"I can't even believe we walked past all these fans without one even noticing us because they were too busy screaming at two busses. While we can't even hear or see them there." I said laughing
"They're so crazy sometimes. When we're home we walk around on our own all the time and no-one bothers us. But here we absolutly can't go outside on our own." He replied, he had a smile on his face and the look of him smiling and the sound of his laugh were so amazing.
"I don't think I could ever get used to this. I'm still not used to the bus and being backstage."
"It takes a while but you have no other choice then getting used to it." He said as he shrugged his shoulders.
"I admire you guys for that, I don't think I could ever do this." I looked at him while he sat across of me at the table. We got one in the back, somewhat away from the others so if we talk here, nobody will hear it. Samuel is sitting at the door so we'll be fine.
"Calum and Luke are going to be so mad at me." Ashton said as he shook his head
"Why?"
"Calum asked Luke if he could take you out for dinner sometime, Luke said you and him had a promise for not doing anything like that. And here we are, eating dinner on our own at a restaurant. Even if it's just eating something for us, they're going to be mad."
"I never made a promise to Luke. But Calum really isn't my type so maybe it's good he said that I did." I said somewhat confused. Ashton looked at me wide eyed.
"I can't believe Luke lied to us about that" he said laughing now before becoming serious again. "It was going to be escaping and story telling, right?"
"Yes, the amazing story of my dad." I said before taking in a deep breath. "Soo, the morning in Belgium when I went to talk with Angie I got a text on my way there. My friend from home texted me saying 'I'm sorry for your loss.' I had no clue at all what was going on so I asked her and she sended me a screenshot of a facebook post by my dad that he had a car accident. I ofcourse looked it up and found out the whole thing about the crash. He made it into multiple newspapers." I said as I looked down at my hands "up untill this day I haven't heard a single thing from my family. And I am not invited to the funeral. I tried calling my grandparents, stephmom and aunt so many times but they never pick up or call back. So if my friend wouldn't have texted me, I wouldn't have known till I went back home. I would have went back home to absolutly no family without knowing it."
"I am so sorry." Ashton said softly, I looked at him with a small smile.
"My mom died a couple of years ago, that's a story for another time, but he has always blamed me. He was fucking his girlfriend the day after she died though. He had been cheating on her for over a year and she knew. But she stayed with him and acted like she didn't know for me. When he was home after she passed, he was either stoned or drunk. As soon as I went out of the house for university he cut all contacts with me. I got a card for christmas and my birthday and I got to celebrate christmas with my aunt 3 out of 6 years but he never invited me again. I was 18 so he had every legal right to kick me out." I took a deep breath before looking Ashton in the eyes "is it bad that I don't want to cry over a guy who made me feel horrible for so long? Over a guy who made my mom feel miserable and who made my life a living hell? A guy who never looked back at his own daughter?"
"I don't think I can describe how horrible you're making me feel now. I said all those ugly things to you while you had every right to do what you did. He's might not be worth the tears, but you are allowed to be upset, after all he was your dad and last family member. You can cry." He said softly when he got of his chair and walked towards me to give me a hug. And I let it all out. All those tears I've been holding because he wasn't worth it. And it felt great to let it all out after so long.
"I don't know if this is a very bad timing, I'm pretty sure it is but I got the pizza." The waiter said awkwardly making Ashton back away. I quickly wiped my eyes before looking at the waiter with a small smile.
He placed the pizza in the middle of the table and quickly left again.
"You have a lot more secrets then I thought." Ashton said with a small chuckle before he took one slice of pizza.
"Talking helps though, I talk to Luke every day. That's why holding things inside gets easier. I get to yell at Luke every day and talk to him about everything so it gets easier to not say a word to the others." I said before starting to eat the pizza.
"Can you learn me?"
"Learn you what?"
"How to be a person again? Eat, get fit but mostly talk. I'm not a good talker if you haven't noticed yet." He said, he had worry in his eyes as he looked at me.
"I will try. But it's something that you have to want. If you don't want to change, you can't do this. And don't expect it to go with only ups. The downs will be worse then the downs you have now because the difference between an up and down will grow again. You're going to cry and yell and you're going to try to hurt yourself." I said with a sigh "This isn't like the flu, you can't just take a pill and expect it to be over."
"I'm ready to cry and yell. But I'm mostly ready to start talking. To you." He said with a smile before taking his first bite of his pizza.
--------------------------------------------------
A/N: ASHTON IS INDEED BEING NICE OMFG
I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT
but alexis is so messed up omg. This is just like 1/10th of her problems. 😂
Also, thanks for all the reads! I'm so glad to see the amount of reads go up as this is really my favourite story to write! I really feel like this story will get a lot of chapters and more then my others. I still need to write 4 chapters to get this story to be my longest one.
I will also post an update every day I think :)
I hope you're enjoying this as much as I am!