Chapter 70
I felt the pain in my body arrive, as it had been on hold for some time. It was as if I was just born, yet to die again and again. Pain shocks were going through my legs up to my head. I felt like someone was holding me back, paralyzing me from moving. I couldn't think of anything- it was all blank. The only thing I could concentrate on were the soft cries I heard from beside me. Iyaz.
"I'm sorry.. I don't know how many times I have apologized till now. Maybe the Judge was right, maybe I was not suited to look after you because everytime I think I have you in the palm of my hand, you flie away through my fingers, over and over again" I heard him whisper softly, hearing his cries that he was trying to hold inside.
"Maybe I thought that you would recover one day and we would look further from there, for if we could stay together forever. One thing is for sure, I know I can't leave you. I just know that you will never be better when you are with someone else. I can't trust anyone again" he said, this time firmer than before.
"I don't know where you are now. I don't know what page you are on. I don't know what happened to all the things we built. I don't even know if we built something- if I helped you in any way to recover. I don't know if you will find yourself again. Oh God- this is tiring me out ya Allah, please show me a way" he said before he started in that beautiful language again. Arabic.
I suddenly heard another voice. A voice that also gave me security. It was Tuana. "Iyaz, I have some news for you" she said, making me wonder what she was about to say. Her voice was sad too, as if there was a thick air surrounding.
"I hope it is good news" he whispered back. I heard some shuffle before she spoke again.
"I have let the FBI and police know about what she said to you.. I mean about that she remembered everything. I also told them that she once mentioned California to you back when you were in that hole. They said that there were no reports of any Aiya missing in California her age. They also didn't find anything in the system. Maybe.." she said, not finishing her sentence. I was desperately waiting for Iyaz to reply. I wanted to shout, I wanted to shout what I knew, what I had remembered.
"Are you saying that it was just a moment and that it's not true?" Iyaz asked her. No! No, Iyaz, you need to believe me!
"The doctors say it too. Iyaz, it's very unrealistic for her to remember the things she forgot about for almost ten years. It's not going to come back suddenly, plus, do you know what Aiya means in Arabic?" she said to him as if there was no chance that it was true. I hated the feeling. I hated the feeling of betrayal. It was something I remember I had before. I wanted to yell- I wanted to scream out that I wasn't lying, and that I remembered who I was. I didn't remember the faces of my family, but I just knew I was only child and that I had a big house with a nice room and the nicest parents. I could just feel their warmth in me.
"I know" he whispered, barely for us to catch.
"Maybe it is better for her to get real professional help. That way, you can recover too, because Iyaz you know that you are struggling. You are keeping this strong profile just for her but it won't turn out well in the end" she said. I knew, I knew that she wanted the best for me but if they could only listen to me. If only I could talk..
"I know, but I can't. I just.. I can't. The promises I made are too big not to keep. I know that she needs me. She is horrible at trusting other people" he said back to her, making me want to smile a bit. I knew that it was selfish, but he was the only one who could help me.
"What will you do when she wakes up?" she asked him, making me wonder even more.
"I don't know.. I will just tell her that she hasn't remembered anything and that it was wrong. I will just tell her that I will help her and that she could trust me- I don't know. I just want her to wake up" he said, making my heart ache even more than it was. Him not believing me was even worse than him leaving me. In the past when he left, it was easier for me since I knew that he knew me. Now I just felt like he was with me only because of the promises, not because we could heal each other.
"I will pray for her" she said, before I heard the closing of a door. I wanted to open my eyes. I wanted to open them so badly, but I knew I couldn't.
"Maybe it is better for you to leave" he whispered, before I heard the door again.
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Not really that happy with this chapter but oh well.
Don't know why but I liked today so much. Sometimes nothing particularly happens but you feel like it was your best day. Maybe it was because I had an amazing day at my internship. Maybe it was because I spend time with my best friend aka my cousin. Maybe its because its autumn here and I am drinking my homemade orange&spices tea. I dunno. Why am I rambling lol, anyways, what did you think of the chapter?
Don't forget to pray guys, love you, may Allah be pleased with yall <3