Camila
I was fucked. Well, I had been thoroughly fucked just a few hours ago, but I was fucked because I was allowing this little fuck buddies thing of Lauren to get out of hand. On tour was one thing, I could let it be because we were all we had. Once home I thought it would hold off until we met up again for the tour, giving me plenty of time to come up with some excuse that would end it. I did not expect her to text me last night nor for her to send me a nude to make me come to her. This was dangerous what we had gotten into. This could lead to a bigger disaster if Lauren ended up remembering things. She could end up blaming me for not stopping her, for not seeing reason. She could hate me and never forgive me. There was endless possibilities of what could happen.
It was hard for me to stop her. It was hard to not give Lauren everything she wanted this time around. How could I deny an angel a simple request? Not exactly a simple request to be honest. It didn't matter though. Lauren wanted to increase our friendship to fuck buddies, fine. My heart could stay out of it. I was prohibiting its involvement for as long as I could hold out. The moment it decided to get involved, I would have to end the benefits portion of our friendship.
The last time I had spent the night in Lauren's room, was the night before we had that little fallout. I didn't think I would find myself here so soon after everything. It felt nice to be here with her again, in her arms, safe and sound, her light snoring in my ear; her breath causing a few of the hairs by my ear to tickle it. Her skin touching me, mine touching her, our bodies close and fitting perfectly against one another. I took a deep breath, breathing in her scent which I called home.
A light buzzing from Lauren's nightstand caught my attention. Thinking it was mine, I grabbed it, realizing it was not mine when I saw the picture of Lucy on the screen. A pain shot through my heart seeing her face. This was not what I wanted to see first thing in the morning. My good mood soured, I turned around in Lauren's arms so I could wake her up.
"Lauren, Lucy's calling you," I said, trying to mask the hurt I felt from seeing the Colombian's face on my lover's phone.
She groaned, keeping her eyes closed. "Camz, I don't care. We barely went to bed a few hours ago. She can wait. Please get back into my arms like you were. I'm too comfortable to move." I put the phone back in the nightstand, my good mood returning and gladly fell back into Lauren's arm at her request. She snuggled more into me, molding her body around mine.
As I was closing my eyes to fall back asleep, I heard the buzzing of the phone on the nightstand again. It didn't let up, the vibrations kept on. I ignored it for as long as I could before it started to vex me to the point that I wanted to pick up the phone and throw it across the room so I couldn't hear it anymore.
Lauren sighed from behind me. I could hear the irritation in the way she sighed. Her body tensed for a moment before she relaxed against me like she was before.
"Hand me the phone please, Camz," Lauren asked me nicely.
I rolled my eyes and grabbed the phone off the nightstand, handing it over to Lauren. I moved to get up so I could give her some privacy but she held onto me with one arm while the other held onto the phone. My skin was cold from where her arm had been holding onto me.
"Stay," she said right before answering the phone. "Hey. No. Sorry." Her free hand wander up and down my stomach, tickling me softly. "I didn't realize how late it was. I didn't get much sleep last night." Lauren looked me and smirked, her eyes glinting with dirty thoughts. "Yeah. Just let me wake up and I'll swing by and pick you up in an hour or so. Have you asked Alexa and Vero? Okay. So they're picking you up? Alright. I'll see you there then. Bye."
Lauren rolled back into me, cuddling once more. She placed her head over mine, resting it there. I shivered a little at the unexpected movement.
"Are you cold?" Lauren questioned. She plausibly thought that I was shivering because I was cold. I had shivered mainly because she was being cute. I don't think she knew how much her cuteness affected me.
"No. I'm fine," I acknowledged. "Is everything okay?"
From the way Lucy had been blowing up her phone, I had assumed it was an urgent matter. When I listened to Lauren's part of the conversation, it turned out to be more Lucy was calling to pester her. Something a needy girlfriend would do.
"Yeah, I just forgot that I promised Lucy we would go to the beach with Alexa and Vero." Lauren yawned, gripping onto me tighter as she did. "I really don't want to move. It's so nice here with you."
"If you need to go, I don't want to be the reason you're late." I moved to get out of her bed, but Lauren wouldn't let go. "Lo, let me go."
"No," she whispered. I tried once again to get up, but Lauren wasn't having it. "No, you're my prisoner."
I laughed. "We can't-do this." This was the part I couldn't do with her. If I stayed, then it would lead to more things of the heart. Things that could make my heart be part of this. It was having a difficult time already with the phone calls from Lucy. That was my heart talking. I had to get out before the good turned into ash.
"Stay here with me. We can watch movies, Disney movies and cuddle all day." Moments from our past flashed through my head from her words. Those were some of best moments spent with her.
"A very tempting offer. But you have plans with Lucy and I should be getting home." I kissed her gently and used that as my escape from her arms. When she noticed that I was putting my clothes back on, she pouted. She was unbelievably bewitching this morning with her just-been-fucked hair falling around her face and shoulders and touching her creamy skin. It took everything in me to stop myself from falling back into bed with her.
"I can't believe you're just going to leave like I'm some common whore."
I snorted at her choice of words. Her tone and air were playful, letting me know that she was joking around. I faced her with solely my underwear on.
"Baby girl," I mocked knowing that she hated hearing me call her that since it was her nickname for me, "you're more than some common whore. You're at least on the same level as Vivian." She flung her pillow in my direction which I easily ducked, laughing at her reaction. Her face was priceless.
"You're an ass. I can't believe you're using Pretty Woman as your reference for a hooker." I picked the pillow off the floor, finding my shirt under it. I threw the pillow back at her and slipped my shirt on. "She was a common streetwalker turned into Cinderella. How do I compare?"
"Hmm. Good question. I have no plans on spending a fortune on upgrading your wardrobe or riding in a white limo to rescue you from that lifestyle, so I guess you are a common whore." I played indifferently. Resuming my search for my clothes, I faced away from her, ignoring the look on her face of pure shock. Served her right for calling herself a common whore in the first place.
Just as I was putting on my pants, Lauren came up behind me and wrapped her arms around me, peppering kisses all over my neck which caused me to gasp. I dipped my head to the right so she could continue placing the kisses turned into love bites on my neck.
"I'd like to get paid for my services if you're done with me." Lauren licked my tender skin as her hands slid under my shirt. I leaned into her as her hands cupped my breasts, holding them in her soft hands. Her thumbs brushed over my nipples, hardening the longer her nimble fingers played with them. I moaned, enjoying this feeling way too much, more than I should. But God, Lauren was a drug and I was a junkie looking for a permanent fix.
"But..." She stepped back, removing her hands from my breasts and her mouth from my neck. "If you're not going to pay me, I guess I should go take a shower."
Jesus fucking Christ.
"You play dirty, Jauregui," I remarked, shaking the lust of my body away which the older girl had induced in me. I turned around to find Lauren had been staring down at my ass. She still had a great obsession with it, even after all this time, she loved having it in her hands; always looking for a way to touch it or have it within her hands.
Lauren's eyes trailed up my body, frowning. "Which is why I am going to go get cleaned up." She walked away, grabbing the towel hanging on the back of her door and walked to her bathroom to take her shower. My eyes followed her every move, noticing how firm and perky her breasts were. "By the way, you look so much better without clothes. Such a shame..." She shook her head before she went inside and closed the door behind her.
I stared at the door for a full minute before blinking and turning away to finish gathering my things. She was going to be the death of me one of these days. It would either be good or it would be bad, depending on the circumstances.
I heard the door to the bathroom open.
"I'm so dumb, really I am. I don't know why I didn't think of this before. Do you want to come to the beach with me and the rest of them? I know it's last minute and you probably have millions of other things you'd rather be doing, but I'd really like to hang out a little more. I promise to behave and there won't be any more hanky-panky for the time being."
I recoiled at her invitation to go. If it were particularly Alexa and Vero going, I would gladly agree as I had no other plans for the day but be home and binge watch Friends. However, with Lucy's involvement in the outing, it made things complicated and could cause discomfort for the both of us. I didn't like her and she didn't like me; plain and simple. There was no sugarcoating the truth. Lauren didn't know this. She was oblivious to it and she wouldn't know about it anytime soon. It was best for both parties if I refused her invitation.
"I don't know Lo. I wouldn't want to intrude on your time with your friends. I wouldn't feel okay going if the rest didn't agree to it."
"You're my friend too. You can't ruin it if you're a friend too. And if you know Alexa and Vero, then you're good. They wouldn't mind. They'd be happy to see you. I'm sure Lucy, you know too. I assume I would have brought her around when we first started out?"
I nodded to confirm her assumption. Yeah, Lucy and I knew each other very well. That is what I was afraid of. Not Alexa or Vero. They were such nice friends of Lauren.
"Of course I know them, Lauren. That's not my point." I said as Lauren said,
"Great. Then we'll go to your house and then we'll head over." She walked away, closing the door just to open it a few seconds later. "You didn't agree to go, did you?"
"No." I sighed.
"Please? I just don't want our time to be over yet."
How do you say no to an angel?
"Fine." I caved. Lauren was beaming when I agreed to go. If it meant she was happy, then I could make the sacrifice. If she got her memories back, I wanted her to think back and see that I didn't push her away, that I tried to make amends and make her happy.
"We're going to have lots of fun. Plus I get to see you in a bikini. That's a definite plus for me."
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This was far from fun. From the moment we arrived at the beach to meet up with Lauren's friends, Lucy had been glaring at me whenever Lauren wasn't looking. Alexa and Vero were pleasantly surprised to see me and Lucy faked that she didn't mind my interference. I could see on Alexa and Vero's faces that they knew that was a bullshit lie. They also saw all of the glares Lucy sent my way. They took in everything that happened, absorbed by all the drama that was going on behind Lauren's back. We all knew the past, they knew Lauren and I had been together. They knew that Lauren had slept and used Lucy. They knew every single little detail. I wouldn't put it past Lauren to have held it back from them.
"Remember what I said to you on the plane trip home?" Lauren turned to me. We were laying down on the beach, taking in the sun while Vero, Lucy and Alexa played around in the ocean. Today was cooler than usual which made it a perfect day to be at the beach.
"You said a lot to me. Which part?" I stretched out on the towel, turning so I could look at her. She was wearing a pair of aviators and since her hair was wet from being in the water, she looked absolutely wonderful.
"When I said you had a nice ass." She quirked. She smiled at me and I smiled back. "Because you do. That bikini is doing wonders in accentuating that ass. And don't get me started on how well the white is contrasting against your skin."
"I thought you were going to behave." I chasted.
"This is me behaving. I never said I wouldn't say things. Just said I would stay away from the hanky-panky." This was true.
"What if one of them hears you?"
"So? They won't care. We're all friends here. Though I've never seen them naked."
Yeah, you keep thinking that Lauren.
"If you say so." I turned away, laying flat on the towel again so I could tan.
I must have dozed off because I woke up right in the middle of someone's conversation.
"--you insane? After what you told us, are you crazy to have both of them here? I thought you were going to pick Camila. Didn't I tell her to pick Camila?" I could hear the fury in Alexa's voice as she spoke. This did not sound good.
I stayed as still as I could, in fear that they would stop talking the moment I moved. I was curious to find out what she had told her.
"You didn't tell me to do anything. You just suggested I pick Camila. Why are you making this a big deal Alexa?" Lauren said defensively.
"Because you're being an idiot. Lucy's in love with you and you bring Camila to shove it in her face that she's the reason she can't have you and Camila...Well I can't say much on that front because I don't know if you remember anything or if she's told you things, but the poor girl shouldn't have to be here." Vero spoke delicately. She seemed to be the one to be mediating the whole thing. She was calm and collected.
"Unbelievable," Lauren muttered.
"You spent a week together. Then you drop her for Lucy. Now you're all chummy with her again. It's like the past all over again. Except this--"
"Alexa. Please. It isn't your place to be talking about the past." They stayed quiet for a few minutes. I wished that I could see what was going on.
"Lauren, just please, think this through. You're going to make a mess of things. We're only thinking of you when we say this. Even if some of us can't control our tempers when talking."
"I appreciate the concern. I do, but I think it might be a little too late."
"What do you mean it's too late?"
Oh shit. She was going to tell them.
"Um, well. You see--CamzandIhavebeenfucking." The air around them got super quiet. I could hear a pin drop if it happened to fall. You would think that it would be impossible since we were at a beach, with hundreds of other people. But they made it possible.
I decided it was my cue to get up. Before I could pretend to wake up, Lucy joined in.
"Why does it look like you guys are going to kill Lauren?"
"No reason." Vero chirped.
I 'stirred' awake, stretching and groaning to ease the tension in my body from holding still. When I turned to look at them, all eyes were on me. I looked at Lucy first, noticing that her eyes were a little red in the corners and the skin around her eyes were puffy. Had she been crying? I hope she hadn't heard any of the conversation.
Lauren kept eyeing Vero and Alexa, seemingly afraid for her life. While they looked at her in anger, occasionally looking at me. Well, this was a mess.
"What did I miss?"
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"Movie night. Just like old times, eh Laur? I think it's the perfect way to end a day at the beach." Vero stated.
After I had 'woken up', I pretended to not know what was going on and went back into the ocean to cool my heated skin. I swam for awhile trying to clear my head from the conversation I had over heard. It wasn't my business. I shouldn't care about what they talked about. But I was concerned.
What Alexa said, confirmed my suspicions on Lucy being the reason why Lauren pulled away. Then there was the other stuff, like them advising her to choose me. Like I had been thinking before, Alexa and Vero knew of our relationship. That is one thing I knew for sure. So I had to question why they would push her back into my arms. Why would they want her to be with me if I had been her ruin? Did they know more than things?
How could they possibly know? I never told anyone but Dinah my reason for why I couldn't be for Lauren. I wasn't out of the closet to family and friends. Sure, there were a handful of people who knew of my sexuality, such as the ones in the room with me and the girls. But I had never spoken and said, 'Hey, I'm a lesbian'.
I was throwing things out of proportion. It was a silly thing. They couldn't know. Dinah would never tell. Not them at least. My secret was safe for now. Yet, I still wondered why they would be okay with me after all my bullshit. Unless Lauren had never told them? No. That wasn't possible. Alexa and Vero were like Lauren's council. They helped her when it came to deciding things and helped her see reason when Lauren was being stubborn.
"Hey, Cabello! Are you dozing off again?" Alexa's words snapped me out of the trance I was in.
"No. Sorry. Was just thinking." I apologized.
"Camz, we're ordering pizza. Do you want the usual?" Lauren was standing at the entrance to the family living room, her phone in her hand. She was looking marvelous. She wore a sleeveless black shirt with Nirvana written across the front with some white cut-off shorts which had the pockets sticking out from the bottom. As always, her hair was down, cascading around her shoulders in long waves of black.
"Yes please." I offered Lauren a soft smile.
We ended up at Lauren's house after we had called it a day at the beach. Her family was out for the night. She had convinced all of us to come over so we could watch movies and relax. I almost said no because I didn't want to cause anymore trouble but Lauren wouldn't take no for an answer. She kept at it until I caved in.
"Lauren and I had thought about doing a movie night yesterday but she had to go abruptly. Any objections to that?"
Alexa and Vero looked at me before answering Lucy and agreeing to the Disney movies.
They didn't know I knew what that look was about. I knew what they were thinking because I was thinking the same thing.
I felt bad. I shouldn't be because she had only caused me trouble and heartache, but I felt bad for Lucy. Lauren ditched her to go have sex with me. I don't know why I was feeling bad. If it were the other way around, she wouldn't care. She'd be happy that I was hurting.
I got up from where I was sitting on the floor and went to look for Lauren. I found her in the kitchen, getting drinks for us.
"Hey, Camz. I'm glad you came. I wasn't sure how I was going to carry all these drinks. Can you help me please?"
"Yeah, sure." I grabbed two of the glasses from the counter. "Just real quick. You ditched Lucy so you could go have sex with me?" I asked her, as quietly as possible so no one would hear me in the other room.
Lauren's eyes went wide. She put down the glasses she was holding.
"How do you know?"
"Answer the question."
"Yes, I did. Okay?" Her stance was defensive to match the tone in her voice.
"That's fucked up to do." I was a little angry about the situation. I don't know what was coming over me. Why did I care about Lucy's feelings right now?
"Would you have rather I stayed and ended up fucking her? Because I can guarantee that's what would have happened if I stayed."
Her words shut me up. I had enough mental images of them together in a bed already. I didn't need to add more. Maybe I shouldn't care. I shouldn't care if Lucy's feelings were hurt or not. I wouldn't want her to have what I was having. Lauren was mine and I was going to keep her this time.
Well shit. My heart was starting to get involved. This was bad. So very bad.
"No. I guess you did the right thing." Lauren leaned over and kissed me softly, her lips putting the right amount of pressure against mine. I sighed before pulling away.
"We're okay?" She asked.
I nodded. She picked up the glasses again and followed me out to the living room. I could feel her eyes burning into my backside. I could imagine the things she was thinking of doing to me when we got the chance to be alone again.
I handed Vero and Alexa their drinks, going to sit down on the floor next to them. Lauren started walking towards me.
"Laur, sit here. You promised."
I watched amused as Lauren went to sit with Lucy. Alexa and Vero were amused as well.
Lauren seriously didn't know what she had gotten herself into. She had thought it would be easy to be fuck buddies. It was true, it was easy on tour. But not once we were home. There were other people to consider. And by other people I meant Lucy.
I should be upset that Lauren couldn't sit with me and cuddle like we usually did. I was fine. Because I knew that at the end of the night or tomorrow, Lauren would be asking me to come over so we could do something a little more private. Lucy could have her tonight.
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We managed to watch The Lion King and some of The Lion King 1 1/2 before we started passing out. Alexa and Vero passed out on the love seat, resting against one another first. I fought to keep my eyes open as I watched the movie but it was no use. Sleep came and took me away.
When I woke, I noticed the TV was playing the main menu of the DVD on repeat. Alexa and Vero were still passed out, but Lauren and Lucy weren't there.
My heart dropped in my chest. Both of them missing had to mean one thing right? They had to be together somewhere.
A million thoughts raced through my brain, all with bad outcomes. I hoped that I was wrong, that I was just overreacting but I knew in my gut, that I wasn't.
I got up from where I had been sitting for the last four hours. My body was sore and tired from being in that position for too long. As quietly as possible I walked through the living room, careful to not wake up Alexa and Vero. When I got to the archway, I stopped. I slowly moved my head forward to sneak a peek of what was ahead of me.
If they were doing what I thought they were doing, I didn't want them to see me.
My eyes took them in, sitting on the stairs going up to the second floor. Lauren was leaning against the wall, sitting casually with Lucy in front of her. Lucy's hands were cupping Lauren's face as they kissed.
I shut my eyes, wishing the image away, hoping I was just dreaming. I opened them again but they were still there, kissing. Lauren made no move to push her away. She had to be a willing participant in all of this. If she wasn't then she would have moved away by now.
Seeing that I was right, I moved away and leaned up against the wall in the living room.
I shut my eyes tight, trying to calm myself down. My heart was going mad in my chest, screaming at me to do something. But I couldn't. I couldn't walk in there and pull them away from each other. If Lauren wanted Lucy, then she could have her. There were no strings attached. We decided that if we did it, there would be the reason to be jealous or put a claim.
I couldn't be jealous that the woman I loathe the most was kissing the woman I loved. I couldn't tell Lauren off for kissing someone else. It wasn't my place as her friend or friend with benefits. She could do whatever she wanted. It was her life. If she wanted me one day and the next she didn't, I couldn't complain.
It was a good thing this happened though. It would make it so much easier for me to end this little facade with Lauren. I could go back to just being the band mate she had once been in love with but since I had torn out her heart, she hated me.
Quite simple.
"Camila? What are you doing there?" Vero woke from her slumber, rubbing her eyes to adjust to the light in the room. Her voice had scared me.
I put a finger to my lips to tell her to shush. I used the same finger to call her over. She nodded and got up from the love seat.
"What's going on?" She asked softly when she was near me.
"Slowly move your head past the archway and look where the stairs are."
There was no point in hiding it. They knew what everything. So why hide that Lauren was kissing Lucy on the stairs?
"Oh shit." She mumbled when she was done snooping. "I'm so sorry Camila."
I sighed, my heart squeezing inside my chest. "It's not your fault. It was bound to happen. I guess now is a good time as any."
"I know you were awake when we were having our conversation."
My heart stopped. What? How did she know?
"And I also know that you're trying your best to make things work. I know what you did in the past was super shitty. I can't count the number of times Alexa and I wanted to strangle you. But you have your reasons. I know you do. I would assume that it has something to do with not being out yet."
Vero words were jarring me. How could she have known that?
"I'm very perceptive when I want to be. I usually have to with the friends I have. Anyway, the point is, I know you've grown and you're probably not the same person you used to be. If you were, then a whole different scenario would have played out right now. Instead you're here when you could have gone home the moment you saw them. There would have been screaming matches with Lauren and with Lucy. Just a whole lot of unnecessary drama."
She was right. My younger self would have found a way to make this whole thing dramatic. As much as this was hurting, I was trying to keep it together. I was trying to be happy for Lauren and let her make her own decisions.
"She said no strings attached. I don't have a right to be upset that she's kissing another girl."
"Oh trust me, you can be upset if you want. The thing that matters is the way you choose to handle it. Lauren and you are meant to be together. I know it. Alexa knows it. Even Lucy does. That doesn't mean it's going to stop her from trying to separate you two. She's been determined to have Lauren since she saw the connection you two share. She's really jealous. That's why she was crying at the beach today."
I thought I was the only one who noticed that. Vero was bringing out one surprise after another. She really did pay attention to everything.
"But don't let Lucy deter you. Show Lauren you care. Try until you know you can't do anything else. And if she walks away this time...At least you'll know you tried everything to make her stay."
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So what do you think?
--brknshdws