Song is for the start of the chapter! Enjoy!
I sat by Farrah's bed as I impatiently waited for her to wake the next morning. As dad promised, I was here first thing in the morning, but I have forgotten how much Farrah liked to sleep in. She moved in her sleep and mumbled, causing me to inch a little closer to her bed to make sure she really was asleep.
"I can feel you breathing on me," Farrah mumbled after a minute.
I smiled at her. Nice to hear that her sass will always be around. "I needed to make sure you were asleep."
She opened her doe eyes at me. "Well, I'm up." She pushed herself up against the bed with a wince, but still gave a small chuckle. "So the tables have tabled." Referring to me being the one sitting by the bedside.
I shrugged at her, even though I found this oddly refreshing. "It's odd to have another perspective. But Farrah, if you come here again, so help me, I don't know what I would do with myself," I said sternly.
She raised her eyebrows at me and folded her arms over her chest gingerly. "Now you know how I feel. However, your trips here occur much more often."
I looked away from her, unable to meet her eyes, feeling guilty. "Sorry."
"Well, you can't help it... most of the time."
I nodded in silence. If I could prevent these trips, I would be happier, I think the entire family would be happier.
"Most of the time, it's just nothing you can do, and I understand that." She winced again as she continued to talk about the events that led her here. Seeing her in pain made my heart hurt. I wanted to take it away, but I knew as well as anyone that I couldn't do that. "My head's killing me. And that light is really bright. Could you pull the blinds down?" she begged as she pointed towards the window.
I nodded and stood up from my seat, slowly walking over to the blinds and tilted them shut. Even though I had a full night's sleep, I couldn't help but feel exhausted and off balance. I took careful steps forward as I tried not to fall over, not wanting her, the one in the bed, to be worried about me. I sat in the chair and gave a sigh of relief, knowing that I could stay in this spot for the rest of the morning. I reached down in my bag and pulled out a brown paper bag. "So I got you something. If you're interested," I said to her as I moved to the paper bag on the small table by the bed, pulling out a muffin.
She smiled at me as she reached for the muffin, but a doctor that I didn't know came in. She dropped her hand, and I took back the muffin, knowing that he might take it away from her.
"Farrah Atkins... and how are you feeling?" he asked her as he flipped through her chart. He looked over at me with a pointed look, knowing what I was about to do. "I hope that wasn't for her. She needs to fast for a little more before we draw some blood."
I frowned at Farrah, as if saying sorry. "No, um, it was for me," I told him and took a bite to prove it was mine. Farrah frowned for a second, disappointment in her eyes, and I turned the pitied look. At least I tried.
"I'm feeling ok. My head's killing me though," she said to him honestly.
He nodded as he checked her eyes with a light, then her pulse. "You experienced a concussion, after all. Let me tell you, Farrah, you're very lucky. Things could have been much worse for you."
At least someone in this family was lucky.
"So when can I leave?" she asked, sounding like me, eager to get out of this place.
"Wow, so eager aren't we," he said with a chuckle. "I think we can release you this afternoon," he told her just as mom walked in with a cup of tea in her hand.
"Did you hear that, mom! I can leave!" Farrah said excitedly, then winced again from her sudden movement.
Mom smiled lightly at her. "That's splendid news." She took a seat by the window, then took a sip of her tea that I could smell from across the room. Mint. She often picked that flavor when something stressed her.
"I'll have a nurse come in to get the blood in a minute. Just hang tight," the doctor told Farrah, then walked out.
As soon as he left, Farrah made a face at me that I couldn't quite read. It was something between the lines of, in pain, interested, and trying to be cute all at once. It was a heck of a sight. I couldn't hold back a laugh that came out of my mouth.
"Do you know that, doctor? He's cute."
I laughed hard at her. Just because I practically lived here didn't mean I knew everyone. And even if I knew him, I wouldn't share. He was way too old for her and it's not like he would be interested anyhow. She was so boy crazy! "You can't date him! He's like 15 years older than you," I pointed out as if she didn't know the facts herself.
She shrugged. "Well, I can window shop, can't I?"
I rolled my eyes with a chuckle. "Farrah, I love you," I said to her effortlessly.
She smiled. "I love you too, Clare."
As the morning bled onward, we talked and laughed about random things, but in the back of my mind, I knew I needed to talk to doctor Patel. He needed to know that I was ready to leave for California and was willing to do anything and everything I could to get myself there.
As I talked with Farrah, I felt healthy enough and I'm sure he would agree. I just needed to find him. For the first time in a while, I needed to be a big girl and think more about others, not just me. Farrah was right, I focused too much on myself and I needed to get better, for me, and also for my family.
I finally stood up from my seat and turned to Mom and Farrah. "I have to go get a sweater I left here last week. I'll be right back," I lied to them.
They looked at me and smiled, believing the lie effortlessly, since I often forgot things here. "Yeah, ok. See you in a few."
As I walked the hall trying to find Doctor Patel, I tried to look strong, but on the inside, I was weak, scared, and unsure of myself. I was afraid of talking to him. I was afraid that I wasn't strong enough to go on my own or that it would be a terrifying experience to go alone. Mostly, I was afraid that I would run out of time for the treatment and I would have to start all over again. I knew I didn't have it in me to start the treatment over again. I just prayed that the trip to California wouldn't be as extreme as what I felt here a few weeks ago.
As I walked up a flight of stairs, I hung onto the railing, feeling winded. I made it to the top of the steps and wiped a sheen of sweat from my forehead. I took a seat on the step to breathe, convinced that I wouldn't be able to go any farther until I regained myself. I hated the fact that I seemed to have gotten weaker over the past month. I felt so inept. I leaned over my knees and took deep breaths as my eyes welled up with tears of frustration.
"Clare?" I heard doctor Patel asked.
I sniffled and quickly wiped the evidence of tears from my face as I straightened out my posture and looked down at him with a small smile. I wanted him to think that I was strong. I just put on my other face to show I could do almost anything.
He walked up the stairs to close the gap between us. "Are you ok?"
I nodded, I was now that I found him. At least he found me, and I wouldn't have to go walking any further. This made things easy. "Hey Docter Patel, can I have a word with you?"
He nodded. "Are you sure you 're feeling ok? You look pale," he asked with concern in his voice.
I nodded at him. Such a flat out lie. I felt terrible, but I would not say that because this wasn't just about me. "When is the soonest I could go for treatment in California?"
"I just looked at your charts and I think we could get you on a flight out of here by tomorrow."
I felt fear boil up within me as I thought about tomorrow. Suddenly tomorrow sounded like such a dirty word. I frowned at him, maybe that was too soon to leave. "You know Thanksgiving is next week, right?" I asked him, fearing that I would miss one of my favorite holidays.
"Treatment's only for three days. You'll get back a few days before Thanksgiving. Can you do that?"
I nodded at him. That was reasonable as I thought about how I missed thanksgiving last year, stuck in the hospital. I missed too many holidays to count within the last three years, but I was about to change that. "Yeah, I can do that. What do I have to sign to consent? Do I need to buy a ticket?"
He raised his eyebrows at me and chuckled. "No sass? No backlash? I'm amazed."
I shrugged at him as if my answer was that simple. "I recently had a help to put things in perspective."
He nodded at me. "Fair enough. I'll get the papers together now and don't worry about the flight. We have to fly out some other patients tomorrow so you'll be just going with them. How about we just meet in your sister's room?"
I nodded at him, not even bothering to know how he knew she was here. These doctors and nurses gossiped about everything, and I was sure that he found out last night as soon as they emitted Farrah. Word traveled so fast around here, it was like wild fires. "Sure, I'll be there."