Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate it! And Happy Holidays to those of you who don't!
Either way, I hope you're happy ♥
- cilla
"Thanks again." I told Charlie as I unbuckled myself from the passengers seat and found my keys.
"You're welcome." He said plainly. "Are you sure you're okay to drive?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine." I assured him and opened the door to meet the chill of the outside air.
"If you need anything..."
"Are you asking for my number?" I joked.
He let out a short, seemingly fake chuckle that didn't meet his eyes, and handed me his phone. "I know I'm not at the top of your emergency list, but I'm here." He said, and for some reason it meant a lot to me.
I handed him back his phone after he sent me his number and wanted to hug him, I wanted to break his sudden uncomfort around me but knew I should get out of the empty and dark school parking lot and drive to Andy's.
So I did that.
"Come on in." Toby said when he answered the door.
"Hey Toby." I said, giving him a side hug.
"He's in his room, but you can go in there if you want." He said and went into the kitchen.
I was tempted to just wait until he came out, but I knocked on his door anyway and his voice came on the otherside. "Diana?"
"Yeah, hi." I answered and opened the door, seeing him loosen his tie and throw it on his bed tiredly.
He looked at me and slipped off his jacket. "Have you gotten any sleep lately?"
"Actually, I just took a four-hour nap." I admitted and he smiled.
"I was going to make an appointment with the downtown search agents, they said they got the same call about Erin earlier today."
I sighed out in relief. "Her parents." I finished for him.
"Yes, they've got everything planned out."
I sat on his bed and stared at the door. "But they still haven't found her." I stated.
He came around and sat next to me, holding my hand in his. "No they haven't." He squeezed my hand between his own and I leaned my head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Diana. They'll find her." He assured, but still not helping with the helplessness I felt for my friend. I didn't even know what to do, and I felt completely helpless for that.
I looked around and took note of how Andy's room was filled with expensive furniture and how his bed had silk sheets. His walls were lined with the color red and blue and his bathroom door hung open, showing how wide and expensive-looking it was.
I was thinking about Charlie again all the sudden. Had we really joked about flirting with eachother? Had he really almost kissed me and acted like it was normal to touch me like he did? There I was, telling my teacher to kiss me while I had something going on with someone else.
One thing was definetly sure... It was going to be extremely awkward the next day for the both of us.
"Have you eaten?" Andy asked, standing up and going into the living room.
"Uh, no." I lied.
"Toby!" Andy called his brother. "I'm ordering pizza, get out of my kitchen!"
I heard Toby in the kitchen slamming the fridge door and groaning. "It better be quick." He said from the other room, then walked to the living room and winking at me. "I like the sleepy look, Diana."
I rolled my eyes. "Thanks?"
"Are you spending the night?" Toby asked and Andy looked over at me for an answer.
"Uh, no, sorry. I think I need my own bed tonight."
"Where'd you take a nap, then?" Andy asked curiously.
My mind went blank for a split second, but I recovered invisibly. "My brother's."
He nodded. "You're staying for pizza, right?"
"Yeah, sure." I told him with a smile and he reached out to me and pulled me into a hug. "I never asked how California was." I said in his arms.
He cringed. "Uh, yeah it's not important." He said, playfulling pulling at my hair.
Toby behind us laughed. "He's just saving you from a long and boring conversation, be thankful."
I laughed, "Glad you had fun." I told Andy as he pulled back and pecked me in the lips.
"Oh, don't." He chuckled.
"This is weird." Toby muttered, plopping himself onto the couch. He then pointed to me. "Are you doing okay? You even freaked out Mr. Grant."
I immediately blushed under the man's name and shook my head. "I'm fine, it was just lack of sleep." I admitted.
"It was so weird, Andy," He began to his brother, "This teacher is such an asshole, but when Diana almost passed out, he went all nice it was so weird."
I said nothing and sat down next to Andy while they began to talk about his business. We watched a movie and waited for the pizza, and when it came we ate like family. Toby treated me like I was his sister and Andy like a friend. It was nice, but there was a pang of guilt that came to me everytime Andy made me laugh, or every time he'd throw his arm around me. I did nothing wrong, right? I often asked myself that question throughout the night.
He and I weren't together, but something in me mocked unfaithfulness, when I really hadn't done anything wrong, logically. I thought about it too much and it gave me a headache, and pretty soon I felt worse about myself for worrying over men instead of my bestfriend.
I took medicine when I got home, and it was supposed to put me to sleep. Since that had trouble working I did what usually worked for me, I read my father's letters and soon enough I was out.
...
I dragged myself out of bed the next morning, and it was unfortunate because the medicine kicked in a little too late and I was left with waking up, wanting to go back to bed.
I woke up when I got to school and Connor was there waiting for me at the front doors of the school which were not yet unlocked. "You got sleep." He said thankfully, but sadly. The poor guy looked like he had the same night I had although it was highly unlikely.
"I'm sorry about yesterday, I was just so tired..."
"No, no, I understand. I kind of freaked out too because I slept past six and went to your place around seven and you weren't there so..."
"Oh," I laughed and stared up at the sad sky. It matched my inner feelings, and I wanted nothing more but to remember that Friday night where she offered me a drink. Where she asked to dance. Where she suggested to mingle. I just wished I had breathed through my anxiety and went with her. Maybe she wouldn't be where ever she was.
"Oh god, Connor." I whispered helplessly and he embraced me quickly.
"I know, I know. I'm so fucking scared." He said to me calmly. Although it was for my own comfort, I knew I was his as well.
"Thanks Mr. Grant." I heard guy's voices say and Connor let go, seeing the calculus teacher had arrived and unlocked the doors for us.
Mr. Grant said nothing to the teens and held open the door for us. Cole ran up from behind Connor and I and took the door from the other side. "I got it, Sir, thanks." Cole told Mr. Grant.
Mr. Grant said nothing but gave a nod and walked to B-hall. He didn't look at me once.
"Man, if Erin was here she would be fawning over that grump for no reason." Cole sighed.
Connor smiled sadly and nudged me over playfully. "No reason? Diana thinks he's hot too."
I shrugged. "Everyone does, it's not a big deal."
Cole nodded. "He is pretty hot."
I laughed at them and shook my head. "Well I'm off to the library."
"Bye, nerd." Cole waved.
"Meet at your locker for lunch!" Connor said as I walked off and I gave him a thumbs up in response.
While I walked to the library I was reminded of how I felt empty also because I hadn't finished that book. Of course I kind of knew what would happen, but it was a public library book and Charlie still had it.
I should have looked for it while I could.
It was strange to remember how I was just in his house the previous day, on his bed and him over me. It was wrong of course, but I couldn't care less at that moment. The strangeness was so much, it was almost like I had never even been there. And it was just a dream.
But maybe that was the case.
By lunch time, I convinced myself it never happened, and that I was imagining things. I headed to my locker through K-hall to meet Connor but soon slowed to a stop. I always saw that man, no matter what, but that was because my locker had straight view into his class room.
My phone buzzed and I got a text from Connor asking where I was. I knew I'd see him, but I hoped he'd avoid me and save me from the weird feeling I got around him.
Walking down the hall, though, there wasn't much of a way to avoid him as he stood and leaned against his classroom door frame and spoke with Connor. They both look at me at the same time and I smiled quietly.
"There you are." Connor said to me.
I walked to him and he nodded towards the back doors. It awkwardly made me wonder what Mr. Grant was going to say, but sure enough while Connor and I made our way over there, he said nothing.
I felt nothing but relief as we headed to Erin's house and saw the police in the front, speaking with Mr. Norman. We got out of the car and a feeling in my stomach came, one I couldn't forget. It twisted the feelings in my mind and I wanted to panic even more thinking about how serious it had gotten, Erin's disappearance.
We approached the front together and the police men looked at us with a nod. "Who are you two?" They asked, taking out a clip board.
"Erin's friends." Connor answered.
A man narrowed his eyes at us. "Shouldn't you be in school?"
"It's lunch period, so we don't have much time." I stated dryly and they raised their eyebrows, looking at eachother, but soon agreeing anyway.
They sat us down and went over the search they planned for her. "We've looked in all those places." Connor sighed to me.
I gave him a sympathetic smile, but could only feel as helpless as he did.
"Are you two together?" A younger agent asked in interest.
Connor and I shared a look but shook our heads at them. "How old are you?" He asked me.
"Kid, she's in highschool, leave her alone." The older agent man scolded.
I shifted awkwardly but we hurried with the plans and we told them all the information we could.
Connor and I headed back and he dropped me off at my locker, apologizing for not getting something to eat.
"Don't worry about it, I'm not feeling well anyway..."
Connor's eyebrows furrowed. "You're losing a lot of weight, you know..." He said, looking me over.
I rolled my eyes. "Not really, I'm fine, I swear."
"That doesn't stop me from worrying." He said, backing up and walking away.
"I'll see you later." I told him.
He left me alone and I shoved things in my locker and lingered there, for some reason then hoping that he'd stop and talk to me. But he didn't, so I went into his room and watched as he scribbled things down concentratedly. He looked so angrily focused that I wished I didn't go in there in that moment.
But he saw me already and looked up, having his face go normal. "Hi." I said, matching his expression.
He sat back in his rolling chair. "Hi." He said back. "So where'd you go?"
"Erin's house."
His face softened a bit and he nodded. "Nothing?"
I shook my head. "Nothing." I repeated after him and sat down on top of a desk.
"I'm sorry."
I shrugged and took in a short silence, rethinking that night within the next few seconds. "I should have stuck with her at the party." I said aloud to myself.
"Wait a minute, are you blaming yourself?"
I didn't say anything and stretched back, supporting myself on my hands and stared up at the ceiling. Did I blame myself? I wasn't sure about anything anymore.
"Because if you do, you're stupid." he said.
I turned my head to look at him and narrowed my eyes. "I thought I was the smartest in your class?"
He rolled his eyes and looked back at his papers. "I'm busy, go away."
I sighed and stood up, grabbing my bag. "See you later." I waved.
"You're actually leaving?"
I turned around and Mr. Grant was looking back at me in shock.
I laughed quietly. "Did you not just tell me to?"
"Well, yeah but... I don't want you to leave."
I didn't blush, and I was incredably proud of myself for that because it was the cutest thing I'd heard him say. I gave him a smile and stepped out of the room, seeing him frown the slightest. "Well I should go." I said with a light laugh and he narrowed his eyes at me.
The bell rung then and I laughed again at him, "Bye Charlie." I said mischieviously with a flirty wave, walking down the hall and to my next class.
In biology I concentrated and worked well. In the middle I got a text from him and smiled when I read it.
Brat.
And it made me proud of how I was suddenly turning the tables on him.
"That, sweetheart, is how you seduce someone properly."
I blushed alone at my thoughts while continuing with my biology work. He called me sweetheart too... He almost kissed me, on his bed. I tried to avoid the desperate and giddy smile that wanted to break through. As wrong as it was, he was obviously attracted to me as well. But didn't consequences matter? What about if he didn't really like me?
What if Erin's dead.
I shot down my entire thoughts of men and rubbed my head. My own thoughts and contemplations would be the death of me, and I did nothing to stop it.
I didn't say anything back in the text until my class ended.
Stranger.
I answered back during passing periods as a joke.
Later, in the middle of my human geography he replied with,
Perfectionist.
I smiled to myself and thought it over, how sudden he was. Just everything about him killed me with surprise. I held out with the replying because the bell soon and rang and I was making my way to his class.
It was funny how just months ago I was afraid of him, and now I was finding myself thinking about him and blushing. And him who often would love to glare at me... Now it seems he loves to make me blush, and enjoys making me want him. It was wrong, because I wanted him. You weren't supposed to want your teachers...
The thing was I easily accepted it, and I was convinced he wanted me just as much. Maybe not just as much, but... He acted like it. He almost kissed me for godsake. I blushed to myself and bit my lip to conceal the embarrassed smile that was ready to come, then I thought about how I really felt. I felt alone in that moment, walking to his classroom.
He was alone. No other way to put it but alone, he ate alone, he lived alone... And that was how I felt while walking in the hallway without Erin.
Who could probably be dead.
I ruined my mood and the blush drained from my face, warmth disappearing and instead bringing me a chill and my face turning to the color of the moon.
In the classroom the calculus teacher was sitting forward in his rolling chair with a strongly concentrated expression, one that looked angry, and I sat down in my seat. The bell rang and everyone quieted down, having it not be necessary for Mr. Grant to tell everyone to shutup, so he didn't.
When he went up to the front of the room he spoke with boredom, yet looking so focused all the while. It was strange that I actually liked how he was a different person as a teacher. He was a grump, a jerk, a stern and irritable teacher who seemed to hate the world... But I liked that because I knew behind him was a gentle man who liked to tease me, and had the most perfect smile.
Oh, how things can change within days...
Mr. Grant went on with his lesson and spoke of the upcoming Friday test, then handing us out reviews for it. Of course, he had to leave me last and when he did he silently refused to give it to me, snatching it away as I reached for it.
I sighed and leaned forward on my desk and layed my cheek on my hand, staring back at him boredly. He waved it front of my face and I kept staring at him, then he tapped my nose with it and it slipped on the desk, him walking away with the faintest smirk and looking quite smug.
When the bell rung, everyone filed out of the room quickly and Toby was left, tapping on my desk to get my attention from the review. "We had fun last night." He smiled.
I smiled back at him. "I did too."
He walked backwards to the room door and opened it, not yet leaving before grinning widely, "I'm honest when I say that I have never seen Andy so happy with anyone before. Especially with a woman." He told me quietly.
I laughed softly in surprise, feeling awkward at the observation. "Oh, yeah..." I said uncomfortably and he snapped his fingers at me.
"I'll see you." He promised and slipped away, leaving me to continue working on the packet.
It was about five minutes when I was into the review and he called my name from behind his desk. I finished up my last problem before turning to look at him.
When I did, he looked more relaxed. "We can cancel tutoring today." He said.
I tilted my head, not sure if I was happy or disappointed. "Why?"
"Go to Erin's house."
I stared at him in shock, in admiration. A grateful smile overcame me and I grabbed my things, trying to hold back from running over and attacking the man with a hug.
When I got to the door I turned around and looked at him, watching me. I saw the light from the sun shine into his eyes and I felt color finally resurface onto my face. "You're not all that bad, you know." I smirked.
He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Get out of here."
I exited with a giggle and ran to my jeep to go look for my friend.
...
"What was your name again?" Mr. Norman stared me in the eyes boredly as I sat back on Erin's bed.
He was in the doorway while Mrs. Norman was with a police man in Erin's closet, rummaging through things.
I looked at him flatly. "Aurbey!" Mrs. Norman scolded. "This girl has known our child for ten years!" She exclaimed from the other room.
He said nothing and only pouted, turning away. "Diana, you're already here." Connor said happily when he saw me sitting there and facing Erin's stupid father.
"Yeah, hey." I smiled as he pulled me up and hugged me tightly.
"Ha!" I heard the police man shout successfully in the closet and Connor and I raced in there at the same time.
"What?" I asked.
He pulled out a diary looking book and I watched as Mrs. Norman twitched, though knowing it was reasonable to read at the time.
I also said nothing as he opened the journal and pictures spilled out from the creases.
I saw them and smiled with memories. They were all pictures of her and I at the beach, and different years too. I kneeled down beside them and stared at the pictures with a sigh, remembering how much Erin loved the beach.
Erin loved the beach.
I came to my senses and hopped up quickly, shoving past both Connor and Mr. Norman and ran to my car with Connor behind me. "Diana!" He called.
"Come with me!" I shouted as I entered my car.
He ran down the staircase and hopped in my passenger's side, looking at me as I backed out of the parking lot desperately.
"So the beach?" Connor said knowingly.
I nodded and stepped on the gas as we headed straight to the highway. "The beach." I repeated, reading the limit as it said 75. I ignored it and got up to 90, telling myself not to go any faster.
"How long is this gonna take us?"
"About three hours."
"But it's a four-hour drive."
"Not when you're going 90."
He gasped and gripped the door. "What the fuck Diana! This isn't even a safe car." He argued in fear.
I just laughed at him as I sped up and soon we were there by eight o'clock.
"So what's the plan here?" He asked in interest.
"We just drive along the sand until we see her."
Connor groaned. "This is gonna take forever."
"Do you want to find our friend?"
He said nothing and nodded while I started off with our usual spot on the beach. It's one we both haven't been to in awhile.
I flashed my lights as I approached that part with my car and I looked out, about to speak something to Connor but we both froze at the same time.
I gripped my steering wheel tightly, distractedly and I flashed my lights again. I swear, both Connor and I saw her at the same time, the curled up body that reached shakily towards the jeep, but not looking forward.
It was like the car had spit the two of us out as we ran to the girl desperately. I saw her and cried when I realized it was her, it was Erin.
"Oh my god, Erin." I breathed out misrably and she twitched on the freezing surface of the sand, only wearing a romper and one heel on her left foot.
She was delusional when she stared up at me and I hugged her tight. "We can't bring her back like this," I choked out.
"I'll call an ambulance." Connor said, just as shaken up as me.
He stood up and spoke, then within the next thirty minutes of warming our frozen friend up, we heard the sirens. They came quickly and took her away, allowing both Connor and I in with her while they drove her to the hospital. She was alive, but I was still afraid, even more when seeing her spaz out.
I squeezed her hand and my eyes shut, trying to focus on the fact that she was alive.
She'll be okay, she'll be just fine...
"The ER, right now." I heard people demand as we drove into a garage where they hopped Erin onto a stretch and brought her inside where we followed.
"I'll call her dad." Connor said, trying to be calm.
It was around ten when her parents came, and I fell asleep resting my head on Connor's lap and woke up at four o'clock in a panic. "Connor we have to go to school."
"Are you crazy?" He asked incredably. "When we get home we're sleeping."
I shook my head and opened my mouth to speak once again, but Erin beat me to it. "Diana, Connor..." She croaked out.
I turned quickly at her voice. "You're awake. You're alive." I hugged her tightly and she reached to hug me back, but whimpered and pulled away. I brushed her hair back and saw the sweat on her face. I saw the bruise and pale of her beat up face. Her makeup from Friday night was skidded down her face like the scratching of tire marks on an already pained street. Her fingers were a dark purple at the tips and eventhough she was layered with blankets and fleeces, she shivered and was ice cold to the touch.
"What happened to her?" I heard Mr. Norman's low voice. It was quiet, and it was ashamed. I didn't look at him, but I knew if I did he'd look sorry. He knew the shame was all on him.
I shook my head. "I have no idea." I said just as quiet, watching as Erin fell back into sleep.
After moments of silence, Connor's hand landed at my shoulder. Mr. Norman must've noticed the tired atmosphere, and he checked his phone for the time, then looking at us and frowning even more. "You kids should probably go home. And sleep.."
Connor and I shared a look and I was about to protest, when Connor spoke first. "Thank you sir. We will."
I stood up with him, not wanting to leave my friend, but knowing I should. I turned with Connor and headed toward the door, then her father stopped us. "Thank you." He held out a fifty for each of us, and Connor was about to reach out when I slapped his hand down.
"No, it's fine-"
"It's not. We wouldn't have found her if it weren't for you. At least take it for gas or food." He insisted.
Connor reached out again, watching me carefully, but I allowed him to take it and Mr. Norman shoved it towards me once more.
"Thank you." I told him, leaving behind my other friend and we waited for a cab to take us back to the beach, and we drove home.