tyler and jenna got back quite late from the bakery. with the holidays coming closer and closer, the place is full of costumers all the time. they took care of orders for the next day, just to save time in the morning.
when they got home, they ate a few slices of the pizza and that was it. there's not much noise or movement in the apartment, specially since brendon went to bed early to have energy for the road. jenna also went to bed relatively quickly. having to be preparing the same batch of cookies for more than 8 hours straight is definitely not a day at the spa.
tyler and josh are in the bedroom, mostly just enjoying each other's company until they fall asleep. they're on their phones, each one checking different stuff for entertainment.
"i'm gonna go get some water. do you want anything?" josh mentions as he gets up from the bed, putting his phone in his hoodie pocket to have both of his hands free.
the younger boy shakes his head, "no. 'm good." he doesn't take his eyes away from his phone to answer. he keeps mindlessly scrolling through tons and tons of posts on his timeline when the screen freezes for a second before displaying a call.
the contact picture, a selfie of a boy with sunglasses misplaced on his face, in collaboration with the name freaks him out. why is he calling so late? it's way past 2 am. tyler accepts the call and puts the phone up to his ear; normally he would use speaker phone, but it's too late for that. "uh," he clears his throat, "why are you up so late?"
"well hello to you too, ty," awsten laughs on the other end of the line, "it's barely midnight here. i'm not going to bed in a while. mom's making me wrap last minute presents. why are you up, buttercup?"
he can't help his cheeks take a faint red blush at awsten's sweet voice and words. "can't sleep. i had a long day at the bakery."
"wouldn't that make you tired enough to sleep?"
"apparently not," tyler looks at the closed bedroom door, the light from the kitchen coming through the small cracks on the bottom of said door. he remembers he's not alone. on the contrary, he's very much in company of someone. a certain someone who if awsten were to find out about, and the things they do, god knows what hell on earth might unleash. "why did you call? you just want company while you wrap presents?"
"not really. i'll watch a movie while i do it. i called to invite you to spend new years with me. my family's gonna go out to my dad's friends' house, so i'll practically have the house to myself. i'm gonna invite a few people over but we can be together. maybe we can pull off a few new years eve traditions."
the invitation sounds very promising, tyler's been dreaming of spending a holiday with someone special for so long. "i'd love to," he cuts himself off, he can feel his throat turning into a knot before speaking again, "listen, i need to tell you some–."
"really? oh thank god. i thought you were gonna say no."
"why would i say no?" he gets up from the bed, his eyes looking out the small window.
"i had the feeling that you stopped liking me."
the answer hurts him. tyler knows he's been a royal mess by not even remembering that awsten existed. his mind has been so focused on josh that he forgot about everyone else. how could he be such an awful person? there was a moment when he couldn't even go a moment without awsten interrupting his thoughts. all the things he told him now seem meaningless. he wasn't his first crush, not by a long shot, he wasn't the reason he realized his sexuality, he wasn't gonna be his first kiss...
"i still like you. we're gonna spend new years eve together, okay? you don't have to invite other people to not make me uncomfortable. it can just be us, a date."
"okay. it's a date. i'm gonna go, mom will kill me if i don't wrap the presents. goodnight, darlin'." he can practically hear the smile in awsten's face. the things he would give to see it...
"goodnight, babe." the call cuts off and he lets go a deep breath, his lips forming a lovesick smile due to the image of awsten just existing, and calling him darling too. he turns around to a heartbreaking thing.
josh stands in the doorway, a glass of water in his hand and tearful eyes. his hurtful gaze stabbing tyler in the chest with the force of a thousand arrowheads traveling at the speed of light. "who was that?" he says, trying his hardest to hold himself together. why does he want to cry? he shouldn't. he can't. he knew that tyler had somebody else in his life before. if anyone is the homewrecker, it's him.
"josh..." tyler puts his phone down on the bed, his eyes staring at the floor in shame, "awsten called me. he's... he's the guy that i was dating before you came here."
"oh. i'm guessing he invited you on a date."
"he did. and i said yes."
"i heard," he takes an awkward look at himself on the reflection of the water, "you still like him. of course you do. he's the one you actually like."
tyler takes a few steps forward, coming closer to the older boy. he doesn't know what to do. "are you serious? you think i don't like you? josh, i've liked you ever since i first saw you, for god's sake."
"and?" his hands tremble. he puts the glass on the dresser so it doesn't slip from his fingers and crashes on the floor.
"just because i started to like him more recently, doesn't mean i don't like you anymore. if you only knew how much time i spent thinking about you. oh wait, you do know."
"you're really bringing up your diary again? jesus, tyler! i already said i was goddamn sorry for that. and that was past you anyway. that was before you left and changed."
tyler takes a step back; his eyes keep trying to avoid making direct contact with josh's. why did he bring up the diary? "changed? did you want me to still be that scared little shit that you met? news flash! people can change! i can change! you haven't changed at all! you're still that guy that was too scared to give me back my journal and tell me that you liked me. you're just a fucking p–"
"because i didn't want to ruin things with you! you were practically made of glass, ty. you barely wanted to be close to me. i was afraid to drop you and cause something to happen."
both look at each other for a moment, unsure of where the conversation might go next. josh takes a quick glance at the phone on the bed, the screen lit up with notifications, "i really liked you. i still do, but i don't want to get in between you and that guy."
"i don't even know if things will work out with him," tyler sighs, a small smile forming on his lips as a reflex of the thought of awsten. he shakes his head and takes josh's hand in his. "you're always in the back of my mind, y'know? even though i hated your guts, you were the one who kept me going when i ran away. the thought of going back and running to your arms, of..."
"of?"
"kissing you. i felt like a dumbass for not doing it before i left. i wished i did it at least once. goddamn," he sniffs, his memories of the harsh times he had to endure when he left the place he called home flash in his mind, "i wanted to call you and beg you to come for me. but then i found spencer and troye and jenna; they helped me feel better. i still missed you all the time." his eyes are now glazed with tears, making him look more vulnerable and achieve the ultimate puppy eyes.
prompted by his words and his overall look, josh leans in and presses his lips to his. the kiss is a short and tender one, a weak taste of salty tears coming from both of them joining in. tyler rests his head on josh's shoulder. he puts his arms around the taller boy and takes a deep breath. he wants to stay like this forever. he's gotten everything he's wanted for so long; he's being held by his first love, a wave of calm washing over him. suddenly everything feels like it's gonna be okay.
"i missed you all the time too. i never stopped thinking about you... do you think you could ever go back to columbus?" josh mutters, his arms wrapping around the young boy.
"dunno. i can't go back to my parents, and i don't think anyone wants me back besides you. i'm happy here. jenna and spencer's mom are good to me, i'm doing well in online school, i have a few friends. it's all i've wanted except for you."
"have you told your parents that you're here? aren't they still your legal guardians?"
"jenna called them a week in of me being with her. they're gonna settle that case with her next year i think," tyler explains, his eyes have dried up his tears, "i'm sorry. i know you want me back but i can't."
the tiredness is starting to affect josh. he feels so exhausted from a talk heavy day. he just wants to sleep next to the most important person in his life and forget the rest. they move to sit on the bed. the phone is still lighting up with notifications from awsten's spam texts, probably from the movie he chose to watch, and tumblr users reblogging poetry posts. josh presses a kiss to tyler's temple, continuing the sweetness until he's out, "you should be with the other guy, ty. no matter how hard we try, i don't think we can work out being so far apart. we live different lives now. i can't catch up to your life and you can't catch up with mine. even if i come to visit every weekend it'll be impossible."
"what? josh, no, no. is it because of the journal thing? i promise i'm not mad about it anymore."
josh shakes his head, an infatuated smile on his face that matches his tearful eyes. he places kisses all over tyler's face, his favorite boy, his precious boy. he's the boy of the yellow flowers, the mysterious journal person, the guy who'll always own a piece of his heart.
"it's not that. we'll go in separate directions eventually, you'll be a famous poetry author and i'll be doing my own thing. you deserve to live your own life with nothing holding you back, and if that's me, i'm willing to let you go. i adore you, tyler, but you deserve to be with a guy that'll be there for you through everything. he sounds like a really great guy, by the way."
the tears are back, taking over tyler's eyes and making his vision blurry. he hugs josh so tight, "so this is it?"
"i think so," he leans in for another kiss, this one being saltier thanks to the tears cascading down the sophmore's cheeks, "hey, i'll always be a phone call away if he hurts your heart. maybe one day we'll meet again and get together for good, maybe we'll be friends forever."
tyler lets out a quiet sob. he feels so foolish for crying. "you promise?"
"i promise."
after a few more kisses and drying up the tears, they feel good enough to let go of each other. they've lost track of time. it truly feels like time stopped on its tracks just for them. josh drinks the glass of water he brought ages ago and leaves it back in the kitchen sink. he comes back to say goodnight to his forever crush, still trying to convince himself that his decision was the best option for them. at least it's what he keeps telling himself.
"can you sleep with me tonight?" tyler asks, his hands fidgeting with the hem of the blankets.
josh nods and smiles, for the millionth time today, "of course." he knows this is a form of saying goodbye. he wishes time kept being still to never leave. he gets in the bed with tyler, each one on their respective side of the bed.
they drift off to sleep happily, knowing that no matter what they'll always find each other. josh's brain already came up with some ideas to keep the contact afloat, but the mere presence of tyler sleeping so soundly next to him makes him appreciate the now and worry about the future later.
he needs his rest, after all, it's gonna be a long day on the journey back home. and god knows he's gonna need lots of rest for what's to come.
{🌹💌🌹}
shhh i know i'm 3 days late, shut up shut up. i wanted to make this chapter as good as i could since it's important to the plot.
also, it's the first time i've cried to my own writing. it was only a few tears but still!! that's how invested i am on this book!!
idk if i managed to sway you guys back on the joshler side but i know i want joshler to be endgame now. oh well
i've been meaning to finish teen wolf before the next year starts so rn my brain only works on teen wolf lore and my infinite love for stiles
uhhh imma go bc it's almost 5 am as i'm finishing this and i gotta sleep if i wanna finish the other 4 chapters before the next year starts too. why do i do this to myself :')))) ????
EDIT: OH GOD I FORGOT TO THANK YOU GUYS FOR 52K+ READS??? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?? THAT'S INSANE I DON'T DESERVE THAT JDJDB THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH!!
ALSO I'VE BEEN #1 ON THE JOSHLER TAG FOR OVER A WEEK NOW?? WHY AND HOW?? I'M ABOVE PEOPLE WHO ARE MORE TALENTED THAN ME THAT'S NOT FAIR!!! ok that's all
see you soon
- alaska x