- February 22, 2012-
"Come on Taylor let's go!" I yelled. Today I finally get my wrist cast off. I got out of my boot a month ago and I can't wait to get this stupid cast off.
"I'm here, let's go," Taylor said, running past me, out the door.
We drove to the doctor's office while jamming out to some music from the radio.
The doctor took me back and they cut off my cast. Next, they took an X-ray to see if I was healed. The doctor brought in the results ten minutes later.
"Is it healed?" I asked.
"Yes, you will just need to wear a brace for a week and a half then you are all done," he said.
"Thank you," I said. He handed me the brace and showed me how to put it on.
"Can I drive?" I asked. I missed driving so much, it's so annoying to have to get a ride from someone every time I want to go somewhere.
"Not until you stop having to wear the brace," he said.
"Okay," I sighed.
We left the office and Taylor drove us home. When we got back to the apartment, I went to my room and started working on my homework. I heard Taylor strumming some songs in the studio which happened to be right across from my room. I packed up my stuff and went over to the studio and laid my stuff out on the floor. I saw Taylor smile at me and she continued playing around with her guitar.
"So how's Ethan? I haven't seen him in a while," Taylor said.
"Oh my gosh, it's amazing. Every time we're together I feel butterflies. Last week we hung out in Central Park and we were walking around when he took my hand and I was literally in a state of grace. And I was talking to one of my friends about him and they said something bad about him and I actually defended him so hard. He's my Achilles heel." I gushed.
"State of grace, you're my Achilles heel," Taylor mumbled. "This is it. I'm writing this song." She grabbed her phone and started making a voice memo like she always does when she's writing a song.
"What?" I said.
"A song about the bliss of the beginning of a relationship. It's a state of grace, he's your Achilles heel," she said.
"Oh I see it," I said. I started tapping a beat on my book with my pencil. After a few seconds of my beat, Taylor joined in with her guitar and she played a few chords. She wrote down what we just did in her songbook.
"Keep talking about him," Taylor told me.
"Um okay, well there was another time when we were walking through the city and the paps start following us so we start walking fast through the streets that were filled with people," I said.
"We're walking fast by the traffic lights, busy streets, and busy lives," Taylor said.
"Go play that beat again on the drums over there," she told me.
I got up and grabbed a pair of sticks before playing the same beat as before. Taylor played some of the same chords as before and we played together.
"We're walking fast by the traffic lights, busy streets, and busy lives," Taylor sang and played.
"Ahhhhh I love it!" I said.
"Me too! What else can you tell me about your relationship?" She said, eager for more lyrics.
"We were walking around campus the other day and it was like... like I couldn't deny my love for him, I was defenseless. I feel so vulnerable with him," I said.
"Like a knight without armor!" Taylor said.
"Yeah!" I agreed. I watched her think of a way to put that into lyric form and it was like you could see the gears in her brain were turning.
"You walk around and the armor goes," I said.
"Yeah," Taylor agreed.
"Pierce my heart like a cannonball," I continued.
"Yes! That's perfect!" She cried.
"All we knew was that we couldn't let each other go and when we're together there's no one else in the world; just him and me," I said.
"All we know is don't let go," Taylor sang.
"We are alone," I started.
"Just you and me!" Taylor said.
"Um, we were in his room and we were telling stories about past relationships where we screwed something up and we were just laughing it off," I said, smiling at the memory.
"Up in your room, and our...."
"Slates are clean, because like we're starting to get to know the real person that we are," I said.
"It's like the golden age," I said. "And I can tell that it feels right and it's real."
"This is the golden age of something good and right and real," Taylor said.
"Ahhhh oh my gosh this song is going to be amazing!" I said excitedly.
"What else you got?" She asked.
"I'm worried that we may be ending it soon, but it was definitely worthwhile," I said.
"Why do you think you're going to end it?" Taylor asked.
"He's getting kind of mean, and we fight a lot," I replied.
"What mean stuff has he done?" She asked.
"Well like, not mean so much, more just like he's kind of done with me," I said. "He's flirting with other girls and they're all looking at him like 'what the heck you literally have a girl' and he doesn't even care."
"Don't look at me you have a girl at home!" Taylor cried, writing that down.
"It's like the relationship is sometimes like 'don't let go' and other times it's like he's already gone and I was just a touch and go," I said. "I should have expected this, touch and go is all those boys know."
"And all we know is touch and go!" Taylor said.
There was a knock on the door and I got up to go get it. I opened the door and smiled when I saw Ethan standing there.
"Hey babe," I said.
"Hey, uh, we need to talk," he said, my smile dropped.
"I think we should break up," he said.
"Why?" I asked.
"I'm kind of over this relationship," he said.
"Yesterday you were all about this!" I yelled at him.
"I changed my mind," he yelled back.
"You changed your mind? What the hell does that even mean?" I asked.
"It means I'm over you!" He yelled.
"Get out of my house!" I screamed at him as tears brimmed my eyes.
He stomped out the door and slammed the door behind him. I heard Taylor come running to me as the tears poured out like a waterfall. She wrapped her arms around me and I cried onto her shoulder.
"You're too good for him," she told me.
"Let's go write that song," I said, pulling away from the hug.
"Let's do it," Taylor said, following me to the studio room.
"Now I'm flipping alone because he changed his frickin mind!" I ranted.
"We are alone with our changing minds," Taylor whispered, writing it down.
"It's like our relationship faded in time or something," I said. "It's like guys only fall in love then they want to make it hurt!"
"We fall in love until it hurts-"
"Or bleeds."
"Or fades in time!" Taylor finished our lyric.
"I never even knew him before this and he comes out of nowhere! Then leaves me here broken! I'll never be the same!" I ranted.
"I never saw you coming and I'll never be the same," Taylor said.
"He was never the saint I thought he was," I said.
"Hey girl, I've been there. We all love in shades of wrong," Taylor said. She had put down her songbook and was now just recording us and listening to my rant. "You learn to live with the pain though."
"But love is all about being brave and crazy," Taylor said.
"I hate it," I said, making her laugh.
"It's worthwhile," she said.
"It's just a time of fights," I argued.
"It's not all fights," she argued back.
"It's ruthless game," I said.
"Not if you play it right," she said.
"No one plays it right!" I told her.
"It's all in the hands of fate!" Taylor said.
"Fate sucks," I sighed.
"Come on," she said, standing up.
"Where?" I asked.
"We are going to the studio!" She said.
"You don't even have a song!" I said.
"I have your rant; we're going to write the song when we get there," Taylor said.
"Alright, and why am I going?" I asked.
"You're helping me write the song," she said.
"Alright," I agreed.
We ran down to the car and drove to the studio. I turned on some old songs that Taylor wrote to get our creative juices flowing. When we got to the studio, we ran inside and up to an open studio where Max Martin was waiting. She had called from the car and he lives closer to the studio than us.
"What is your idea?" He asked as Taylor opened her phone to the voice memo of my rant.
"The bliss at the beginning of a relationship is the state of grace, but the whole relationship can be either amazing or completely sucky," she described.
"We have a few lyrics but everything else will come from Kaitlyn's rant," Taylor said.
"Why did you have a rant?" Max asked.
"My stupid annoying boyfriend broke up with me," I said.
"Oh," Max said.
"Okay, so far we have part of the first verse done," Taylor said, getting out a guitar. "Kaitlyn come play drums."
"Okay," I said walking to the drum set.
I started playing the beat I came up with earlier and Taylor started playing her chords. We sang together the lyrics we had come up with, leaving a few open spots where we didn't know yet.
"Anything from your most recent relationship that you can put in Taylor?" Max asked.
"Ooh ooh ooh, we were both Sagittarius which is the fire element. Uhhhhh, twin fire signs and four blue eyes!" Taylor said. This is mostly how these sessions go; we are all just yelling things and recording everything so we don't forget anything.
"It should go 'up in your room and our slates are clean, just twin fire signs, four blue eyes,'" I sang.
"I like it!" Max said.
An hour later we had come up with the first verse which went like this.
I'm walking fast through the traffic lights
Busy streets and busy lives
And all we know is touch and go
We are alone with our changing minds
We fall in love till it hurts or bleeds, or fades in time
"Progress!" Max yelled loudly, making the rest of us laugh.
"Now we need the chorus," Taylor said.
"I think we should do a super short chorus, like two or three lines that just last forever," I suggested.
"We should use this 'and I never saw you coming, and I'll never be the same,'" Max said.
"Okay," Taylor agreed.
"And I never saw you coming yeah yeah yeah," I sang.
"And I'll never ever be the sa-a-a-a-ame," Taylor continued.
"Then more drum and guitar there then second verse," Max said.
"Yeah!" Taylor cheered.
"So what do we have for the second verse so far?" Max asked.
"You come around and the armor goes," Taylor started.
"Falls," Max said. "You come around and the armor falls."
"Okay," Taylor said. "Pierce my heart like a cannonball."
"The room, pierce the room like a cannonball," I suggested.
"Yeah that sounds better," Max agreed.
"Now all we know, is don't let go," Taylor continued.
"We are alone just you and me," Taylor sang.
"Up in your room and our slates are clean, just twin fire signs, four blue eyes," I sang.
"So you were never a saint, and I've loved in shades of wrong," Taylor said.
"We learn to live with the pain, da da da da da da," I sang.
"We don't have that part yet," Taylor explained.
"Well, it's a broken heart that needs to be put together," Max brainstormed.
"But it will never be fully whole again," I continued.
"Like um one of those artworks that is made of a bunch of broken glass or paper or something," Taylor said.
"Mosaics," I told her.
"It's like a mosaic heart," Taylor said, "but it's still broken."
"Mosaic broken hearts," I spit out.
"We learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts," Taylor sang.
"But this love is brave and wi-i-ilddd," I burst out singing, making both Taylor and Max laugh.
"Then the chorus again," Taylor said.
"Then there should be a bridge," Max said.
"It should be like that moment of peace and bliss," I suggested. "The whole song is super drum heavy so this should be like everything drops and it's peaceful."
"Ooh good idea," Taylor said.
"It could all drop and just be the occasional chord with the vocals," Max said. "Then slowly it could start back up then be the big breakout chorus."
"So like, this is the state of grace, chord, this is a worthwhile fight, another chord," Taylor said/sang.
"Love is a ruthless game, drum starts again and more chords go here, unless you play it good and right," I continued singing.
"These are the hands of fa-ate, the song picks up again," Taylor said.
"You're my Achilles hee-ee-el, this is the golden age of something good," I sang.
"And right," Taylor continued.
"And real," I finished.
"And then everything kind of drops again and it gets really soft and there's that moment of peace and bliss again," Max said.
Regular- Taylor is singing, ()- Kaitlyn
And I never (never) saw you comi-i-i-i-i-iiiiing
And I'll never (ever) be the sa-a-a-a-ameee
"Then the beat picks up again," Max said.
And I never (never) saw you comi-i-i-i-i-iiiiing
And I'll never (ever) be the sa-a-a-a-ameee
"Then it all kind of drops again," Max said.
This is a state of grace
(This is a worthwhile fight)
Love is a ruthless game
Both: Unless you play it good and right
"Then that's the end!" Max said happily.
"Perfect," I said.
"And we'll call it State of Grace," Taylor said.
"Let's record it," Max said, flipping on all of the machinery.
"Kait, sing backup for me," Taylor said.
"In the recording?" I asked.
"Yeah," she said matter-of-factly.
"Like the thing that people buy and listen to?" I asked.
"Yes, now get in here," Taylor said impatiently.
"Why am I doing it?" I asked.
"Because this song wouldn't exist without you and your relationship," she said.
"Okay," I said.
"We'll start with tapping in the beat," Max said. "Kaitlyn, you know the beat best, can you tap it in?"
"Sure," I said. I walked over to the drum board and tapped in the beat that I was messing around with.
"Good, now Taylor you do the guitar in there," Max instructed.
After we recorded Taylor's guitar, we did the bass beats and the synth for the whole song. We then moved onto vocals and Taylor and I had a small jam fest in the recording booth. We sang together and jammed out on our air-instruments. She played the air guitar while I rocked out on my imaginary drums. When we finished recording the song, it was close the 10:30 pm. We made our way home through the streets of NYC.
When we got back to the apartment it was 10:45 and we hadn't eaten anything. Taylor made some mac and cheese in the microwave and we ate quickly. After changing into our pajamas, we snuggled up in Taylor's bed and watched last night's glee since we didn't watch it last night. I ended up falling asleep in Taylor's bed at the end of the episode.