Ladies and gentleman, grab your popcorn and put on your seat belts because today we are gonna talk about John Laurens' self-worth, the evolution of it, and why Alexander Hamilton was the best boyfriend ever unlike some people think. Ready? No? Okay here we go!
In a relatively short amount of time, through John Laurens' writing we can see how he goes from a young man who placed too much value in the opinions of others to a brave soldier and statesman who did what he thought it was right regardless of what the others may have thought. (I s2g I want to cry just to think of this 'cause I'm so proud of my baby).
His "transformation" began around 1776, his original plan was to flee his country if he found issue with it and go live in a new one, though he wasn't really focusing on what people may think of him at that moment he still wanted to pretty much to run away from his problems rather than face them.
After Laurens met Hamilton and later began his work on proposing his plan for the black regiment, he began to stand on his own ground and tell people that they were wrong. People held him in high esteem because of his status as a rich southern gentleman and the son of the president of Congress, but John was still willing to sacrifice his standing in the eyes of other people while trying to convince them of their immorality and improve society as a whole.
Instead of fleeing to another country, Laurens held his stance and fought back for what he though it was good.
Here are some fragments of letters from John that show how much he had changed during the Revolutionary War period:
To James Laurens, November 1775:
"My dear and good uncle what shall I do. Is it not dishonor to stay and how shall I disobey so good a father? I am ashamed to own that I am an American young and free from bodily infirmities in England - but a dear father's commands oblige me to remain in the humiliating position of being pointed at by others and almost thinking meanly of myself."
To Francis Kinloch, April 12, 1776:
"if as some pretend, but I am persuaded more thro' interest, than from Conviction, the Culture of the Ground with us cannot be carried on without African slaves, Let us fly it as a hateful Country_ and say ubi Libertas ibi Patria_"
To Henry Laurens, March 10, 1779 (in regards to the black regiment plan):
"As a Soldier, as a Citizen, as a Man_ I am interested to engage in this work_ and I would chearfully sacrifice the largest portion of my future expectations to its success_"
To Alexander Hamilton, July 14, 1779 (in regards to the black regiment plan):
"The house of Representatives have had a longer recess than usual occasioned by the number of members in the field_ it will be convened however in a few days_ I intend to qualify_ and make a final effort. Oh that I were a Demosthenes_ the Athenians never deserved more bitter exprobration than my Countrymen."
It is said that Hamilton specially helped Laurens with this "transformation" and to stop caring about what society thinks and value his own beliefs.
On another note, it is claimed that Laurens mostly wanted the "the approval of his contemporaries". Yes, Laurens desperately wanted his father's approval (because of course Henry Laurens would cause such unhealthy behavior on his son) but other than that he didn't really cared about how others may react to his actions. But was he longing for eternal fame, glory, and approval? Hardly. Laurens was willing to use his inheritance for his army of slaves, and even planned on dressing and feeding 3,000 people with his own money (Damn Laurens). He asked his father to help him with his regiment instead of leaving him a fortune. He was also very aware that his fellow South Carolinian statesmen would mock, judge, and reject him for his attempt to arm and free slaves but did he care? Not really.
John wasn't doing what he was doing to leave a legacy or establish his name on a history book (Which sadly, didn't actually happen). He did this because he saw evil in slavery and wanted to take measures to eliminate it.
"Disinterested benevolence", As some historias said, is something you would use to describe someone who lacks passion, and we all know John was plenty of it.