*Troye's POV*
I shove my way through the familiar faces, giving a sympathetic smile at a few of them. It was the VIP lounge so it was strictly youtubers allowed in here, so of course I recognized a fair amount. Eventually I stumble out of the main crowd, standing on the less-crowded side of the room. I spot Marcus standing in the middle of the room looking baffled, but I'm in too much of a rush to question him.
"Hey, Marcus! Do you have any idea where my booth is?" I ask desperately, praying he wouldn't try to make small talk or anything. He seemed to come out of his thoughts quickly, hugging me to him.
"Troye! A little late aren't we?"
"Yeah, very. Do you know where my booth is?" I repeat the question, trying to keep my tone level. It's not that I didn't want to spend some quality time with Marcus, he was a great guy, I just didn't have any time to spend. He seemed to understand, pointing toward a door on the far side of the room.
"Through there is the main lobby where the booths are, as you probably know." I ran a hand through my hair quickly, embarrassed to admit I hadn't even known that. "Anyway, your booth is to the right of the room. It's right next to Tyler's, so I doubt you'll have too much trouble spotting that." I sigh loudly before I can help myself, but Marcus notices and gives me a puzzled look. I just dismiss him with a wave of my hand and head toward the door. Surprisingly I'm managing to keep myself looking at least half composed, but in reality my mind is a war zone. It's a fight between whether I'm glad or miserable to be set up next to Tyler. Of course I wanted to be near to him, that much was a given. But I didn't want to see him, to see how he was doing without me. I just knew he'd be going on exactly as he had before or little mishap. There's very little that can throw Tyler Oakley off, and I highly doubt I matter enough to be one of those things.
I squint, the bright fluorescent lights of the lobby practically blinding me. A moment later I regain my sight and take one step, only to be nearly knocked off of my feet by a pair of arms barrelling into me and hugging me to someone. I shimmy around just enough to see the familiar face. Wyatt.
"Wyatt, I'm kind of busy right now. If you don't mind." I said, not really caring whether he minded it or not. I pried his arms off of me with little ease.
"Sorry, babe, I'm just happy to see you that's all. In just a minute you'll have to be handed over to the fans, don't blame me for wanting to take advantage of the time we have left."
"You make it sound like I'm leaving for a year. It'll be three hours, I'm sure you'll live." I say flatly, starting through the crowd to my booth without waiting for a response. I need to get there with the minimum amount of people attacking me. I love my fans, but they can be a little crazy. I notice a bright rainbow coloured banner on the opposite side of the room and smirk. So that's what Marcus meant about it being hard to miss. I get halfway there and I can already see the huge line-up he has. Of course he did though, I didn't blame them a single bit for wanting to meet him. But then again, I wouldn't have minded actually being able to see Tyler before being right on top of him. I stand on my tippy-toes, straining to be able to see him above the crowd's heads. I freeze suddenly, realizing Wyatt was still standing next to me. He definitely saw me trying to get a glimpse at Tyler. I hang my head in shame and continue toward my booth with a sullen expression. I won't even look in his direction for the rest of the day. It's not fair to Wyatt, having to see me like this. I'm quite confident I'll be able to keep my promise when I reach my booth without another peek in his direction, only to be proved wrong when I hear the sudden chanting. People are screaming an all-too-familiar ship name: Troyler. I look up instinctively, trying to see what's going on. The first thing I spot is him.
I was wrong. I was most definitely not ready to suck it up and put my feelings for him on hold. I wasn't strong enough for that, especially considering just the sight of him had made my knees give out. Luckily I was standing in front of my chair anyway, but it was still a big deal. People aren't supposed to have that affect on you. People aren't supposed to be addictive to the point your entire body craves them near like it's a matter of life or death. It wasn't healthy, and I knew that. Of course I fucking knew that, but what was I supposed to do about it? Nothing. There was absolutely nothing I could do to change the way I felt for him. I couldn't hide my feelings, I couldn't lessen my feelings, and I most definitely couldn't get rid of my feelings for him.
"He looks a little crazy-eyed." I jumped, not even realizing Wyatt had been watching me have my epiphany. I felt guilty for a split second before what he'd said actually registered in my brain. I spun back toward Tyler, surprised to see he was very much telling the truth. Tyler looked extremely pale, trembling slightly as if he may fall off his feet at any given moment. Yet, his fans were still just screaming Troyler at him repeatedly. Didn't they understand he was uncomfortable?
Before I knew it I was walking toward him, with increasing speed. I couldn't stop myself, I had to help him. I could swear I heard Wyatt make a noise similar to an annoyed growl, but I didn't have the time to look back at him questioningly. Tyler was in trouble. I had to be there for him no matter what. I can't be too overbearing though, considering then I'd definitely be labelled as crazy ex. I just need to be a little distant. Caring, but not loving. I groan inwardly, realizing it was a lot easier said than done.
I reach him a moment later and my heart is beating a million miles per hour in my chest. It was almost like a personal high, standing this near to him. I shook those thoughts out of my head, reminding myself I was here to help him not myself. I reach for his arm to alert him I'm there, when all of the sudden he spins around and barrels into me unknowingly. I nearly lose my balance, but grab his biceps to steady myself. A hot blush rises to my cheeks immediately upon realizing I'd just felt up his arm in a sense, but he seems too distracted to notice, staring down at the floor mechanically. I can hear my own ragged breathing and decide I'd better decide what to do before I end up as panicked as he is. Suddenly he looks up, washing away any shred of sensible thought about plan making. My eyes go wide, seeing the tears threatening to spill from his. Something's really wrong, Tyler doesn't cry, and definitely not in front of this many people. He looks so desperate, like he's begging me to help him with his eyes. What do I do? What do I say?
"Tyler? What's wrong?" I stutter, scanning his face hectically like it'd give away what was going on in his head. I watched as he bit down on his lip for a moment, seemingly thinking through a reply. He opens his mouth but no words come out. I can nearly read his every thought and emotion on his face now. At first, he's angry at himself for not being able to say anything, judging by the way his eyebrows scrunch together. Then he was distracted, his eyes lazily but also quickly scanning over my face. And finally, he was sad. Not just sad though, I'd seen Tyler sad before, this was different. It was like he was in physical pain, his eyes slightly glazed over like he was zoned out, but his constant shivers alerting me he was still there.
Everyone around us was still screaming, random nonsense about Troyler being real. I wanted to scream at them to shut-up, to wrap Tyler up in my arms and never let him go again. I couldn't do that though. Not only was I very aware of the amount of pictures and drama it'd cause in the fandom, but I also couldn't shake the knowledge of Wyatt's eyes boring into the back of my head. But for some reason the longer I watched the uneven rise and fall of Tyler's chest as he desperately gasped for air, the less those thoughts seemed to matter to me. All of the sudden I watched his legs give out, slowly crumpling toward the floor. I jolted forward to catch him, only to watch him be pulled backward quickly. Someone else had got to him first. I feel guilty when a pang of jealousy hits me heart, knowing I hadn't been the one to catch him.
I feel a little better noticing it's just Marcus, but even still I'm longing to be the one holding Tyler up. I watch as his eyes flutter closed daintily and grimace. He seems so vulnerable right now, relying totally on the man holding him. Tyler isn't the type to just trust in people blindly like that, like I do. He's inquisitive, constantly questioning everything and everyone that's a part of his life. and he most definitely doesn't do anything that could be considered weak in front of his fans, Something's changed. Something isn't right with Tyler and I need to know what it is. I need to fix it.
I charge forward, following Marcus and the limp boy confidently. Well, until I feel a hand grab mine. I'd never been more outraged in my life than when whoever it was decided to keep me from my Tyler. I spun around on my heel and glared up at them.
"What?" I spat, staring Wyatt down. For a second I can see the beginning of uncertainty on his face, but within a blink of the eyes it's gone and replaced by his usual determined expression. How could he look so happy with himself still? Didn't he realize he was killing me by keeping me away from Tyler?
"Hey! I'm just trying to help! What Tyler needs right now is space." What he was saying made some sense to be honest but I also didn't care if we were being completely honest. As much as I cared about Tyler and wanted to respect his needs, all that was on my mind right now was what I needed. And that, was to be near him. I turn to leave again and Wyatt once again catches my hand. I can hear my breathing becoming freakishly close to panting-animal status and try to become level-headed before turning around. No such luck.
"Wyatt! What's wrong with you? Just let me go to him!" I roar, stomping my foot angrily for dramatic affect. Once again, the uncertainty is there for just a moment, but then it's gone. It's replaced with anger this time though, a foreign expression on Wyatt's face.
"Look, I didn't want to have to say this, but did you ever think this whole situation might be because of you? I mean, I doubt he's happy to see his ex-boyfriend and have to deal with the stress of it in front of hundreds of people." My heart sinks right down to my feet at his words. What if he's right? What if I'm the reason Tyler broke down in front of all those people? I'm such a horrible person. I'm using Wyatt, I'm annoying Steele, and I'm hurting Tyler by loving him. I'm utterly useless. I slump back to my booth, sitting down in the chair forlornly. I'm vaguely aware of the growing line of fans and people shouting my name, but it all doesn't feel real. I was hurting Tyler. I never wanted to do that.
I look up finally, scanning the fans faces. I'm surprised to see they don't share the same enthusiastic expressions that Tyler's fans had.
"Why the long faces?" I laugh, standing up and casting the line a huge smile. They didn't return the gesture, and instead their faces fell even more if that was possible. Oh no, now I'd let them down as well!
"Guys, I am so sorry about being late. I promise I'll make it up to you."
"That's not what it's about. Tyler's in trouble and you're not even going to check on him, I thought you two were best friends."
"Yeah, did you guys have a fight?"
"Is it our fault?" The last question hurt me the most. I turned to the girl, barely old enough to be in her teens and frowned.
"Why would you say something like that? Of course it isn't your fault." I choked out, a heavy feeling suddenly in my heart. Why would they blame themselves for something like this?
"Because of how much pressure we've put on you, you know, with the whole 'shipping Troyler' thing." I opened my mouth to reply but another voice called out, distracting me.
"We don't mean to take it too far. We just, we see the way you two look at each other and we just know something's there. You understand why we make such a big deal though, right? We just want you two to be happy." For some reason I found myself tearing up at her support. Maybe it was because of how I wasn't used to people encouraging me to go after Tyler face-to-face and this reminded me that real people really thought we'd be good together. But I was willing to bet it had nothing to do with what other people felt for once. It was all my own doing. All the 'obsessive ex-boyfriend' feelings I'd been trying to shadow had came back twice as bad upon seeing Tyler in the flesh. It wasn't surprising they'd finally caught up with me.
"Regardless of what's going on in our personal lives just know it has nothing to do with you guys. Don't blame yourselves for our mistakes."
"So, you admit it was a mistake then?" I glance up, surprised to see Wyatt had once again appeared behind my table. I began to stutter, not sure what to say. I couldn't very well lie my way out of that one.
"Whatever, Troye, I just don't get why you would lie to me about it. Don't you care about me at least enough to tell me the truth?"
"Of course I do, Wyatt." I mumbled, feeling the hundreds of eyes on us as we fought. I took a step toward him and was shocked to see tears in his eyes. Oh no, what have I done now?
"What am I to you? Tyler's replacement?" He was yelling now, which didn't help my guilty conscious. I sighed and braced my hands on either side of his shoulders, steadying him.
"No, you are so much more than that."
"Prove it." What was I supposed to do? Proclaim my love for him in front of all of my fans? I scanned the room, secretly just checking to make sure Tyler hadn't returned from the wash room yet. I took a deep breath and turned back to him.
"I love you, Wyatt. I have no feelings for Tyler." I said flatly, absolutely no emotion seeping through into my voice. It was still good enough for Wyatt though, because a moment later he was crashing his lips onto mine. It didn't feel right though. I felt sick to my stomach with his lips on mine. No, not in the cute butterflies way, in the I-want-to-vomit way. When he finally gave my mouth a moment's rest I knew it had been a while, but not just how long we'd been kissing. I opened my eyes, only to lock them with someone standing just behind Wyatt.
Tyler.
He looks so crushed. Why does he look so crushed? I thought he had no feelings for me? Oh no, what if I was wrong? What if I hurt him all over again? I studied him closely, hoping it could give me some sort of hint as to what he was feeling. His eyes were blinking rapidly, obviously trying to fight off tears. His hands were balled up into fists so tightly his knuckles were turning white. The heavy rise and fall of his chest reminded me of earlier, when he'd found it hard to breath. Suddenly he turns, taking off in a sprint across the room.
"Tyler!" I shout, shoving Wyatt away from me and bounding after him. He didn't even look back at me. By the time I was halfway across the room he was probably already outside of the building. I groaned. Damn his physical prowess. I hung my head as I made my way back to the table. I really had to wonder if I'd be able to last the rest of the day when I was feeling this restless. I sat down at the chair and reached for the sign that'd change my table to open when I became aware of the man standing uncomfortably close to me.
"What?" I asked flatly, glaring up at Wyatt through my thick eyelashes/ He scoffed at me like the question was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard uttered.
"What do you mean 'what'? Troye, why did you go after him like that if you have no feelings for him?" Suddenly the sadness in my heart faded, leaving behind only anger. Didn't he realize how much I was putting up with for him?
"Oh yeah? Well if you really believed me when I said that you wouldn't have felt the need to kiss me like that."
"Like what? Like I loved you?"
"No, like your only concern was making Tyler jealous!"
"You dick! My only concern was kissing my boyfriend! Why do you always do this? Everything always has to go back to Tyler! Just admit you're still in love with him, Troye!" My heart sank. I'd tried so hard to hide it, but there was no way I could. It wasn't just something I felt any more, it was a part of me and I was done trying to deny it. I stood there staring at the floor for quite some time before Wyatt's shallow sob stirred me. I looked up just in time to lock eyes with him before he took off. I felt horrible, but what else had I expected entering into a relationship with someone I had absolutely no feelings for?
I sat down, my thoughts a jumbled mess of Tyler and Wyatt. Was I single now? No, neither of us had officially said it was over. I silently cursed myself for that. After a while more of debating the rules and regulations of being almost single, I looked up to face my fans. They all had matching disappointed expressions that killed me. I never wanted to let them down, not after all they'd done for me.
"What do you want from me?" I choked out, genuinely interested to know if there was anything I could do to make it up to them. They looked around amongst themselves before one in particular sighed loudly and took a step forward.
"We just want you to be yourself, Troye." My heart convulsed, remembering a time not so long ago when I'd said those exact same words to Tyler. What a hypocrite I was, giving advice that even I couldn't follow. I scanned their faces one last time before feeling a familiar stinging against my eyes. I was such a fuck-up, letting everyone I loved down in this way. I couldn't even bear to look back up at them one more time before taking off across the room, toward the VIP lounge. At least there I wouldn't be breaking down in front of hundreds of people that looked up to me.
A/n: Hello raving Rob's, this was a long chapter, huh? To be honest I don't know what raving Rob's are, my brother's are just screaming it at the television while playing video games, so I figured it was a necessary component in my story in some way. Anyway, I don't really have any news today so just vote/comment and look forward to the next update!