"Your words didn't mean to heal the hurt
Were coincidentally more than enough."
octo.
convenientiae
a feeling of sympathy and friendship; like-mindedness.
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"SO, WHAT'S THE COMPLICATED STORY BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU?" OLIVIA ASKED US AS SHE TOOK A BITE OF HER PIZZA.
We were currently sat in a booth at Pizza Hut, Olivia and Tyler sat adjacent to us. We ended up ordering one huge pizza to share between the four of us. Chase was sweet enough to pick two pizza slices for me with the least toppings and discreetly take off what remained because he knew I liked my pizza plain, before he handed it back to me. I had made it through one slice whilst the boys were on their third and Olivia was on her second.
"Story?" I repeated. "I don't think there is a story. We grew up together and we were best friends when we were younger but we drifted apart when we got to secondary school but now we're friends again," I explained as if it were the most simple story on earth.
"You missed out the part where you dated his best friend for a few years," Tyler interjected.
"A few years? That's a pretty long time, especially considering you're so young," Olivia observed.
"They started going out when they were about fourteen," Chase explained.
"And they broke up recently. Well, she broke up with him," Tyler added.
"Oh wow. I'm so sorry," Olivia apologised as I shook my head.
"It was for the best," I responded, not entirely paying attention to the conversation but to the food in front of me.
"So my brother has been going out with you for an entire year and told approximately nobody. Did you do the same?" Chase asked Liv as she laughed.
I don't know if it was obvious to Liv or Tyler what Chase had been doing by asking the question, but I knew he wanted to keep the conversation going in order to distract the couple in front of us so that he could get my attention.
As Tyler and Olivia began playfully arguing about who's fault the secret relationship was, Chase tucked a few strands of my hair behind my ear, not saying anything because he knew he didn't need to.
I nodded responding to his non-verbal actions, hesitantly placing my hand on top of his. I don't know why I did it but for some reason everything felt slightly easier when I was in physical contact with Chase.
I took several bites of my pizza, joining in on the conversation when spoken to, and also asking a few questions in order to keep the conversation going but my entire mind was focused on trying to finish the food in front of me. The conversation itself was pretty interesting, it was nice to get to know Olivia, especially because she was so nice and I could relate to her. She explained how she was usually shy but incredibly opinionated which is hard to balance for her and I've never been able to relate to someone more.
I finally finished the second slice of my pizza, and managed to lose count of how many slices the other three had. I glanced to my right at Chase who sent me a wink.
"Want to play air hockey?" Chase asked me.
"Hell yeah," I agreed. "Just know that I play the piano so I have amazing hand eye coordination."
"I really don't think playing piano and being good at air hockey has any correlation," Chase stated.
I laughed, "we'll see."
Chase quickly handed Tyler some money, probably to pay for the pizza. The two of us got up, walking towards the arcade and the air hockey table. I grabbed the red paddle and Chase grabbed the blue one from the man at the desk, as I used my card to pay for it. Chase didn't question it or offer to pay and I was glad he didn't because I didn't want it to be a one sided date. We got to the table and Chase started off by slowly pushing the puck towards me. I smirked, pushing the puck towards the side of the table at an angle which allowed the puck to cleanly go into the goal on Chase's side.
"Holy shit," Chase chuckled. "Okay fine, I'll actually play properly."
"Sure," I sarcastically responded before the two of us played a serious game of air hockey. The game was incredibly competitive, the puck being pushed back and forth from my side to Chase's as we aggressively and competitively played. It was fun playing with someone as competitive as me.
After about fifteen minutes of playing the same game, I won by a marginal score of 13 whilst Chase got 12.
I grinned as I approached him.
"You are the most competitive girl I've ever been on a date with," Chase confessed as I laughed.
"Intimidating?" I asked.
"Kind of hot," he blurted.
I blushed, clearing my throat in order to escape the awkwardness.
"You see that piano and mic on stage there? Have a go," he smirked.
I laughed, "you're funny."
"Come on! It's open mic and you need to step out of your comfort zone once in a while. You're so good at singing, try it out," he pleaded as I shook my head.
"Chase please don't make me do this, let's go play pool instead?" I begged.
"Annalise, one song. And then I'll leave you alone, but believe me it's worth it," he said, looking straight into my eye as his hand landed on my arm for a moment.
I sighed, "fine but you owe me."
Chase grinned, walking over to Olivia and Tyler who were playing the grab machine - I think Tyler was trying to win her a teddy bear. He said something to them quietly, probably to pay attention to me. I didn't wait to see their reaction, walking on to the stage instead.
The sign on the stage said open mic but nobody had been on the stage once when we were here, although that was probably because there weren't many people in the arcade. There were about 15 people dispersed in the big room, including the four of us.
I took a deep breath, taking a seat in front of the piano and attempting to ignore the fact that people were staring at me as I played the first few keys of The Fray's 'Never Say Never', although this one was at a higher key than the original.
It was easy to get lost in the music, especially if I focused my eyes on the keys and pretended like nobody else was there. Although, that really didn't stop my fingers from shaking and my voice from wavering. After a few moments of adjusting to the attention I was receiving as a few other people gathered to watch me sing, I felt a tiny bit more comfortable, especially when I looked up and met Chase's encouraging eyes.
When I was done, I ignored the applause and other noises as the background music came back on - only then making me realise that it had stopped when I was singing - as I approached the other three.
"Holy shit," Tyler began. "I have known you your entire life and I didn't even know you could sing like that."
"She's great isn't she?" Chase smirked.
"You're so good, I never would have had the confidence to do something like that," Olivia contributed.
I bit my lip, "I thought the same. Chase kind of pushed me into doing it."
"You mean he made you step out of your comfort zone? He made you question your habits and what you stand for?" Tyler smirked suggestively, referring to the conversation we had in the car.
"I-uh," I stuttered, "you think you don't know me. Did you know your brother is a good singer too?" I changed the subject quickly.
Tyler rolled his eyes, "I live with him. Of course I know he can sing."
Chase chuckled, "nice try though."
I rolled my eyes, annoyed at my inability to get him back. "Okay, let's play pool. I happen to be crap at it remember?" I asked, turning to Chase and trying to change the subject.
Chase smirked allowing me to do so, "perfect because I happen to be great at pool and I really need to beat you in a game."
I rolled my eyes, laughing regardless as we got to the pool table. I went back to the guy and picked up one of the stick things and held it by my side, once again using my card to pay for the game.
Chase lined the pool balls in the triangle form and grabbed a stick himself.
"Do you want to break or should I?" He asked.
I shrugged, "you can go first," I smiled. I was actually waiting to see how to hold the stupid stick thing.
Chase got into position, directing the stick at the lined up balls, except clearly I wasn't paying attention to what he was doing because before I knew it, the white pool ball hit all the other pool balls and a bunch of them fell into the corner thingy.
I tried to do the same thing Chase did, copying his position and hitting the white ball, except I barely chipped it and it moved about ten centimetres before it stopped.
Chase burst out laughing as I pouted. "Shut up!" I laughed. "I told you I'm bad at this!"
"You never fail to surprise me, Fall," he chuckled. "You are a lost cause when it comes to pool."
"I know that!" I laughed.
"I'll show you," he stated, clearly incredibly amused. He came near me and then almost hesitates, "if that's okay with you. I know you don't like it when people get too close."
I nodded, "I'm also stubborn, so you can teach me."
He grinned, "okay. You hold the stick like this," he began, showing me how to hold the stick, yet barely touching me. And you just-" before he could show me, I moved the stick so the white ball sped along the table, hitting nothing.
"I mean, you hit it. The next goal is accuracy and no way can I teach you that whilst barely touching you," the last bit was muttered. I pretended not to hear what he said as he wrapped his arms around me, his body pressed against mine as he spoke quietly. "You aim like this, you look at the white one and then at the ones you want to hit. Depending on where they are, you aim the stick at a certain angle," he spoke as he manoeuvred my arms so the stick was facing a certain way. "And very carefully you-" he pushed my arm forward so I hit the white pool ball with the stick. The ball skirted along the table, hitting three different pool balls as two went in, one in each pocket.
He let go of me and, although I didn't realise my breath had caught before, I was finally able to breathe properly. Of course that didn't stop my heartbeat from pounding against my chest.
"It went in!" I celebrated quietly. I turned around to find my body almost completely pressed against Chase's, out lips centimetres apart, stapled between the pool table and his body. His eyes found mine, staring deeply into them as mine focused on his. I could swear that his eyes darted to my lips for a split second before returning back to my eyes.
Someone cleared their throat from behind us, causing us to step away from each other immediately, almost as if we were caught doing something wrong. "Are we interrupting something?" Tyler smirked, his arm around Olivia who was smiling at the two of us.
"Nope," we quickly and simultaneously denied.
"We're going to get ice cream. Do you want to join us?" Olivia offered.
Chase looked down at me out of concern, almost asking if it was okay. I sent him a small nod as he turned back to his brother. "Yeah, sure."
The four of us walked to the ice cream place, occasionally discussing something and whilst I contributed once in a while, my mind was plastered on the almost kiss. If there was a Guinness record for the most almost kisses with one person, I'm sure Chase and I would win that.
We got to the ice cream parlour as we took a seat at a booth, except this time Chase led me to a two person booth. Tyler approached us, "which flavour ice cream do you guys want?"
"I want chocolate and Lise probably wants cookies and cream," Chase explained before turning to me. I nodded.
"How much is the ice cream?" Chase questioned Tyler who shrugged.
"Liv's paying for the ice cream because we paid for the pizza," he explained.
Chase chuckled.
"What?" Tyler asked.
"Lise paid for the air hockey and pool game because we paid for the pizza," he explained.
Tyler laughed, "clearly the Parker brothers have a type."
"Feminists?" I interjected.
"Women who know that they want," Chase corrected. "I'll go help Olivia carry the ice cream."
I nodded before looking at my phone for the first time in hours to find a text from Ana.
Over the past two weeks we had spoken about anything and everything, minus the topic of Jake. We didn't usually skirt around subjects we found uncomfortable, but something about this one made me avoid the topic, at least for Ana's sake. I had brought it up again briefly today in school, as the date with Chase reminded me of the whole ordeal three weeks ago, but once again I was shut down, so it was strange to see a text from her about it.
I know you're on the date but I'm going to bed and I didn't want you to fall asleep with this on my chest (sorry). I want to go out with Jake, I really do but I have so many doubts in my mind. What if he's not the one for me? What if I end up hurt? I've never been in a relationship before and I wouldn't know how to be in one. I turned him down three weeks ago because I was scared, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about it and I realise how cowardly it was. I didn't mean to shut you out and I love you Lise.
- Ana
I sighed, looking at the text.
I know how scary it is, especially speaking as someone who just got their heart broken a few months ago and relived the heartbreak only recently. But don't be scared of a relationship. Sometimes they can be the best things on earth. Sometimes they're scary but it's also exciting and you won't be able to figure any of that out without stepping into one. I know Jake is right for you and you know it too. I think you should leap. If something goes wrong, at least you know I'm here for you. I love you too Ana.
- Lise.
"Here's the ice cream," Chase returned, handing me a little cone of cookies and cream ice cream. "I think Olivia and Tyler wanted some alone time before we headed back home."
"Thank you," I mumbled, continuing to look at my phone.
"You're frowning," Chase observed, "what's wrong?"
I sighed, dramatically throwing my head back. "It's Anastasia," I responded. "She really wants to go out with Jake but she's scared but I think he'd be so good for her."
Chase turned his body so he was no longer facing forward but was looking directly at me. His left leg was on the seat, folded so his knee brushed mine whilst his right leg was on the ground. I adjusted my position too, looking directly at him as I placed my knees on the chair of the booth as well. We were directly facing one another. "Do you think he's right for her?" He asked as I shrugged. He scoffed, "you and Ana aren't just friends, you literally call each other your soulmates. You know her better than anyone. Is he right for her?"
I nodded, taking a bite of my ice cream. "He's perfect for her for so many reasons. He's kind and he cares about her, he's reserved but confident. He's so intelligent and into all the same things she's into. He's serious but he can take a joke. He's also reassuring and he doesn't get angry - exactly someone she needs. He would help her through her anxiety and frustrations but he'd have fun with her. They're both reserved and they're both so passionate and they're so perfect for each other." I confessed in a rush.
Chase chuckled. "You've practically convinced me to go out with him. Why did she turn him down?"
"She's never been in a relationship before, she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know what she's expected of doing and honestly, her experience with boys hasn't always been the best. She's spent so much of her life working to be independent, and rightly so because she's an amazing person, but she's spent so much of her life taking care of other people that it would be nice if someone took care of her."
A moment of silence passed as I took another bite of the ice cream. Chase followed my actions before speaking again. "What about you?"
I looked up from my lap, "what about me?"
"What do you look for in a guy? What's your type?" He asked.
"First thing on my list is open minded." I revealed, pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
"Of course you have a list," Chase scoffed as I shoved him lightly, "okay. Define open minded."
"They can't be homophobic, and not in the 'I guess gay people aren't affecting me so I'll live with their existence' type way but in a 'I don't think there's anything wrong with being part of the LGBT community and anybody who condemns another person for living in a way which doesn't hurt themselves or anyone else is a bad person' type way. I don't know why it's such a big thing but I think, for me, it inherently makes you a better person than others."
Chase nodded, "I think that's a good starting point. I agree."
"My list after that isn't as specific. Kind but not the type who are always really nice because I want someone who can tease me and I can make jokes about. Someone with a good sense of humour but knows when to be serious, someone confident but not arrogant, intelligent but, again, not arrogant, just with a passion to learn." I listed quite quickly; I could practically see Chase's eyes widen with every word I spoke.
"Anything else?"
"Yes, actually," I laughed. "I want someone who will trust me 100% and who I can trust. Someone who's not possessive at all, doesn't mind me being friends with boys, or even exs. Someone who won't get jealous. But above all, a good person. Someone who's kind hearted and cares about other people."
Chase nodded, "that's a lot."
I sighed, "I know. I'm going to die alone."
He laughed, "you're not going to die alone. I know you won't because I know you'll find that person. They'd be lucky to have you."
I smiled a little before continuing to eat the ice cream. "Okay, your turn, what's your type? Or is it just anything that moves?"
"Haha," he mocked, "if we're talking about flings-"
"We're not," I interrupted.
"Let me finish," he groaned, "if we're talking about flings, then the obvious thing is sexual attraction. If we're talking about serious relationships, something I've never been in, by the way, then I think I'm almost as specific as you. I want someone simple; a girl that doesn't want too much. These guys rave about these complicated girls but I don't want that. I want someone loud," he added with a chuckle as I smiled. He was cute when he spoke about the type of girl he wanted. "I want someone who can put her foot down when I, undoubtedly, get out of place. I don't want her to be passive. I want her to be strong willed - sarcasm helps too because it's funny. Someone who doesn't get angry and is easy to appease, not with jewellery or something expensive, but is happy with something small like flowers or a book. I want someone who is happy, a smile that lights up the day, a loud laugh because she's happy with who she is. Someone with a perfect mix of optimism and pessimism. I want a girl who sees the best in people, kind of innocent but in the sense where she sees the good in people and gives everyone a chance. Cares about people."
I grinned.
"What?" He asked, looking at my huge smile.
"You're cute," I laughed.
"Why?"
"Because you already sound like you're in love with her," I shrugged.
"Isn't that the point?" He asked.
I looked at him for a moment. "I guess it is. Okay I want to know more about this perfect girl. Her ideals? Makeup or no makeup? Heels or trainers? Girly or not girly? Introvert or extrovert? Party or books?" I asked all at once.
"She's a perfectionist. She can do whatever she wants. Makeup when she feels like it but she's also confident without it. Both heels and trainers, they're interchangeable to her. Somewhere in between girly and not girly, probably girly dress wise but definitely not personality wise. She's an introvert in new situations but an extrovert around the people she's most comfortable with. Party and books, a party because she loves to socialise, she likes getting to know people but books because she also loves her solitude." He confessed.
"A perfectly nuanced answer," I observed.
"Because with her it's not black and white. There's more to her than you can figure out at first glance. It's why she's so perfect."
My chest contracted for a split second, "you sound like you've started describing a real person."
Suddenly it looked like Chase had snapped out of a trance like thing as he took another bite of his ice cream, not looking into my eyes anymore. "Nope," he shook his head, "not a real person. But I hope one day I'll meet her."
"I hope you meet her too," I nodded.
We sat in silence for a moment as I glanced at the time. It was almost twelve, but it felt as if time had sped by today.
"You know what? I'm done with lying." Chase spoke after a moment of silence. "Nate may have been patient, and even fucking Tyler may have been patient with Olivia but I can't do that."
"Wh-" I began before I was cut off.
"I have almost kissed you too many times in the past two days to stand it any longer," and with that Chase's lips met mine.
I was taken aback for a moment before my lips moved in sync to his. My hand made it to his cheek as I reciprocated the kiss, our lips creating a type of friction I had never experienced before, a chill running down my spine. My back curved as I leaned forward, my chest pressing against his. His arms found my waist, tightening around them. Our bodies were so close that not even air molecules could pass through. I felt hollow in Chase's arms as I desperately tried to get close to him; goosebumps scattered down my entire body as our lips burned in motion.
It was unlike any other kiss I've ever had.
"Okay I definitely think we're interrupting something this time," I heard a female voice giggle, causing Chase and I to pull apart, our chests heaving as the two of us realised how scarcely we pulled apart to take some air in.
Tyler had a huge grin on his face, "I hate to break this up. Believe me I do. But the place is about the close so we should probably head home."
I nodded, my chest moving up and down so fast it was as if I had no control over it, "sounds like a good idea," I managed to say, nodding along.
"You guys go ahead, we'll catch up with you," Chase interrupted as Tyler and Olivia looked at one another before mutually nodding and leaving us behind. It was astounding how calm he could be in any situation.
"Why aren't we leaving?" I asked.
"Because, Annalise Fall, I know you. If we don't talk about the kiss now, you'll avoid me and it will be awkward."
"That's not-" I began.
"Just let me start," he began. "That was one hell of a kiss. And I've never had so much fun on a date ever. Lise, when I was describing my dream girl, I was describing you."
I bit my lip, unaware of what to say. "I think I was describing you too."
He chuckled, "I hope you were. I want to do this again. For real this time. An actual date with just the two of us. What do you say?"
I nodded, "I want to. But you're Nate's best friend and I just broke up with him."
"The whole point of you breaking up with Nate was so that you could be free. And you know as well as I do how sexist and objectifying the bro code is. You're not property, you never belonged to Nate and you don't now. You're free to make your own decisions," he reminded me. "Lise, I didn't realise it until the date but I care about you and always have. I drifted because I was jealous of Nate. You were my best friend. I care about you," he confessed.
"I know you're not good with the patience thing but," I paused, "can we take things slowly?"
"Lise, anything," he spoke quietly.
"I just- I know you're used to sleeping around with girls and-" I began.
"You mean more to me than just sex," he interrupted, "we'll start off with one date and we'll move on from there."
I smiled, "as long as it doesn't involve a meal, I'm okay with that."
Chase smiled, "as long as it's with you, I'll be fine."
"Okay maybe we don't have to go that slow," I whispered before pressing my lips on his again.
Chase chuckled into the kiss before his lips moved against mine again.
Written: 27/07/17
Posted: 14/04/18