"That's what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you're not so lovable."
― Deb Caletti
Ren would really have liked some sort of heads up. Any sort of heads up, to be perfectly honest. It's not like she minds, no, but-
When, after waking up, she makes her way to the kitchen, still in her oversized pajamas printed with cat paws and heads, with her hair in even more disarray than during the day, everything appears as it should. However, as she stands in the kitchen, frying pan in one hand, she glances at the sitting room through the gap between the ceiling and the row of counters... and guess what.
There's Kakashi, giving her his best bullshit eye-smile and a small wave, asking what's for breakfast. Ren, perhaps predictably, blinks once, twice, and then hurls the frying pan at him. It connects with his head in a way that is both beautiful and comical. Ren is proud to admit that she'd kept a completely straight face though the entire thing.
The bastard just deigns to pout at her.
"And here I even went shopping and stocked your fridge!" he whines. "And you throw kitchen utensils at me!"
"Maybe had you started with 'I went shopping' instead of 'what's for breakfast', it could have been avoided," Ren grouches, head half-buried in the fridge as she takes in what's in stock. She really isn't in the mood for anything difficult, so settles for scrambled eggs with sausage and onion.
"Where's the fun in that?" Kakashi shrugs, and Ren rolls her eyes with an exasperated sigh, because he's the one who's supposed to be the adult, "By the way, why would Genma want me to buy half this stuff?"
"Explain half this stuff," Ren huffs, setting the things she taken out on the counter, wetting the knife with cold water and proceeding to dice the onion, wetting the knife a few more times as she goes. It's a neat trick she'd learned that effectively keeps onion fumes from reaching her eyes.
"Sausages," Kakashi grumbles, and then yelps, only barely jerking his hand back when Ren swats at him with its sharp side. "Careful!"
"If you want to touch the food, wash your hands first!" she scolds, pointing the knife at him. "And the sausages are here because I like them, duh."
"But why?" Kakashi whines, and then makes the mistake of bending a bit too low above the chopped onion. He hisses, bringing his hands to his eyes, but Ren stops him before he can start rubbing.
"Press the backs of your palms to your eyes," she sighs, scolding the man like he's a child, and honestly, right now she might just be the most responsible person in the house. It's rather ridiculous, truth be told.
Genma comes somewhere in the middle of Ren calling the kids to breakfast and trying to murder Kakashi with a frying pan, all freshened up and looking better than before, and laughing at Ren's dumb antics. She can't really be mad at him, though, because she does like him; he's pretty awesome and he managed to get Kakashi flailing and sputtering like a cat in water with one sentence.
"Have you been to the hospital?" Genma asks, quirking an eyebrow at Kakashi. Given that Genma actually does look like he'd gotten away from the medics attention – which he most likely did, just dropped by to get his wounds semi-treated and was gone the second they weren't looking – he still sought it out. Kakashi, judging by his state, didn't even bother to go back to wherever he lives to shower and change.
"If you dirtied my new and perfectly clean couch with your dried blood, you will be cleaning my apartment for a month!" Ren hisses, raising her frying pan threateningly.
"You're way too threatening for someone your size, while holding only kitchen utensils!" Kakashi mutters, taking a step back.
"I don't keep knives duller than kunai, don't worry," Ren smiles, showing a bit too much teeth.
"Okay, okay, don't kill each other!" Genma huffs in rather fond exasperation, "I'll go wake Naruto and Sasuke up, if they aren't up yet."
"Cool," Ren says, and then turns to Kakashi. "Our dear Kacchan has oh so graciously volunteered to set the table, so I'll just go and wash my hands, yes?"
Kakashi huffs grumpily. Brats shouldn't be this scary or this bossy.
...ooo~(x)~ooo...
It's only a matter of time before the brood start filtering in – honestly, Ren never doubted for a moment that they don't know where she lives, because if Sasuke didn't tell them on his own accord, they would probably harrass him enough to do so anyway. And Genma perhaps planned it all, because Ren be damned, but there's just about enough place in the sitting room to accommodate all the rookie nine sans Ino, but with Torune instead. Plus Ren, Genma, and Kakashi.
Even Sakura comes, and Ren can hear her arguing in the hallway with her father before she is invited in. It's only a statement of her will, honestly, because her leg is still bandaged rather stiffly to ensure that the bone bruising healed properly and she doesn't come in for a broken bone instead.
Even though it's a self-appointed free day for Ren (maybe even an official one, she didn't bother checking) she opts to wear her brand new green vest over her very simple and very plain black, long-sleeved turtleneck.
Hell, even Hibiki joins, grumbling and fussy, but he's there, on her couch, with his cheeks puffed and arms crossed on his chest.
"Hey you lot," Ren says with a smile. "Sorry for yesterday, but some dumb less-than-human civvies had gotten in the way."
"What happens now, though?" Hana asks curiously. She knows Ren after all, and might be surprised with the non-physical route taken. "I mean, my mom is pretty angry and I had to stop her from going off to claw out the Hokage's face, but... you know."
"I will chew them out with all the legal and political power the Uchiha have," Ren's smile widens, and it has just a few too many teeth. "You might not know it, but I'm acting Clan Head until this twerp here comes of age," she ruffles Sasuke's hair as she says this. The boy grumbles something and tries to swat her hand away.
"Didn't peg you for the type to go political," Kakashi says, raising his eyebrow, making himself more comfortable in the armchair he's occupying. Bastard.
Ren shrugs, "Hana, would you be so kind as to pin the idiot down after we're done for a bit? I don't think he actually sought out medical attention after coming back from his mission," she says, and for a second there Hana gains a rather murderous glint in her eye, while Kakashi shifts from betrayed to afraid to wanting to flee to betrayed again. "And yes, I can and will go political – I mean, they harmed three clan kids. I mean, we're not ignoring the fact that Naruto is effectively one of the very last Uzumaki, as in, Konoha's supposed precious sister-clan from a sister-village from where they fucked up so badly they decided to forget the matter completely?"
That gets her curious stares from the kids, skeptical ones from her teammates and rather sad glances from both older ninja.
"Nevertheless!" she claps her hands loudly enough for Awai to jump on her head a bit. "I went, I fought, and I advanced!"
"How was the land of Earth?" Sasuke asks, and Ren sighs, scratching her neck.
"It was... earthy," she says awkwardly. "I just... I dunno, it was all brown and stuff, and if they have any plants there, they are few and far in between. The biggest trees they have are the size of big bushes, and you would be afraid to even climb them because they could break. Other than that, it was just rocks. A shit ton of rocks."
"Did you meet awesome new people?" Naruto asks, eyes gleaming, almost no trace of yesterday on him. Good.
"I met Deidara, an Iwa ninja," Ren says. "He's Torune's age, and he made Chūnin with me, too. He looks like a girl, and is very fussy, but he's kinda cool," she smiles.
And if she hears Kakashi ask Genma quietly if that means she found another one, and then sees Genma nodding- Well. She'll get back at them for it later.
"I also met Hoshigaki Kisame, and he's absolutely amazing!" she says with a wide grin. "He's a Kiri ninja, and holy fuck, the amount of chakra he has? I felt like drowning when he slipped and let loose! He's also wickedly good in kenjutsu. Taught me a bit, too, because I'm an annoying brat, I guess? But he's a nice guy, and you won't believe this; he's all blue and looks like a shark!"
"No way!" the kids chorus, and Ren only laughs.
"She also got chakra exhaustion, twice," Hana grumbles, half-heartedly slapping Ren's arm as the Uchiha grins unabashedly. "Bloody moron, that one. And ran right out of the bed, for crying out loud!"
There's an actual tear in Kakashi's eye as he clasps his hands before his chest and whispers an emotional 'I'm so proud' before Genma has the chance to slap the back of his head. Genma does it anyway, glaring disapprovingly at the younger man.
"Also, I have gifts," Ren says, and all hell breaks loose. Well- maybe not all hell, but she suddenly finds herself completely surrounded by children, even more than a while ago. She manages to suffer through it, though. Somehow.
...ooo~(x)~ooo...
She flings the packet of dog tags at Kakashi, and only shrugs when he glares at her, massaging his forehead where the packet had found its mark. However, when he unpacks them, he looks like he's debating whether or not to pounce on her, and Ren is rather happy when he apparently decides not to. She doesn't need to be smothered by an overly happy dog ninja, thank you very much.
She has a band of children that most likely will do it.
Sakura is first, and the only thing Ren gets as a warning is a squeal way too high-pitched to be bearable, before she's assaulted by a seven-year-old launching herself at Ren, engulfing her in a surprisingly strong hug. She may or may not be making herself a second Hana, but, honestly, Sasuke and Naruto really need someone to rein them in when Ren isn't around.
While Kiba is gushing over the dog whistle and already plotting with mini-Akamaru, Shino and Torune are already too engrossed in their joint gift, an encyclopedia on insects found throughout the Land of Earth, to even hear what's being said to them. Hinata asks Ren to put on the hairclips and, even if Ren really wasn't sure what to buy the girl, the accessories seemed a good bet. Hinata apparently never gets little sentimental gifts – and that makes Ren want to go and yell her throat raw at Hiashi.
Shikamaru is napping on his new pillow about a minute after he gets it, and Ren is pretty sure that prying Choji away from his new cookbook before he's done with it will be a rather futile attempt.
Genma smirks at her, taking the packages of poisons and their corresponding antidotes, before ruffling her going-to-sleep-and-hoping-for-the-best hairstyle, and switches his headband with the bandana, pocketing the protector. It looks good on him.
Hana's face does something weird when she presents her with the necklace, like she wants to cry, but then changes her mind, eventually morphing into something gushy Ren would rather never think too much about, and before she knows it, she's engulfed in a rather mighty bear hug a'la Hana.
Hibiki looks at her strangely when she presents him with a full ninja toolkit, but attaches it to his belt without a word after glancing at the contents. Perhaps it's the additional coil of ninja wire that speaks to him.
The glint in Sasuke's eyes at the sight of the tantō might be a bit scary, but the eagerness with which Naruto dives straight into his beginner's sealing kit? That's straight-up terrifying. Ren had made a good bet on that one, because Naruto – the same one who sincerely detests all learning – has to be actually forcibly pried away from the scroll when dinner time rolls around.
They end up ordering takeout at Ichiraku.
...ooo~(x)~ooo...
Shibi comes over to the flat later, when the only people left are the Inuzuka siblings and Aburame cousins, save for its residents. Kakashi, at Hana's insistence, was dragged by Genma off to the clinic, so those two are gone, too.
What catches Ren's attention, though, is the fact that Shibi is carrying a massive, dark-purple scroll.
"Congratulations on acquiring a higher rank, Ren," Shibi says, setting the scroll next to him. It easily reaches his hips when standing, and Shibi isn't a short man. "This is one of the artifacts that have been in the Aburame's vaults for safekeeping for a long time," he explains.
"Okay?" Ren says, cocking her head to the side.
"I have decided to give it to you as a gift for your promotion," Shibi says, and before Ren can say anything, continues, "What is inside is... incompatible with the Aburame clan's skill sets. You, however... I have not been your sensei for very long, but I have made an effort to get to know my team. I am confident that you will find it both useful and fitting to your... preferences."
Ren sighs, shaking her head, but accepts the scroll nonetheless.
"Thanks, sensei."
"You're welcome," Shibi tilts his head. "Shino, Torune, let us return home."
Ren sees them off with a smile, and then returns to the sitting room, the massive scroll at her feet. She unrolls the first portion a bit, then, reading the kanji on it, freezes, eyes wide.
"Ren?" Hana asks, looking at her friend. "What is it?"
"It's..." Ren says, and then blinks, shaking her head harshly. "It's a Spider Summoning Contract."