Confession Time! Today's topic: my school life up until now.
Junior Kindergarten:
This year was a struggle for me but I didn't know how hard school would be.
Heck! I didn't even know English so others probably thought I was either stupid or mute. I just stared at everyone and everything in my sight.
I was a loner for quite a while. I would sit in a corner, struggling to read an English book about animals for kids when other kids read with a group of friends. I painted by myself when I got bored. Others chased each other with paint on their hands. I would watch others play together during recess. I ate lunch with my mom because she would come to school and bring me my lunch. That was when i feel happy in school. But it was always an hour before she has to go. Laughter was everywhere but I was like a spirit drifting through the hallways. My one wish was to have a friend. I didn't care if he/she is white or black, disabled or not. I just wanted someone who understands me.
My penny-in-the-fountain wish was granted when a boy walked through the doors a few days after the start of school. He instantly plops onto the beanbag beside me and introduced himself in broken English. We both smiled and were inseperable. We are, played, napped, painted and read together. I finally had someone to look forward to meeting at school.
I suddenly started going to another school half of the day because 'she is slow in English. This program will help'. My friend learns of my placement and begs to come with me. Next thing I know, we go to the English program every day.
Then another boy came along and joined us. Two became three and we stayed that way for a bit. The boy was also slow in English so he joined us. Every other kid stares at us and snorts. "How is it possible for boys to be friends with a girl." But we didn't care. When the end of the school year came, we learned that we all live near each other. We would cross each other during the summer and say hi. That was just what I needed.
Senior Kindergarten:
Apparently, both boys started liking me as more than a friend. I still remember a conversation...
Boy 1 (my first friend) : You're so cute I love you. One day, I'll even marry you.
Boy 2: No! I will.
Boy 1: I will.
(It went that way for a while)
Boy 2: I will knock on her door and ask her parents when we grow older.
Boy 1: Ha! She will be married to me so you won't see her.
Both: Let's see about that. Who do you like more?
Me: Uhhh...I don't know.
Both: She likes me better.
Grade 1:
I didn't have to go to that stupid English program anymore so I felt free. Until homework was introduced to us. Both my friends sat beside me because they "wanted to be with me forever and make it fair".
We helped each other with homework because the three of us were very slow. I was the best in math and art. My first friend was good at...uh...fooling around so I'll say drama. And my second friend was a genius when it came to English only.
Grade 2:
Friend #2 left and it was the start of the end. Friend #1 started believing the "boys can't be friends with girls" so our brief friendship slowly went down.
Grade 3:
Our friendship ended when he became popular. Even though he told me this: if anything happens, you will still be my friend. I will remember you.
That was when I learned two things: Don't promise people anything because anything could happen. Nothing lasts forever.
So...I went back to being the staring loner.
Grade 4:
I got into another English program but by the irony. The program was for "kids excelling in English."
I would always find a way to avoid people. I would help teachers to avoid going out for recess, act sick to go back home and all that.
I thought that to survive, lies are necessary.
Grade 5:
My teacher in this grade was absolute crap and I'm being nice here. She didn't give us homework and when she did, nobody did it. She would be crazy about chess because she's the chess club founder. Yeah, she's kinda old too.
She didn't know how to teach or handle students. A student would be sent to the office every day with a piece of a bible in their hands to copy. I mean she ripped a random page and gives it to them like it's a regular book.
Grade 6:
Even with the terrible last year teacher, I did well in this class. But I hated school. I still didn't have any friends so when we did group projects, I work alone. Teachers would say that I needed to make friends or I will get bad marks. But i ignored them. My peers were douches and brats. I didn't want to fit in with that bunch. That would be degrading...
Grade 7:
My first friend ever started teasing me about liking me but I knew that Truth or Dare was a big thing so I would protect myself and call him a douche. Saying he likes me opened old wounds that were sealed after many years.
I regret calling him a douche because he would look at me sadly before nodding and walking away. He kept on coming back and telling me what he said in kindergarten. He even said something that made my heart stop. We were rearranging our desks and the teacher made us sit together.
"You remind me of my first crush. I miss her. She was my first best friend. You look so much like her. I forgot what she acts like now."
I blink. "Oh? Describe what you remember."
"Quiet, smart, kind, beautiful...my best friend. She's asian just like you. She talked just like you. I didn't know I'd have a crush on someone just like her."
I almost bawled right there. But I couldn't in front of all the judging eyes so I said something I still remember. "I don't remember her."
As for other stuff, it was terrible. Especially group work.
People learned about my good grades so when group work popped up, the lazy asses would beg to work with me- the person they ignored for THE WHOLE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL YEARS! The teachers would suggest I work with someone but I rejected them all. I worked alone and I was fine with it. Why? Many reasons.
-I will have a good grade for my own work.
-I will never let anyone ruin my work.
-I will never have to argue with anyone.
-I will never have to erase names.
-The teacher wouldn't have to ask why my 'partner' didn't hand in any work.
-I could do things my way and show others what they missed out on.
-I would never allow myself to be civil with my peers.
Many other reasons...
At the end of the school year, I stood outside while kids played before the bell rings. Everyone was crying and saying their goodbyes. I stood against the wall, glaring at everyone. After the bell rang for the last time during that school year, I waited for someone to say anything to me. Nope! I didn't expect anything from anyone so while everyone was hugging and exchanging phone numbers, I ran off to my car.
Summer went by too quickly.
Grade 8:
That was when school just failed for me. The only thing I was looking forward was the stupid graduation ceremony. It came too slowly!
I started showing my true self in full blast. I showed what I felt about all this.
Everything was the same with my peers but I had a fake friend. Trust me, I knew I couldn't stand her. I can't stand anyone in school but she was my #1 "Run their life" victim. She judged me the most so I became her friend to ditch her at the end.
The teachers were at their worst that year. I got into many exchange of rude words with my teachers. I even wrote in my "School scrapbook" for graduation these things:
Q: What do you look forward to right now?
A: Graduation
Q: What would you remember most about this school?
A: Hopefully, nothing at all.
Q: Any good memories to share?
A: Of course.. .actually, none.
Q: Who was your favorite teacher?
A: Does my mom count?
Q: What did you think of school?
A: Hell on Earth.
Q: What do you suggest the school change?
A: Everything
Q: What was your most favorite subject?
A: Not applicable
Yep...I had to rewrite that book. But Ha! Who thought i would? I just ripped it up and didn't have a book for graduation. Darn good thing I did!
The teachers obviously didn't like me when they said we needed to write a valedictorian speech. I wrote my first draft and wasn't planning on showing the English teacher but she read it behind my shoulder.
"No. That's not original. Restart!"
I wanted to yell so many crude things at her.
YOU HAG! LISTEN UP AND LITEN GOOD! I WORKED ON THIS STUPID PIECE OF PAPER FOR FOURTEEN HOURS! GUESS HOW LONG IT TOOK OTHERS? RIGHT...YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT. YOU JUST CARE ABOUT ORIGINAL WORKS BUT ALL THEY TALK ABOUT IS THEIR 'AMAZING EXPERIENCES!' THEY PLAGIARIZED BUT YOU WOULDN'T GIVE A SINGLE SHIT, WOULDN'T YA? SPEECHES SHOULD BE ABOUT THE TRUTH AND OUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND DREAMS NOT BRAG ABOUT HOW THEY HAD GOOD GRADES BECAUSE THE TEACHER LOVED THEM.
I didn't say anything but rip up the paper. I didn't do anything else for the next few weeks up until graduation. I didn't do homework and I just sat there during class doodling.
"You're not going to make it through highschool with these work ethics you know?"
OOOOH I DO KNOW! YOU TEACH ME NOTHING SO WHY WOULD I FAIL, RIGHT?
"Listen! You're going to need to know this for highschool."
Me now: WHAT THE HELL AM I LEARNING! I DIDN'T GET TAUGHT THIS. (But i learn it anyway and get fine grades)
"I pray for your success in highschool."
NO NEED TO PRAY FOR ME! I PRAY THAT YOU WON'T BE THE SAME ***** TOWARDS OTHER KIDS. DO FUTURE STUDENTS A FAVOR AND QUIT!
"You're so rebellious."
YOU THINK I DIDN'T KNOW THAT? THERE'S A REASON FOR EVERYTHING.
yep...i cursed silently the most i ever did in my whole life so far combined in that year.
Graduation...was absolute shit. I sat in my chair with a bored expression. The Gym was decorated with our works but of course, I took my stuff down and trashed it.
I didn't wear any make up while others looked like a make up kit. I wore a simple dress while others wore something fit for prom.
People got awards and I watched. Almost everyone get an award but me and a few others. I didn't care but what angered me the most was how teachers were biased. Students got awards for the wrong things. I didnt want a plastic medallion but everyone was bragging and i wanted to strangle them.
During the award ceremony, one teacher even dared to look at me all apologetic. Pffffft turn your head somewhere else...or better! Break your neck.
Everyone who did get an award came to me after saying "I was surprised. You deserved an award."
I swear I rolled my eyes so many times my parents thought I had an issue with my eyes. I wanted to pull all their wigs off of their heads. The only person i was okay with was my first friend ever. He got an award but i feel he deserves it.
"I remember now. You were the girl I had a crush on. I'm such an idiot for realizing it now..."
"Its fine. You'll find someone else."
"Yeah...but I'll always remember my first best friend and crush."
Because I didn't have any make up, I allowed myself to bawl my eyes out. He hugged me.
"I'm so sorry. I hope we can stay in contact for a bit. I'll find you one day. Who knows, it might be for a proposal but you might already be happily married."
"I doubt that. I'm staying single for as long as I can."
"Oh...i guess this is good bye then."
"It's never a good bye. It's a 'see you later.'"
Everyone thought I was crying because I'll miss the school but I was done with them. Finally!
After, we went to a restaurant for a luncheon. I ditched my fake friend and vowed not to answer any future calls or messages from her. I deleted her contact.
After the luncheon, I called my mom asap and when she arrived, I quickly slipped away from the class. Nobody noticed me and like a spirit, I vanished.
Grade 9:
This was like heaven for me. The teachers were kind, the students were nicer and it was all so great. I made new friends and I felt happy after such a long time of loneliness.
My angels:
xbsnwbp_sermention
Rebecca_LM25a user
@and
MysticMessengerXD
I felt like I had true friends. I was happy with them. I was weird but still. I love you guys and know that I will miss you. You guys saved me and helped a lot.
Next years:
Unknown but I might be moving schools...i hope school would be just like grade 9.
Dang...i got more emotional than I thought writing this. And my angels, sorry for tagging you.