song; la vie en rose- reneé dominique cover
Something that never struck me about Phil was his love for sweet foods, treats and warm beverages- warm, not hot or else he would grow impatient and burn his tongue apparently. It wasn't until I decided to pick a shoot location in a patisserie and I saw his eyes light alive at the sight of all the soft pastries and sweet glossy icing.
As he goggled the glass box of sweet treats, I set up our crew and added a few extra light boxes here and there. It was hard to focus on setting up when Phil was there looking as sweet as the treats on display but I'd chose him wrapped to go any day over the soft buns behind the glass.
Liguori was being, what I call, extra as he sorted the table where our model would be seated. He obsessively rearranged and tidied this table and dusted the white cloth all the time to keep it ''crisp''. Truly, it worked. The spot looked like pure perfection and was the perfect setting for Phil.
Chris was nowhere to be seen though.
''If I knew how in love you were with those pastries I would have asked for fake ones.'' I laughed softly as I leaned over to whisper in Phil's pinking ear. With that, he turned around and diverted his attention to me with a slight grump to his face as his stomach rumbled.
''Not my fault that the food looks sooo good!'' Phil's grump soon turned into that beaming smile of his that he owned so well.
The crew were finally set and the lightbox flicked on, illuminating the table for our star. ''Well, the quicker we get this shoot done, the quicker you can eat and maybe you can take a few bites for the shoot as well.'' Phil was pleased with this and hurried to sit on the pink chair. ''Oh Phil, by the way, you look really good!''
He did it again, he looked at me with that smile. ''I thought you were using me, Dan? Clothes only, not me. Remember?'' Click.
A flash covered his face, he was not expecting that. ''Good Phil, it seems to be coming naturally now!'' Liguori popped his head up from behind the camera, giving Phil a thumbs up. Obviously didn't know I was proudly the one to pry that smile out of him.
Phil was asked to do a series of poses and tasks for the photos and trust me, they were perfect. Everything about the shoot was perfect.
===
Licking the ivory icing off his pink lips, Phil grinned looking over to me. ''You didn't have to buy all those pastries for me, you know! Greggs is cheap enough to satisfy and just down the road.'' He swung the pink paper bag slightly as we walked away from the patisserie, simply abandoning the crew to pack up themselves much to Phil's protest- I had a better way to spend my time.
''Well, you liked them so, I got them for you. It isn't like I don't have the money to burn.'' I replied honestly. ''It's getting kinda late into the afternoon and I was wondering if you wanted to stop by mine? Just for tea or coffee or something but it's completely alright if you wanna head on-''
''I'd love to stop by.'' Phil interrupted my rambles. Months ago that would have angered me greatly but now, I didn't mind so much. ''We can share the cakes and stuff too!''
Changing the direction of our route to head towards my home, I couldn't stop smiling and Phil couldn't stop admiring me. ''Tea for two then?''
''Two for tea!'' Phil chuckled, a slight spring to his step kicking in. What a dork.
Walking together seemed to be something we did a lot. It was really the only time we had together as it was the only time we were alone, travelling to and from places for work. Spending genuine time together was a new thing and it excited me greatly but also made me ridiculously nervous and almost guilty feeling. How could I ever have treated him so badly? This, now felt precious time could have been mine so much sooner.
Harsh Howell seemed to be melting away, one smile at a time.
As we turned onto my street, Phil sighed deeply, looking around with a smile. I wanted to question him but I felt the answer was self-explanatory, he liked the environment. I hoped that one day he'd get to live somewhere that made him that happy just by looking at the place.
I unlocked the door and let him in before me. We made our way upstairs in a comfortable silence. He was already somewhat familiar with the place from his last visit and made his way to the sofa to sit down happily.
He looked so sweet there,
I wanted to hold him again.
He shuffled his feet nervously as I took my coat off, tossing it over the free armchair. I gave him, yet another, reassuring smile and he eased. Making my way through to the kitchen, I got out a pair of mugs for us. I couldn't help but want this kind of evening more often, me and Phil just at home.
''Tea or coffee?'' I looked over the breakfast counter to him, sitting on his phone.
''Ah, coffee, please! But, er, do you have decaf? Or else I won't sleep.'' He covered his mouth, to hide his embarrassed smile.
Phil
Times had changed so fast and so had we.
The evening just so happened to escape us, jumping out of the window and delving into the black, introducing the late night that showed lighter suggestions of the early hours that soon were to make an appearance.
We were settled on his sofa, me on one side next to the arm and him on the other. There was nothing awkward or tense at all which again, was a change. I had noticed the slightly tense atmosphere that followed us until it had departed But just then in that moment, I felt a softer air, easy to breathe in and something I wanted to sallow and fill my lungs. It felt pink.
Game of Thrones was on the widescreen, lighting up our faces and the lamp was dim, gracing Dan's face with a warm glow. Everything was so comfortable and almost, oddly, homely. Our exchanged chatter overrode the sounds of the TV programme every once in a while which lead to Dan rewinding the recordings regularly to shout, ''No! You can't miss this part, it's important!'' But it seemed in Dan's eyes that every few minutes was the most important part.
I had never seen him so majorly invested in shows or much else, especially after the way he had criticised my ''nerdy'' self. It was stupid of me to assume that though, as everyone has interests and things that they enjoyed. It just showed me how badly he de-humanised and distanced himself from me. It was amazing to really get to see him,
know him,
understand.
Dan also had a playful side which I could always imagine but once I saw his true cheeky smile spread across his face, lifting his cheeks as he teased me, it suited him so well. The teasing was directed towards me shuffling at the gore and the way I sucked in my lips at the awkward sex scenes. The later the hours became, the less the teasing.
Once the early hours finally made their brighter appearance, some light leaked through the blinds, caressing the side of Dan's face that the lamp's glow could not reach. The intense illumination of the screen seemed dimmer by the hour. Muted blues and slight greys tinted the room.
Never had I saw him so relaxed, not even the night in France as he was drifting and mumbling sleepily. Everything about him was just soft. He was just soft and nothing else could describe it.
It was 3.37am when I lifted my phone to check the time but I didn't feel the need to mention or attempt to make a move... but Dan did.
Quatre way through one of the episodes we had been watching, the last of our marathon, Dan started to move in ''subtle'' ways. He would slouch, stretch, shuffle and rearrange himself to be closer to me. I couldn't even play it on my naivety, it was too clear. Each movement was definitely an attempt to get closer to me. By the end of that episode, he had moved from the left side to the near centre cushion almost beside me.
I couldn't help but let a shy and flustered look sit on my face and lips. The more I thought about his attempts, the quicker the wild butterflies fluttered in my stomach, rising up into my rib cage. I knew they wanted to escape as I started to fear they'd break through and snap the bars that kept them prisoner.
My entire body was in a deep blush, tinted pink with certain patches a deeper red. My brain had turned to putty that Dan was so clearly playing with, making it go into different shapes, just the way he wanted it to be.
It took me everything to open my mouth and comment on the situation and it felt like my vocal chords hadn't been used in years.
''What are we doing, Dan?'' I said softly, almost inaudibly.
He said nothing but then raised his hand tentatively and touched my cheek.
''D-Dan? I know it's late and you're probably tired and--'' He cut me off and moved closer so we were thigh beside thigh.
''No, I want this.'' He whispered back, caressing the back of his hand down to my lips where his thumb brushed my lips.
No description or fancy metaphor could explain this feeling,
these slow movements, his head leaning in and
finally, nothing could describe his kiss.
He closed the gap between us as he placed one finger under my chin, gently lifting my face to let it meet his lips. Before either of us had the chance to think twice about it, Dan leaned in and pressed his lips against mine, his other hand slipping around my waist as he kissed me slowly, gently, but insistently.
When he finally pulled away, he released a breath I don't think he realised he had been holding.
Every look, every movement and every touch in those brief few moments were everything.
The warmth of his hand on my waist felt good and secure and gosh, Dan was so gentle. Not harsh. Gentle.
Then Dan moved closer again. As Dan brushed his lips onto mine for the first instant, it wasn't like the movies or the sappy novels. It was just a touch but it was a touch I certainly wanted more of. Dan's lips moved gently across mine again but I could only be hesitant. My lips only moved slightly as my eyes finally fluttered shut and one hand met Dan's chest where I could feel his heavy heart pound.
Just as I was beginning to enjoy himself more, Dan pulled away, ''Is this okay? I know it's unprofessional but you're so beautiful, Phil.'' His eyes were endearing, focused on just me and every cared seemed to slip away, those early hours sweeping it away.
I ran my hands slowly up his arms, fingers ghosting skin, my eyes following to watch each individual goosebump form. I smiled softly, cheeks glowing, ''This is okay.''
''Anything more than okay?'' His voice was suddenly meek.
I looked to him, with a comforting smile, just like the one he offered, ''Really, really nice.''
...
Dan didn't want me to travel home alone so suggested that I stayed at his. It was nothing more than innocent though.
He insisted I slept in his bed, without him in, of course.
I felt bad but he was right when saying his sofa was comfortable and he did insist.
He gave me a soft sweatshirt from my rail and I slipped off my jeans.
I sat on his bed, cross-legged and he smiled softly at me from a distance, ''Can I take a photo?''
Agreeing, he took his camera from his dresser, taking a photo of me sitting cosily on his bed.
I laid down, enjoying how nicely the bedding smelt of Dan and enjoying the feather pillows and duvets.
Dan dimmed the light and came over to the bed.
He kissed my forehead, ''If you want me to pretend this never happened I can but if you want me to act on my emotions like I have tonight, I can.'' He moved away, going to the door and turned off the light completely, ''Sleep tight, sweetheart.''
===
WELL SHiiiiiit, hello
okay but yeah, hope you enjoyed this! harsh!howell turned into gentle!howell
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