You stand there in Bucky's arms like that for what feels like forever but you are just too terrified to move. You can't be sure because it's like you're in a daze but you think Peggy goes back to look after all of the kids and Steve stays and watches Jake to make sure he doesn't try anything. The whole time you just stay with your head buried in Bucky's chest while sobs wrack your body and your tears wet his shirt. Theo quietens down eventually and gradually you begin to feel Bucky's tense muscles relax. But you can't get yourself to stop shaking.
You feel violated. You can still taste him on your lips and in your mouth, a vile, bitter stench. The sharp sting of his fingers still itch at your cheek. You stare blank and wide eyed at the wall, clutching on to Theo for dare life and dreading the thought of Bucky letting you go. You're terrified. Why should you feel so scared in your own home? Imagine how the kids all feel. Guilt, regret, hurt, anger and embarrassment all well up inside of you but all you keep thinking is thank god I left him when I did.
"How dare you call yourself his father." Bucky murmurs after a while. "You weren't the one there to see him take his first steps or hear his first word. You weren't the one who got to feel how amazing it was to hold him when he was first born. You aren't the one who has loved him with so much passion his whole life. You don't even know him. You're no one to him. You're no one at all."
Jake doesn't reply and you can't bring yourself to look at him to see his reaction either. You never want to look at him or see him ever again.
Soon the cops arrive and Steve helps them escort Jake out. To your surprise he doesn't put up much of a fight. You figure he knows he's lost and there's no point in trying to contend with Steve or Bucky.
Although you do hear him shout, "I'll be back! You haven't seen the last of me darlin'. Don't try to fight it! I know we both felt the connection just back there. I'll have you and my boy in no time!" Just as they drag him out the door and for some reason this sticks with you and makes a shiver run down your spine.
Probably just your already jittery nerves but the thought of a life with him in it in any way at all fills you with dread.
"Oh shut up you!" You hear one of the policemen grunt as they shove him into their car.
Everything is a blur that afternoon but you faintly remember looking to see Steve talking about the details of the incident to the police officer and eventually the parents of the kids come and collect them. You can hear her apologising and thanking them and feel guilty about not going to see them off and explain things yourself but you just can't bring yourself to face anyone right now. You're just too much of a mess.
Thankfully Bucky never lets you go the whole time. However when the house falls silent and everyone is gone, Steve and Peggy bring Isla and Luke into the room.
"I'll go put some tea on for you guys." Peggy offers kindly.
"Thanks Peg." Bucky smiles warmly.
He kisses the top of your head and gently sits you down on the bed, still leaving a protective arm around your waist. You hold Theo in your arms and Isla silently climbs up and nestles herself in beside you.
"Mummy are you okay?" She asks quietly. "Did that mean man hurt you?"
You sniffle and shake your head, trying to hold it together and be brave.
"Yes he did baby girl," Bucky interjects and you're about to look at him confused. "But your mumma's a strong woman and she's not going to let it get to her. Just like you won't if a man ever tries to hurt you too okay sweetie? Always know that just because he's a man, it does not mean he has any power over you. Women are incredible. Promise me that, please?"
And just like that your heart melts. How does he always know the perfect thing to say?
"Okay daddy," Isla replies. I love you mummy," she adds and hugs you as well as Bucky squeezing you tighter against him.
"I love you too sweetie." You whimper, the first thing you've said in the last few hours since you screamed at Jake. "I love you all so much."
"We love you too, don't ever forget that." Bucky murmurs in your ear and kisses your hair.
You look up at Luke who is kind of just standing in front of you looking all apprehensive and scared.
"Lukey, you okay?" Bucky frowns concerned as if reading your mind.
"Who... who was that?" He stutters out cautiously.
You're heart sinks. How are you going to tell him that he is of that scum bags blood? But at the same time this puts a new found fire in your belly and gives you the strength to realise that this was scary and traumatic for everyone, each in different ways, not just you. This news will shake Luke for a long time probably.
You and Bucky exchange sideways glances.
"I, um, I think I'm gonna go help Peggy." Steve mumbles and points to the door before shuffling out.
You can't blame him.
"Thanks Steve," Bucky says before continuing. "Luke, you know how we've always told you that I'm not your actual father?"
"Yes, but to me you are my dad." Luke nods and your heart swells.
"Well. That Luke." Bucky huffs with dread. "That was your biological father."
Luke's face goes visibly paler.
"That's my real father?" He frowns and gasps.
You just hope it's not in excitement.
Bucky seemingly flinches at the notion of the idea too. This must be hard for him.
"You mean I'm related to him?" Luke carries on.
Damn it, why does he have to be so smart and understand all this stuff.
"Ah, yes," you say just cutting to the chase and kind of dreading his answer.
You have no idea what to expect. He might get really upset that he's related to someone like that. Or even worse, what if he were to want to get to know him since he's technically his actual father? Not that you'd ever consider him to be; Bucky's his dad. Bucky's taught him all he knows.
You think you would actually be heart broken if he asked to see Jake again. Not that you're one of those crazy overprotective ladies, you genuinely just don't think it's safe for Luke to be dragged into an environment or be around someone like that.
"A-am I going to turn out like him?" Luke asks, his voice full of dread and concern.
You hesitate to answer but at the same time a wave of relief washes over you.
"Because... I-I don't want to be anything like that," he continues and then next thing you know his bottom lip drops and his eyes become teary.
Instinctively you hand Theo over to Bucky and rush over to Luke, dropping to your knees and wrapping your arms around him, holding him against your chest before he can start to cry too much. You softly stroke the back of his head, running your fingers through his short blonde hair soothingly.
"Shhh, shhh Luke it's okay. You are nothing like him and you never will be. You are ten times the man he is and you have more goodness in your left pinky than he does in his entire body. I'm so sorry you had to see that. I never thought he would show up." You whisper sadly to him as he hugs you back.
"W-why did you ever like someone like th-that?" He cries.
"Sometimes people change. He never used to be that way." You sigh. "Do you think Bucky is a good man?"
"Yes." He whimpers. "Of course. He's a super hero, that's the coolest thing ever."
"That's good, because you're going to be just like him because you've known him your whole life." You smile at him.
"You'll be a better man I bet," Bucky chips in and before you know it he is on the ground beside you.
"Promise me you won't change and be like that man dad?" Luke asks quietly.
"I promise." Bucky grins and presses a kiss to Luke's forehead. "I love you too much to ever want to change. My life is perfect just the way it is."
Next thing you know Isla has wriggled her way in between you all and the five of you sit on the ground in a big group hug.
~~~~
You have just managed to finally settle all the kids down and put them to bed and you're about to slip into bed beside Bucky who's reading his book. You let him go to bed without worrying about the kids because after all that exertion a few hours ago you can tell that it's now taking it's toll on him. He's tired and sore, you can see it in his eyes. He might have special healing abilities but this is a nasty injury and it will still take time to heal, the nurse tending to him even mentioned something about cracked ribs.
Just as your climbing under the covers you notice his shirt from today on the floor with a very obvious blood stain, stark against the cream. How didn't you notice that before?
"Bucky you're bleeding!" You practically shriek and reach to examine his side.
"Doll don't worry," he says calmly and stops you.
"You might've ripped a stitch!" You insist worriedly.
"I checked and it's fine," he explains, his voice tired and indicating he isn't in the mood for fuss, neither are you.
"Why didn't you tell me?" You frown.
"I didn't want to worry you or stress you out. That's the last thing you need right now." He sighs.
"Oh. Well, thank you. But for future reference, if it is bad please feel free to tell me." You can't help but let out a light chuckle.
"Don't worry, I will." He smiles and pats the bed beside him after taking off his reading glasses and setting aside the book.
"Does it hurt?" You ask as you lie down and snuggle up into his good side.
"Nothing major." He shrugs. "Remember, I'll tell you if I do," he says in a teasing voice.
You grin and nudge him. "Hey, I'm just looking out for you but if you're not careful I'll give you a gash on your other side too."
"Ahh I love you." He chuckles and wraps his metal arm around your smaller frame. "You're such a worry wart."
You let out a small laugh. "It's only because I care about you. If anything you should be flattered."
The two of you lie there in silence for a bit and after a while Bucky turns off the light. But you know you won't be sleeping tonight and doubt he will be either; too much on your minds.
"Doll," he whispers hesitantly after what must've been at least an hour, confirming your earlier suspicions.
"Yeah babe?" You mumble sleepily, still holding onto him.
"I've been meaning to ask you this since earlier because of something Isla said, and forgive me if I sound ignorant but I thought it wasn't the best thing to bring up in front of the kids," he trails off sounding guilty and nervous.
"What is it?" You frown and turn to face him, propping yourself up on your elbows.
Through the darkness you can see his blue eyes glinting in the moonlight peeking through the gap in the curtains.
"When Isla asked if Jake hurt you, you said yes. Please tell me you meant with his words?" He asks tentatively, a serious look in his eyes. "O-or was there another reason I found you cowering on the ground?"
A pang hits you in the chest and you feel a lump forming in your throat.
"H-he hit me Buck." You choke out. "He slapped me across the face."
Suddenly his eyes grow dark.
"He's lucky the police took him away because if I ever see him again he's going to have more than just a black eye." He basically growls.
Normally you would protest something like that but Jake was just so awful that the thought of that happening to him is actually quite amusing to him.
"You didn't throw a punch did you?" You ask.
"No. But I thought about it." Bucky practically hisses. "How dare he do that to you. Why do men think they have the right to treat women lesser?"
You just smile at him and stroke his cheek. "What did I ever do to deserve you?" You whisper.
"I should be asking you the same thing." He croaks.
The two stare lovingly at each other for a few minutes, it never feels awkward between you two when Bucky speaks up again out of the blue.
"There more isn't there?" He frowns worriedly.
"No." You shake your head and act clueless although you can't get the other thing that happened out of your mind.
"Babe, I can tell you're hiding something from me from the look in your eyes." He pressed.
"Bucky, he didn't do anything else to me." You sigh.
"(Y/N/N), please tell me. I want to help you. You know you can tell me anything. Heck, we've been through so much I didn't think this would be an issue by now," he said with a light hearted laugh at the end.
"Okay fine." You mumble. But please don't get mad."
"Why would I ever get mad?" He frowns.
You hesitate before answering. "Because he kissed me," you say seriously.
His mouth drops slightly ajar.
"He kissed you?" he asks slightly incredulous.
You can tell he wasn't expecting that.
"Mhm." You nod and bite your lip as guilty tears spring to your eyes. "I'm so sorry Buck. I didn't mean to. I tried to stop him but he was strong."
"Doll don't be sorry! There's no way I'll ever get mad at you for that! It isn't your fault. It's not like you kissed him. He's just a mental freak. If anything you should be the one who's mad at me and I should be the one apologising to you about not being there to help you when he was all over you," he exclaims.
"You were hurt," you point out. "It's okay, it's not your fault.
"He's a coward." Bucky nods in agreement. "Getting someone in their weak spot. Shows he's scared. Doesn't matter though, I still bet him." He smirks cockily and you laugh quietly. "Is that all he did though? Seriously?" He adds concerned.
"Yes that was all. I promise you." You smile, slightly happier now that the weight is off your chest.
"Then as long as you're happy, the only thing that disgusts me is the fact that if he kissed you, then I kissed you... then that practically means I kissed him too." He pulls a funny grimacing face and pretends to hurl.
You can't help but laugh.
"I love how there's no questioning or trust issues between us two. No wondering whether I kissed him back or anything like that, because believe me I did not." You sigh contently.
"Don't worry I know you well enough to know that you would never stoop to that kind of level." Bucky chuckles. "Thank god the kids didn't see any of it though, they might've heard but that's not so bad. I mean poor little Theo was right in the thick of it but he won't remember or have any idea what's going on, he's only a month old. I'm just glad about that." He adds more seriously.
"Isla saw," you say gravely.
"What? How?" Bucky gasps.
"I don't know, I told her to wait in the kitchen but she must've come out to look and walked in on Jake kissing me. He looked at her but then that's when he went after Theo and I tried to stop him but that's when he slapped me. I'm pretty sure she saw the whole thing," you explain.
"Oh crap." He huffs worriedly. "Do you think she's alright?"
"I think so." You shrug slightly nervously. "Well I hope so. I mean, she did just seem worried about me. He didn't touch her thank god. I thought he was going to but he didn't."
"That's good, we'll just need to keep an eye on her and make sure it doesn't seem like it's affecting her or anything." Bucky sighs. "Now I don't know about you but I think that the best thing we can do right now is try and get some sleep."
"Agreed." You nod and snuggle back down into his chest. "Good night Buck."
"Good night doll, love you." He murmurs and you feel the cold of his metal arm snake around your back sending shivers down your spine before he kisses your forehead softly.
"Love you too." You smile into his warmth.