Bucky holds your hand nervously, squeezing it tightly and jiggling his knees while you wait for the doctor. You can tell he is really anxious, you didn't realise how much he wanted this. You sit on the edge of the little bed and run your free hand through Bucky's luscious brown locks in an attempt to calm him. He seems to be more nervous than you.
Finally the doctor comes back in, his eyes scanning over the clip board and Bucky bolts up into a standing position waiting for the doctor to speak.
"Well, your suspicions were correct," he finally says as he looks over his glasses at you. "Congratulations Mrs Barnes, you're pregnant. Around six weeks to be exact."
You let go of the breath you didn't know you were holding and smile up at Bucky who is already beaming down at you bursting with excitement so much that he is jiggling on the spot.
You stand up and hug him tightly, he embraces you completely in return.
"Thank you doctor." He sighs as he pulls away and shakes his hand. "That's great."
"It's my pleasure, now I'll leave you guys to it and if you just book a check up for a months time I'll see you then."
"Oh my god yay," he breaths once the doctor is gone and embraces you once more, showering your forehead with kisses. It is at this point that you notice that his cheeks are wet with tears. "You have no idea how long I've waited to hear those words in this way."
Wow. You never thought about that. Sometimes you forget that Bucky isn't actually Luke's biological father and you suppose he wasn't there to find out about Isla either. This is technically his first time.
"I'm going to do this right this time," he says surely.
"Bucky you never did it wrong," you assure him.
"But I really have never done it properly," he points out with excitement in his eyes.
"You always have to me," you murmur and wrap your arms around his neck. "Isn't this great?" You sigh and peck him on the lips as you close your eyes contently.
"It's just what I wanted and more," he mumbles into your hair when you pull away. "We have to tell the kids."
~~~~
"Hey Buck I was thinking we could go see Steve and Peg today, we can take the kids and you and Steve can catch up," you say innocently, thinking back to your conversation on the phone with Peggy this morning about what she had suggested the other day.
"Why's that?" Bucky frowns as he dries off his hands with a tea towel and walks over to you slowly.
"Just gives us something to do and gets the kids out of the house." You shrug.
"I would love to, but it depends if you feel up to it," he says as he slips a hand around your waist and presses a kiss to the top of your head.
"Yeah I'm not feeling too bad today. I wouldn't mind getting up and doing something," you sigh.
"Okay then, I'll just go get changed and gather up the kids and we can go." He smiles and starts to wonder off.
You nod and sit down on the couch to wait, you're still not feeling that great but at least now you know why.
When you spoke to Peggy she was the one who suggested that you come over. By the sounds of it it's hard for her to get Steve to open up too and thinks that hopefully Bucky and him will be able to relate to each other about it. She said she's told Steve that Bucky's having a hard time and that he should talk to him in hopes of it being good for him too. She also said that there is also something important that she needs to talk to Bucky about too.
To be honest getting Steve and Bucky to talk isn't really about finding anything out, it's more for their sanity.
"We should tell them about the baby today too doll," he says as he comes back out holding Isla with Luke in tow.
"Yay! Yay! Yay!" Isla chants she was so excited when you told her, even though she doesn't fully understand and of course Luke was happy too.
"Of course." You smile as you take Luke's hand and head out. "Ready to go see Aunty Peggy and Uncle Steve?"
"Yes!" They both exclaim in unison.
"Yes!" Bucky imitates them in a high voice.
You let out a laugh and shove him. "Please don't ever do that again."
The walk is nice and quick, the weather is surprisingly mild for the time of year and there aren't too many other people around. Peggy practically opens the door before you knock and welcomes you all inside. The four of you adults talk for a bit before Steve suggests that he and Bucky should go for a walk.
Once they have left you and Peggy sit in the living room with Isla and Luke playing on the floor.
"Steve said the other day that you've been sick? Are you okay?" Peggy asks concerned.
"Oh yeah I'm alright just a little woozy still." You shrug casually. "Speaking of Steve, how did he react to the news?"
"Oh it was so cute. I've never seen him smile so big, he even cried. He actually got down on his knees and talked to the baby." she swoons, her whole face lighting up.
"Aw that's adorable!" you pout thinking about how Bucky reacted.
"Yeah, he's always wanted kids and now that a baby is finally on the way I'm not sure he can wait the whole nine months," she sighs.
"Baby! Mumma when does baby get here?" Isla suddenly runs up to you and asks after hearing the word mentioned and placing her hands on your tummy.
"U-um," you start.
"(Y/N)? Is there something your not telling me?" Peggy quirks an eyebrow out you.
"Oh I was going to wait to tell you when Steve and Bucky were back but yes, I'm pregnant too." You beam as you lift Isla up into your lap.
Peggy's jaw drops. "No way." She gasps.
You shrug amusedly. "We went to the doctors and found out yesterday."
"You cheeky bugger! So you aren't actually sick?"
"Well no, not really I guess."
"Oh my gosh this is so exciting! Two new babies on the way! How far along are you?" Peggy gushes.
"The doctor reckons about six weeks."
"No way! Me too!" She exclaims.
"Wow!" You chuckle. "I guess it's a race to see who's born first."
"Bring it on." She smirks.
"Judging by the fact that my last two have been early I wouldn't get too confident," you joke.
"We shall see," she teases. "This is so funny. Who would've thought. Oh my gosh! We can go baby shopping together!" she adds excitedly.
"I can't wait," you laugh.
Bucky's POV:
"So," Bucky starts as they stroll along the river bank. "Either I'm in trouble or you've got something on your mind."
"Why's that?" Steve asks defensively.
"Because when it's something important that you want to talk about you always go for a walk," Bucky explains with a grin.
"Why do you have to know me so well?" Steve groans.
"That's what happens when your practically my little brother," Bucky teases. "Well, not so little anymore." He adds more quietly.
"Anyway, it's a bit of both. But you're not in trouble, it's just... Oh never mind I'll let Peggy explain it to you," he brushes it off."
"Okay..." Bucky frowns nervously. "And what the other thing?"
"Well you know I just wanted to talk to you. Ever since we've been back home in Brooklyn I've found it really hard to adjust and I was wondering if you've found it the same way?"
Bucky nearly rolls his eyes. Something's up. Steve would never mention that he's hurting because he wouldn't want to burden someone unless it was to help someone else. But if he really is then Bucky should be honest with him too.
"I guess so," he sighs and shrugs. "I don't know about you but I just can't get everything that happened out of my head. I keep reliving it. And even though deep down I'm sure it won't happen again I keep thinking that it will."
"I get that." Steve nods. "Everything is so different here now too. Times have changed, we have changed and I just got so used to the war. There are so many times when I think that maybe if I did something different that someone else might've survived, or you mightn't have fallen or stuff like that."
"See for me it's more like I'll be walking down the street and thinking that some random guy coming past me is going to grab me and drag me all the way back to that Hydra facility," Bucky explains sadly.
"Wow, that's awful Buck, I'm so sorry," Steve says gravely. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened to you in there? What kind of experiments did they do?"
"I don't want you to have to think about that so I'll leave it to your imagination, but just know that the only thing worse, the only thing more painful that I could ever imagine out of anything in the world would be loosing my family. And you know how hard being away from them even when they were safe was for me," Bucky says seriously.
"It killed you," Steve says understandingly.
The mood darkens and they walk along in silence with their hands in their pockets and their heads bowed.
"They tortured you didn't they?" Steve asks after a while, turning to face Bucky.
Looking up at him Bucky nods, his lips forming a thin line and his face visibly paling.
"Oh man, Buck, I'm so sorry. I should've done something more."
"Don't say that Steve, don't beat yourself up about it. It wasn't your fault. It couldn't be helped I'm just glad it was me and not you."
"I wish it was me and not you," Steve explains.
As they carry on Bucky can't help but let the images slip back into his mind again.
Being tied down in the Hydra base and surrounded by strangers who won't let him go.
The excruciating pain.
The screaming, the crying.
The aching hunger and sickening dehydration.
The recognition that he was dying, slowly but surely a little more each day only to be pulled back again. Wanting it to just happen so bad.
And then there was also the fall and being found.
The awful emptiness as he flailed helplessly through the air.
The impact, feeling like his whole body is being crushed and there is no air left to breath.
The feeling of being alone and lost.
The coldness, the numbness.
The red blood dripping from his body.
The smell of infection.
The whips and lashes.
The drownings.
The electrocutions.
The beatings, kicking, punching, slapping.
The thought of never seeing his family or getting out of there.
The idea that they could do this to him forever.
Without realising it he starts to tremble.
"Buck?" Steve asks concerned and steps in front of him to stop him, placing a hand on his chest. "Are you okay."
Without looking at him Bucky weakly shakes his head and watches as spot on the concrete start to darken with his tears. His bottom lip quivers and his breathing falters.
Instantly Steve pulls him into a hug, enveloping his whole frame. At this moment Bucky seems so small. For the first time Steve feels like the roles have reversed.
"Shh, shh, you're okay. Whatever it is I want you to know that you're okay. I'm here for you. We all are. You will get through this." He whispers.
Your POV:
The boys get back eventually and you can't help but notice the glassy redness to Bucky's eyes and the sheepish way that he holds himself. Perhaps Steve did get him to talk.
"How was your walk?" Peggy asks, eyeing Bucky suspiciously.
"Good," Steve answers. "I think it was just what we both needed, right Buck?"
"Definitely," he mumbles and clears his throat.
"It's good to see you," you say and can't help but get up and hug him.
He welcomes you gladly and seems to hold on extra tight.
"You set that up didn't you?" He whispers just before pulling away.
You smile innocently at him.
"Daddy!" Isla squeals and leaps out of your arms and into his.
"Hey sweetie." He smiles as he lifts her up.
"Oh, and (Y/N), I hear congratulations are in order!" Steve beams and ushers you in for a hug.
"Yes I guess so." You smile warmly and rest your head on Bucky's shoulder.
"You two are terrible at keeping your plans to tell things together." Peggy laughs.
"Sorry, I figured we needed something more happy to talk about after one of our conversations," Bucky explains.
"Turns out Isla isn't great at keeping secrets." You shrug.
"Now there's something we need to talk about and I'll warn you it's quite serious," Peggy says, changing the subject.
"Luke, would you mind taking Isla to play outside for a minute please?" you ask him and he nods and leads her out.
Once they are gone Peggy continues, Steve sitting on the arm of her chair and putting a supportive hand on her shoulder. "It's about S.H.I.E.L.D."