You knew it was coming. It was nearly two weeks late now. You were expecting it. You were prepared for it. But you didn't expect it to happen this way.
~~~~
You are woken up by a sharp, stabbing pain in your abdomen in the middle of the night. Gasping you curl up in a ball, hugging your stomach.
Okay, you think to yourself once the pain is gone. Just stay calm.
It's finally happening. You knew it was going to happen soon, you'd been experiencing braxton hicks for the last few days now but that was definitely a real contraction.
You begrudgingly shuffle onto your other side to face Bucky.
"James," you whisper and shake him. "Buck wake up."
"Hm? What?" He mumbles instantly, shooting up.
You're not surprised, he's been so alert and on edge for the past few days that you doubt he's actually been sleeping just in case something happened.
"Are you alright doll?" He frowns through the darkness, caressing your cheek.
"I think- I think it's nearly time." You smile weakly.
Immediately he reaches behind him to turn on the lamp, a mixture of excitement, concern and nerves plastering his face.
"Should we go to the hospital now?" he asks.
"No, not just yet, that was only the first one. Just wait and see how long until the next one." You shake your head.
"Okay, whatever you say. You're the experienced one." He sighs before flicking the light back off and lying down. "Just let me know what you want and I'll do it."
"Okay," you mumble as you lie down and let him wrap his arms around you. "The best thing right now is to try and get a bit more sleep."
You haven't been sleeping very well the past few nights so you're already tired and the hard part hasn't even started.
But either you drift off for longer than you thought or the next contraction comes sooner than expected because it doesn't feel like very long before you're tensing up in pain and pressing your head against Bucky's chest as another contraction comes. It's short and the pain is bearable but of course you still don't enjoy it.
Bucky senses your discomfort.
"Is that another one?" he asks softly and unsurely, keeping his arms tight around you.
"Mhm." You whimper.
"Shh, shh, it's okay. You're okay, you can do this," he whispers and presses a kiss atop your head, rubbing your back soothingly.
It's hard to think that this is pretty much his first time doing this properly when you've done it a few times now. He seems like such a natural and he's a lot more calm than you expected him to be.
You don't go back to sleep this time and as you were suspecting it's only a few minutes before the next one again. Except this time it's a whole lot more painful.
"Ahhhh." You gasp and grip at the sheets, squirming in discomfort.
"You okay?" he asks worriedly, turning the light back on.
"I think it's time to go." You breath weakly.
"Okay, okay yeah sure." He nods, an alert, frantic look on his face. "I'll go tell the kids and ring Steve."
"Yes. You do that." You pant, clutching your large stomach.
He kisses your forehead before getting up and running out of the room. You slowly get yourself up and pace the room, breathing deeply and slowly to keep yourself calm.
While Bucky is gone your water breaks and you experience another contraction, hissing through gritted teeth and leaning against the bed for support and by now you are confident that they are far more painful, far earlier than the last two times you were in labour.
But by the time Bucky gets back you are on all fours and can't help screaming through your fourth contraction. That amped up a whole lot quicker then you expected.
"Bucky we need to go now!" You cry out as he rushes over to you.
"Yes! Okay! The cars out the front, Steve's coming to pick the kids up. We can go." He huffs clearly becoming more flustered now.
"Good! Now get the labor bag and help me," you instruct him sternly.
He grabs the bag and then helps you up and slowly guides you out to the car, as you hold your swollen belly and waddle along. After helping you into the car he quickly drives off. The whole time he keeps muttering encouragement to you which depending on how much pain you're in you either find so sweet or really annoying.
On the way you experience a few more contractions, each hitting you with more intensity and lasting a little longer. You grip at the seat and grunt through gritted teeth in an attempt not to scream. Bucky places his hand on your thigh and strokes it with his thumb comfortingly.
By the time you get to the S.H.I.E.L.D hospital you are a crying, sweaty mess.
Bucky leads you inside and they get you straight into a private room and in a bed, the doctor checks you over and says that it will still be some time before you are ready to push before leaving you to it. Just when he's gone another contraction hits you.
"Nnnnnnn." You cringe and screw up your face, arching your back against the bed.
"Here, here, shhh, shhh, take my hand," Bucky whispers soothingly and slips his metal one into yours. "You can squeeze it as hard as you want, I promise I can take it."
You whimper as you attempt to give him a weak smile that you're sure comes out as more of a grimace as you gratefully grab hold of his hand.
"It's so good to actually finally have you here this time." You pant once the contraction passes.
"Believe me doll I'm so glad I'm finally here to support you and do this right." He sighs.
"I love you Bucky." You sob softly, a whole tone of emotions suddenly hitting you all at once. "I don't think I've ever actually told you how much I appreciate everything you've done for me over the years, I don't know where I'd be without you."
"You tell me that all the time doll." He chuckles. "And what I've done for you is nothing compared to what you have done for me. You've given me a beautiful family which is all I've ever wanted and I love you so much."
"Aw Buck, that's so sweet. I wouldn't want to share what we've got with anyone el-ahhhh ah ahhhh!" You suddenly cry out as another contraction hits.
"Hey, you're okay. Shh, shh, just breath you've got this. I'm right here. You're doing great," Bucky says soothingly and reaches up to brush a few strands of hair that are stuck to your forehead out of the way.
"Bucky it huuuurts!" You wine as you screw your face up in complete agony by now.
"No it doesn't, shh, you're okay."
"No I'm serious it really does!" You snap.
"Okay sorry your right, I don't know what I'm talking about I'll keep my mouth shut," he retreats sheepishly.
"What? No! Don't! You talking helps." you exclaim frantically.
"Okay, don't panic. I'm right here." He smiles and squeezes your hand.
"Thank you Buck." You sigh as you relax a little now that the pain has subsided. "What did Steve say when you rung?"
"That he was going over to sit with the kids right then," Bucky explains calmly.
"Okay good." You huff relieved.
"Don't you worry about anything but what you've got to do here, I've got everything else under control," he says sweetly.
The next few hours are filled up with you and Bucky talking about anything and everything to pass the time, you trying to nap for five or so minutes between the contractions and you screaming as the pain gets increasingly worse. After a while the contractions become noticeably closer together and you know it can't be long now.
"AAAAAHHHHHHH!" You can't help but scream at the top of your lungs as you crunch over as another contraction rips through you, twisting your gut like a knife is stabbing it repeatedly. You look over at Bucky and can see from the way he is wincing that you're squeezing even his metal hand so hard that it hurts. "Bucky I hate you for doing this to me don't ever do it again!" You shout.
"Sorry babe!" He gasps.
As the contraction passes you slam back down against the bed puffing to get your breath back.
"I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean that. Don't take anything I say for granted right now." You moan exhaustedly.
"It's okay doll I understand." He smiles and strokes the back of your hand with his thumb before lifting it to press a kiss to it.
But it isn't long before you rip it away from him and grip at the sheets as yet another contraction hits, shooting through you and coursing sharply through your entire body.
"Nnnnnnaaaaaaaaaahhhhh." You cry out as you squirm around in agony. "Buckyyyyy heeelp."
"You're okay, just deep breaths in and out. You can do this doll," he encourages you quietly. "I believe in you."
"That doesn't help!" You snap accidentally.
When the agony eventually subsides tears are streaming down your face. You can see Bucky flexing and massaging his hand, grimacing in pain.
"Stop your complaining, that's nothing compared to this." You whimper pathetically.
"Sorry doll," he mumbles amusedly.
"Bucky I'm scared. It's getting close and it hurts so much," you say quietly.
"Don't be scared doll you can do this, you've done it before. You're doing amazingly and it's all going to be okay," he says kindly and softly, placing a hand on your belly and rubbing it gently before pressing a kiss to it too. "Come on baby hurry up," he whispers.
Yet another contraction hits you out of the blue and the scream that leaves you is louder than you've ever heard before. Somewhere beside you you can hear Bucky encouraging you and he's stroking your cheek but you're too lost in the intense pain enveloping your whole body to acknowledge him.
Finally after a few more minutes and another contraction a doctor comes in, checks you over and says that on the next contraction you can start to push. Fear shoots through you and your breathing rate picks up drastically as you look at Bucky to see the most excited expression you've ever seen on his face.
This never gets any easier but seeing for the first time just how much this really means to him does make it so much more worth it.
Your thoughts are interrupted by the most painful contraction yet hitting you. You scream and hold onto Bucky's hand for dear life, pushing as hard as you can. Through tear blurred eyes you look at Bucky to see him grimacing in pain from your death grip but cheering you on with encouragements.
"Come on doll you can do this I believe in you. I love you you're doing so good! Keeping going baby you've got this!" He chants.
It feels like forever before the contraction is over but the pain is still there and suddenly you know something isn't right. You're absolutely exhausted, like you don't think you have the energy to push again even though you know you need to. All you want to do is sleep.
Bucky notices as you flop your head back and your eyelids droop.
"Doll are you okay?" He frowns, leaning up and stroking your forehead.
"Mm tired," you murmur lazily.
"Just one more miss and then it will be all over," the doctor assures you.
Sure enough the next contraction comes and the pain is definitely incentive to push. You grit your teeth and fight back the scream as you half sit up, clutching onto Bucky and push with all your might.
"That's it (Y/N), good girl. Nearly there," he says soothingly.
And he's right, all of a sudden it's like all the pressure releases but with it the tiny slither of your leftover energy disappears too. You're head is spinning and your vision is going fuzzy and black at the edges. You hold on to hear that heartwarming cry from your new born baby but it doesn't come. Panic strikes you but you also feel like a weight is dragging you down into the darkness of the bottom of the ocean and it's hard to stop it. You're dizzy and feel nauseous and can't even make out Bucky's face beside you let alone see the doctor holding your newborn at the end of the bed.
Wait a minute. Shouldn't he be handing you your baby by now? Why aren't they crying? What's going on.
"Bucky," you mumble weakly and quietly and try to reach for him but are unsuccessful and only grasp thin air. "I think something's wrong."
You aren't sure if you're talking about you or your baby.
As much as you try to fight it back in order to see your child, next thing you know your eyes roll back in your head and your head lolls to the side as everything goes silent and black. The last thing you feel is a warm hand grabbing one of yours that suddenly feels so cold.