had the perfect wife, the perfect kid and the perfect life. Then it all changed. I blinked and everything went to shit; Before I knew it I was holding an iron knife and Amelia had blood pouring out her neck. My son disappeared from my arms and with that- I lost everything. I lost everything because of the fucking violent demons in my head that make me who am.
My head was probably trying to tell me that I am a ticking time bomb and no matter how happy I could be one day- I will always end up exploding and ruin everything around me. I don't deserve a happy ending and it's okay because I've made peace with it.
Guys like me don't get the kids and the family's- not that I'd want it anyway. I lived my life in a way that I would never have anything to lose, but now I have her. She is something I never want to lose and it fucking terrifies me to think if I ever did. This girl has managed to walk in here and make herself the most important thing in my life, so quickly.
She is the reason I'm having these twisted dreams because for once their is something in my life that shines positivity. She is the light shining in the darkness- the darkness that's been my life for twenty three years. She is normal and capable of so many beautiful things but as long as she's with me, I can't give her that.
She deserves so much better then me. She deserves to have children and the perfect trophy husband who treats her like gold. I am not him- as much as I could try to convince myself otherwise...I know I'm not.
I'm the damaged, violent, psychotic man who finds pleasure in other people's suffering. All my life I found my own form of happiness in killing and hurting others; it was who am I.
But then I was confused. I started to realize that theirs more pleasures to life that I could enjoy rather then hurting and killing- and that actually frightened me. I found happiness in the small things and it was all from her. I found pleasure in watching her concentrate with her drawing, I found pleasure in listening to her soft breathing when she sleeps next to me and overall found pleasure in her happiness.
I didn't realize where I lead myself until I was banging my fist on the black door in front of me. I stand there, shaking in nervousness before the door flies open.
Niall stands there, half awake and half dressed- looking at me in complete utter confusion.
"Styles? What are you doing here it's three in the morning." His groggy voice mumbles while he runs his hand back through his messy blonde bed head.
"Can I come in?" I clear my throat while standing here like an imbecile.
"Yeah of course." He rubs his eyes and opens the door, inviting me in. I walk in with my hands in my sweater pockets, hearing Niall shut the door behind me. I've never been in Niall flat before, it's pretty bare- but still nice.
"Is everything okay? You never show up here." He asks while still trying to wake up. His shirt is missing from his pale body and his black track pants stay tightly tied around his waist.
"Uhm- I know, I'm sorry. I just didn't know where to go an I ended up here." I shake my head while keeping my sweaty hands in my pocket. I don't know what made me show up at Niall's place compared to Louis and Liam's- maybe because I knew Niall wouldn't be pissed for waking him this late.
"Okay.. but I still don't know why you're here." He says while crossing his arms.
"I don't really know either to be honest." I shake my head, feeling very out of my comfort zone by even talking like this to him.
"Do you wanna sit?" Niall asks while nodding his head at the couch.
"No- I'm fine." I mumble while pacing back and forth. Niall sits on the arm rest of the chair- watching me move around the room through his puffy tired eyes.
"Okay Styles seriously, whats wrong?" He says in concern while keeping his arms folded against his body.
"I sliced her throat Niall." Is all that I spit out through my jumbled thoughts, pacing like a mad man.
He immediately widens his sleep deprived eyes and stands to his feet.
"You killed her!" He says in utter shock.
Maybe I didn't word that correctly.
"In my dream, yeah." I restate, making him release the breath he was holding.
"Jesus Christ you should have fucking started with that!" He says in a pisses tone before siting back on the arm rest.
"Sorry-" I shake my head and keep pacing. What the fuck am I even doing here? Niall doesn't give a shit about this.
"Okay so you killed Amelia in your dream? So what." He shrugs like it's no big deal.
"No I didn't just kill Amelia- I killed my pregnant wife and mother of my four year old son. I didn't even realize it. One moment I was laughing and holding my fucking child and the next thing I know Amelia had blood pouring from her throat and their was a knife in my blood drenched hands." I explain in more detail, causing him to widen his eyes again. Niall shakes his head slightly and watches me pace back in forth.
My lip ring stays between my thumb and my index finger, fiddling with it by habit.
"Woah- that's heavy man." His raspy accent mumbles.
"I know- fuck I know," I begin. "I had a fucking family with this girl." I spit in confusion.
"What do you think it means?" He says. I shake my head and keep banging my boots up and down the hardwood floors.
"That I'm a psycho." I answer.
"Do you want to hurt her?" He asks, ignoring my statement.
"No." I don't hesitate.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I'm fucking sure. I don't want to hurt her but I'm afraid that one day I will." I mumble.
"Well you obviously see a future with this girl." He states, making me look at him in question.
"What? Why do you think that?" I say in confusion and a bit of my guard up.
"You said one day." He forms his lips into a line and nods his head while he answers.
I stop in my tracks and take in what he just said. I did say one day...
He looks at me with a small grin and I instantly hate it.
"Well fuck whatever. I definitely don't want that future!" I solidly state.
"The part that you kill her?" He asks.
"All of it. The kids, the house, everything." I say clearly.
"Is that why you're all freaked out? Because you don't want kids?" He arches his brow and questions.
"Kinda yeah. This dream was so fucking real and it was like my life completely changed. I had the perfect fucking happy life but in a blink it all changed back to my regular one- the one where I kill everyone around me." I pinch my eyes shut and try to explain my dream to him.
"It was just a dream- it's not like you're getting married tomorrow. Like does Amelia even want children one day?" He asks.
"Well I mean I never asked her, but probably. She's a normal traditional girl Niall- she's not all fucked up like the rest of us down here." I explain.
"That's probably what your dream is telling you then. She's different Harry, you said it yourself- she's not like us. I'm guessing by the way you're acting that this is the first girl in your life that you have actual feelings towards. So you're confused with yourself and what you want. I mean you guys are literally polar opposites." He tries to explain, and actually making sense.
"She's so pure Niall- an actual fucking angel." I say with complete seriousness. It wouldn't surprise me if somehow she turned out to be an angel- if they existed anyway.
"Yeah and you're the anti christ." He quickly states with humour in his voice.
I chuckle and shake my head while stopping my pacing, trying to take a deep breath.
"I don't know what to do." I mumble and throw my hands back in my hoodie pockets.
"Go back home and pretend like nothing happened. Does she know you're here?" He asks.
"Here, no. But she watched me storm out." I murmur.
"Well in my opinion, I don't think you should tell her about your dream. You're just going to add unneeded pressure and awkwardness. For all you know she might not even want kids and shit. Plus do you really think you'll be with her that long?" He explains.
"Well... I don't know. You know I don't like to think that far ahead." I mumble.
He widens his eyes and looks a bit taken back.
"Oh. I didn't realize you were this serious with her Styles... I mean you abducted the girl and I'm sure you haven't told her many things." He trails his voice out a bit.
"Yeah, I'm aware." I murmur while feeling my palms sweat in nervousness by just thinking about it.
"Harry.. you don't love her right?" He mumbles, actually saying my name this time.
I feel an overwhelming draft run up my spin and my feet run cold in my shoes. The lump in my throat grows and my hands coat in sweat while their buried in my sweater pockets, clenched into fists. I feel like I'm holding a thousand pounds on m shoulders.
"She's Adrian's sister." My voice breaks mid sentence- feeling hitched.
"I know who she is. I'm asking if you love her." He restates, trying to get a straight answer out of me.
"N-no, no of course not." I answer shake my head.
He looks at me blankly for a second, blinking a few times before nodding.
"Well just be careful Styles.. you seem to have gotten yourself into some shitshow. Don't worry about the dream- it doesn't change anything in reality so I'd just pretend like nothing happened. You don't want to freak her out." He explains while standing up to his feet, stretching his arms.
"Niall I don't love her." I repeat, feeling like he didn't believe me the first time.
"Harry it's none of my business. You don't need to explain yourself." He nods while walking towards the small kitchen. "You want a beer? I'm awake now so..." He says while walking to the fridge.
He's right. What the fuck am I trying to prove to him?
"No I'm fine. I'm um..going to go back now." I mumble before turning towards the door.
"Okay- well I'll see you in a few hours." He looks at the clock while grabbing a beer from the fridge.
I nod and walk toward the door, opening it up but stopping in the doorway. I turn my head back to Niall cracking open the bottle with his hands.
"Thanks Niall." I mumble.
He looks up from the counter top as nods.
"Anytime mate." He chuckles like it's not a big deal. I never really realized how much of a good person he is to talk to. I guess I never really knew because I don't talk... especially about this.
I shut the door and walk away- trying to process everything in my deranged head.
//
woah that was a long ass chapter😂 Hope you enjoyed this one cause it took a while to write! Let me know what you think!!!
omg and Harry in this book as a father has me sooooo shook 😍
Comment and Vote!! Love to hear feedback.
What do you think Harry's going to do next? Where do you think his head at?