josh spent most of his night looking through the blog. he read all of the poems, each of them destroyed his emotions, to find a clue to where tyler could be. he looked at the rest of the posts but nothing stood out, most pictures were reblogs from someone else.
he is no detective so all he knows is that he is safe, has a place to sleep in and a decent internet connection. however, that could be anywhere these days. tyler could be in the neighboring town or in los angeles. he could even be in europe at this point if he really tried.
josh sighs and decides to take a shower to get his mind off this. he barely got any sleep at all, even if he woke up at 1:26 pm. all he can do for now is wait to see another poem, if it ever is one.
he plays his shower playlist as he turns the hot water on and waits for it to warm up enough to jump in. he's the only child in his family to have a private bathroom, his siblings have to share one, and he is so thankful for it.
he lets the water hit his body for a moment, soaking in the warmth he was lacking, it has been really cold lately. his hair feels greasy and so dirty since he hasn't showered in 3 days. self care has been the last thing he has been worrying about.
"josh, honey, lunch is gonna be ready in a few. hurry so you can eat it warm," josh's mom says through the bathroom door, knocking to get his attention over the music.
"okay, mom. be right there." he knows that's not the full truth since he will take his sweet time in the shower.
he washes his hair and body, cleanses his face and just stands there thinking for a while. his playlist is finished by the time he gets out. he finishes dressing up far more quickly and doesn't bother brushing his hair. it can air dry into a nice set of curls and he's now embracing that style. he goes to the dinner table and sees the hot soup on his place. steam is still coming out from it.
"i thought we were gonna have to eat without you," his brother mutters annoyed.
"it's better than have him smell bad," his sister responds while she looks at her phone and types rapidly into it.
josh is the oldest of 3. well, for now, since his parents have considered having another child. they're still young enough to have one, but josh knows it would be a pain to have a child preparing for college while the other one is still in diapers. he doesn't mind, he just worries that it would be a lot to manage at the same time.
"whatever. you could've started without me."
"mom wanted us to wait," jordan rolls his eyes while he waits for his spoonful of soup to cool down.
"we are a family and we will eat as such, you know that," momma dun says all the way from the kitchen. she brings another plate with bread to accompany the meal josh's dad prepared.
they eat mostly in silence, ashley talks about how her cheerleading practice went and that's the whole subject of dinner. the beginning of winter and the colder months is the most uneventful time in the dun household.
the quiet keeps going until josh has an idea.
"mom, i was thinking of spending christmas with brendon this year."
"oh. is that so? why?"
"well, his parents are gonna be in singapore until january and i don't want him to be lonely. i promise i can give you the gifts i have for you early."
jordan and ashley look at each other and then at josh. they both know josh has a way with their mom, it usually gets him whatever he wants. the brother raises an eyebrow and dares to question the eldest child, "you could invite him over."
josh tries to come up with an excuse, "he could feel like i'm doing charity work, besides, he has to look after the house because the staff are going home."
momma dun thinks about the request for a moment. "hm, i think it's a good idea. what do you think, bill?"
"i also think it's a great idea. that's really nice of you, joshua. i'm sure brendon will appreciate your friendship."
"well if your father says yes, then you can go. and don't worry about the gifts. you can give them to us afterwards."
josh breathes out, the worry gone after his brother almost ruined his idea. the rest of the dinner goes smoother. something inside josh's head puts out an idea. if they said yes to missing christmas with them...hm. "i have something else to say."
"what is it, honey?"
"i've been meaning to tell you something for a while. i think it's time i do. i-... oh god i can't believe i am genuinely doing this right now.."
he can feel all of their eyes looking at him. he should've stayed quiet but now it's too late. he already peaked their interest. "nevermind, it's nothing."
"are you sure, sweetie? you look nervous. is something wrong?" his mom reaches for his hand to hold it but he pulls it away. he doesn't know how they will react. he knows they must know, right? it's a little obvious. it would be surprising if they didn't.
still, saying it freaks him out. the only person who know are mrs. patrick and brendon. and brendon only knows because he stumbled upon it. not really, but it counts.
he looks at his dad, then at his siblings. he is panicking. he can feel sweat all over his body. his hand is shaking underneath the table. he has seen tyler have a panic attack before, but he isn't sure if that's what's happening.
god, josh. you should've stayed quiet.
"i'm..bisexual...?" he breathes as he takes fresh air in to stop his nerves from spiraling out of control.
there is no response from anyone. he closes his eyes as his hands loosen up and he feels a tiny bit more relaxed. "i'm bisexual." he repeats it just in case they thought he was joking around.
"you're...bisexual? that's what you were scared of telling us? oh honey, it's okay. we love you and accept you for who you are. right?" momma dun takes his hand and looks at the rest of the family.
ashley looks surprised about this revelation. meanwhile jordan just looks confused. he is 11 years old after all and what he knows about lgbtq+ people is reserved to an episode of friends. "so you're gay?"
"no, i'm not. i do like boys but i also like girls," josh explains, still nervous about the reactions. "oh. well that's okay. you have more opportunities to date someone."
"heh, i guess so."
he follows the path that his sister's expressions take, going from shock to happy. "that's so cool. i just thought you were a weirdo when you tried to buy that pin for your back when we went to hot topic in april. it really makes sense now."
"what pin?"
"the purple, pink and blue one. i can't believe i didn't put two and two together before. we can talk about boys together now, not to be cliché or anything like that." she says and gets up to leave her bowl in the sink before going to her room upstairs. that's not really the response josh expected to hear but he is glad nonetheless. lastly, he glances at his dad sitting across the table.
his dad is just eating the remaining bread, looking unbothered. "dad..?"
"oh, sorry. i already knew."
"you-... you did?" josh asks, a little worried that he saw his second tumblr or saw when him and brendon used to makeout in his room months ago. it was nothing big, only that they wanted to see if anything between them sparked since they're both into guys. it didn't though.
"yeah. you left a wikipedia page for something of the sort open on the computer when you were younger. i didn't mention anything because i thought you would want to tell us yourself," his dad replies without a care in the world, "but i just want you to know that we support you, okay? you don't have to worry about it anymore."
a wave of relief washes over josh. "thank you guys. i didn't know how you would react."
"you know we love you. this doesn't change anything, alright?" his mom kisses his forehead and gets up to go to the kitchen, "anyone want some dessert? we can have brownie with ice cream."
jordan's eyes light up at the mention of dessert, "i want!"
"i think i'll pass, thanks anyway." josh replies while he cleans up the table. "me too. i'm full."
his dad helps out with the spoons and glasses and pulls josh apart for a moment while the other family members are distracted with dessert. "okay, joshua. be honest with me. did you come out to us because you're spending time with brendon for another reason? if he's your boyfriend you don't have to be scared to tell us."
"what? oh no. he's just my friend, dad. i don't see him as anything more than that. really."
"alright. i just wanted to know."
josh scoffs," you don't have to worry about me. i'm not gonna do anything interesting other than eat a lot of food there."
the small conversation ends and josh rushes to his room feeling revived. he didn't plan to come out at all today, but a weight has lifted off his shoulders. he grabs his laptop and opens up google. his fingers move frantically as he looks up tyler's blog and a car rental service.
christmas time at brendon's is gonna involve more road trip and searching than food.
{🌹💌🌹}
hi, i'm back. and probably for good this time
i'm so sorry for leaving for like a year now, or maybe even more idk at this point. i swear that it was for a good reason, i couldn't balance school and writing so i had to prioritize. so much has happened since i last posted a chapter, like trench, the engagement,,, etc
and hey, now i've graduated high school!!! that's exciting, i'm now a college/university student :')))
anyway, this chapter was kind of a mess, i wrote it at 5 am while emotionally drunk.
i hope y'all still like this story
see you soon x
-a