christmas is getting closer and closer, and it's more than obvious for such a small town. lots of families have either gone off to visit people in other states or they've stayed to welcome visitors into their own house. however, spencer's family seems to fit none of those categories.
josh joined tyler in his shift at the bakery in the morning, mostly out of curiosity and he also wanted more brownies. now he's helping mrs. smith pack up baked goods for people to pick up. she insisted on paying him for his help, which is always a good thing. "i didn't know people could order so many gingerbread cookies," he comments as he finishes putting the sealing sticker on the box to stack it up with the others.
"the jackson need them for their big family christmas," mrs. smith passes the boxes to tyler so he can ring them up and bill mrs. williams later, "they've ordered way more before, i guess their granddaughters aren't coming these year. they all have kids so they order extra cookies for them."
they continue to work in silence, nothing other than the royalty free coffee shop music filling the air alongside the smell of warm cinnamon rolls. josh takes out a freshly baked tray of cookies out of the oven and places them over the rack to they can cool. "you know, josh, i would love to have your help around here. you'd be pretty useful when spencer goes to college next year. he wants to go to ucla so i'd have a spot open for you. i can always use the extra pair of hands," mrs. smith says, looking proudly at him over how fast he's learned to manage his job.
the proposal sounds really inviting to him. he's basically being handed a job, how many ordinary people can say that? he could live in an apartment nearby and if things with tyler flourish even more they could move in together. they could have the perfect life he's always reading about in harry potter fanfics. what else can he ask for? his heart cannot wait to say yes until his brain holds onto the thought for a moment. he pushes his ideal fantasy aside and puts some logic into it. what would his parents say? they don't even know he's away from columbus. how on earth is he gonna explain that he got a job offer all across the state in a bakery? in the ideal universe they say yes, as supportive as they are, they'd want him to go to college, get a degree and graduate. they've mentioned it ever since he started high school. good grades mean a good college and a good college helps in finding a good job.
but he hasn't even begun to think about his life beyond senior year. hell, he doesn't even know where he wants to study yet, much less what he wants to study. psychology in nyu? art in ucla? marketing in harvard? engineering in mit? would any of those give him a soccer scholarship? if they do, which offer is the best one? and don't get started on student loans... there's so many choices and options to pick that he's already scared of the decision. yes, he's done the whole psat deal and definitely suffered because of it. that doesn't mean he's ready for anything else.
all of that means being away from his home, away from his family, away from his friends, away from brendon and away from tyler. he's nothing without any of them. he knows he can't stay in youngstown. it's very unlikely faith or god or whatever has that planned for him. he can feel that the small town life isn't for him, he knows it. his heart belongs somewhere else.
"that sounds great, thank you so much... but i, i don't think i'll be here next year." he can physically feel the pain in his body as he says this.
"it's okay. don't worry, sweetheart. i understand. you can come here whenever you want, there'll always be a spot for you," the woman gives him a genuine smile and a hug, getting a little bit of flour on his apron.
he hugs her back, tears forming in his eyes. the motherly presence of mrs. smith keeps reminding him of his own mom, and how he's betraying her by being here. he should call his mom or text her to see how things are back home. for now, he sniffs the tears away, fanning his eyes to dry them out when the hug is over. he puts on a straight face and goes back to work.
„"„
"hi, mom," josh says into the phone, brendon sitting next to him on the bed. it's around 10:52 pm, tyler has already gone to sleep as well as jenna, so the two friends have the small apartment to themselves now.
"josh! hello, sweetie. how are you? how's brendon? it's been a while since we heard about you." his mom's voice is so comforting, even brendon is emotional over it. she may not be his birth mother, but spiritually she's the second best mother figure he's ever had, right after lily .
"hi, mrs. dun," brendon speaks into the phone too, getting intimately closer to josh while he does it.
"hi, brendon. how have you boys been? is housesitting going well?"
josh gulps and looks at his best friend for help. he can't bring himself to lie to his mom... again. thankfully, brendon is there for him. "we're alright. it's been kinda boring, actually. we only play video games for the most part."
"that's good. remember that too much screen time isn't good for your eyes. oh, i almost forgot. josh, are you feeling okay, honey? pete called me yesterday and said that you were feeling sick. do you want me to pass by and drop off some soup for you?" if there's something to describe the pure panic and horror in josh's eyes as his mom talks, i don't know what it is. he stares at brendon, looking for answers in his eyes but he gets nothing.
"i'm fine. it was just coughing. it's gone now," josh face palms. he isn't lying, he wasn't sick at all. he's just fuming at brendon.
"hmm... okay. if you boys need anything don't hesitate on calling."
"don't worry about us, we'll be just fine. we can live with each other," brendon puts his arm around josh's shoulders to try to get him to calm down.
"alright. well, bill and i were talking and we said that you both should come home for christmas. i can talk with your mother, brendon. i'm sure she won't mind you joining us for dinner on the 25th. you can leave the house for one night."
"that's really sweet of you, mrs. dun. i'd love to join you. thank you," the older of the two says in a kind voice.
"uh- we gotta go, mom. bye, tell everyone i love them." josh hangs up and puts his phone next to him and looks at brendon, anger in his eyes. "what the hell was that?! why did she think i was sick?!" he shakes off the arm around his shoulder. he isn't mad but he is pissed off.
"pete invited us to this party at williams' house and i had to lie. you'd rather have me tell him the truth? tell him we're out here instead of stuck in my house playing mario party? it's not like i said you had a terminal illness or something," he rolls his eyes and sighs, looking down at his hands resting on his lap, "we could've gone to that party, y'know? it sounded like a lot of fun. it's in a fucking cabin, we haven't gone to a party in a cabin in a while."
josh shakes his head, averting his gaze from brendon. he's not as pissed off now thanks to the explanation, but he is offended by the fact that his best friend wants to be somewhere else. he's supposed to be there for him all the time. why is he being so selfish about this?
"there's gonna be a lot of parties," he begins to say, getting into a laying position to sleep, "i won't have many chances with tyler."
"and clearly he's the only thing on your mind," brendon copies him, but instead of getting closer to cuddle for warmth, he stays in his side of the pullout bed. he isn't in the mood to give josh affection he doesn't deserve.
"why would i think about anything else? we're here for him, remember? i want the guy i love to love me back."
josh puts his phone on the floor, connecting it so it charges overnight. he doesn't wanna mention the job offer to brendon yet, it's not the right time. maybe he will tomorrow or the next day. something tells him that his friend isn't into him right now. he closes his eyes and can't hear brendon when he murmurs a low, "me too."
{🌹💌🌹}
hi !! this chapter is 90% what i wrote in one night when i was full of inspo and 10% something else
today i had a biostatistics test and i think i'm gonna fail it :') . i love college
i've seen a few comments about making this book end with a polygamous relationship but,, idk man, that's not in my plans so far but we'll see
i'm tired and don't know what to say here
uhh, that's it
see you next week !!
- alaska x