I woke up feeling tired.
"Ruyi"
When the haziness in my eyes cleared, I saw the Prince sitting on the bedside next to me. I lifted up and the Prince immediately held me up against his body.
"How are you feeling?"
I wasn't sure. I just felt so tired.
"Ruyi, look at me"
I lifted my head to look into his dark gray eyes. I could see the concern written all over his face. Then he touched my cheek and felt the temperature of my skin.
"Are you hungry?"
I nodded at the mention of food. The Prince then turned slightly to take the bowl sitting at the small stool beside the bed.
"Here... have some congee"
Inside the bowl was shark fin congee. I didn't know why but the smell of the congee brought tears to my eyes.
"Ruyi"
I covered my eyes, trying to stop the tears while the Prince set the bowl down to hug me tightly.
"Did Ruyi do something wrong?" I spoke quietly even as I had my tear filled eyes covered. "Is that why she has to eat poison?"
"Ruyi, it's not poison, its_"
The Prince couldn't finish his words which hurt my heart even more.
"Ruyi..." The Prince removed my hands from my face to look at me. "The congee won't kill you... please trust me"
I was fed poison all my life. How could I not recognize the scent of poison in the congee? Why was the Prince lying to me?
"Ruyi"
I felt empty as the tears continued to fall. Closing my eyes, I felt the coldness numb my heart so that the pain cannot hurt me.
"Ruyi"
I look at the Prince and felt nothing.
"Ruyi" He grabbed me to his chest and held me tight. "Please don't pull away from me"
I didn't respond and for a long time, the Prince just held me tight in his arms. Afterward, he brought back the congee with guilt filled eyes.
"Ruyi, trust me... eat"
I didn't open my mouth when the spoon was brought to my lips.
"Ruyi!" He shouted.
But I still can't open my mouth. Before he could shout at me again, I gently pushed the spoon away from me.
"Ruyi doesn't want to be poison... if the Prince wants Ruyi to die, please just kill me..." I didn't want to feel the pain of being poison. "Just kill me..."
"Ruyi!" The Prince was trembling as he tightened his gripped on the bowl. "I will never kill you. I cannot let you die"
I looked away from him - no longer afraid of his anger. If I were to die, I rather he killed me with his bare hands.
"Ruyi, you're with child"
Stunned, I turned back to the Prince.
"Do you understand what that means?" He said painfully. "Your body cannot handle it"
I was pregnant. How could my poisoned body hold life?
"Ruyi, eat this"
The Prince didn't want the child.
"Ruyi, please"
I pushed the bowl away, causing it to crash into the floor. Afraid, I held onto my stomach and moved to the far end of the bed. Silence stretched between us as we looked into each other. The Prince's eyes were filled with sorrow - an emotion I never seen before.
"Don't ask me to live without you Ruyi. Even if you hate me, that child cannot live"
I held onto my stomach, shaking my head sadly.
"Jumao!" The Prince stood. "Bring in another bowl_"
I went and grabbed his arm, holding onto it tight.
"Ruyi will kill herself if the Prince makes her eat that poison"
"Ruyi!" He grabbed my arm.
"If the child dies, Ruyi will die with it"
"Do you not care about me at all?" The Prince pulled away from me, his eyes blazing with sadness and anger. "You know well that your body cannot bear any children. You will die. That child may not even live to be born. You will risk yourself for an impossible birth"
I understand his words and worries completely. The Prince had cared for me more than the child inside me. For the Prince, I was the most important. But for me, the child was the most important.
"You care more about an unborn child than you care more for me"
The Prince was hurt and angry. I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice.
"You choose to die than to live with me"
No.
"Jian..." I reached for his hand but he pulled away, refusing to touch and look at me. "Ruyi never dares to ask... never dare to hope... never dares to want... to need... to greed..."
I lowered my head as I held onto my stomach.
"Jian have made Ruyi hope... want... need..." I trembled sadly as I let the tears fall. "This greed... please let it be Ruyi's only one..."
When I thought the Prince would walk away, he came to me. Without any words, the Prince wrapped his arms around me and held me to him.