Around 8:30pm I make my way out of the bus at Circular Quay and can't help but think that I should just wait for the next bus to take me back home. But it's still fairly early, and I don't have to stay late. I can still have a few drinks so Maddie won't bother me about being a bore for not drinking and then make it back home before midnight. That way I won't be tired tomorrow nor will I be hungover. Besides I don't really have an excuse, I don't have any plans tomorrow. I will probably just end up watching another series on Netflix.
The good thing about summer is that the sun has not set just yet, and it is still warm outside as I head towards The Rocks. It is actually a beautiful night perfect for a walk. For a moment, I consider heading in the other direction towards the botanic garden instead, but that's an idea for another night preferably with someone else. That's the thing when you're alone, these things just aren't as much fun. Sure I can go for a walk by myself, but it just isn't the same. As much as I love my own company, I also love doing things with other people. And experiences are often more fun when you can share them with others.
I sigh to myself. One day. I think. One day I will meet someone like Maddie.
As I get closer to the club I see people on the street and the noise from nearby bars fill my ears. People already sound drunk, and I just hope that Maddie isn't too hammered already. Although if she is, and she gets thrown out of the club then I have my excuse to leave. I seriously need to be more optimistic about this night, who knows maybe tonight I'll find the one. Or not.
I grab my wallet out of my purse and flash the doorman my driver's license while thinking that this law is ridiculous, there's no way I look to be under 18. But rules are rules, and at least I'm let in although he did look at my birthday for a long time as if contemplating whether or not I was using a false ID.
The place is already fairly crowded, but I quickly spot Maddie and her boyfriend Arthur along with a lot of guys I don't know. There seems to be at least ten of them. They are all sitting outside at a nearby table, and I take a deep breath and make my way over. "Hi," I say placing a hand on Maddie's shoulder.
"Omg! You're here, everyone this is my friend Lee," she screams out to the crowd and some hold up a hand in 'hi', some give me a nod and others are eyeing me in an uncomfortable way as I try to call out that my name is actually Leah, although, I'm not sure anyone actually hears me.
"Happy birthday, Arthur," I say giving him a hug.
"Thank you, Leah. I'm glad you could make it," he says, and I give him a smile. It's not that I don't like him, but at the same time I don't really know him. We have never talked much which makes all this a little more awkward. "Scoot over," Maddie says to a guy and indicates for me to grab a barstool at a nearby table. I oblige knowing she has already had quite a lot to drink.
"I'm Hugh," the guy next to me who Maddie ordered to scoot over says and gives me his hand.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Leah," I say, and he gives me a smile.
"I thought it was Lee," he chuckles, and I look over at Maddie who's taking a sip from a drink.
"Yeah, that's all she ever calls me. Don't think about it though," I say holding up a finger with a smile playing on my lips. I don't want him calling me Lee as well. I must admit, he is quite attractive. Why has Maddie never introduced me to any of Arthur's friends before?
"So what are you drinking, Leah?" He asks, and I shake my head. Since I don't drink much I don't have a drink I prefer. In a matter of fact, I tend to just have wine.
"I dunno. Surprise me," I say biting my bottom lip, and he gives me a nod and heads for the bar. Am I supposed to join him? It's not that I want him to pay for my drink. "When did you come?" I ask Maddie feeling bad for letting Hugh order for me, but he probably knows more about drinks than I do. I'm sure he'll order something good. Should I offer him money for the drink?
"Around 6. We had dinner here. You hungry?" She asks and I shake my head.
"I ate before I got here."
"Good. You know we're dancing later," she smirks, and I know she's drunk already. She doesn't dance when she's sober.
"That is if you don't get kicked out first," I laugh, and she sends me a look.
"Don't be a buzz kill. I'm not drunk," she says slurring out the last part proving she's wrong.
"Here you go," Hugh says coming up next to me and places a drink on the table. That was fast, but as I look behind me I see there's no queue for the bar yet. This must be way too early for some people.
"Thank you. That's nice of you," I say. "So what am I having?"
"A mojito. I wasn't sure what you liked. Figured this was one of the safest choices," he explains and takes a seat as I take a sip. In all honesty, I don't taste much alcohol, and it is practically filled with ice. Easy way of earning more money. Of course that wasn't Hugh's fault though.
"Thank you. It's good," I say not knowing what else to say. It's not that it's bad, but it doesn't taste of much.
"So what do you do?" He asks and takes a sip of his beer.
"I'm a barista," I say hating to tell people about my boring job. Perhaps it'll be more interesting being someone's secretary? At least, Hugh doesn't find me boring, and we end up talking for hours about things in our lives and as I look at my watch I realise it's passed midnight. Wow who would have thought I'd have made it until now? Apparently, Hugh is part time modelling while being a bartender at a bar in Balmain. To my surprise, he's really easy to talk to, and we have quite a lot of things in common. We are after all both an only child, and whereas I like to stand behind a camera he likes to be in front of it. We're still both waiting for our big break though. His modelling jobs do pay for his rent, but it's not really paying any big money, so I can totally relate to his situation.
"So this is you?" He asks as he searches my name on Facebook.
"Yes that's me," I say as he adds me as a friend and starts looking through my profile pictures Perhaps this could lead to something more. Yet I want to smack myself for still having pictures on Facebook from when I'm 15. I look horrible.
"Would you like to dance?" He asks placing his phone in his jean pocket and I nod remembering I owe Maddie a dance.
"We're heading upstairs. We're going dancing," I tell her, and she holds up a finger. "One second." She's engaged in a conversation with one of Arthur's friends.
I feel bad for Hugh. I mean we were supposed to dance on our own, but I can't just leave Maddie without telling her where I went. What if something happened? Besides I did promise her a dance. Maddie finishes her drink, and we all head upstairs. I do see the disappointment in Hugh's eyes, and I can't blame him. But nothing needs to happen tonight right? We can just take things slow. At least I don't want things to move too fast. I'm not comfortable with that.
I don't know how much time passes but we dance for at least half an hour I'm sure. Luckily they are playing a lot of good songs, and all of us are enjoying ourselves at least I know I am. I do notice how Hugh looks at me though. It makes my heart beat a bit faster. He's hot, I'm not afraid to admit that and also very charming. And the way he looks at me with his big brown eyes makes me very self-conscious. Unfortunately, all too soon Maddie pulls me away. She needs to go to the toilet, and if I'm being honest so do I. So I flash Hugh an apologetic smile, and he tells us to meet him outside by the others.
"I think he really likes you. He's single by the way," Maddie explains as she drags me to the toilet.
"Why have you never introduced me to him before?" I wonder, and she shrugs.
"I haven't seen him much. He's not one of Arthur's closest friends. I do think they went to elementary school together though."
"He's cute," I admit.
"Go for it," she encourages. "Besides even if nothing serious happens it's okay to have fun," she says as we leave the stall and walk over to wash our hands. She's right I know that, but I can't help but crave something more.
Her phone rings and she fishes it out of her purse once she's washed her hands. "Hey babe," she says, and I know it's Arthur.
"You serious! Why? — that's bullshit — be there in two—," she says before she hangs up and looks at me.
"What was that about?"
"Arthur's been kicked out," she calls out.
"Why?" I ask drying my hands with some paper before readjusting my dress.
"They say he's too drunk. He wanted to buy another drink, but they told him to leave. When he came to buy again, security came to escort him out."
"I didn't even know he was that drunk," I say grabbing my lip stick from my purse to add another layer. Then again I've been too caught up in my conversation with Hugh for the past hours to really pay attention to anyone around me.
"I know! So stupid," she says as we head back out and I put my lipstick back into my purse. As we get outside she is quick to give me a hug. "Tell me how it goes," she says giving me a wink, and I smile back knowing she's talking about Hugh.
"I will. Tell Arthur, I'm sorry. I hope this doesn't ruin your night."
"I'm sure he's fine. Maybe, we'll just go to the casino," she says and before I even realise what's happening she's gone, and I'm heading back to the table, but what I find is not what I hoped for. Hugh is kissing someone else. How did that even happen? Am I missing something? Was I gone for more than five minutes? I don't know how to answer any of my own questions, but I walk back to the table sending some of Arthur's friends who are still there a smile trying to avoid Hugh.
"You want a shot?" One of them asks, and I'm about to say no, when I rethink the situation.
"Sure, thank you," I say and take one.
"Cheers," one guy says, and I don't even care what's inside the glass, although once it's burning my throat, I realise I should probably have told them no. My eyes try not to wander over to Hugh, but I can't help it. Seriously what did I miss? I see who I assume is the girl's friend talking to another of Arthur's friends, and I'm wondering if they deliberately came to ruin my night, although I don't know who they are. Was I really that boring? He did spent more than three hours talking to me though, so I can't have been that bad. Or perhaps I'm just fooling myself.
The girl pulls back from Hugh, and I sit down to text Maddie asking where they went. There's no way I'm going to stay here now. I should just go home.
I feel a hand on my knee and look up into Hugh's brown eyes. Why is he touching me again? And where did the girls go? "I would have kissed you," he admits taking me aback. Am I hearing him correctly right now? So he spends hours talking me up touching me now and then making me laugh, and then when he realizes things aren't going fast enough he moves on to someone else?
"Then why didn't you?" I ask not even sure I want his explanation.
"I would have, but then we went dancing, and it got kind of awkward with Maddie," he explains, and I realise the girls are already back. His attention is immediately diverted away from me, and Im uncertain of how to feel. I thought this could actually have gone somewhere. Apparently, I was wrong. I notice both girls are blondes and if I'm not mistaken they both have blue eyes, unlike me. They look Scandinavian or something, and as far as I know they might as well be. Why take an Aussie when you can get a girl from a far away country who looks like a supermodel? I don't know what the girl says to him, but before I can comprehend what is happening Hugh gives me a hug.
"Nice meeting you," he says, and I'm too startled to do anything and then he lets go with both girls following. And this is why I never find a decent guy. Why do I have a tendency to find jerks? Without a second thought, I get up and head for the exit. Maddie hasn't replied and besides I don't want to go to the casino. I want to go home. I find myself heading back towards Circular Quay, but once outside the club my eyes meet Hugh's once again, yet he doesn't even acknowledge me, and I know I've wasted my night on him. I need to stop doing this to myself. I'll never find a guy, and especially not on a night out. That's not how things work apparently. Why couldn't I just have gone to the botanic garden for a walk? I'm sure that would have made my night so much better, but I know Maddie is pleased with me for joining her and I did have fun most of the night. I should see this night as an experience, this is the only way I'll know what not to look for in a guy. Besides I'm fine on my own. Hopefully if I tell myself that enough times it will become true eventually. But as the cold wind of the night collide with my bare arms the thought of getting home to an empty apartment is anything but appealing and I know that this isn't the life I want for myself. If only I knew how to change things.