Part III: Summer:
"The only difference between the sinner and the saint is that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future." ~ Oscar Wilde
June
"I think we need a more direct approach," Margaret said to Francis one night after dinner. They were presently in his study, discussing Will's progress--or lack thereof--with Sarah.
"What exactly happens that doesn't work?" Francis asked, taking off his reading glasses and placing them on his desk.
"He's quieter than usual, seems nervous." She said as she sat down on a chair next to his desk. "I think he's trying. He looks at her, but just can't seem to...say anything significant."
"Perhaps the location is too different." Francis suggested, leaning back in his chair, folded hands now resting on his chest. "Maybe he'll be more comfortable if she comes here."
"Let's invite her over. She is such a lovely girl. And maybe have Lily spend some time with her. They'll be sisters one day."
"Capital suggestion." Francis agreed with a smile. "I think this will work out well."
Margaret beamed with pride when her husband complimented her. She took his hand into her own, and they smiled together.
~*~
"Oh, Sarah." Natalie said, bustling into the dining room, letter in hand. "Margaret invited you to their house."
"That sounds fun. I wonder if they have anything planned." she replied, arranging a vase of lilacs.
"I should bring them something!" she said, beaming.
~*~
So a few days later, Sarah visited Will's home for the first time. Her parent assured her they'd be over to get her by four.
She sat back in the coach, a vase of yellow roses at her side. She opened her pocket mirror, wondering what Will's family was like.
The ride was short, and her excitement built up once her carriage pulled up to the half circle driveway.
She smoothed out her light blue silk dress and made sure her hair piece was straight. She squared her shoulders and was greeted by Margaret and Will.
"These are for you." she carefully presented her vase.
"Yellow roses! How delightfully exotic." Margaret cooed, grasping the gift.
"I imagined them to be welcoming." Sarah replied.
Will approached and kissed her hand.
"I'm glad you're here."
"Aren't you as lovely as a blue jay in that dress." Margaret went on.
"Thank you!" she replied, beaming. "I designed it."
"Where did you find fabric in that colour? " Will asked linking arms to lead her inside.
"My favourite fabric shop. It's just down the way."
Lily came up first.
"Lily, this is Sarah. Sarah, this is my Lily-pad." Lily curtseyed slightly.
"Lovely to meet you at last." she said, grinning.
"Likewise."
"I thought we could start by touring the grounds." Margaret suggested. The trio went on to the back yard.
Sarah adored the stone fountain and was impressed with the flowerbeds. They had bloomed at last, in every imaginable colour. Pinks and reds, yellows and purples.
"I love this garden!" Sarah gushed, awed at the beauty around her. "What a lovely view. It must be so relaxing to just see this. That's why I love living in the country so much. There's so much beauty around us, all the time."
And on they went, through the shaped hedges and the stone pathway. But the sun blazed over them and they choose to return to the house.
Will and Sarah settled down in the living room as Margaret had tea with the couple.
"Oh, would you look at the time," Margaret piped up as she suddenly rose from her chair. "We have something to take care of, I'm sure a moment or two alone won't hurt."
"A--alone?" Sarah echoed. While she had no real reservations, it was abrupt.
"That isn't a problem, is it dear?" She asked the younger woman.
"Of-course not." She replied, shaking her head slightly. "Just sudden."
Margaret flashed a smile at the couple and headed for the door, hoping for her plan to work.
Will followed his parents, utterly confused.
"What is this?" he asked his mother quietly.
"Get to know her better." she encouraged.
Will nodded, but gulped nervously one she'd left.
He turned back and rejoined Sarah.
A large, awkward silence filled the room as the pressure weighed down on both of them. Not a single word was said, the only sound being the ticking of the nearby Grandfather clock.
They were both caught off guard. They had each been reminded, again and again, to act and talk to each other in a certain way, and this expectation lingered between them, even with no adults there as a captive audience.
This courtship process was almost like they were animals who were supposed to be mating at a zoo, having their every move analysed and speculated upon.
Will finally spoke up. "I'm sorry my mother left so suddenly. She...want us to get to know each other better. I guess my parents want to make sure I really like you."
"Well...do you like me?" Sarah bluntly asked, sitting up in her chair.
"I...don't know how I feel yet." Will replied, shuffling his feet. "We have a lot in common, you're smart, obviously pretty. You seem easy to get along with. I think we could become good friends, actually."
Will gulped and quickly corrected himself:
"I mean, to start with. I think it's important to be friends first, and then be romantic." Did that sounds convincing?
"You don't fancy me, do you?" She stared at him and he felt like she'd just ripped his body open and grabbed his heart.
Will tried to not panic. What had she noticed? Did he accidentally say something to her without thinking?
"I'm--sorry, what?"
"You don't care for me that way." she whispered, now wistfully staring at their blue Oriental rug. "I'm starting to doubt you ever will."
"No," he pleaded with a shake of his head, trying to convince himself as much as her. "I need more time. It's just...it's--"
"Augustus." she said softly.
Will had to tread lightly. "What about him?"
"You fancy him." she quivered, trying not to cry. Why couldn't this relationship work? Weren't they just...supposed to like each other?
"But--how--" Will stammered, his hands shaking.
"I saw you at the Masque."
His heart began to pound. Had she seen them kiss, or noticed something about them?
"Wait, did you see anyth--"
"No." she slowly shook her head. "I could just tell. And it's all my fault." she tearfully admitted.
"How is this your fault?" he asked, shifting closer to her.
"I didn't pay enough attention to you. You got so desperate for attention you actually--you--" she stuttered, lowering her eyes, "focused on him and if I had just done what I was supposed to do, you wouldn't be so confused about everything."
"It's not your fault." Will insisted, shaking his head. "I've had dozens of opportunities to give you enough attention." he paused as a parade of memories filed through his mind. He'd awkwardly refused so many of her advances. She'd ask a polite question, and he'd give shaky answers and dodge her mild flirting.
"How could I do this to you." he whispered to himself.
'I can make this work." he insisted, to her, almost crying. "I can do this--for you."
I'll pretend for you. he thought.
He looked over, leaned in and kissed her. For a second she kissed back, until he pulled away. Her lips were soft and the kiss was gentle.
And he felt nothing.
"I'm--sorry." He mumbled, trying to hold back anxious tears.
"Will," she gently replied, "I like someone else too."
Will's eyes went wide. "You do?"
"Our stable boy, James. He started with us a few months ago and he's working with our new horse, Nora. She was abused before my parents bought her and he's worked with her for months, and got her to trust people again! I even had him teach me how to ride just to spend time together."
"Does he know you like him?"
She chuckled and looked away. "Yes."
"Then pursue him instead of me." he said, throwing caution to the wind. He felt considerably less guilty if she had someone else to focus on as well.
"What?" her jaw dropped. "That's...wrong."
"Are you happy with him?" he asked, point-blank.
"Of course." she grinned, thrilled her secret plans had worked so far.
"We're both miserable." he pointed out. "Why force ourselves otherwise?"
He paused and looked at her again.
"I think we can work together. Maybe we can fix this." Will sat up straight on the soft white couch, now inspired. "Our parents want to marry us off as soon as next year. We both want to be with someone else. How can we get out of this?" he asked.
"You...really want to go against this?" This seemed very dangerous to Sarah. She wanted to covertly be with James, but hadn't considered derailing their engagement as well.
"If you could choose between a relationship with me or a relationship with James, would you pick me?"
"But I don't think that my parents would--"
"You didn't answer my question." His focus didn't waver.
Sarah paused, trying to ignore the truth, trying to give the answer she was supposed to give.
"I really want to be with him, Will." her voice strained with disappointment.
"Then let's do something about it." he declared with a serious nod.
She let out a shuddering deep breath and tried to refocus. She was taken aback by this, but if Will wanted to help her, she would try.
"All right." she agreed, sitting up straight. "Let's think logically. First, we need a lot of time alone to talk. Can you convince your parents of it?"
"I think we can manage that. And we can't let anyone else know what we're planning, I won't even write about it. I hate keeping anything from Augustus, but we have to make all of these plans first to make sure it all goes right and I'll explain to him later. You think that's alright?"
"I think you're correct about telling as few people as possible, so you need to ask yourself if it's sacrifice you're willing to make. He might misunderstand at first, but won't it be worth it?" She asked, squinting in concentration.
"I think it will." But then, he thought for a moment and looked over at her.
"Suppose this plan fails. Would you marry me, if you had to?"
"Yes. But we could just...play at it. Truly be two friends living together." she said it to comfort him, but knew it wasn't a natural arrangement.
As much as Sarah liked Will, she knew being with Augustus wasn't right. It wasn't natural.
Yet during this discussion, every time she wanted to remind Will of this, she kept imagining someone saying the exact same thing to her.
James worked for her parents. He wasn't a proper suitor for a girl of her standing, even by the most lax of standards. It wasn't natural for her to like someone below her station. If Will was wrong, wasn't she wrong too?
"So I suppose that we could--"
"Sarah?" Margaret's voice interrupted them through the door. She knocked, then opened it.
"Your parents are here."
Will walked Sarah out and before she joined her parents, they hugged. Will felt safe, her soft embrace against his. She knew the truth. She trusted him. And now they were going to improve their lives, for the better.
~*~
Sarah was quiet on the short ride home, thoughts and plans swirling in her head. Will wanted someone else and so did she.
And they had now chosen to do something about it.
She sat in her room, gently taking a set of small pink roses out of her hair. She looked in her mirror and sighed. Was James worth the risk? Would she be judged if anyone knew? Didn't Will fear judgment? Wasn't what he wanted...more wrong than what she wanted?
She knew she needed to clear her head. She changed her dress, turned from her room and walked downstairs. She hoped James wasn't busy.
The air had cooled from the blazing heat of the afternoon.
"James." she asked sauntering up to him "perhaps we can go for an evening ride?"
"Surely."
The intense heat cooled off somewhat with the setting of a gold sun.
"Let's branch out." James suggested.
And so Sarah redirected Nora, and they headed for the open green. As they went further and further from home, Sarah felt a pleasant breeze on her face. As they thrust forward she loved the exhilaration! And James had a perfect excuse to cling to her!
They went further and further out and once Nora stopped, they laid on the soft grass together.
She moved closer and kissed him, feeling hot and sweet. He curled around her, slowly caressing her hair, a hand lingering on her waist.
They laid back on lush grass after a moment.
"I hope you don't mind but I told Will about us. I didn't mean to, it just happened." She studied his face, searching for concern and found none.
"Will he tell anyone else?" he asked.
"No." she shook her head vigorously. "I can trust him completely. He's...proven that. It's hard to explain."
"You don't need to." he assured her, clutching her hand. "If you trust him, so do I."
"Good." she whispered, laying on her back.
She kissed James again, energy blazing though her. He kissed back, grazing her lip against his tongue. Her dress was soft and flowy, a bright green. They were soon tangled up in each other, as their kisses deepened.
But when Sarah playfully tugged at his shift, James pulled back.
"I shouldn't get too...familiar." he mumbled, inching away. She was so alluring. But he had to be careful.
"Why not?" she asked as she sat up, brushing grass off her elbow.
"If I do I probably won't be able to...stop myself." he mumbled, almost embarrassed. He was very conflicted.
"What if I don't want you to stop?" she implored.
"Sarah, you're playing with fire."
"I can take a few burns." she retorted. "Do you want to be with me?" she raised her eyebrows and stared him down. She had no interest in wasting her time.
"Yes."
"Then why hesitate?"
"If we get caught, I'll leave here."
"Yes. If you get caught. Do you want your place here more than you want me?"
"Not more, but I want both. Why can't I have both? Is wanting that so wrong?" he protested.
"No, but if you're sacrificing one for the other, that means you want one more than the other."
"I want you, but we'd best be careful. No one can know."
"Don't worry," she replied with a flirty timbre. "My lips are sealed."
She grinned wildly at him. "In regards to that, at least."
She pulled him in for another slow, deep kiss, sighing with content as he laid her on the grass once more
~*~
A few days later, Sarah was back at the Garnett's and per Margaret's suggestion, she spent time with Lily.
After lunch, they headed into town together for some afternoon shopping.
As they rounded a corner, they found someone quite unexpected: Lily saw a familiar face and lovely blue eyes.
"George?!" she nearly exclaimed. She hadn't meant to be so loud, but he caught her off-guard.
"Lily!" he replied, beaming happily. "How are you?"
"Quite well, thank you." she said, smoothing out her hair, hoping to appear sophisticated.
"Looking radiant as always." he complimented, lightly kissing her hand.
She tittered awkwardly in response, half excited, half nervous.
"Uh..." she paused, unable to speak.
"This is Sarah." she said, turning to the older girl for a proper introduction. "A friend of my family's."
"Pleased to meet you." she replied shaking his hand.
"Likewise. " he replied cordially.
"So," he shifted back casually, "what are you fine ladies off to this afternoon?"
"We're doing a bit of shopping, actually." Sarah replied, clutching her sketchbook tighter. "We're off to one of my favourite dress shops first. May even have tea if we're out late enough."
"Splendid. And, as much as I'd love to invite myself along, I'm actually meeting someone later. But," he lingered, staring confidently at Lily, unable to leave her warm brown eyes, "I certainly hope I'll see you again, very soon."
"Thank you." Was all she managed to reply with an awkward smile.
He smiled, tipped his hat, and walked off.
Lily stood for a moment, just staring over her shoulder as he walked off.
"Well," Sarah began with a mischievous smirk, "he was quite smitten by you."
"Ooh, I was so nervous!" Lily said. "I barely knew what to say."
"You clearly fancy him." she replied as they walked further down the street.
"Well, I like him as a friend so far. We met at the Masque, actually. Last month. We danced but then right before I left he--" Lily blushed and shook her head, "he kissed me and everything feels...different now."
"Was he your first kiss?" Sarah nearly squeaked.
"Yes." she stammered, still blushing.
"Ooh!" Sarah cooed, leaning into her. "Your first kiss!"
"I'm--" Lily fumbled, still smiling, "not used to all this."
"Well you're--" she paused, trying to recall. "Thirteen?"
"Yes."
"Well, of course you're not used to it!" She chuckled good-naturedly. "Everything's new at thirteen. And it sounds very sweet."
"It was nice." she bashfully admitted with a small smile. "I just...need to get used to it."
"Well, there's nothing wrong with taking your time." she assured her.
"Oh good, we're here!" she brightly said, eagerly pulling the door open.
They were surrounded by beauty!
Rows of fine cloth lining the shelves. Delicate spools of thread in every imaginable colour were spread in a vast array. Sarah loved this shop.
Lily, on the other hand, wasn't one for fashion. She liked having nice clothes from time to time, but wasn't nearly as into design and frills as Sarah was.
"I do like George, as a friend." she explained, slowly running her hand over a pretty pink square of silk.
"Maybe something more someday. But," she sighed, I don't want to just...get married."
"What's wrong with getting married?" Sarah asked as she surveyed a dozen patterns of lace. She sensed...resentment.
"I just..." Lily faltered as she looked at the next shelf, full of ribbon samples. "feel like if I do marry right
away, I'm giving in. To my parents or...what the world expects of me. Can't I choose otherwise?"
"What else would you want to do?" Sarah asked, comparing two shades of green thread for her new design. What would she want to do besides marry?
"I want to work. Something with mathematics or maybe run a business. I know I could do it."
"Yes, I hear you're quite talented." she praised.
"What if one day you wanted to get married? Wouldn't you feel differently if the choice was yours?"
As Lily paused, Sarah explained her view.
"I want to get married someday; have children. And that's just...traditional. And it's no better or worse than your idea, is it? Isn't it better if you choose him?"
"I suppose. But if you could do something else, what would it be?"
"For-work?"
"Yes."
"I've never considered that before."
"What do you do for fun?"
"I design dresses. Perhaps I'd have a shop like this. I'm always happy when I'm here."
"I like that you speak your mind." Sarah added, approaching the counter. "It's rather...endearing. Maybe after we're done here, we can go have tea. There's a divine little cafe I'd love to show you."
Sarah paid for the thread and ordered more gold silk for her latest design.
The girls had a splendid afternoon together. Lily knew Sarah would make a splendid sister-in-law.
She only hoped Will could be persuaded.